


Change (One Of Us AU) (BillFord)

by ThemWhoReads1997



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, Billford - Freeform, Bills Origins, Dimension 52, Dipcifica, F/F, F/M, Gravity Falls - Freeform, Lottacron 9, M/M, Slow Burn, The Owl House - Freeform, one of us, one of us au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 112,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24503479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThemWhoReads1997/pseuds/ThemWhoReads1997
Summary: Love can change everything... from a stubborn selfish demon, to a humans mind and point of view. When Stanford alters the course of his fate by giving Bill the equation, everything changes, for bad and for good.
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Ford Pines, Mabel Pines/Original Female Character(s), Pacifica Northwest/Dipper Pines
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	1. A Deal's A Deal

**Songs:[Fools - Lauren Aquilina](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UolKQWoWyQY),[ All In The Name Of Love - Martin Garrix](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeGfss2vsZg)**

**(Based on a roleplay)**

**~**

**Part 1: Change**

His heart was beating fast, pounding in his chest at such an alarming rate it surprised him he wasn't having a heart attack. 

_Don't have a heart attack, you're not 92 yet._

Bill had the twins wrapped in a thick black hand as his eye flashed their zodiac symbols one after the other, almost mocking the fact they had failed in their attempts to eradicate him. Ford raised a hand just as Bill was about to settle on the last symbol and let out a shout to get his attention, "All right! I'll give you the equation... Just, please, please don't hurt the kids!" 

Bills eye split into a nasty grin and the twins fell from his grip as he made his way over to the desperate man. Stan ran over to Dipper and Mabel and scooped them up, checking them for injuries as he hugged them tight, tears running down his face, and theirs as they clung to him. 

The demon shrank down to a smaller version of his triangle form and smiled at Stanford with an evil smirk, his hands on his hips and his top hat bobbing softly above him, "That wasn't so hard now, was it?" he asked, a sparkle to that single eye. 

Ford trembled before him, afraid for what was to come, "I'll give you the equation, but on one condition" he said, trying to sound brave and strong in front of his family. Bill narrowed his eye, "What?" 

"Let Dipper, Mabel and Stanley go, and not just free, but out of this dimension...You're going to destroy the world, so there's no point in them living in a wasteland... Send them to Dimension 52... Then the world is yours." 

"That's it? Really? Ha!" Bill held out a hand, cyan flames springing to life and flickering in the reflection of the scientist's cracked glasses, "It's a deal." 

Ford took the hand and shook it firmly, a defeated glaze crossing his eyes as he sighed. "What's the equation, Brainiac?" the demon asked, adjusting his bow tie in a satisfied and smarmy way. 

"Give me a pen and a bit of paper." 

Bill summoned a fluffy yellow notebook and a feathered pen and dropped them into his outstretched palm. A gleeful noise escaping his mouth as Ford scribbled it down and set it on the floor. After a few moments the ink drained from the lined paper and a loud snapping noise reverberated throughout the fearamid. Bill peered outside as the rainbow bubble broke, and the weirdness began to spread, seeping across the skies in its awful mustard-brown tones faster than Soos could devour an entire pizza. 

He summoned a golden chain and lassoed Ford around the neck as the man tried to sneak back over to his family while he had been distracted, and pulled him into a choke hold, "You and me, pal. You and me!" Bill laughed, tightening his grip as Ford tried to wriggle away. 

"You haven't held up your end of the deal, let my family go!" 

Bill rolled his eye into another dimension and snapped his fingers, causing a swirling pink portal to appear behind the three still clinging to each other in fear. Stanley frowned at it and then turned to look at his twin, "You can't just make us leave!" he cried, upset and livid that Ford could think this was a good idea, to cast them to the multiverse and leave him behind. 

"I'm sorry, but this is the only way you're going to leave here alive... Maybe you'll find a new life in the multiverse like I did..." 

"NO! I'm not leaving you! Not again..." 

"It's too late for that, I'm sorry I was never there for you... Just look after the kids for me" 

Stan grabbed Dipper and Mabel's hands, careful not to squeeze too hard at the bruised palms as their small fingers curled into his, "I'll do my best..." 

"Ugh! ENOUGH!" Bill cried, pushing them into the portal with a flick of his wrist. The three screamed in shock before going silent as they disappeared into the twisting vortex. The portal snapped shut behind them and Ford stared at the spot they had been standing, "I..." 

"You what?" Bill asked, glaring at him as if daring him to speak. Ford looked up at him, the golden chain melting into a collar around his neck, "Nothing, so, now that you don't need me, you're going to kill me, right?" 

Bill rubbed his hands together, "Nope! I'm going to keep you as a pet! Won't that be fun?" he asked, poking the collar on his neck with glee. Ford reached up and tugged at it, "Wh-What?! I'm not a dog!" 

"No, you're my human" the demon replied, grabbing him in his hand and floating over to his throne of human agony. Bill sat down on the petrified jigsaw of frightened people, and set him on his knee, stroking at his messy gray hair carefully as if he were a puppy instead of a living person. Ford grumbled, rather grateful he wasn't being manhandled, but still pissed off Bill was treating him like this, "If you think I'm going to bow down to you and bark at your heels like an obedient dog, you have another thing coming." 

Bill laughed, "Oh, Sixer, by the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging for table scraps and sleeping on my bed at nightfall." 

~ 

Dipper had passed out at some point, his ears ringing and his mind foggy as he came to. His stomach growled and his body hurt with exhaustion and injuries he had long since forgotten about. 

_When had been the last time he had eaten?_

_What day was it?_

He peeled his eyes open as his sister's voice echoed in his ears, getting clearer and clearer as his vision swam into focus. The girl was leaning over him, her pink sweater torn and her hair a tangled mess. But alive! "Brooo, come on! Wake up, I know you're not dead!" she cried, slapping him across the face. Dipper groaned at the stinging feeling, "My head hurts." he whined. 

"Everything hurts! But I need you to sit up, look!" she replied, gesturing to their unfamiliar environment with a smile and open arms. Dipper sat up, his eyes widening in shock and amazement as Stan stood there, cradling an arm as he limped over to get a better look at their surroundings, "Where are we?"

Dipper stood up carefully (with help from Mabel) and took out Journal 3 from his muddy and torn backpack, flicking through the pages until he came across the page he wanted, "Well, according to the Journal, we're in Dimension 52." 


	2. Dimension 52

The ground was made of smooth marble, while veins of shimmering pink ran between them like rough opal, shifting colour as the light trickled down. The sky was yellow and fading ever so slowly into orange as the two suns sank towards the horizon. The pink clouds that hovered in the air looked like cotton candy and Mabel had a sudden urge to try one just to see if they were. Dipper could see a forest of birch trees not too far from a cliff side, their leaves a warm red colour and fading away as Winter drew near, yet it wasn't too cold.

"It's amazing" Mabel whispered, adjusting her arm so her brother could lean on her better, she had a feeling one of his ankles might be bruised from their fall. A rough wind blew at them and Dipper's hat went flying off his head, "My hat!" he cried, reaching for it as it tumbled away across the strange landscape and disappeared from view.

"Look! Cotton candy clouds!" Mabel cried, trying to get her brother to notice them, it was a much nicer distraction than his now lost hat. Dipper looked up at them sadly, the wind ruffling his chocolate brown hair and revealing the big dipper birthmark on his forehead. Without his hat, he felt like all hope was lost, his last connection to his home now gone.

~

Bill looked down at Ford as the man sat angrily on his knee, the demon's hand still curled around him as he pouted like a child. His eye went to the messy hair, and scuffed up clothing and he sighed and snapped his fingers. The gray hair becoming much cleaner and far tidier than it had been in days, and his outfit changing too.

Ford looked down at his new clothes curiously, he was wearing a white shirt, dark gray trousers, and a black trench coat that shimmered like a spilled oil puddle. He had a sneaking suspicion it was dragon hide, but he made no move to ask or confirm his suspicions.

Bill's eye turned up in a crinkled smile, "There, won't have my pet looking like a mess" he said, patting his head softly. Ford pulled away from his touch, still mad that the demon was doing this to him.

_He was far too civilized to be a pet, for goodness sake!_

~

Stan pulled the kids into a hug as it got colder, the surrounding grounds still empty of people and or other beings. 

_Where was everyone?_

"Hey, do you hear that?" he asked, looking around cautiously as the noise caught his ears. It sounded like a faint whispering from the nearby trees, incoherent but audible. Dipper and Mabel tightened their grip on their Grunkle as it got louder, "I don't know" the boy whispered, fear making his heart pound in his chest.

Stan held up his fist, "Who's there!? Show yourself!" he cried, his brass knuckles glinting in the last of the day's light. The Oracle faded into existence, four eyes studying Stan, and the other three on Dipper and Mabel. She smiled warmly, trying to show them she meant no harm, "Hello, and what brings you three to Dimension 52?" she asked. Dipper gaped, it was the exact same being from the book! He tried to move forward but Stan held up an arm, keeping them back and protecting them from the 'threat'.

"Who are you!? What do you want!?" the old man asked.

"My name is The Oracle, Prophetess and Wisdom Holder, but you can call me Jheselbraum the Unswerving if that is too much of a mouth full- I serve under the Axolotl, so please put your gold weapons away" she insisted, moving closer in such a graceful manner it made Dipper question if she might have wheels instead of feet. Stan lowered his hand cautiously, but kept it raised just a bit in front of the twins.

"You have purple skin!? It's so pretty!" Mabel squealed, stars in her eyes and a grin on her face.

The Oracle smiled, "Thank you dear, you are lost, are you not? You don't even have dimensional translators, so something tells me someone sent you here"

"Bill Cipher took over our world, Earth, Dimensions 46'\ Do you know him?" Dipper asked. The smile to The Oracle's face disappeared, she thought she had recognized the man in front of her, this was Stanford's twin, "Bill Cipher has taken over your world? That can't be- fifteen years ago I made sure that could never happen..." she trailed off as her mind whirred with the possible mistakes she could have made, but nothing came to mind. It appeared fate had changed its course, and the timeline had been altered.

"Well he has, and he has our Great Uncle" the boy choked, sitting back down and putting his head in his hands as fresh tears spilled down his dusty cheeks. He was trying so hard to be brave, but it was all too much for him all at once, and he just couldn't handle it.

Stan reached down and picked him up, "We need food and a place to clean up, you got anything? We haven't bathed or eaten in at least a week" he said, patting Dipper's back as Mabel looked up at her twin sadly.

The Oracle nodded, "This dimension is a refugee camp for all those lost, most come here seeking help and escape from Bills terror, he can't get into this dimension, you see. Follow me then, I'll get you all sorted out" she said, making her way to a pink castle not too far from where they had landed. It sat on a mountain top, sparkling softly in the sunset. Stan adjusted Dipper in his arms as the boy fell asleep and picked up Mabel as she reached up for him. "Everything's going to be okay, Pumpkin, just you wait."

~

Bill floated up off his seat and phased through the ceiling with Ford still wriggling in his fingers. The Penthouse suite was still warmly lit by the fire in the hearth, and the armchairs made of living flesh were sleeping peacefully. Bill set him down on the floor and snapped his fingers, summoning him a cup of hot coffee and a bowl of soup on a golden tray, before disappearing from the room.

Ford went over to the tray sitting on the obsidian coffee table and stared down at its contents. He sneered at the hot food but picked up the cup of coffee in his hands, wrapping his icy fingers around the warmth.

He was just taking a sip of the drink when Bill returned, in a human form and fancily dressed in his Sunday best, which was a bit fancier than one would wear to a church service. He grinned at Ford as the man stared in shock, and did a twirl, "You like it?" he asked.

Ford scoffed at the 'extra' demon, "Really?" he asked in a bored and mild tone of voice, and slurping loudly at his coffee. Bill pouted, "What? You don't like it?"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to reply" 

"Either you like it, or you don't, how hard is it to decide?"

"Why would you care? I thought you preferred being a triangle... or a pyramid, or whatever" Ford replied, a slight blush on his cheeks as he hurriedly busied himself with the coffee and tried to keep his mind clear. Bill waved a hand at him and sat down, "Meh, are you going to eat?" he asked, picking up the bowl of soup, "It's perfectly good food" 

"I'm not eating anything you give me"

Bill sipped at the bowl, "Why not? This is good!"

"You don't even eat!!"

Bill sat the bowl back down and wiped his mouth, "You don't know that, you've never seen me eat before, have you?"

Ford gulped the rest of his drink down and set it back on the tray, "Well, no, I haven't.." 

"Exactly, don't assume" the demon said, snapping his fingers as he leaned back in his seat. The room changed its appearance before his eyes. Instead of a cosy and strange living room, it transformed into a quaint little bedroom, perfect for Stanford. A comfy bed took over the armchairs, a desk and a small heater replacing the fireplace and at the far end of the room a compact kitchen, and a door to the bathroom took over what had been there previously. "This will be your room, IQ."

Ford poked the bed Bill was sitting on, but no eyes, tongues or noise came forth from the sheets and blankets, "It's not made of living flesh, would you calm down? You're like a tightly strung Yoyo."

"I was just making sure." 


	3. Chocolate

"Their parents... Shermy... Mom and Dad... I wish I could have at least tried to save them too...."

"Don't focus on what's lost, focus on what you have" The Oracle spoke, leading them up to the castle shrine. Stan made sure not to touch the molten bubbles that floated passively in the air and kept a hold of the passed out Dipper and an exhausted Mabel as he made his way up the steep slope. The Oracle led them inside once they reached the top, and shut the door behind them. Stan panted, out of breath and ready to collapse as he set Mabel back down.

The Oracle put a hand on Dippers cheek and gently brushed away the tear that ran down it, "You can stay with me for now, but I'm afraid you can't stay here" she spoke. Stan looked a bit shocked, "What do you mean we can't stay?" 

The Oracle tapped the glass tank of a pink axolotl and smiled as it wiggled in happiness at seeing her, "Exactly that, you have to make your own way in the multiverse, and that's not to say I won't help" she explained, feeding the small creature some fresh blood worms.

Dipper whimpered softly in his arms and Stan rubbed his back in an attempt to resettle him, "It's okay, Dipper" the old man whispered, following The Oracle as she made down a hallway, "I have already had the servants set up two rooms for you" she said quietly. 

"Servants?" Mabel asked tiredly, "Wow, you must be rich" 

"No, they serve me out of loyalty to me and the Axolotl... I am not rich in the slightest dear." 

~

Ford gave a useless tug at the golden collar, slightly see through and not too tight around his neck. He glared at the bowl of half-eaten soup as he sat down on the bed, he wouldn't be eating it now it had had Bill's lips around it. He looked around his new home, no windows, no doors, just him and silence, and Bill.

_Ugh..._

Bill returned from where ever he had run off too with a slight pop, making Ford almost jump out his skin as he rolled a very squeaky supermarket trolley over to the kitchen. He had filled the metal cart with cans, packets and many food items, all hastily shoved inside it and chaotically placed. "I raided the supermarket you guys have, here's all the food you humans need to eat! Anything missing?" the demon asked. 

"Unbelievable" 

"What? Too much? Too little? Not enough of something? I can get more" 

"No... it's fine" 

Bill beamed, "Great!" 

Ford walked over cautiously as Bill emptied it, stacking cans into one cupboard, and sliding packets in the other. Whatever he was not sure of he set down on the tiny island bench for Ford to look at later. Stanford reached in and fished out a packet of biscuits, smiling at the chocolate-covered circles featured on the packet. 

"What are those?"

"Chocolate digestives, they're oat biscuits with a chocolate coating, very nice with toasted marshmallows" 

"They sound disgusting, give me one." 

Ford opened the packet and passed him one to try, watching him with significant interest to see what his reaction would be to such food. Bill held it up to his face, sniffed it, licked it and then shoved it into his mouth as he deemed it safe. The golden eyes and slitted pupils went wide and starry, "Ooooo" 

"Good, right?" 

Bill nodded and rummaged around the trolley, pulling out another packet happily, "Mine!" he cried, racing off down the newly put in stairs that led down to the lower levels, and the throne room. There was also an elevator, but the demon was in a such rush to put as much distance between his new treat and Ford that he took the quickest route, sliding down the banister. 

Ford stood there in confusion, "I-I'm not going to take them from you!!!" he cried, a little unsure how to handle this situation. Bill could be so weird sometimes. 

_Damn demon._

Bill made himself comfy behind his throne, opening the bag and devouring the lot, his gloves and face getting covered in chocolate with each bite. Ford took the stairs as he followed after him, he didn't like elevators, and didn't trust it to be safe, or inanimate. By the time he had made it to the Throne room, Bill had eaten ten, "Is this what you're like when your henchmaniacs aren't around and you're not taking over the world?"

Bill peered out, his pupils already dilated with sugar, and his being a chocolate-covered mess. Ford looked at him skeptically, "I refuse to believe this is what you're like- my former muse is a child" he scoffed. 

_Where were his manners!?_

Bill threw a cookie at his head, "Am not!" 

Ford ducked to avoid it, "You're throwing food" he pointed out. Bill hissed, "Silence!" he cried, shoving another cookie into his mouth and chewing angrily. The old man glared at him, "What are you going to do?" he asked, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes in an appalled manner. 

Bill was right in front of him in a blink of an eye, gloved hands pinching his cheeks together painfully, "I could do so many things to you, Sixer, but if I were to write all it down the list would be dreadfully long" he smirked, a long, flat forked tongue licking away the chocolate still around his mouth. Fords cheeks went red, and he stepped back, "L-Like?" 

Bill pushed him away, opting to stay quiet and eat his cookies rather than mess with him. Fords thoughts were weird, and gross and it was making him want to throw up that this human would ever have those feelings for someone like him. 

"So when were you planning to grow up during this eternity?" the man asked. The demon's hair turned red, "I am eons old! Stop making a mockery out of me!" he cried, dropping his biscuits as he summoned the golden chains connected to Fords collar. His pet let out a yelp as he pulled him forward, "I think your snarky backtalk deserves some punishment." 

Ford gulped, realizing he may have just gone too far. Bill read his mind with a nasty grin and nodded, "Mmm hmm, yep, there it is, you know it, Buster!" he answered, tugging him out the throne room and down the hallway, and practically dragging him along as Ford hurried to keep to his fast pace. The demon opened a thick metal door at the end of the hallway and threw him into the cold and empty cell, "You can stay in here! Think about what you've done like the disobedient child that you are! No food, no water, and no bathroom!" 

Ford scrambled to his feet, "No! Wait! I'm sorry! Please!" he cried, making for the door as it closed. Bill slammed it shut and locked it tight, plunging Ford into the suffocating darkness as all the light seeped from the room in an instant. 


	4. A New Place, A New Home

Dipper woke up clean and wrapped in warm blankets. He sniffed the air as a delicious smell wafted into his nostrils and turned on his side to find a large plateful of strange looking food that looked a bit similar to bacon and eggs. He sat up from the soft bed and picked up the plate, cradling it on his lap and giving it a second sniff before taking a testing bite. Making sure it was indeed food, he scoffed the lot, his eyes watching the axolotl swimming in a tank at the end of his bed as he chewed.

The pink creature seemed full of energy and made him smile as it reminded him of Mabel, Grunkle Stan had one in a tank back at the Shack, but it was most likely dead by now with no one to feed it. He finished his food and got out of bed to explore the room, setting his plate back down on the bedside table. His apocalypse clothes now clean, mended and laundered, were sitting folded neatly on the chest of drawers by the door, complete with his lost hat. He picked them up and looked down, only just now noticing the pair of pink and silky pajamas he was dressed in. 

_Had someone dressed him?_

_Who?_

"Hey bro!! You like the food? I have no idea what it is, but you got to admit it's awesome!" Mabel cried, entering his room with a joyous smile and also clean and tidy. Dipper jumped a mile, "Y-Yeah, it was good." 

Mabel picked up his empty plate "The Oracle says if we want to stay for the time being, we have to help out and junk, and do some chores, which is fair enough." 

Dipper sat down on his bed and sighed sadly, "I just woke up, Mabel, I don't have the energy to do anything..." he said, jamming the hat on to his head and hiding under the brim. Mabel hugged him, smelling like a strange and sweet fruit, and comforting and clean, "Don't worry about it, bro, I got it sorted anyway" 

"Right..." 

~ 

While Ford curled up on the stone floor of his prison, tears running down his face as he worried for his family. Bill sat on his throne, his fingers tapping the armrest as the silence became deafening.

_The world was quiet here._

Kryptos floated in as he checked his watch, a diamond-shaped demon with bucked teeth and one eye. He had been considered an irregular being and marked for death in his own dimension when Bill had taken it over. He had offered him a place by his side and revenge on his own kind, which he had accepted gladly, "Hey boss! What's with the new look?" 

"Bordem, what do you want?"

"We're about to start the party! We were hoping we could do it in here? Y'know, so you can watch us and stuff?" 

Bill waved a hand at him and nodded, "Sure, go ahead" he muttered, the party starting as soon as he had finished his sentence. The loud music pounded the walls and made his ears and chest throb. While the bright colours and flashing lights made his eyes hurt. He didn't know why he was in such a mood, he just was. 

Pyra sided up to him, perching on the armrest as soon as he moved his hand, "Hey boss" she cooed, batting her eyelashes at him. Bill nodded, "Get me some Time Punch, will ya? It looks like Lamp's already drunken all the Cosmic Sand." 

The pink demon summoned the bottle of Time Punch before Keyhole could grab it and handed it over to him. "What's the matter? Bored already?" she asked. Bill shrugged and took a cigarette from the packet she offered him, chugging down half the bottle of Time Punch before he lit the addictive stick on fire with his magic. "How did the world domination go?" he asked, breathing out the white smoke. 

"Very good, in the end we only got round to destroying Oregon, but there's a heck of a lot more where that came from, I'm looking forward to doing some terraforming." 

"Good... Personally, I can't wait to get to the White House, I hear it's run by an idiot." 

Pyra snorted, "Oh yeah, I have a list of all the stuff we can pull on that guy. It's going to be great!" she cried. Bill chugged the rest of the bottle, feeling a bit woozy as he drained the last few galaxy-colored drops, "Ugh, damn body can't handle this alcohol very well, it's pathetic!" he scoffed, throwing the empty bottle at Keyhole with unfocused eyes. The blue demon let out a squeal of shock and dove out of the way as it crashed into the ground, the shards barely missing him. 

Pyra booped his nose, "Aww, I'm sure after another cup it won't seem like such a problem." 

"Don't tempt me" Bill replied, covering his mouth as he hiccuped loudly. Pyra giggled at the noise, "So what happened to that human, anyway? Six-fingers?" 

Bill took a long drag on the cigarette before he answered, "He's away for being rude. Solitary confinement" he explained, blowing smoke rings at her. Pyra waved them away, "Mmhm, good for you, you know at one point I thought you were obsessed with him or something" 

"I am! He's such a dork!"

"And, you're drunk" she muttered, raising an eyebrow at this rare opportunity. Bill always told the truth when he was drunk, and got a bit more wild when it came to games. But hardly any alcohol made him drunk due to his god-like form so it wasn't common, "Wait, are you sayin' you like him? But he's so olddd!" 

"I'm old! I'm older than you! I'm older than everyone! He's a baby compared to me!" the golden demon exclaimed, tipping forward as he got to his feet. Pyra rubbed her eye in annoyance and made him sit back down, a bit happy she had found out the truth but rather mad about it too, "You're no fun when you're like this, talk to me when you're less drunk, but not _too_ sober." 

Bill grabbed her wrist as she made to leave, "No, don't leave meeeeee" he whined, giving her the puppy dog eyes he had been working on. Pyra smiled, "We're playing spin the human, join us, or be a mood killer." she replied, tugging her arm out of his solid grip. Bill made a squeal noise and followed her over to the group, pushing two demons out the way so he could sit down, "Move! I'm gay!" he cried, making himself comfy on the floor. "Who are we spinning today? The little weird lady from down the road, or little Timmy with a toothache?" 

Pyra held up a stone woman, who was clutching to her bosom a tabby cat as she stared up with a petrified frozen scream, "Weird cat lady actually" she answered, setting her down in the middle. Bill put an arm up and waved it like a student wanting to ask a question, "Are we eating whoever it lands on, or smooching them? Or third option: fucking them senseless?" 

Pyra's face heated up, but she kept her cool, "Eating them for six minutes, then you have to sick em up and we keep playing, if they haven't been digested that is." 

"Oh! Me first!" Bill cried, spinning the human around with a good push. It landed on a small demon who let out a shriek as Bill's mouth extended passed its usual size and gulped him down in one bite. He pointed to Lamp, and the glowing demon took his turn. Pyra played on until the end, wondering if she might get away with eating Sixer. She didn't like the man very much, mostly because she had a huge crush on Bill and instead of noticing her, he had taken a fancy to him instead. 


	5. Mixed Messages

Bill was passed out by his throne, snoring softly and an arm over his eyes to block out the pulsing light. The music was still blaring loudly, casting different colours around the room to the obnoxious, and shrill beat. The party-goers sat or laid on the floor, too high and or too drunk to shut it off, or give a damn about anything than what was going on in front of them. Pyra smiled at the golden demon beside her as she stood up, making sure he was truly out of it before she made her way to Fords cell.

She opened the thick door with a bit of magic and smirked down at the man still lying curled up on the floor, tear tracks down his face and dark circles under his eyes, "Hey Six Fingers"

The man wiped his nose on his sleeve, leaving a soggy smear that made her mentally grimace, "What do you want?" he asked rudely, sitting up and running a hand through his lengthening hair. Pyra ignored him and grabbed the chains from thin air, yanking him up to meet her.

"What is your relationship with _my_ Bill?" she snarled. 

Ford choked on the collar as he struggled to get to his feet, "Firstly, can people _please_ stop yanking me by the collar, I'm getting whiplash! Secondly, _your_ Bill? Bill doesn't belong to you! Thirdly, I have no idea what you're talking about, I'm his prisoner! I'm chained up like an animal, so if that doesn't show I have no free will, I don't know what does!"

Pyra let him go and Ford dropped to the ground, gasping for air and rubbing what little of his neck he could touch. "Then I guess he wouldn't mind if I ate you" the pink demon said, putting her hands on her hips and smirking down at him. Ford put his hands up in surrender and scurried back, "You can't do that!" he cried, pressing himself up against the wall as she came forward.

"PYRRrrRRRaaaAAAAA!!??"

_Saved by the bell, or demon._

_Wasn't there a demon shaped like a bell here?_

Bill stumbled down the hallway, clutching his head as he looked for her, and his vision playing tricks on him as he tried to focus on his path, "Pyra!? Where are you!?" he cried, grumbling as the hangover headache pounded in his temples. The pink demon hurried out the room and quickly closed the cell door, "Just making sure our prisoner hasn't escaped!" she blurted, beaming him a smile. Bill summoned a bucket as his face went green and threw up the alcohol and little food he had eaten into the grey plastic. The sloshing noises made Pyra feel nauseous, but she rubbed his back comfortingly, "You weren't kidding, humans really can't take their galaxy" she said with a wince. 

"No shit."

"Sorry, Hun. I'm going to go back to the throne room, you go clean up or something, have a bath? Feel better soon!" she cooed, hurrying back to the Throne room to shut off the music and clean up the large mess they had made. Bill opened the door to Ford's cell when she was gone and peered in, "What did she want?" he asked stiffly. Stanford was still pressed up against the wall, breathing hard and in desperate need of the loo, "N-Nothing" he answered, his tone of voice suggesting otherwise.

"Bullshit, you're both lying to me, tell me!!!"

"She, um, wanted to eat me- are you drunk?"

"No, I'm perfectly fine, I'm holding a bucket of my own vomit for fun" he scoffed sarcastically.

"Then get rid of it"

Bill made it disappear and sat down, leaning up against the wall with a pale face and vomit still on the corners of his mouth as he used magic to calm his hurting temples. The man settled down beside him cautiously and gave him a quick glance before staring at the floor, "Please don't let her eat me"

"I won't."

~

With the Henchmaniacs out doing his bidding, taking over countries, and tearing down the leaders that made them 'strong', he was alone and _very_ bored. Sitting in the hallway with nothing to do but watch the cell door Ford had been locked behind less than a few days ago, and smoking at the cigarettes from his pocket. The man was currently wandering around and checking out the place, his mind a flurry with thoughts and escape plans. Bill smirked at the thought, his pet had spent a week locked away, not sleeping once and his mind racing with plans. He knew that if Ford took one step out of the castle, his collar would make him pay painfully.

He summoned one of the strange instruments in his vast collection as he stubbed out the last of his cigarettes, a violin that had more than one place to set a bow. It required four hands, one to hold and three to play, the tune sounding exactly the same as the one on earth, only much more defined and special.

[Viva La Vida by Coldplay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsUAxG6c3Ws) came to mind, he had heard it once before actually, a nice song that would have been perfect for his destruction. Too bad the Pines family had lost, he would have enjoyed going out to some music at the very least. He summoned his extra limbs, each equipped with the bows he would need, and pressed them down on the taunt strings with tobacco stained fingers.

Ford heard the sweet noise and quickened his pace to check it out. He liked the sound of the melody and wanted very much to know who could be playing it. He snuck around a stone pillar and peered into the hallway, a bit shocked at the answer. There was Bill himself, playing a strange violin with a genuine smile on his face and his eyes closed.

_He looks nice when he smiles properly._

He clapped quietly when the song was finished and the demon jumped a mile and looked over at him, "You're very good" Ford said nervously, coming a bit closer. Bill summoned the case for it and set it down inside carefully, "Thanks..." he answered, snapping the clips shut and making it disappeared back to where he had gotten it from, "Are you hungry?" he added.

Ford nodded.

"Then come with me" the demon said, kicking aside the full ashtray and making his way back to the penthouse suite, with slightly bad posture and not a grin to be seen. Ford frowned, was Bill okay? He seemed off, and not in the 'my plans are being foiled' off but a more 'depressed' off which confused him. He mentally shrugged and followed the demon up the stairs.

Ford watched from a safe distance as he pulled out pasta, sauce, herbs and spices from the cupboards, summoning a perfectly hot pan atop the lit stove, and a pot of water, "You know how to cook?" he asked, sitting down at the kitchen island.

Bill smiled at him, "Some things, yes"

"Can I help?"

"You can cook the beef and make the sauce, if you want" the demon replied, passing him the jar and the beef mince from the fridge. Ford took the ingredients and did as Bill instructed while the pasta boiled away, cooking the mince and adding the herbs and spices according to his instructions. Once it was cooked, Bill drained the pasta and added it to the sauce mix, giving it a good toss with the metal tongs. Ford's stomach growled as the demon scooped a good amount into two bowls and sprinkled cheese on top.

"Bon appétit!"

Ford took the bowl he held out to him, a strange feeling in his stomach as well as hunger. Bill was being nice, weirdly nice, and it didn't feel right at all. "Thanks..." he said, twirling some onto his fork and taking a bite.

_Hot! Hot! Hot!_

_Oh! This is amazing!_

"Good, right?" Bill asked, reading his mind as he slurped up the noodles from his own bowl, and made a mess. Ford nodded and sat down at the kitchen island, turning his chair around so he could lean on the counter, "Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"Doing what?"

Ford gestured to his food, "Why are you being nice to me? Do you want something?"

"No, I'm feeding you because you're my pet"

"Oh"

"Now eat."

Ford did as he was told, but only because he was hungry. The flavour was perfect, and it struck him with many a theory. How had Bill learned to cook? Had he done cooking classes? Had he just followed a recipe book and memorized the pages? Or, was his infinite knowledge to blame for his delicious food skills? 

Bill did the dishes manually as he waited for him to finish eating, the clinking of cutlery against porcelain and the sloshing of water the only noise in the otherwise silent room. When the man had finally finished his rather delightful meal, he set the bowl by the sink for Bill to clean. The demon took it, scrubbing off the mess and humming a soft tune under his breath as he did so, soap bubbles on his sleeves.

"Why can't you just clean it with magic?"

"I'm bored, doing things manually takes up more time."

"Oh." 

_That made sense._

~

Night time was deathly quiet, not a single noise penetrated the walls of his room, and the ticking clock by his bedside was extremely loud and annoying. He was a bit confused by it, simply because as Bill had put it: Time was dead and meaning had no meaning. Existence was upside-down.

_And he reigned supreme._

Yet, the hands on the clock still moved as if defying the rules the demon had worked hard to break down. Ford turned over to stare at the glowing hands, the blankets on his body soft and almost silky, and not at all comfy like his bed back at the Shack. It was like sleeping in a hotel, far too fancy for his tastes, and not homey enough. 

Hoping that Bill was asleep, and the others were occupied, the scientist got out of bed, tugging on his dragon hide coat and slipping on his still mud-covered boots. Tonight would be a good time to try to escape this hell hole. He gave the room one last look just to make sure there were no eyes watching his movements, before he slid down the banister and tip-toed down the hall.

~

Dipper had been helping clean the house for the past few days almost robotically and without a word. The mute boy doing as he was told and keeping to the schedule with a blank face. Mabel was worried for him and tried her best to not get in his way for fear he'd break. But today she'd had enough of his silence, "Hey bro bro, are you okay? I'm getting a bit worried" she spoke, standing in front of him as he cleaned.

"I'm fine, just have a lot to do" he replied, flashing her a reassuring smile and continuing to mop the floor. Mabel glanced down at it, tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy dog. He was moping the same place over and over again, and didn't seem to realize or care.

"Are you homesick? Come on, bro, you have to tell me what's on your mind- Mystery twins?" she asked, putting up a fist for him to punch. Dipper ignored her and turned around, attacking another spot instead, "I'm fine."

"Is it about Grunkle Ford?"

"Who?"

Mabel laughed, "Oh, very funny, Dip Dop! _Who!_ Good one."

"I don't know who you're talking about, as far as I'm aware we only have one Grunkle" he answered, shoved the mop back into the wheeled bucket and walking off. Mabel's smile faltered, and she rushed to catch up with him. "We have two Grunkles! Stan and ford! Stanley and Stanford!" she cried, reaching out to him to grab his shoulder and slow him down. Dipper stopped and glared at her as her fingers made contact, "Stanford Pines is not my Grunkle! Not after what he pulled!"

Her hand flopped back to her side pathetically, "What do you mean? He saved us from Bill!"

_"He abandoned us!"_

"Only because he had to! Bill destroyed our world! We couldn't of lived there anymore! He found us a place to stay, and I think The Oracle is a very nice lady monster!"

"We're a family, Mabel, we stick together _until the end!_ Stanford was selfish!"

"Bro, you actin' Cray Cray, Ford saved us- you think he wants to be stuck with Bill for the rest of eternity!? You think he's selfish because he sacrificed himself for us!? He's probably chained up, starving and miserable- and you're calling him selfish!? How can you say that!?"

Dipper broke the mops wooden handle over his knee, the sickening crunch ringing in his ears and making Mabel gasp, and step back a bit in shock, "WE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING!" he yelled.

"NO WE COULDN'T HAVE- IF GRUNKLE FORD DID THAT, THEN IT WAS FOR THE BEST, he knows Bill better than anyone!"

"Don't you tell me that what he did was for the best! WE HAVE NOTHING LEFT! NOTHING! NO PARENTS! NO HOME! NO FRIENDS! EVERYTHING IS GONE!"

"BILL TOOK THAT AWAY FROM US, NOT FORD!"

"We still could have done something!"

"Like what?! Think up of one thing, that would work, and then come back to me- and until then? Aggrh!! You know what!? Just don't talk to me!" Mabel cried angrily, storming off before he could answer her. Dipper kicked over the bucket and walked off in the opposite direction as water seeped across the floor, pulling out the splinters from his hands.


	6. Escape Attempt Number One

The Oracle appeared at Dippers end of the corridor, her face calm and her arms crossed, "What is going on here?" she asked him sternly. "Nothing, leave me alone" the boy growled, trying to walk passed her and head to his room for some alone time. She put an arm out to stop him, "Oh no you don't, you're cleaning that up first" she spoke, pointing to the watery mess he had left behind. Dipper glared at her, "Clean it up yourself if it's bothering you!"

The Oracle pursed her lips, "Follow me, Dipper Pines" she said crisply, sweeping down the hall at an easy pace to catch up too. The boy followed her cautiously, "What are you going to do!? Punish me!? You're not my mom!"

"No, I want to talk to you and understand why you're taking your anger out on my cleaning supplies" she answered, stopping at a door and gesturing for him to go inside. Dipper scoffed but did as he was told.

Mabel meanwhile, had rushed off to find her Grunkle Stan, the man himself sitting on a strange sofa, and watching an even stranger TV show with an alien chopping something up. She crawled into his lap and sniffled until he pulled her in for a hug, "What's the matter, Pumpkin?"

"You, you don't blame Grunkle Ford, do you? You don't hate him for throwing us into another dimension, right?"

Stan paused the TV and wrapped his arms around his niece, smoothing out her hair as she sobbed into his shirt, "No, of course not! What he did was a last resort thing to keep us safe. Maybe we could have done something, but by then it was too late"

Mabel sighed and rubbed the water from her eyes, "I just wish I could make sure Grunkle Ford is okay"

Stan picked the remote back up and pressed play, "Me too, now, watch this weird cooking show with me, will ya? It's funny."

~

Dipper sat down in the chair The Oracle motioned to, herself sitting behind the large pink desk. He was starting to get sick of the colour, literally everything in this house was pink, right down to the outfits she made them wear. 

_Would it kill her to have blue, or green, or something other than the pale shiny pink she had modeled her home after!?_

"So, why were you fighting with your sister?"

"Because, I know we could have helped Ford and stopped Bills chaos! But Ford was selfish and sent us here instead!" he replied haughtily. The Oracle gave a puzzled gaze, "Ford? Can you give me their full name?"

Dipper gave an exasperated hiss, "Stanford Filbrick Pines! You know him!" he cried. She nodded quietly, "I do, I believe I helped him at some point, I've met many a Ford, and was just trying to make sure I knew who you were talking about. My apologizes. I was most certain Bill would fail. Did Ford try to fight him? Did he carry a gun with him? Do you know if he still has a metal plate in his head?" she asked. Dipper kicked the table leg, "No, no, and yes. Bill got the equation for the barrier and in return he let us go, that was it" he answered. 

One of The Oracles eyes twitched as Dipper's foot kept connecting with her desk, "So, to clarify, he didn't try once to fight Bill? That doesn't sound like him at all"

"Bill was going to kill Mabel and I, he had no choice"

"It sounds like you are mad at him being in a position of weakness and not being able to do anything, rather than at Stanford himself."

Dipper sighed and leaned on the table, she was right, yet it didn't feel right, "I still think we could have stopped him" he muttered.

"Perhaps, but there is no use dwelling on that fact, you need to focus on the now, and just accept that it has happened" The Oracle spoke. Dipper scoffed, "Now!? There is no now!!! We have nothing left! And you expect us to leave this house and venture forth into more danger!? We have nowhere to go, and _you_ offered us a place! We have no knowledge of the multiverse and yet _you_ expect us to travel through it with no notes, info or knowledge of the rules!?"

"Stanford survived for thirty years and was still going strong when he went back to his own dimension. I will be giving you all Inter-dimensional translators, and a book- it should explain everything you need to know"

"Oh..."

"I will also give you supplies and teach you how to use them, and food as well. So you are gravely misinformed if you think I'm going to toss you out on your rear- all that I ask is that you do not destroy nor damage my things."

Dipper gave a guilty look at his feet, he hadn't realized she would be doing that for them. He had honestly thought she would kick them out after a while and that would be that, "Sorry" he muttered.

"It is alright, but I also need you to go apologize to your sister"

"Yeah, I do."

~

The fearamid was quiet, not a demon, nor a mouse seemed to be up. Thankfully, the eyes that usually graced the interior were shut, meaning Bill was fast asleep.

_Good._

He peered into the throne room, surveying the large space carefully as he adjusted his glasses. Bill was lying on his throne, wrapped up in a cocoon of blankets, and snoring softly as he slept. The demon had done a slinky onto the floor and didn't seem that bothered by it, his hair mussed up and golden strands sticking out in places. He hadn't really understood how Bill required food and sleep. As an immortal being, you'd think you'd be blessed not to need those mundane things, but he had been wrong.

He took a step forward as he gave the all clear, then stopped as he realized the flaw in his plan; he was half a mile up from the ground, in a floating pyramid. No grappling hook, and no rope, and he still has a collar around his neck, no doubt equipped with a tracking device. He went over to the entrance-way and leaned his head against the wall beside the open doors, "Oh god" he muttered quietly, a sense of vertigo making him wobble as his eyes caught the height. The collar let out a small warning zap as he tried to peer down, and he yelped and pulled his head back in, in alarm.

He growled and tried again, this time receiving a bigger shock than last time. A third time sent him to the floor, shouting in pain, and making him feel sick as the shocks made his body buzz painfully. He felt like he was going to throw up and the zaps he were receiving were making his shoulders spasm. 

He clawed at the collar desperately, but there was no buckle or clip he could undo, the entire surface was completely smooth to the touch. Panic set in, and the urge to breathe became harder and harder, until he couldn't breathe anymore. His cries awoke Bill, and the demon sat up tiredly, tumbling off the throne and onto the floor as he removed himself from the fabric prison he had been trapped in. "Stanford?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he noticed the man writhing on the ground.

Ford swallowed thickly.

_Shit._

Bill leapt at him as he tried to make a run for it, all his tiredness disappearing in a blink of an eye, "Let me go! I'm not your pet!!" Ford cried, struggling to free himself from the demon's strong grip after being tackled to the marble floor. Bill growled and rolled him over, pinned his limbs to the ground as Ford kicked out at him.

"No, you're more than that! You're mine!"

"Never! I hate you! I'll never stop fighting you, you can't make me!" the scientist hissed childishly. Bill grinned, his pointed nose touching his own rounded one as he leaned down to stare at him, "Oh? But I _can_ make you" the demon hissed back, his sharp teeth leering at him as he smirked. Ford spat into his eye, reveling in the disgusted look Bill returned as he made the goo disappear with magic, "Do your worst!"

Bill chained him up as tight as he could, ignoring the yells of protest as Fords wrists and ankles glowed golden with the new attachments. The demon stood up and hoisted him over his shoulder like a disobedient child and made his way to the cell the man had grown to hate with every inch of his being. 

"No food, no water, just silence, you, and a room full of my eyes watching you as you hang from the wall." the demon explained. Ford kicked out, hitting his chest with his boot as hard as he could. Bill let out a slight huff as it connected and quickened his pace, "I've been meaning to test out my wall restraints. I hear they're positively stretchy" the demon smirked, chaining the wriggling man to the wall once he had entered the room. 

He stepped back to admire his work, making sure the chains were tight and Ford was uncomfortable, "I'll see you when you've stop being a total asshole to me" the demon spoke, booping his nose with a finger and leaving the room. Fords angry howls echoed as he locked the door shut and Bill laughed softly as the man cursed him to oblivion with his nasty words. 

_Oh Sixer, you flatter me._

He snapped his fingers, and the lights to the cell turned off instantly. Ford blinked in the sudden darkness, trying to get his eyes used to the darkness before the glowing orange eyes opened up, turning their slitted pupils to his location. The man stared back at them and went quiet, feeling a shiver run down his spine. 

The silence that followed was deafening.

~

Bill was chewing on a plateful of grilled cheese sandwiches as his Henchmaniacs appeared. He offered one to Keyhole and fed him it to him as he opened his mouth. "Is there a problem, sir?" the blue demon asked, chewing on the food carefully to make sure his boss hadn't hidden anything inside the otherwise tasty treat.

"No, did you like it?"

Keyhole nodded, "Yup! What's it called?"

"A grilled cheese sandwich, that one had spring onions in it, rather tasty" Bill replied, giving him a genuine smile of happiness as Keyhole made a delighted noise of approval to his cooking. "So, how was the taking over? Did you get everyone? What about the dumbass down the road?" he asked, he meant America's now former President. The selfish man who thought he was doing a grand job and had ultimately led his people to disaster with a smile. 

Keyhole swallowed before he spoke, picking a bit of green stuff between his teeth, "Definitely! Not every human is dead- but we're getting through them! We even have some top-notch candidates for slaves if you want them. Oh, and by the way, we left Australia for you, there's some seriously nightmarish stuff there and we thought you'd like to do a bit of your own conquering?"

"Explain"

"There're these things with no legs, but they wriggle around, bite a lot, and they look like noodles... Eightball called em' Danger Noddles" Keyhole spoke, neglecting to inform him of the many legged 'spy-ders' as the humans had called them. Bill snorted softly, "I'm glad you left me some fun, tell me, do these 'danger noodles' have venom?"

"Well, Lamp got bit by one and he said it burns, so I'd say yes..."

_Oh dear._

"Where is Lamp? LAMP! Come here pal!" he called, gesturing to the molten lava-lamp shaped demon leaning against the wall. He did not look good at all, in fact he looked ready to pass out as he trailed over weakly, "Yes boss?" he asked, wobbling dangerously on his feet. Bill made a 'come here' motion with his hand, "Show me the bite."

Lamp held up his arm shakily, the bite oozing and swelling up painfully as the venom infected his blood stream. Bill grimaced and took his hand, pulling him closer so he could examine it, "Yeesh, that does looks poisonous"

"It really hurts... Can you heal it? Please?"

Bill healed it for him with a wave of his hand and Lamp smiled weakly as he felt his energy return, and wiggled his fingers as he looked at his new blemish free arm. The golden demon offered him half a sandwich, and the lava lamp took it gratefully, "Thanks Boss" he said, munching on it slowly. Bill nodded, "Wouldn't want my loyal friends dying on me." he replied.

"Where's the human?" Keyhole asked, looking around for the gray-haired man.

"He's being punished, he tried to escape"

Pyra sat down on the thrones arm rest and leaned an arm on Bill's head, "How did the human try to escape, anyway?" she asked, ignoring the defeated growl that escaped his lips. Pyra was the only one who seemed to get away with being disrespectful to him, and the others found it nerve-wracking to watch. "It was night, I was busy, he thought it would be fun to jump down from the entrance-way. Fortunately, I had the collar he was wearing set to zap him if he tried." Bill answered, pushing her arm away from his head.

"Good idea!"

"Yup, anywho, who's up for some terraforming!?" Bill asked, setting his plate down and clapping his hands excitedly. His friends cheered, jumping around the room like happy children. Bill changed into his triangle form and grinned as he twirled his cane, "Keyhole? You said you left Australia for me? Lets head there!"

~

Dipper rushed into the living room, panting a bit from lack of exercise and not eating much at breakfast time. His sister was curled up on Stan's lap, both of them watching TV, eyes on the subtitles at the bottom. "Mabel, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you!" he cried, his features upset and his mind mentally kicking himself for being so nasty to his twin.

Mabel looked down at him in surprise, "Pardon?"

"I'm sorry, you're right, I was being selfish, not Ford..."

Mabel got down off Stan's lap and came over to her brother, she could tell he really meant his apology and pulled him into a hug as a few tears ran down his face, "I understand that you're upset with our current events, but there is no one to blame for all this but Bill."

"I know... I'm sorry."

"Dipper!" The Oracle called, "I'm still seeing a puddle on this floor, are you going to clean it up?" she asked. Dipper grumbled, grating his teeth in distress at the very thought of the alien woman. Mabel patted his head, "Go and finish your chores, then we can watch some mind numbing TV together, okay?"

Her twin nodded and trailed off to go clean up.


	7. Spy-der

Bill clung to Pyra's face in fear as Keyhole picked up the enormous spider that had been creeping across the grass towards the small triangle. The blue demon held it up to his boss with a grin and tilted his head to the side as he screamed like a little girl, "What's the matter?" he asked, a hint of amusement in his words.

"GET IT AWAY!" Bill yelled, kicking his tiny noodle legs against Pyra's cheek in annoyance. The pink demon giggled, not in the least bit bothered by the feeling. Bills little feet didn't hurt at all, "But boss it's just tiny einsey winsey spider!" she cooed.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? IT'S FUCKING HUGE!! LOOK AT IT!!!"

Keyhole put it down and watched as it hurried off into the forest. It had thought the demon had been a bird and had been thinking of making him into a meal. The poor thing hadn't realized the demon could make such a horrid noise, and ran off, terrified of Bill's screaming. The yellow demon pointed a finger at it and zapped it with his magic, killing it before it could rush out of sight, "DIE!" he yelled triumphantly. 

Pyra pried him off her face like a sticky piece of gum, "Okay, big boy, well done for killing your _greatest_ enemy."

"Yeah! That's right!" Bill said, looking very chuffed with himself. Pyra rolled her eyes, he could be so adorable sometimes. Keyhole's eyes caught a small noodle, slithering across the grass and hissing softly in warning as they invaded its territory. He picked up the black and white snake as it moved over to the group, the scales soft and the body cool. "I'm keeping this thing as a pet, how do you look after a mortal, Bill?" he asked, avoiding the mouth as it tried to attack him.

"First, keep a muzzle on that thing, one of those things almost killed Lamp, second, food, water, habitat, the usual things." his Boss replied. Keyhole tied its mouth shut with a rubber band and petted the wiggling noodle happily until it settled in his arms, "I'm going to call it Stripey!"

"How long have we been here?" Bill asked, summoning a large watch on his wrist to check the time. The blue demon shrugged, "I don't know, a few days?" he replied, scratching the scaly creature under the chin. Bill pulled up a calendar just to make sure, and cringed at the date as it glowed from the paper, "Nghh, that's not good, lets get back, The human might be dead, or dying" he said, making the watch and the calendar disappear in a snap of his fingers. Pyra picked him up off the ground as soon as the objects vanished, "Why?" she asked, secretly hoping he would be dead. 

Bill scoffed, "I wouldn't want the human stinking up the place" he answered, removing himself from her grip and growling as she reached for him again. Pyra grinned, "I honestly don't know why you bother, Boss, he's just a dumb mortal, as dumb as Keyholes noodle."

"He's still useful, at least to me. Do you love stripy, Keyhole?" Bill asked his blue friend, floating over to the snake to examine it. The thing hissed at him in anger, sensing the demons power and magic, and not at all happy by it. Keyhole hugged Stripey and nodded as it wriggled in protest, "YES!" he cried. Bill waved a hand at the two as he turned back to Pyra, "Then you see where I'm going with this, right? Ford is my pet, and you need to take care of your pets."

~

Ford shivered, it was a lot colder in here than it had been last time and his limbs ached with being in the same position for hours on end. Now and then an eye would blink, the staring never seizing either. It was bothering him greatly, and he was regretting every single moment leading up to his punishment. Time was already starting to blur and meaning had no meaning.

_Had it been one minute? Or one day? Or had it been eons?_

Ford closed his tired eyes as his stomach growled pitifully and his bladder ached, very much in need of the bathroom although he hadn't drunken water in days. He allowed himself to release, not bothered by the mess he was making anymore. He kept telling himself he should have done as Bill had told him. Listened to him and not defied him like he had. 

He had deserved to be punished for his disobedience.

The door opened with a creak, letting in light that made his eyes hurt. The orange eyes went dark as they closed and disappeared; and he squinted his own eyes as the lights turned on. Bill entered the room, still dressed in his fancy attire and still in his human form, "I am so sorry! Went to Australia and lost track of time. Are you still alive?" he asked, poking Fords cheek with a finger and wrinkling his nose at the smell. Ford flinched and pulled away weakly, not to sure what was going on at the moment.

_Why was he here?_

_Was his punishment over so soon?_

Bill snapped his fingers, getting rid of the mess and cleaning him up in an instant. He unchained him from the wall and cradled him in his arms as he made his way out the room, clothing him in soft pajamas. The demon smelled like forest and the outdoors, mixed with a clean scent that was strangely comforting to the scientist. Ford opened his eyes wearily, staring up at Bill as the demon walked swiftly to the penthouse suite. Bill found it a bit unnerving being watched like this, but made no movement to signal his distress. 

He tucked the man into bed once the lift doors opened and made sure he was comfortable, leaving a bowl of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches on the bedside table (in stasis so they wouldn't get cold). Ford stared at it, the scent of food making his stomach rumble, but he was too weak to move and very tired from not sleeping well.

Bill patted his forehead worryingly as he whined, "Sorry, I really am. Hmm, maybe I should feed you, are you okay with me feeding you?" he asked. Ford looked away but nodded reluctantly. This was extremely degrading, but his pride had been knocked down a few bunches in the last few weeks. Bill helped him to sit up, making sure his pillows were evenly tucked in behind him before using magic to summon a large glass of water. Ford gulped it down once it had floated over to him, the cool water sliding down his dry throat as it tipped into his mouth. Bill picked up the bowl of tomato soup as the water settled on his stomach heavily, "Here comes the train, choo choo!" he grinned, holding up a spoonful near his mouth and making the floating glass disappear as soon as it was empty. Ford gave him an unimpressed look, but opened his mouth.

~

Bill shared the grilled cheese with Ford as the man laid there, listening to the demons babble about where they had been for the past few weeks, "Australia was awesome! So many dangerous creatures! They even had these giant spiders, I didn't know those things could get so big! But I wasn't afraid of them. Nothing scares me!" Bill said, puffing out his chest as if to make himself look more proud than brave. Keyhole came in with his new pet snake just as Bill was finishing the tale, the man's energy returning and his mind growing weary with exhaustion.

Ford spotted Keyhole sneaking up behind him and chuckled weakly as the blue demon put a finger to his lips and tiptoed closer. He had a spider in his hands, having gone back to Australia to get one just for his little prank. "Really? Nothing?" he asked, chewing on the cheesy bread happily.

"Nothing! Why are you laughing?" Bill asked, just as Keyhole placed the spider on his shoulder. The yellow demon froze and his eyes caught the creepy crawly as Keyhole stepped back with a snicker, "Please tell me you didn't just put a spider on me?" he whined, his voice high as he tried to keep his fear under control.

"Why would I ever do that?" Keyhole asked innocently, putting Stripey in the kitchen sink so he wouldn't get out. Ford grinned, taking another bite of his sandwich. If he was going to enjoy this he might as well make it dinner and a show. Bill sweated nervously as it climbed his face, "Get. It. Off. Me!" he hissed. Ford raised an eyebrow, "Why?" he asked, trying not to make too many crumbs on his blankets as he finished off his food.

"N-No reason! Just do it!!"

Ford smirked, "Does it bother you? A lot?"

"N-No!"

"Oh well, then I suppose you've made a new friend"

Bill disappeared in a small flash as he teleported out the room, his screams of terror filtering up from the throne room, as well as crashing noises and laughter from the others. Keyhole burst into laughter, tears running down his face as he rolled about the floor. Ford laughed along with him, feeling a lot better than he had been, "Thank you, Keyhole"

"No problem, Ford! Get some rest, eh?"

The man did just that, settling down in his bed as the blue demon left with his own pet, and smiling softly. Who would have guessed that Bill was afraid of spiders? Not him, that was for sure.

~

During the night, a very drunk and _very_ high triangle had gotten cold and tired, and had floated up to Fords room to snuggle into his very warm hair. He did not understand what he was doing; the drugs making his mind a mess and shifting reality as it usually did when he took too much. 

When Ford woke up the next morning, he felt the small lump in his hair, and sleepily tried to brush it away as he rolled over. But it didn't budge. 

His fingers reached up and ran over the object, feeling the smooth gold and soft brick like texture. He sat up in confusion, wondering what the heck it could be and untangled it from his hair. Once he had extracted it he put on his glasses so he could inspect it.

Bill snored in his hand, unaware of his movement as he hung upside down by his ankle. Ford put him back on the pillows awkwardly, a bit confused with what was going on as he slid out of bed. The demon slipped down the pillows and curled up in the warm spot the man had left, his tiny form glowing softly in the dim light. The scientist pulled the covers up over him, tucking him in just under his eye and smiling sadly as tiny fingers curled into the edge of the sheet.

_Cute._

He made for the Kitchen next, putting on a pot of coffee for breakfast, and thinking about having some toast as well. Keyhole peered in just as the jug was boiling and smiled at him, "Hey Ford, have you seen Bill?" he asked. 

"He'll be awake in a bit, Keyhole"

"Oh, I'm just worried, cause he was _really_ drunk last night and high as a kite."

"Ah, that makes sense, he's fine, he's on the bed" the man explained, gesturing to his unmade covers as he poured the boiling water into the coffeepot, "He must have came in here during the night."

Keyhole came in to see, giggling softly at his tiny boss, "Aww, look at him!" he cooed, summoning a camera so he could take some photos.

"Cute right?"

"Yeah, are you making toast? Can I have some?" Keyhole asked, pointing to the bread he was putting into the toaster. Ford nodded, "Sure, once it's done you can" he replied, pushing down the lever and observing the wires inside as they burned orange, heating up the toast and cooking it to perfection. His eyes caught the snake around the blue demon's shoulders, "Is that _your_ snake?"

"Yup! This is Stripey! I found him in Australia! He's a pet! Like you!"

Ford rubbed his collar consciously as he looked away. The yellow thing glowed around his neck, looking like golden dust, but solid _and_ with form.

_How could he have forgotten that?_

Bill groaned and sat up, rubbing his eye tiredly and looking like shit as he pushed away the sheets, "Ughhh..." he muttered softly, trying to pick out what appeared to be an entire toothpick from his eyeball cavity. Ford felt a smirk tug at his lips as the demon flicked it away and stretched, "Morning sunshine, your hat's crooked"

"Hmm?"

"Your hat, it's crooked"

Bill took off his hat and began to straighten it out, kneading the fabric with his fingers till it sprung back into its tall form. "Someone get me some water, please" he asked, lying back down on the mattress with a tired yawn. Ford took over a small glass of water for him, waiting till Bill grew a bit bigger before passing it over.

Keyhole yelped as the toast popped up suddenly and the scientist hurried back and pulled them out, putting them on the bench to cool slightly. He preferred his toast a bit cold, always had done, even has a kid. Bill blinked a few times with a bloodshot eye before he sipped at the refreshing water, keeping the glass somewhat steady as the hangover threatened his vision, "What did I do last night? I can't remember..." he muttered, watching Ford spread margarine on the pieces of cooked bread.

"Well, Keyhole said you got high and drunk, and at one point I woke up in the middle of the night to you screaming 'let's get freaky!' so I can only guess what the throne room looks like" the man replied, giving the demon a wink as he took a bite of his toast. Bill blushed pink and groaned, "Oh geez..." he whined.

"Understatement, Bill, understatement"

The yellow demon discarded the glass of water and floated wobbly out of the room, looking to make sure he hadn't done anything he'd regret later. Ford watched him go with an amused chuckle before turning back to his friend, "Keyhole? Would you like me to help you look after Stripey?"

"Yes, please!"

Ford finished off his toast and put out a hand, "Give him here then, can you teleport objects?"

"Yep!"

"Good, I need a glass cage, heat lamp, sand, a bit of shrubbery, rocks and five mice, preferably live" the man explained, checking to make sure the snake was indeed healthy and not malnourished. Keyhole blinked in confusion, "All in the same cage?" he asked, not too sure if that was a good idea or not. Ford nodded, "Yes, big enough for Stripey to live in too."

The blue demon summoned the necessary items, watching the poor mice scurry about bewildered at their sudden existence. "And please only wear him as a scarf occasionally. The tank can go in the corner, there's enough room in here for it. Make sure to feed him every day as well," Ford reeled off, giving the snake the all clear health wise. 

Keyhole set it down on the small table by the bathroom and adjusted it so the heat lamp could be plugged into the outlet below. Ford held Stripey's mouth closed with a thumb and forefinger, and took off the band keeping his jaws jammed shut, "Could you remove his fangs please?" he asked, gesturing to the snake's mouth. Keyhole snapped his fingers and nodded, "All done, the noodle has been de-fanged!"

The scientist set the snake into the container, chuckling softly as it tried to bite him, "No fangs, no venom, my small minded friend, you're safer than a pet cat" he said, tapping its head gently as it gummed him. Stripey's tongue flickered out his mouth as he caught the scent of the mice, and the creature let go of his finger and slithered over to its prey.


	8. I'm Not Me On The Outside

Bill had thrown up the drugs and alcohol in his systems not very long after lunchtime. Ford had laughed and made him grumpy enough that he had stormed to the bathroom to take a break. Deciding on a bubble bath to clean himself up and make himself feel better, he ran himself one. The demon watched the water flow into the tub with a bored expression as he kneeled on the floor, adding soap so he would have bubbles. Ford looked up from his plate of sandwiches as he heard the tap going and sighed in annoyance. Bill was treating this room like it was his and he didn't like it one bit.

_Doesn't he have his own room?_

Once the water was steaming up the room and fogging the mirror, Bill tugged off his clothes and slipped into the water. The temperature perfectly hot and just cool enough that it didn't burn. His skin was getting red as it adjusted to the heat, but it didn't bother him in the slightest. He summoned a few plastic play things, namely a rubber duck. He had seen them in movies and wanted to know what all the fuss was about. He watched it bob about the water as it floated on the surface, blinking in wonderment and poking it now and then as if trying to make it do something.

_How did kids find such amusement in these?_

Ford finished his food and set his plate into the sink, smiling softly as he heard Bills laughter and other noises. He was making car noises as he steered a boat and a duck in the direction he wanted it to go, imagining a race in his mind. He sounded like he was having a marvelous time in there. Ford chuckled softly,

_So childish._

~

Ford was asleep in his bed and dead to the world when Pyra poked her head into the room a few hours later. She slid over to the bathroom door where Bill was inside, still enjoying his much needed playtime and relaxing in the (never cooling) hot water. Without knocking, she opened the door and peered in, "Hey, Boss!" she cooed, grinning widely at him as she caught his human forms bare skin in her sight.

The reaction was instant, Bill let out a shocked scream and slipped under the water as he frantically tried to cover himself with bubbles. "PYRA!" he screeched, glaring at her with a furious look in his eyes. The pink demon smiled, "What? We're best friends, are we not? I just wanted to check you were okay, you've been in here for hours. Keyhole said your skin will get all wrinkly if you keep staying in there, do you want wrinkly skin like the old man currently snoring in his bed?"

"I'M NAKED! GET OUT!"

Pyra sent him a kiss and giggled as she left the bathroom. Avoiding the rubber duck being thrown at her on her way out. Bill's face went bright red, "DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT AGAIN!" he yelled, slamming the bathroom door shut behind her, and waking Ford from his sleep with a snort.

"I PROMISE NOTHING! PLUS YOU DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR" Pyra yelled back. There was a splashing noise as Bill got out of the tub, "DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN BARGE IN HERE! WHAT IF I WAS FEEDING WITHOUT MY EXOSKELETON ON!? HUH!? HUH!?"

Pyra rolled her eyes, "Ugh, fiiinneee, mister grumpy."

Ford perked up at this new bit of info, curious to know what Bill had meant by it as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He waited patiently for him to come out of the bathroom, making his bed and running a comb through his tangled gray hair. When he came out he was dressed in clean clothes and a towel was wrapped around his head like a turban. He waited till the demon had sat down to dry his hair manually before he spoke up, "You said something about an exoskeleton?"

Bill blinked softly, his hair poofing up as he attacked it with the towel, "What? Oh! You heard that? Yeah, you didn't think these forms I showed you are really me, did you?"

"Well, not the human one, but the triangle"

"They're both just suits, very well made, and living ones, but still just suits."

"That's kind of creepy" Ford replied, writing it down in his notebook. Bill rolled his eyes and smiled softly in amusement, "Nerd" he muttered.

"That's not really an insult to me"

"Wasn't supposed to be one"

Ford glared at him and Bill laughed, making the towel in his hands disappear as he went over to the mirror to preen his hair. "I suppose you want to know what I truly look like, hmm? Is that what this is about?"

"Yes, I guess so"

"I don't just go showing anyone"

"I can handle it"

Bill sighed, "Ask Fiddlesticks"

"Who?"

"Fiddleford, the hillbilly, the man with the raccoon for a wife!"

"He's seen your true form?"

"Yes, that time he went through the portal, I was feeding. He saw it all and freaked out. But you yanked him back through before I could erase his mind of the encounter"

"You were going to erase his mind?"

"Yes, because I knew it would have driven him mad. Out of all the plausible timelines, Fiddleford going mad happened in all but one. I just wasn't quick enough" Bill replied, trying to unfloof his hair.

"Can you draw it for me?"

"I could try, but I suck at drawing, don't blame me if it's bad" the demon spoke, ignoring his hair to draw Ford the picture in his notebook. The scientist was a bit confused by the caveman-type image, but he didn't question it. 

_He really is bad at drawing, cute._

Bill was sticking out his tongue as he concentrated, trying to get the body shape just right and the tentacles even. The teeth he drew were thin and pointy, and seemed to act like a rib cage as it closed over the dark eyeball he had coloured in.

"Tentacles?"

"Yeah, they, uh... I probably shouldn't say, you might get grossed out."

"Just tell me"

"Really? Yeesh, aren't you just sunshine and daisies. They go inside the person and suck out their souls, sounds hentai-ish, but it's not, honest, they go in the mouth not the other part..." Bill replied, trailing off as his cheeks heated up. Ford wrote it down as his ears burned, "You didn't have to phrase it like that but okay... How come you've never asked for my soul in exchange for something?"

"Cause I don't want your soul, dumbass"

"Do you need souls to survive?"

"Meh... kinda."

"You're going to have to be more specific"

"Not really, think of souls like fine cuts of meat, I can eat other things for protein, and be a vegetarian. But on the occasion, I do like to have a good soul or two to feel better, you know, vitamins and iron and all that."

Ford jotted it down hurriedly, his pen making scribbling noises across the lined paper, "Are you keeping me so when you get hungry you'll eat mine?" he asked.

"I'M NOT GOING TO EAT YOU!!"

Ford jumped a mile at the sudden and raised voice, "I was j-just asking... Um, can you eat dead people's souls, or do they have to be alive?"

"Alive, doi! Souls disappear to the Next Realm when people die" Bill explained. Ford was being rather thick, and not just his head, his entire brain was fucked up at the moment. Rather like Stanley's after spending too much time away from school. Maybe all this 'pet' stuff was getting to him.

_Goddamn moron._

"There's a Next Realm? Like Heaven and Hell?" the man asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling with interest. Bill clammed up, "I'm not telling, you're not supposed to know until you die!" he explained. Ford shrugged, "Well, that's going to be in twenty-five years, or less, so I don't have long to wait."

Bill patted his cheek, "Exactly, now shut up" he spoke, face planting onto the pillows, "Bill is a tired bean" he added. Ford frowned, "You know, I think you've forgotten one thing"

"What?"

"This is my bed."

Bill grumbled and grabbed his shirt, yanking him down for cuddles, "Shhhh" he whispered, petting his hair almost lovingly. Ford squeaked in shock and slipped his notebook onto the bedside table as the spiral binding dug into his arm.

"Your hair is floofier than mine..." the demon muttered, breathing softly on the back of his neck as he snuggled closer. Ford felt a tingle go down his spine as he felt it, it was soft and warm, and smelt minty.

_Did he brush his teeth?_

"So I've been told, many times." the man answered, shifting in his grip. He was feeling a bit uncomfortable being so close to him. But eventually he relaxed at the constant petting, despite how demeaning it was. He couldn't deny that it felt nice to be petted like this, he had been so damn touch starved for the last thirty years. Bills hand fell to his chest as he drifted off to sleep, the demon purring softly.


	9. Large And In Charge

The huge monster-like roar filled the morning air and saturated Ford's body in a prickly feeling as adrenaline ran through his veins. He opened his eyes as the silence invaded and sat up when the loud destructive noises enveloped the town outside. Ford ran downstairs as he heard the earth shattering commotion and made his way to the throne room where Bills henchmen were watching something. "What's going on?" he asked, shrugging on his trench coat and stuffing his feet into his shoes. Keyhole pointed a finger at the enormous monster rampaging outside, "Bills gone mad" he spoke, looking terrified at the being now toppling over yet another building.

_That was Bill's true form?_

Ford stared at it in shock, "Well, why are you all just standing here?" he asked, wincing as he heard the screams of the survivors. Keyhole made an exasperated noise, "Are you bonkers!? He'll kill me! He's not in his right mind at the moment! He won't care!"

"Aren't you at least going to try to restrain him? And what do you mean he's not in his right mind?"

"Something's wrong with him, he won't know!!"

Ford tugged at his collar, "Does anyone here know how to de-bug my collar? I'll go talk with Bill and get him to calm down."

Pyra smiled evilly and snapped her fingers, "That's a suicide mission, but sure, sweetie" she cooed, blinking happily as her plans came into action. If Bill killed Sixer in his violent rampage, she'd have him all to herself, once he had calmed down. Ford was half hoping she'd get rid of the collar, but instead the pale gold turned to a light blue. He peered out the entrance-way, waiting for that familiar burning that made his everything hurt and reminded him he was breaking the rules. When nothing happened, he walked back a few metres, took a running start and leapt right into some nearby trees.

"Wait! Here, catch!" Keyhole yelled, throwing him a grappling hook he had summoned. Ford caught it and aimed it at the next tree, quickly making his way into town as he followed the demon. Bill paused by a taller building, perfectly at eye level and hardly damaged. The scientist had mere seconds to calculate a potential route and perfect trajectory.

Aiming the gun at a broken window, he pulled the trigger, waiting till it hit his target with a loud clang before he pulled. Satisfied it was safe he reeled himself in, doing a forward roll as he landed and rushing through the broken up building as he made for the roof. Bills roar shook the town once more and more screams ensured from below. Ford kicked the door open and stood there, the breeze blowing his hair back, "BILL CIPHER!!!" he yelled, trying to get his attention.

The large demon's tentacles waved about as they searched for victims, ignoring him completely as they slithered around. Ford watched helplessly as one tentacle wrapped around someone running away from the danger. The man screamed as he was brought before the King, struggling in his grip and trying his very best to free himself, "BILL! NO!" Ford cried, reaching out a hand as if to stop him, but it was far too late. A second tentacle shoved itself down the man's throat, sucking out the unseen soul inside and throwing the body away before Ford could do anything.

"BILL! OI! LOOK AT ME!" he screamed, waving his arms about. Bill turned around and looked down, the glowing golden eye fixating on him behind the sharp and thin teeth. His body was black and sphere shaped and didn't seem to be solid, just made of a pulsing negative-energy as the golden pupil flitted around and watched him.

_So this is what drove Fiddleford to madness?_

Ford swallowed thickly, "You need to stop! This won't solve your problems, and I'll- I won't talk to you if you carry on doing this!" he said weakly, knowing the pathetic threat probably wouldn't do much. Bill leaned in, floating in the air as he growled softly at him. Ford cringed as the demon sniffed him, assessing him right through to his very soul.

"I'm serious, Bill, you do any more of this soul sucking business, and I won't talk to you... It's me... Sixer."

The demon blew air on him as it huffed, still not sure who this man was or what he was doing. Ford waited, but Bill still didn't make a move to eat him, "Please come back, I want to play a game of chess with you, I want to talk about whether reality is an illusion, and the benefits of buying gold, because nothing else matters anymore."

Bill came closer, whining softly at him. This being felt so familiar, he just couldn't figure it out. Keyhole grinned, Ford was breaking through whatever barrier the demon had put up.

"I'll like you better when you're sane... Saner." Ford muttered, freezing as a tentacle reached for him. But instead of wrapping around him and lifting him up, it poked him in the shoulder before leaning on his head and ruffling his hair, "It's me, It's Sixer, you know me" Ford whispered, stroking the appendage gently. There was a bright flash of light and a small pop noise and Bill was back in his small triangular-shell. The demon groaned and rubbed his eye in confusion, "Ugh...what happened?" he muttered, floating down as he glowed in the light.

Ford ran over and pulled him into a hug, the demon making a squeaky toy noise as he was squeezed tightly, "Ow! Hey... watch it!"

"Don't you EVER do that again! That was terrifying!"

Bill snickered softly before changing back into his human form, "Sorry... for scaring you" he muttered quietly, rather enjoying it as he hugged back. Ford hugged him better, not too sure why he was caring so much for the demon. Perhaps it was more the people's safety he had in mind, rather than Bills. "If you want to go Looney Tunes, then do it in outer space, NOT here, and NOT in Gravity Falls!"

"Looney Toons?"

"Mad, insane, fruit cake- need I go on?"

Bill giggled softly, "No... I get it"

"At least now I can draw your true form, I'm really not going to get that image out of my head anytime soon" Ford said, grabbing for him as the demon went limp. Bill had passed out in his arms from exhaustion and didn't appear he would be waking anytime soon. Ford picked him up bridal style and made his way back to the Fearmid, hoping to tuck him into bed and take a break himself. Keyhole helped them in once Ford had used his grappling hook to get them back up, while Pyra collected the golden demon from his arms.

"Are you okay?" the blue demon asked, a bit worried for the man. Ford smiled and nodded, panting softly and a bit out of touch with everything that had just happened, "Yes, I'll be fine, what now?"

"PARTY!" Amorphous Shape yelled, sending a loud cheer through the demons gathered in the throne room. Pyra grumped, not happy that Ford had made it, "Bill needs to sleep, you guys can party, but not him"

Ford put out his arms, "I can take him up" he said.

"But you're going to join us, right? After?" Lamp asked.

"Um, if you want me too?"

"Of course!"

"ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" the demons began to chant, making the hair on the back of Fords neck spike up. "R-Right, okay, let me just put Bill to bed, and I'll be right with you" the man answered, grabbing Bill from Pyra's arms and hurrying up the stairs to the penthouse suite. Pyra frowned as she watched them go, she didn't like how close the two were getting, and the fact that he was able pull Bill out of whatever monster-y funk he had been in just proved that Bill loved him.

~

Now tucked up in bed, Dipper Pines was ready for a good afternoon nap after a nice lunch. He and his sister had spent a couple of weeks learning about the multiverse and its rules. The Oracle had given Stanley a book to make sure they weren't without what she had taught them, and the people had made them clothes and given them food, and a backpack each. Inside they had put everything they could and would need to survive, Dipper himself unpacking and repacking till it was perfect. Soon, one day, the remaining Pines Family would leave Dimension 52, and start their journey into the multiverse. Mabel had customized her gear with hearts and her emergency glitter stash from her pocket, the bright pink outfit no longer secret, she'd stick out like a sore thumb. Which, of course, hadn't pleased The Oracle, and she had told the girl she'd have to be careful. Stan had lost a bit of weight, but still needed his girdle to fit the clothing they had given him. He agreed he looked cool, almost steampunk-y and Sci-Fi. He smiled, although he knew it would be dangerous out there. He also had two kids to look after and keep safe, not just himself.

"Are we ready to go yet?" Mabel asked, tugging on Stan's sleeve to get his attention. Stan smiled softly, "Yeah. But not for a few more days yet, kiddo, just checking to make sure these actually fit"

"You look like Grunkle Ford when he came out of the portal, but with brown clothes and cleaner hair"

"So I look cool?"

"Grunkle Ford looked cooler, but yeah, you're almost there... Unlike me, I'm ultra cool, because everything I own is covered in glitter!"

Stan ruffled her hair, "Thanks, Pumpkin, but no one could ever be as cool as Ford."

Mabel beamed, then leaned in to whisper something, "Dipper looks dumb, but don't tell him I said that." she whispered loudly, just as her twin came into the room, fresh from his four-hour nap time. Dipper was dressed in his own special outfit, very similar to Fords had been, "Rude, I don't look dumb at all!" he grumped, adjusting the goggles covering his birthmark, he had tucked his hat in his bag after realizing the goggles had impeded it. Mabel studied him, "I get the feeling someone wants to look like their idol."

Dippers pride went up a few notched as he caught himself in the mirror, "Oh? I hadn't noticed" he smirked, adjusting his hair as it stuck up on one side. Mabel rolled her eyes, "Suuuurreee."

~

Ford had been talking to the other demons and had learned quite a lot from them. Almost all of them had suffered in their home dimensions before Bill had come along to 'free' them. The golden demon rescuing them from their distress and offering a place at his side and a chance to rule, and have some fun. A few of them were smarter than they acted or appeared, Eightball the only one who didn't appear to have a single brain cell behind those strange eyes. Cosmic sand was still as good as the day he had drunken it with The Oracle, and he sipped the strong liquid contently as he chatted away.

He had tucked Bill up in bed (with a teddy bear, courtesy of Keyhole) about three hours ago, making sure he was warm and comfortable. He came sliding into the throne room in his socks and grinning from ear to ear, "GOOOOOOD MORRRNNNIINNNGGG!" he yelled, looking well rested and very happy. Ford chuckled from his seat at the throne, "It's midnight, but sure, sleep well?" he asked, quickly standing up as he realized where he was seated. Bill waved a hand at him, "Don't stand up for me, what are you drinking, someone give me some!"

Keyhole handed him a cup of time punch and the golden demon sat down on the armrest of his throne to drink it as he surveyed the room. Ford watched him cautiously, feeling a bit awkward where he was, "So, you didn't answer my question, did you have a good sleep?"

"Yeah, woke up with a teddy bear in my mouth... I'm looking at you Keyhole! Not funny!" he cried, pointing a finger at the blue demon as he giggled. Bill sipped at his drink then eyed it suspiciously, "Hmm, this stuff is starting to go off, I'm going to need to get some more."

Ford was already starting to feel the full effects of the alcohol, coupled with the fact the stuff was fermenting as it sat there, he was getting drunk and hadn't realized it till it was too late, "Where do you get this stuff anyway?" he asked, sliding off the seat and onto the steps leading up to it as his head began to spin. Bill took his cup away, "No more Cosmic sand for the human, guys. It's not good for them! And to answer your question, a place, for it is illegal and divulging the secrets of where I get it would be stupid."

Ford chuckled, "What?? You think I'm gonna tell someone?? Also, what do you mean bad for me? It's j-just liquid galaxy!" he insisted. Bill laughed and sat down on the now empty throne, drinking down what remained as he lounged sassily, "Exactly, no more for you."

Ford pouted, "But you're human too. Your form, s'not fair'" the man hiccuped. Bill rubbed his eyes as the effects came on a bit too quickly, dousing him in a thick cloud of fussy feelings as it settled over his brain, "Oh shit. I am too, welp, Drunk Bill! Whoop whoop!" he cried, waving his arms and legs about as he laughed. Ford leaned back and closed his eyes, "No sick, I hate cleaning up your mess" he muttered stubbornly. Bill patted his head, "We can use magic! I have magic!"

"I don't have magic."

Bill booped his cheek, "Aww, poor baby" he cooed, flicking his nose as it came to his attention. Ford batted his hand away distractedly and tried to stand up, hoping to take a nap and sleep it off. Bill reached for the notebook in his pocket as the sparkly spiral spine caught his magpie-like vision, and the demon slipped off the throne. Ford fell onto his back as he tried to catch him and Bill made a small 'oof' noise as he landed. 

"Can you not handle your punch or something? Ha, I had three cups and I'm still- I'm still-... I don't know, but I'm still something."

Bill scoffed, "No, cause it's alcohol.. and I'm drunk!" he answered, not making a lick of sense. Ford seemed a bit shocked at his stupid sentence, "What!? S'not alcohol, is galaxy! There is a difference" he explained. Everything had become hypersensitive and his brain was jumping around as it tried to stay in control. Bill still hadn't seemed to realize where he was and was lying on top of him, his head on his chest. "Alcohol is made different to punch... age and shit... and yeah."

Keyhole nudged Pyra as they noticed them, "Ten credits say they kiss, they're drunk enough"

**(A/N: Credits, universal currency, taken from The Guardians Of The Galaxy movie.)**

Ford put a hand on Bill's mouth as he continued to list the differences, "Shh. Shoosh, sush, shush- shut up" he grumped, ignoring the muffled noises he was making. Pyra gritted her teeth, "Make it twenty" she hissed. Keyhole studied the two males, "Make it thirty, only if Bill kisses Ford first."

Ford patted his head as the demon went quiet and laughed, "Good boy! See!? See how you like it!" he said deliriously, "M'not anyone's pet" he said stubbornly. Pyra gritted her teeth as Bill snuggled Ford a bit aggressively, "Deal" she said, shaking Keyholes hand, pink flames sealing the deal as the two waited for a result. 

"Mine, mine, mine, mine. I can prove it! I can!" Bill cooed.

"Not yours! The c-collar doesn't prove it!" Ford whined.

"Not the collar silly.. _you_ is mine" Bill replied, grabbing his face and pulling him into a kiss. 

Ford squeaked in shock as he felt Bill's lips on his, but kissed back, relaxing more on his back as Bill wiggled closer. Keyhole giggled, "Can I get an ay for drunk regrets?" he called out, raising his glass in the air. Everyone watching laughed, "Ay!!!!" they cried, clinking their glasses and going back to their fun. Lamp wrinkled his nose, the pupils in his molten orange eyes shifting and moving around like the lava did in his demon form, "Ugh, they're really going for it aren't they?"

_Ew, ew, ew!_

Keyhole held out his hand and grinned from ear to ear as he waved the small device in his hand, "Pay up." he cried, nudging Pyra once more with his elbow. The pink demon grumbled and held out her own, similar device, waving it over Keyholes one once she had keyed in the correct amount on the touch screen. They both beeped, signaling he had received, and she had paid. "Pleasure doing business with ya!"

Amorphous Shape waved a hand at the two now making out a bit too furiously for his liking, "Come on you guys, turn up the music!" he cried, doing a little dance that was in no way good, and every bit embarrassing. Pyra grated her teeth in anger as Keyhole peered down at his currency device, reveling in his slowly building savings, "You've got issues or something?" he asked, noticing the look on her face. Pyra frowned, "I wanted him to love me.... not him" she answered, walking off sadly. Keyhole caught up to her as she left the room, "You _do_ know he's gay right?"

"Yeah... I know, it doesn't help that I've fallen in love with him."

"You'll just have to settle for being his best friend... no shame in that Pyra, I mean... The amount of time he spent trying to win the human over, when he could've just scared him into building the portal, was a hint from the start"

"It's hard to remove these feelings, Keyhole. But thanks for the tip"

"No problem, and try not to blame the human for it, I think Bill likes him because of how innocent and nerdy he is... Join us when you've thought stuff over yeah? Don't want a fellow maniac being alone"

Pyra smiled at those words, "Will do"

"THEY'RE STILL AT IT!" Lamps voice cried, filtering down the hallway. Pyra frowned in annoyance and sat down on the floor as Keyhole returned to the party.

_What a night._


	10. What Is Love?

Bill was the first to wake up from the dreadfully chaotic night-time fun they had all had. His head heavy as if filled with cotton wool rather than the sloshing meat humans usually had inside their skulls. 

The first thing that came to his attention was Stanford. The man was leaning on his shoulder and drooling on his clothes as he slept, his hair its ever messy style and his coat still on with not a button out of place. They were both sitting on his throne of human agony, the puzzle of stone people stacked together warm from his touch and all still petrified in horror. 

He poked the man’s face with a finger, “Sixxxxeerrr” he whispered. Ford shied away from the hand, his eyelids flickering in confusion, “What?”

“Why are you practically in my lap?”

Fords eyes snapped open and he tumbled off the throne, and onto the floor, horrified he had been so close to the demon. “What the hell!?” he cried, his heart beating faster than the headache pounding in his temples. Bill chuckled softly, “I don’t know what’s going on either, but you were using my shoulder as a pillow, was it comfy?”

Ford rubbed his forehead with a groan, “What happened last night?” he asked, looking around at all the demons passed out on the floor. There was toppled glasses, spilled liquids and strewn coloured crepe paper littering almost every inch of the marble flooring, coupled with the odd stone human they had been using for their favorite game. Lamp giggled from where he lay, a piece of pizza on his forehead, “You guys were sucking face like there was no tomorrow. Really going for it!” he cried, peeling it off and eating it, despite it being cold.

Ford blanched, “I was kissing him!!??”

“Yup!”

Bill smirked, “Daannngggg.”

Ford looked at him, absolutely mortified and not in the mood for this at the moment, “What do you mean dang?! That’s not a word!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?” he cried, panic setting into his words as he fought to calm down. Bill scrambled to his feet as Ford came stalking towards him with a livid look on his face and looking madder than a murder hornet. He put his hands in the air in surrender and gave him a confused look, “We were drunk! It meant nothing!! Calm down will ya!”

“That doesn’t make it any better!! I can’t believe you!” The man growled, flapping his arms as he figured out what to do before storming off to his room. He wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and perhaps slurp a gallon or two of coffee to calm the pounding headache. Bill sighed and sat back down as the man disappeared from view, “Did we really kiss, Lamp? Or are you just lying to make things between me and Ford bad? You know full well I like him!”

Ford froze in his tracks and hid behind the door as he caught Bill’s words in his ears. Lamp stood up, wobbling a bit and still slightly drunk as wiped the congealed pizza grease off his face, “Oh yes, you made the first move, then the human just took it and didn’t push you away, like at all. He seemed utterly fine with it”

“Bullshit!” Bill cried, Ford's ears burning with embarrassment as he listened in to their conversation. Lamp pointed a finger at his boss as he stepped over Pyra, “I’m telling the truth! Really!! I’m not making this up! Literally ask anyone else!” he cried, gesturing to his out cold friends. Bill tapped his fingers on the armrest as he leaned on it, “Really? He didn’t pull away? He must have been drunk...”

“Yeah, we didn’t keep track of how much Time Punch he had so we figured as long as he wasn’t sick or his head didn’t explode he’d be fine”

“Doesn’t forgive the fact I just fucked everything up! Why didn’t you stop us!?”

“Um... Didn’t want to ruin the moment? Sorry boss, we thought you’d get mad at us if we broke it up.”

Bill let out a screech and stormed over to the lava lamp demon, kicking him in the stomach and making him double over in pain, “IT’S NOT FOR YOU TO DECIDE!!!” he yelled, pushing him over before he rushed off to his own, neglected room and slammed the door shut. Lamp groaned on the floor, vomiting up his breakfast and many other objects he had swallowed last night. 

Bill crawled onto his bed and snuggled under his blankets, feeling lonely, cold, and miserable as heck. His future wasn’t looking too bright, and he wanted nothing more than to live out the perceivable river of time that he had been fixating on.

_A life with Ford, and a happy one too._

_Did he even deserve it now?_

_No._

Ford continued on his path to the penthouse and dived under his bed covers gratefully. He was a bit cold from sleeping in the throne room all night, but the blankets seemed to do a good job of keeping him cozy and warm. He took out his journal and his pen from his coat pocket, every intent to write down what he had just heard. But he paused on the first letter and sighed, putting the book down and closing it with a snap.

He just couldn’t bring himself to write it.

As he laid there, his memories of last night returned in bits and pieces. Lamp was right, he didn’t resist once and he hated himself for not hating it. He sat up and the warm blankets fell off him, allowing the chilly air to nuzzle his skin and burrow under his clothes. He decided he would have a talk with Bill, despite the demon’s apparent anger and pissy mood.

He got out of bed and made his way down the steps, looking this way and that for Bill's bedroom door. He came to a stop just outside a black marble door, covered in golden triangles and a large eye on the front that was looking around the hallway. He knocked, feeling a bit light-headed as he stood there and waited for him.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Ford, can I come in?”

The eye on the door looked down at him, just to make sure he was who it thought he was, before opening and allowing him inside. The scientist peered around the doorway, “Bill... Can I ask you something?” he asked, waiting till Bills heads poked out from the duvet he was cocooned under. The demon sat up, now clothed in a fluffy yellow onesie and looking very tired, “Sure.”

Ford sat down on the end of the bed, “Is this why you’re so possessive of me? Because you care about me? Or the immortal equivalent?” he asked. Bills face went red, “I do _not_ care for you!” he insisted, crossing his arms and turning his face away from his pet.

“I heard you talking to Lamp.”

“Ughhhh......” Bill crawled back under the covers, not happy that the man had overheard him. Ford sighed, “So you don’t care about me? I’m getting mixed messages here, it’s one or the other”

“Fine... I do care, very much... you can blame my stupid heart for liking your nerdy ass... now go away” came the demon’s reply. Ford pulled the covers back a bit and looked him in the eye, “How long?”

Bill blinked before burying his face into the mattress, “Always” came his muffled reply.

“Really? And you never once told me?”

“I didn’t think you’d care much for me when the world was madness...”

“So you thought keeping me prisoner was the best option?”

“I don’t know... I guess it was a bit selfish...”

“Is that why you wanted to hurt my family? To get at me?” Ford could hear muffled sobs coming from Bill and noticed the demon’s shoulders shake with the effort of keeping his emotions under control. Ford put a comforting hand on top of the messy blonde hair, “I still hate you, you know that right? But now it’s mixed with something else” he spoke, pulling him into a hug, “Stop trying to act like the tough guy I know you're not.”

Bill seemed a bit shocked but allowed the man to hug him, “I am tough though” he grumbled, leaning his head on his shoulder with a small whine. Ford smirked, “Not in a fluffy onesie your not.”

Bill let out a shaky laugh, fresh tears running down his face, “These are my jammies, how dare you... I’m sorry, by the way.” he spoke the last part quietly. Ford rubbed his back, “I’m not going to forget, Bill, but since I guess I’m living here for the rest of my life, I’m willing to forgive, even a little bit” he explained, letting him go. Bill laid back down on his bed and looked up at him, “I could fix things, if you wanted me to?”

“How?”

“I’d have to die... but all the weirdness would be sucked back into the Nightmare Realm and everything would be restored” Bill explained. Ford was speechless, “But... But I don’t want-“ he paused and cut himself off as he realized what he was going to say.

_But I don’t want you to go..._

The man knew what these feelings might really be, he had been dreading it and overthinking the plausible situation over and over as Bills kindness slipped into everyday life here at the Fearamid, and made him question the demon himself.

It was Stockholm Syndrome, it just had to be, he was growing to care for his captor like something out of a movie. He hadn’t thought he’d be capable of such a thing and scoffed at the very thought of it. But his mind had deteriorated just a bit while staying here and it was making more sense to him.

_But nothing really made sense anymore._

The demon sat back up and cupped his ever aging face with his smooth, unblemished hands. Blue eyes met golden before Bill pulled him in for a kiss, and yet, he didn't resist it. After a bit Bill pulled away, his gentle lips disappearing from his own. Ford opened his eyes and reached out to fix the demon’s golden hair as it stuck up, his heart beating fast as the kiss lingered in his mind. Bill frowned at the niceness, he had been expecting him to push him away, to yell and scream and tell him off, or at the very least hurt him.

_This shouldn’t be happening!_

_This man hated him! So why was he doing this!?_

_Was this some kind of tactic to make him take his guard down!?_

Bill batted his hand away from his head and frowned his disapproval, “Stop that!” he grumped, Ford frowned in confusion, “Stop what?"

“Doing whatever it is you’re doing!”

“I thought you wanted this?”

Bill clenched his hands into fists, “You’re just trying to trick me” he growled, his teeth gritted and the roots of his hair a tad red. Ford sighed and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and relax, “No... Why would I have let you kiss me then?"

“We were drunk!!!”

“Just then we weren’t! Look, Bill, do you want this or not?”

“I do... but I’m not sure you do...”

“I do, I _do_ want this!”

Bill growled, “Then prove to me that you love me!”

Ford scooped him back up into a hug, the confused and upset demon freezing, “Relax, it’s called a hug” the man muttered, running his fingers through his hair. Bill obeyed, “I know that... I’m not dumb.”

“Please stop crying, I don’t want you to be sad.” Ford whispered, swallowing thickly at the encounter. Some part of him knew he shouldn’t be doing this. That he should be physically disgusted with touching Bill, let alone hugging him. The golden demon wrapped his arms around him and hugged back, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Choosing me.”

Ford stomach flipped, but he nodded, "One Of Us” chanting in his mind repeatedly and making his head spin. Bill pulled away and smiled at him, wiping away the tears from his face with the back of his hand. “I’m going to take a nap, what about you? You need a nap too, old man? Hmm?”

Ford huffed, “I’ll stay with you.” he answered, getting under the covers and scooping him up before he could say another word. Bill purred loudly, just like a cat and just as content as one.

_He finally had everything he wanted, didn’t he?_

_Was this the start of timeline he wanted?_

The man smiled and stroked his hair as Bills fingers clung to his shirt, still a bit embarrassed by all this, his cheeks red. The demon leaned into his touch, enjoying the affection and never wanting it to end. As Bill drifted off to sleep, his purring grew softer and more quiet, before it faded away completely, signaling he was out for the count. Ford adjusted the blankets over them better, insomnia biting his mind, and not letting go. He wouldn’t be able to sleep off his hangover this morning, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He could spend this time thinking and going over his thoughts and feelings.

 _Did he really love Bill?_ _Or was it just Stockholm?_ _Was he just doing this because he wanted an easier life?_

He didn't know the true answer, and couldn't for the life of him figure out what he was really feeling. But if he loved Bill and Bill loved him, then yes, his life would be easier from now on. No punishments for disobedience, and perhaps a future where he could come and go from the Fearamid with ease. 

~

“How about we go to Lottocron 9, according to the journal it’s pretty safe for a good start. It’s a gambling dimension” Dipper spoke up, the singed journal clutched in his hands as they stood by some ancient portal ruins. Out of all the books to burn, Journal 3 had been the lesser damaged one and had kept most of its pages. Mabel tapped her chin, “What’s it like?” she asked, wild and crazy ideas already wandering through her mind. Before her twin could answer Stan himself seemed to pop up out of nowhere, “It’s a what?” he asked. Dipper let out a squeak, “Oh dear... probably shouldn’t have mentioned it! Never mind!” he cried, trying desperately to stuff his book back into his bag. Stan stopped him, grabbing for the book and trying to wrench it from his hands, “No no no, go on, tell me, what’s it like?”

Dipper clammed up and shook his head. Not a single word did he wish to speak of it. If they went there, his great uncle would never want to leave. Stan let go as the boy kicked his leg and Dipper quickly zipped up his bag once he had tucked it inside, while Stan grumbled in annoyance.

The Oracle smiled as she came over to the group waiting for her. A long time ago these ruins had been a bustling portal sanctuary, which allowed people to come and go as they pleased. After Bill had risen to power, most of them had been knocked down and abandoned, except one. The Oracle used this to ferry Bills victims around the multiverse and to start them on their own journey to a new life. “Did you say Lottocron 9? That's a gambling dimension. Everything there is based on luck, their goddess is Lady Luck, and it’s where Ford got his infinity sided die I believe.”

Dipper sighed defeatedly, “Nooo! We’re never going to leave it...” he whined. Stan grinned from ear to ear, not believing his luck, “Oh, we’re going, end of discussion!” he cried. Dipper groaned, “Oracle, please help me out here!” he cried, the many-eyed woman keying in the dimensions coordinates in the touch pad. She smiled and shook her head, “I agree with Stanley, it’s a good place to start, just please don’t get addicted to the place- mind the word play”

Stan picked up his nephew and covered his mouth before the boy could explain why on gideon's green earth it was a bad idea for his great uncle to be let loose in such a place. “Lottocron 9 it is!” Mabel declared, punching the air with her fist and very excited. The Oracle beamed, “Are you all wearing your dimensional translators?”

“Yup!”

“Yes.”

They ignored Dippers muffled screams of protest and Stan kept a good hold on the boy as he wriggled in his grip. The Oracle waved her hand at the portal, spluttering softly as it spun in the stone arch and changed colour, “Off you go then, and good luck!”

Mabel took her brother’s hand as he smacked her, he was trying to get her attention. But the girl wasn’t listening and took it as a sign of reassurance rather than an attack. “Pines! Pines! Pines!” she chanted, Stan joining in as they left Dimension 52 for the very last time.

~

Bill sniffed something delicious as he woke and sat up, wiping the drool from his face as he blinked sleepily in the stuffy air. “Whass going on?” he muttered, looking over at the kitchen on the opposite side of his bedroom. Ford smiled and held up a pan, the scent of bacon sizzling inside wafting over to the hungry demon. “Morning sleepy, are you hungry?”

Bill flopped across his bed, “Morning...” he answered, not sounding rather happy about it. Technically it was around dinner time, Bill having slept the day away, and fixed his hangover. Ford smiled, “Is bacon good?” he asked.

"Hmmmmmm.... smells good, so I guess.”

Ford put the pan down on the counter, the bacon inside crispy and perfect. He put the perfectly cooked meat and a single fried egg atop the toasted buns sitting on the plates, and added salt, pepper and a sprinkle of cheese. Bill slinked over to the table as Ford set the plates down on the tablecloth, “Eat up” the man mused, picking up his knife and fork and digging into his own breakfast with gusto. Bills long tongue slithered out his mouth and poked the egg on top, “What’s this?”

“An egg”

“Who’s egg?”

“A chicken.”

“Looks gross” The demon replied, pushing it off his plate and eating the bacon and cheese-y bun underneath instead. He had thought perhaps the man had stolen some poor alien youngling for his meal and was oddly shocked to find it didn’t belong to any superior species that he had met.   
  
Chickens were dumb, he had met some once, they’d made funny noises at him and run off as he had given chase. Ford rolled his eyes and took the egg for his own, “Your loss” he said, popping the golden yolk with his fork. Bill blanched, “Ewwww... gross. Why did you do that?” he whined, feeling a bit sick as he watched. Ford pushed his plate over as the hair on Bill's head turned a funny shade of green, “Just try the yellow bit for me, it’s good, promise”

“Ew! No!”

“Alright alright, calm down.”

Bills tongue was still hanging out his mouth as he abandoned what remained of his food, hanging there like it had nowhere else to go. Ford stared at it curiously, itching to know how Bills anatomy worked, “You know human tongues don’t work like that right?” he spoke, pointing to it with his knife. Bill sucked it back up, “I know, it’s my tongue, I can have it however I want it too” he replied, opening his mouth and tugging it out. The entire thing was ten inches long and flat like a pancake, exactly like a snake, only wider.

“I can see that” Ford said, putting down his knife and fork so he could poke it. He ran a finger down the long length as felt the consistency and texture, trying to figure out how the snake and human DNA had been mixed to create such a strange appendage. The man grabbed it as the demon went to suck it back up and gave it a closer inspection as he adjusted his glasses, “It must be very heavy, no?”

“Gah” came Bill’s muffled reply. 

Ford let it go, “Sorry, that was rude, wasn’t it?”

The tongue hit its owner on the way back in and Bill grumbled as he stuffed it back into his mouth. “You could measure my fangs instead?” he grinned, showing off the same long, thin teeth that had been on his true form, only smaller. Ford shook his head, “No thanks. But I might do that later for an in-depth analysis of your anatomy.”

Bills face went a bit red, “You’re going to study me?” he asked, looking a bit confused with the matter. Why did Ford assume he was going to allow it? Being poked and prodded might be fun for him, but to Bill it seemed demeaning and disrespectful. He had his secrets to keep, thank you very much. Ford busied himself with his food, “Um, you’re still an anomaly... That is what I study."

Bill leaned over the table until he was practically nose to nose with the man, “Can I study you back?” he asked. Fords cheeks went bright red, “S-Sure?” he squeaked, his voice dying in the back of his throat. Bill sat back down in his chair and chuckled, picking at the bread that was left after having devoured the bacon and cheese on its own. The man grumbled, “D-Don’t tease me”

“Aw, but you look so cute all flustered!”

Ford smirked, “Is that why you do it so often?”

Bill shrugged, “You’re cute all the time”

Ford grumbled, that had not gone how he had wanted it too, “I’m not cute! I’m old, smart and a badass! Well, I was in the multiverse” he insisted. Bill booped his nose, “Cute”

“No!


	11. The Eye Of Providence

Bill opened the unknown door and ushered Ford into the room inside, a smile on his face and an excited spring in his step. Ford gave a confused look as he squinted in the dark before Bill switched on the lights to unveil his unexpected surprise. "Welcome to your nerd space! It has everything you could need to be nerdy. Chemistry to Biology, Engineering to Agriculture! You name it, it's here!" Bill explained, gesturing to the lab he had spent a few days fixing up, just for him. Ford nodded his approval, a sparkle in his eyes as he gazed at all the equipment, "Wow, this, this is great!" he cried, rushing around as he inspected all the things Bill had gifted him.

_Just like a kid in a candy store._

The demon sat down on the metal table in the room and swung his legs back and forth as Ford had a good nosey, "You like it?" he asked, cocking his head to the side in amusement. Ford nodded as he adjusted his glasses, "It's perfect" he replied, taking down a new journal from the many stacked within the bookshelf by his new desk, and pulling out his pen from his pocket. Bill got off the table with a grin and headed for the door with a wave, "Have fun. I need to go make sure the henchmaniacs are doing what they need to do." he said, changing his outfit to something more casual.

Ford hooked his finger into his yellow polo shirt collar and yanked him back, "Nah ah ah" he said, steering him back to the table. Bill made a spluttering noise of confusion and shock, "Hey! What's the meaning of this!? I have stuff to do!" he cried. Ford smiled, "I might as well study you now before you goof off and get drunk again" the man replied, looking excitedly at the prospects of it all. He had been itching to find out just what Bill was made of, all his forms, from triangle to human, to whatever else he poofed up.

_Oh yes, so much to learn from his 'muse'_

"Whhhyy!?" Bill whined, not resisting in the slightest as Ford made him lie down on the metal table and strapped him down so he wouldn't wriggle. The man tapped his temple with a gloved finger, "Because I want to learn all about you, all your little secrets" he replied. 

Bill pouted, "Fine, but I'm going to complain the whole time"

"Fine by me."

~

Bill had had enough of Fords studying and experiments. He had been tickled, poked, prodded and many other demeaning things. The man not listening as he growled, grumbled or spouted curse words. Not even flinching when he kicked, hit, or bit him either. He magicked off the restraints and tugged off the clamp holding his mouth open, eating the vice that had been keeping his tongue out of his mouth. The horrid squeal of metal being chewed up making Ford cringe as it saturated his ears, "Can you not eat the equipment?" he grumbled, his heart sinking at his lost vice. Bill summoned a can of Pitt Cola and gulped it down, smacking his lips together as he tried to gain some wetness back.

"No, metal is tasty"

"I'm not done, so don't you go running off."

"But it's been hooourrrssss!" the golden demon whined, kicking his feet and looking a bit upset with the fact that Ford had been keeping him here so long. The man chuckled and set his half-filled journal down on the bench, he just had one more thing to test, "Oh? Has it now?" he smirked, leaning in to kiss him. Bill let out a squeak of shock at the sudden affectionate gesture, but kissed back as he felt the warm lips on his, purring in delight.

"What was that for?"

"Testing your reaction to my love, your heart rate increased dramatically, even your core temperate accelerated a fraction, and I didn't need a stethoscope or a thermometer" the scientist replied, running a finger down his reddening cheek before scribbling his findings down in his book. Bill blushed harder, and looked down at the floor as he grated his teeth together.

_Goddamn nerd._

~

Lounging on his throne somewhat rudely, Bill was spending his boring spare time reading a book. He had found a novel in his library that morning, one he had completely forgotten about, The Eye of Providence by Edward Oliver. He was giggling every so often at the ludicrous words written in black ink and looking amused at the detailed and coloured drawings within. Ford walked in, finally finished his daily morning walk around the Fearamid and sat down on the armrest like the gay he was, "Isn't that a bit narcissistic?" he asked, pointing to the book title.

"What do you mean?"

"That book"

"This is about me"

"Yes, you're reading about yourself"

"Yeah, and? I find it funny"

Ford looked at the page he was on and narrowed his eyes, "How?"

"Just how people think me a god"

"I thought you were"

"Weeeelll. not really, kinda am, kinda not."

"A demi- god than?"

"I don't know, I can't actually remember my true origins, but I'm not a god"

"But, you're the original Eye Of Province?"

Bill nodded, "Yup!"

"Did you know God?"

"I've met many gods, you might have to narrow it down."

"Is there a god for Christianity? One god to rule them all? Or is it a free for all?"

Bill snorted, "No, you humans based your silly religion on _me_ and made me out to be some sort of good being! That's why it's funny to read about it."

Ford gaped at him as he realized what he had just said, "You're joking, right?"

"Nope! I'm God, The Holy Trinity and Jebus himself! The bible is merely a story to make me out as the good guy. It gave people something to believe in in the dark times. But it's all just a fake story, despite how it's helped the human race in some aspects. Sometimes, lies can be good." Bill replied, throwing his book across the room and grinning from ear to ear as Ford blinked in shock. "Well, you learn something new every day..." the man muttered.

"Weren't your parents Jewish?"

"Yes."

Bill jumped a mile, literally, and clung to the ceiling like a frightened cat as Keyhole came rushing into the Throne room screaming his lungs out and sobbing uncontrollably. Ford picked up the bent and broken book with a sigh, "Keyhole, what is it?"

"Stripey escaped! I can't find him!" the blue demon whined, desperate to find his friend. He loved that damn noodle so much and was upset when he had found the tank empty of his beloved pet. Bill hissed like a cat, not enjoying the fact something had scared him it wasn't often someone could do that. Ford looked around, hoping to spot the snake, "Oh dear, do you think he went outside? Or is he still in the Fearamid?" he asked, smoothing out the pages and setting the book down on the armrest once he had fixed it up.

Bill closed his eyes and immediately the room went dark as a glowing eye on his forehead opened up. The room suffocating in the inky ichor as everything disappeared from view. Ford sat down on the throne as his legs gave way. Goosebumps erupting across his skin and his heart beating far too fast. Sunset-orange eyes began to open up, one after the other, the pupils looking around at their surroundings like searchlights. A shiver went down Fords spine as he tried not to look at them.

_They were the same eyes he had been locked away with._

But, as soon as it had started, it stopped with a snap. The dark turned to light and the eyes disappeared, the throne room coming back into focus as its interior reappeared. "Third corridor behind the statue of me as king, the one with the crown and the staff" Bill spoke, waving a hand at his friend in annoyance. Keyhole rushed off happily to retrieve his pet, "Thank you, boss!"

The colour drained from Fords face and he looked up at the golden demon with a frown, and slight relief, "P-Please can you come down?" he asked, his voice a choked whisper. Bill dropped to the floor and came over, placing a warm hand on his cold cheek as he looked down at him worryingly. 

"Are you okay?"

Ford looked up at him, then hugged him tightly, wrapping his arms around the demon for comfort. 

_He felt like he was going crazy all over again._

He had relapsed into that memory, the one where time seemed to make no sense. All he could think about were those eyes staring at him in the darkness of that cell, unable to move a single muscle as his body ached all over and he grew used to the scent of his unwashed self. Bill hugged him back, "Did the eye thing scare you? I'm sorry. I just needed to find Stripy for Keyhole" he whispered, actually meaning it his apology time, which shocked him just a bit. He really was growing to care for the man, more than he thought was demonly possible.

"I'm sorry.... I'm sorry for disobeying you" Ford whispered. Bill hugged him tighter as guilt crept into his mind, "You didn't, everything's fine, please don't be scared"

"I didn't?"

"No, you didn't, you've been really good, promise"

"R-Really?"

Bill nodded and leaned down to kiss him softly, "Perfectly golden" he answered, brushing away the tears that fell from Ford's blue eyes. He made him comfy on the throne, wrapping the scientist up in a warm and fluffy blanket as he trembled and sniffled like a traumatized child, "Now sit, stay, and relax. I need to go help Keyhole, Stripey's being a little shit."

Ford relaxed and leaned back in the seat as Bill rushed off, the outside noises acting as white noise. He mulled things over in his mind and overthought it all. He realized he hadn't left Bill's side in days and he felt lonely without the demon nearby, lost like a sheep without its flock. The Stockholm syndrome was getting worse, which meant it wouldn't be too long till he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between actual love and just him pretending.

_But, was he pretending?_

_He really didn't know anymore._

Bill came rushing back, a giant snake slithering towards him and mad as a hatter, "Weirdness wave!!!" he cried, yanking Ford out the chair and tugging him along as he ran. Keyhole was tucked under his other arm and the blue demon waved at him in greeting, an apple on his mouth. Bill seemed to be enjoying the chaos as they ran, a grin on his face as he flipped, dipped and slid down the many hallways and beams that crisscrossed his castle. The snake rushing after them and hissing like a cat, and just as angry.

"Can you not turn it back!?" Ford cried, following after Bill as best as he could, and avoiding the monster as it slithered after them. Bill cartwheeled across a beam, "Of course I can! I'm just having too much fun!" he cried back, narrowly avoiding being whacked with the snake's tail as it demolished the inside structures. 

Ford gritted his teeth angrily, "TURN IT BACK!!!" he yelled, "I don't like snakes!!!"

"Me nether, scaly fucks aren't they" Bill replied, doing a back-flip and holding up his hand as his pet and Keyhole hid behind him for safety. The snake rammed into a golden wall, previously invisible and dancing with ruins as it kept the creature back. As it kept trying to get through its body shrank down, getting smaller and smaller till Bill was able to wrap a hand around it and pluck it from the air. He gave it back to its owner, who squealed with delight at his runaway pet. 

Keyhole hugged Stripey happily, not caring as it gummed his chin, he had his pet back and that was all that mattered. Bill smiled at Ford as the man shook like a leaf, "I had it under control, would you relax?"

"YOU CALL THAT UNDER CONTROL!?"

"Yes, I wanted to have some fun"

"That was fun!?"

Bill laughed and ruffled his hair as he made his way back to the Throne room, "Yes, definitely, absolutely."


	12. The Prefects Bathroom

Once Keyhole had settled down on the floor of the throne room and had relaxed from the crazy incident of almost being eaten by his pet. The demon was content to munch away at a magical bag of candy his boss had poofed up for him, and pet Stripey. The creature finally calm and back to its normal size as it curled around his wrist.

"I have adrenaline and serotonin pumping through my veins, baby! Whooooo!" Bill cried, doing another cartwheel across the floor as he laughed, human chemicals were so weird. Ford grumbled as he sat down on the throne, tugging the discarded blanket around him once more and feeling a bit sick, "I have shock and fear running through mine, but sure" the man replied, rubbing his arms as he felt the goosebumps finally settle and his pounding heart beat calm back down. Bill came over and picked him up, kissing his cheek softly as he held him with ease, "I need a bath, what about you?"

"I'd like a bath."

Bill grinned, "Great! I have the perfect place!!" he declared, teleporting them to a large bathroom-type room and setting him down on the floor. Sitting in the middle of the enormous marble expanse was an almost equally enormous bathtub. Similar to a swimming pool, save for the millions of taps sticking out the middle like an inverted chandelier.

Ford looked back at the door and then at the bathroom as he took off the blanket, and folded it up, "Where even are all these rooms? I've been for a walk every day and snooped all over, and I haven't seen this place before."

_This place was so confusing._

"Does it matter? Look at all these soaps and shampoos! You have all the hygiene shit you could possibly need! The taps over there all have different bubbly waters that smell good! Like from that Harry Potter book. Book number 4? or 5? The one with the dragon on the cover."

"Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?"

"That's the one! I got inspired by it."

"Does the room have a name? Because if it doesn't, I'm calling it the Prefects bathroom."

"Who names rooms?" Bill asked, knowing for a fact that _he_ did, his bedroom was named Cheryl. "Weirdo, but sure, the Prefects bathroom it is" he added, taking off his shirt and kneeling down to untie his dress shoes manually. He had scars crisscrossing over his chest and an ugly and rough one that went all around his waist and connected just under his belly button. Ford found it strange that the demon even had scars, stranger still that he would feel so self-conscious that he'd have them covered up with the tattoos he could see. 

_Even more strange that he would have a belly button as well._

He let Bill undress by himself and went over to the bath to inspect it. The water was already warm and inviting, and ready to swim in if he wanted too, steam curling up from the surface. He reached out and turned on one of the bronze taps, the smell of Madagascan vanilla wafting around the room as it spewing soapy bubbles into the clear water. "Bill?"

The demon looked up, "Yes?"

"How come you have scars?"

Bill suddenly looked very upset with himself, "Oh, those? They're nothing" he replied, looking down at the floor as he struggled with his bow tie. Ford took off his trench coat and unbuttoned his shirt, folding them neatly by the blanket, "It's fine, they're really not that bad you know? Compared to mine" he spoke, blushing as Bill once again lifted his head to stare at him _and his own scars._

"Yeesh... How many people tried tearing you apart?"

"Too many, I've been stabbed, shot, burnt, bruised, bitten, clawed, someone tried to poison me and really that's just to name a few... Wait, people have tried tearing you apart?"

"No! Of course not!" the demon said quickly, sweating nervously under the hawk-like gaze of his pet. Ford came over and kneeled down in front of him, "You're lying. Bill, who did this to you?" he asked, his voice soothing and quiet as if worried for him. Bill looked down at his toes as he yanked off the socks, and wiggled them, "Doesn't matter, I got away" he muttered, short bits of memory flickering in his mind and making him cringe.

He usually had a perfect memory, but this particular memory was broken and cracked, and not all the events that took place were really clear anymore. It was layered over by false images and grainy too, making his head hurt if he tried to clear it. He didn't know why it was like this, it just was. He assumed it had been too traumatic for him and he had encrypted it. Strange thing was, he couldn't decrypt it, even if he wanted to.

Ford took off his pants and sat down on the edge of the pool, dipping his feet into the water as he relaxed in his underwear, a pair of beige boxer shorts patterned with science logos. He tugged at Bills pant leg as he continued to gaze aimlessly at the floor; the demon frozen to the spot and halfway undressed. Bill stood up at his touch and tugged off his pants, padding over in his yellow boxer shorts and clutching his middle, "I'm coming, would you relax? You're so impatient" he muttered, sitting down beside him and staring at the water.

"Bill, please tell me why you have this" Ford asked, running a hand over the messy scar around his middle as the demon sank all the way into the water, "Who hurt you? Are they still alive?"

"No"

"Did you kill them?"

"If I tell you, will you shut up?" Bill snapped.

"Yes?"

"I'm not sure what year it was, according to my memories I had a human form. I'm assuming it was a cult of some kind that stumbled across me. They took me and they sacrificed me to their gods. I had no magic and no way to escape. It was the worse pain I had ever felt... They literally tore me apart. But.. I escaped.. somehow.. I think... I don't know."

Ford felt horrified and shocked that people could hurt someone like this for their religion, he assumed it was due to Bills connection with being a demon that had made them take him. It also sounded like this incident had mentally hurt Bills well-being and made his body (and mind) a mess. How come he didn't just magic away the scars if he hated them so much? Didn't he have infinite power? Were these scars removable, or not? And if not, why?

"Is that why you don't like humans?"

"I never liked humans, Sixer... except you. With you I found a sort of likeness, a similarity I couldn't describe... You'd make a good demon" Bill replied, changing the subject quickly. Ford blinked in shock, "Really? I'd call it a knack for messing with stuff you shouldn't mess with... I think we're both just equally horrible people."

Bill snorted and handed him some shampoo, "Do you want to be a demon?" he asked, attacking his blonde hair with the small amount he had poured into his own hand. Ford sank into the water and started washing his own hair, "I could carry on with my research for longer, if I was..."

"Yeah! Exactly... you can be a nerdy dork forever"

"I don't know, I'd have to think about it."

Bill stuck out his tongue as some shampoo slid down his face, licking it off just to see if it tasted as good as it smelled. Ford smirked, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you" he mentioned, just as the demon swished it around his mouth.

"Huh? Oh! Ew ew ew! Pfft~" Bill spat it out and tried his best to clean his mouth out of the awful taste. It was not at all how he'd thought it would be and tasted worse than expired Time Punch, "Gross...."

Ford laughed at his disgusted face, "But what about my humanity? If you turned me into a Demon, I might become a selfish bastard, with no redeeming qualities... like you."

Bill rolled his eyes, "No, time does that and loneliness" he answered, "Not all demons are bad"

"Well, you wouldn't be lonely, at least, not anymore, you have me."

Bill sighed, still not too sure Ford really did love him, or whether he was only doing it to have more freedom. He knew from Fords racing thoughts he was also questioning it, questioning it so much the lines had blurred. "No... I wouldn't, who knows, maybe I'll be more soft and less of a bastard in due time" he replied, forcing a smile and rinsing out his hair. Ford was about to say something when the demon dove underneath the water, popping back up closer to him and singing the jaws theme song under his breath, and interrupting him. The man raised an eyebrow and then yelped as Bill gently attacked his arm, gnawing softly on the skin with his sharp teeth.

"Oh no, a demonic shark, whatever shall I do?" Ford cried as dramatically and sarcastically as he could. Bill laughed and let him go, snuggling into him happily and very much like a child. Ford wrapped his arms around him and smiled as Bill purred.

"I love you."

_Do you, Stanford? Do you really?_

~

Bill came swimming back up to the surface, a clam clutched in his teeth and seaweed in his hair. Ford looked a bit confused by it all and dunked his head underwater just to see how on earth he could have found a clam. Instead of the bottom of the bathtub like he had expected, it appeared Bill had brought the entire ocean and settled it under the water. Not a spec of sea life was visible, just seaweed and ocean for miles.

_Where was the salt?_

Ford popped his head up and coughed up some water as he accidentally breathed some in, "How the heck did you fit the entire ocean in the bath!?" he exclaimed, shaking the water off his glasses. Bill laughed, "Magic!" he cried, doing a backstroke around the taps. Ford chuckled softly and picked up the clam now floating on the surface near him.

"Open it" the demon insisted, swimming back over to him. Ford pried it open with his fingers, expecting a pearl he could pluck out within its hard exterior. Instead, a pure gold triangle pendant with an obsidian eye sat nestled on a golden chain inside, where the pearl should be.

"I made it for you"

Ford beamed and took it out, putting it on to see how it looked, "Very nice, thank you" he replied, feeling the heavy weight of real gold settle on his bare chest, cold, shiny and smooth.

"Oh, good, I thought it was a bit too much, you know?"

"It matches all the other triangles on my body"

"Huh? What triangles?"

"If you shine UV on my chest, you'll find there's a second set of tattoos. They're mostly triangles."

"No way!? Really!? Hold still! I want to see!" Bill cried, summoning a waterproof UV light and aiming at his general direction. Ford held out an arm and allowed the demon to inspect it as he turned the device on. Triangles littered his skin as they appeared under the purple light. Both clustered and spread out along the scars and other tattoos.

"I like them!"

"I drew the designs myself, um, back when I was younger. But thanks, um, don't tell anyone. This is why I wear things with long sleeves and stuff" Ford said nervously, feeling very exposed suddenly. Bill giggled and poked his neck "Oh, I know about your drunken mistake... you really are an all star" he cooed. Ford growled and batted his hand away, "Can you get rid of it for me?" he asked.

"Why?"

"It doesn't match any of the others, it's coloured, garish and I hate it with a passion. I mean, the collar hides most of it, but I really didn't want it in the first place"

"But it's weird, out of place, and I love it! Hmmm, tell ya what, if you become a demon, I'll get rid of it for ya, what do you say?" Bill asked, holding out his hand as if to make it a proper deal. Ford ignored the cyan flames and shook his head, "You just want me to be like you, don't you?"

"Your choice, if you become a demon you can just get rid of it yourself, anyway. I'm not doing it for you otherwise"

"Why not?" Ford whined, "Please, I've made a lot of shitty mistakes, but this is way up there!"

Bill giggled, "Do it again, whine for me, it's so cute" the demon said, booping his nose with a finger and shaking the water from his hair as it dripped down his face. Ford sighed and rolled his eyes, "Am I a joke to you, Cipher?" he asked, crossing his arms in annoyance as he leaned on the side of the tub. Bill sighed and swam around behind him, leaning on his back, "No you're not a joke" he grumped, running a thumb over the old tattoo. The entire thing disappeared and was replaced with a black one of him instead.

"There, fixed it, ya whiny baby."

"Can I have a mirror?"

Bill summoned him one and passed it over to his waiting hand, himself grinning in the reflection as he peered over his shoulder. Ford twisted his neck to look at the new design on his neck. It was a simple version of Bill, with the bricks and bow tie, and wide unblinking eye. He gave it a rub, realizing it wasn't shiny like a new tattoo and didn't hurt like one would usually do. He scratched at it with a nail and his eyes widened. Bill hadn't used ink, he had changed the skin pigment to black, the amount of melanin had been magically increased.

"Is it good? Do you like it?"

"I love it, same as you, same as the necklace"

"Great! I'm getting wrinkly, I'm getting out the tub" Bill said, sliding out the bath like a limp fish and slipping across the floor a few inches as he spilled water everywhere. Ford chuckled and used the ladder, he'd rather not risk falling at his age. The demon tried his best to stand up, but it was proving difficult when all the grip had disappeared from under his bare feet. Ford grabbed his arm and hauled him up, "Need help?"

"Thanks."

The scientist wrapped him up in a fluffy white towel and smiled, "There, come on then" he said, making his way to the door. Bill tumbled after him, 'No! Carry me! It's too slippery!" he whined, not wanting to fall over. Ford picked him up as he tipped forward, "Yes, Master" he said sarcastically, looking down at him with an amused expression.

"Ooh, I like that."

"No, don't you ever make me call you that again. You're _not_ my Master."

Bill pulled him into a kiss, a rumbling purr emitting from his throat as his cold fingers wormed their way through his damp, gray hair. Ford stood still, smiling into his mouth at the vibrating noise. It wasn't like before; it was more satisfying and deeper than his usual happy purr.

"You really like being called Master, don't you?"

"Maybe"

"Too the bedroom then?"

"For a nap? I am pretty tired after all that swimming"

"I'm not tired, but you still need clean clothes."

"You know I can just snap some on, right?" he said, feeling very vulnerable right now and not too sure why. Ford kissed his forehead, "You're killing the mood."

"Mood?" his eyes widened as he realized what Ford meant. Bill flipped out of his arms and adjusted the towel around his waist, "I'll be back soon!" he cried, rushing off to find Pyra and leaving poor, confused Stanford standing in the hallway and wondering what he had done wrong.


	13. Bill Is A What!?

"PYRRRAAA!!!!"

The pink demon poked her head around the door of the throne room, spotting the towel-clad humanized Bill sprinting down the hallway as fast as he could. She gave a small chuckle as he skidded to a stop in front of her, and grinned down at him.

"Yes?"

Bill panted softly as he caught his breath and hitched up the towel as it threatened to fall from around his waist, "It's Ford, he wants to do it with me, and I don't know what to do!!!" he cried, looking anxious and a bit upset with the whole matter. Pyra narrowed her eye, "Do what?"

Lamp, who was playing cards with Keyhole on the floor nearby, burst into laughter as he understood what Bill was on about. Falling onto his back as he choked and clutching his see-through stomach as his legs waved about in mid-air. Bill glared at him, "Can it, Lamp! This isn't funny!"

"You! Haven't! HA!" Lamp spluttered.

"I still don't understand" Pyra piped up, reaching out to swipe Bills towel away from his waist. The golden-haired demon stepped back, avoiding her tricks as easily as breathing, "The things humans do to reproduce!!!" he spat, his face heating up like a stove top spiral. Pyra's eyes widened as it clicked into place and she brought her hand back to her side, "Ohhh, ohhhhhhh... Ah. Wait... Are you telling me that you've never done this before? Or that you've never done it with Ford specifically?"

"I haven't done it before..." he whispered.

Lamps laughter got louder, the poor demon unable to control himself, or his breathing at this point. His lava changing colours as he fought to breathe and laugh at the same time. Pyra stared at Bill in shock, "Are you telling me the Eye of Province, Bill Cipher, Demon king and number one Shit Lord. Is... A. . . . Virgin!?"

Lamp let out one more choked out laugh before he passed out, his lava turning a funny shade of purple. Keyhole stared down at his fallen friend and threw his cards to the ground, "I win!" he cried, although they had been playing a mild game of go fish and not poker like Keyhole had been.

Ford sighed as he loitered in the far hallway, checking the time on his frozen watch automatically and grumbling as he flicked the side of it. He had been waiting for a fair few minutes and still Bill hadn't returned. He decided to go wait in his bedroom for him, feeling a bit upset and self-conscious of his flaws all of a sudden.

_Had he done something wrong?_

Bill hung his head in embarrassment and Pyra put up her hands in utter disbelief, "I... I can't. That's it. I'm done. I'm sooooo done." she exclaimed. Bill grumbled and tugged his towel back up as it slipped again, "What's the matter with being a virgin? I don't understand."

Pyra rubbed her eye, "No, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, it's the fact YOUR a virgin- so all that shit you pull being a flirting bastard to him and getting him flustered is just you projecting how you feel?"

"Uhhh, yes?"

"Yep, I am so done." she said, making the walk away from him, she stopped at the door, faltering before she took another step, "Wait a minute" she muttered, turning back to him as she caught sight of the boxer shorts under the towel, "Oh my stars, did you just run off in the middle of it!!?? BILL!!!"

"NO! OF COURSE NOT! I was having a bath!" 

"Then where is Ford?"

"...I left him in the hallway.."

"You're killing me every day, Cipher. Go back to him, kiss him, yada yada yada, and just... Don't think too hard about it, okay? Ford knows what he's doing. Probably."

"That doesn't help!" Bill spluttered, turning into his triangle form and floating over to his throne with every intent to stubbornly sit there for a few hours, and sulk like a baby. Pyra grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him back as he growled, "Are you afraid of your pet? The one you specifically collared and control, 24/7?"

_How could he not see he was wasting his opportunity to be loved?_

Bill tugged at his noodle leg, "Let me go!" he cried, falling limp as Pyra glared at him for an answer, "Answer me!" she hissed.

_Yeesh, why was she so mad all of a sudden?_

"Okay, okay! Look, maybe I don't want to fuck! Okay!?"

"You don't want to!?"

"I'm... I'm scared"

"Because it's Ford? You shouldn't be"

"I don't know!!" Bill cried.

"That's not an answer, do you want to lose your virginity to that nerd, or not? Because let's face it, it was going to happen sometime if you lead him on like that. Do you even know how it works!?" she asked. 

"Kinda..."

"Christ on a stick, you're an all-seeing eye- how could you not know?!"

"You think I want to watch people fuck!?"

"No, but I'd expect you to have came across it at some point in your pathetic life!!"

Keyhole got up off the floor and sighed as the two continued to bicker like an old married couple. Deciding to go see Ford, since he was technically the only other living being in the castle right now. Everyone else was out doing stuff for Bill, and Lamp was still passed out on the floor, his lava shifting slowly in its container as he breathed.

Ford looked up as the blue demon knocked on his door and smiled from his desk, "Hey, what's up?" he asked, setting down the pen he was using to write in his book. Keyhole noticed the sad look on his face and smiled as he realized Ford was probably feeling a bit neglected about now. Bill had probably just ran off and left him there, without giving an answer to where he was going.

"Don't be sad, Bill's a virgin and he's just having an argument with Pyra about it. Lamp passed out from laughing," Keyhole blurted. 

Ford looked speechless, "You're joking."

"Nope, not joking, follow me if you want to listen in" Keyhole replied, making his way back to the throne room as quiet as can be. Ford leapt out of his desk chair and followed after him, feeling a bit wary of being nosy, but he couldn't pass it up to learn what was going on. The two stopped by the door and peered in, trying their best not to be seen as they snooped.

Pyra shook the triangle demon in her grip as he kept asking questions, making him yelp in shock, "Listen here, shorty, I'm not explaining it to you, alright!? You'll get the idea pretty quickly!"

"What's that supposed to mean!? How the fuck does it work when you're gay!?" Bill cried, waving his noodle arms in frustration. Pyra facepalmed and threw him across the room in her anger. The yellow demon landed on the floor with a loud squeak noise and skidded a few inches across the marble before he stopped, "Ford will know, and that's all that matters. I'm your best friend, if I explain this to you it'll just go weird between us! And _not_ the good weird!"

Bill stood up and brushed himself off "I'm not going to avoid this am I?" he grumped, adjusting his bow tie neatly. Pyra shook her head, "No, you're not, just relax and... I don't know, tell Ford to be gentle."

Fords face heated up, and Keyhole snickered quietly as Bill also blushed redder than a fire engine. The scientist was internally dying inside and severely regretted listening in to the conversation by now.

"What do you mean by gentle!? Does it hurt!?"

"No!! It doesn't hurt!! Not unless he wants it to, but he won't, because... he loves you. Bill, trust me" Pyra explained, trying to make the triangle see some sense. If Bill was going to share his first time with anyone, she was going to make sure it was with the person Bill loved the most. Keyhole was trying his best to hold in his laughter, his face turning red as he covered his mouth. Human forms were so hard to control and he was struggling as Ford watched on. 

Bill turned into his human form, fully dressed and looking very embarrassed with himself, "Fine... I'll go fuck the nerd" he muttered, trailing towards the door like a told off child being sent to timeout. That was the last straw for the blue demon, Keyhole let out his laughter and fell to the floor, rolling about as he held his already aching sides.

_Shit._

Ford made a run for it, not stopping till he got to his room and hoping he hadn't been caught eavesdropping as he slid behind his desk. Pyra stalked over and kicked Keyhole gently with her foot, rolling her eyes in annoyance, "We get it, it's hilarious! Now shut up!" she cried, trying to get him to be silent. 

Bill ignored them and stepped over Keyhole as he made his way to the Penthouse suite, nervous and slow, and his mind racing. He smiled as if nothing was wrong and waved to Ford as he entered the room. The man was sitting at his desk and red in the face as he tried to control his breathing.

"I'm back, sorry for that, I just needed to talk to Pyra about something..."

"Must've been urgent" Ford said, his ears pink and himself slightly out of breath. Bill nodded, "Y-yeah, are you okay?" he asked, noticing his exhausted panting. Ford nodded, "I'm fine" he reassured. Bill came over and placed a cool hand across his forehead, "No, you're out of breath, red and sweating, are you sick?" he asked, looking at him worryingly.

"No, I said I'm fine"

Bill picked him up with magic and set him down on the bed as Ford protested, "Sleep, I'll make you some soup" he said, magicking on an apron and yanking out a pot to start the chicken noodle he had planned in his head. Ford watched him chop up ingredients and gave him a small, but amused smile, "I know what you're doing"

"I'm making soup"

"No, you're avoiding me."

Bill looked over his shoulder and gave him a genuine smile as he slid celery into the boiling pot of water, "No, why would I be doing that?" he asked. Ford stared at him, "You could have just said you didn't want to have sex with me."

The effect was instantaneous, Bill dropped the knife he was holding to chop and gasped just a little as he used magic to avoid his toes being sliced off, "What are you on about?" he asked, trying to play the innocent card as he went back to slicing some more veges. Ford chuckled, "Are you kidding me? You ran off to find Pyra because you didn't know what to do!"

"Did not!!"

"You did, I overheard you in the throne room!"

Bill sighed and turned off the stove, waving everything into stasis with a burst of magic, "I'm sorry... I just, I honestly don't know what to do.... you can laugh, if you want.."

"I don't find it funny, not really, I was scared too"

"What? Why?"

"I thought you'd do awful things to me... But instead, I find out you don't even know how this stuff works..."

Bill felt a bit sick that Ford thought he'd hurt him, sicker still that Ford thought he'd have to force himself through it just because of the kind of person that he was, or had been. Bill wouldn't dream of hurting Ford now, let alone sexually abusing him because the man thought he'd have no choice in the matter. Heck, Ford had even allowed himself the first move, as if to get it over with.

He took off the apron and sat down on the bed, "Well, I thought it was obvious, my true form and my demon shell don't have parts, Sixer."

"That's not an excuse..."

"It _is_ an excuse, I can't fuck anyone or be fucked without the right parts, and I've only had this human form for a short while! And even then my time with it on earth was limited due to stupid rules!"

Ford rolled over to look at him, looking a lot more relaxed now he knew Bill was feeling just like he was, scared, a bit confused and worried, "So do you want this or not? I don't mind."

Bill's hair turned a bubblegum pink as his cheeks heated up, "I'm still scared" he whispered, looking small as he sat there, perched on the edge of the bed. Ford tugged him over by his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, "You shouldn't be"

"Promise you'll be gentle?"

"I promise."

~

Bill stood in the kitchen as he waited for the jug to boil, wearing nothing but his golden boxer shorts and Fords trench coat for warmth. Two cyan blue mugs sat side by side on the counter, one with coffee and one with tea. Ford was tucked up in bed, staring up at the glow in the dark stars that Keyhole had stuck to the ceiling sometime yesterday. The blue demon thought he'd miss the stars by now and had gone to the nearest store to scavenge for some. It had been a lovely surprise, but Keyholes kindness baffled him. He was a demon and demons weren't meant to be nice.

_Weren't they?_

Bill poured the hot water into the mugs once the jug had finished boiling and padded back over, using his magic to stir it all up before he passed Ford his drink, "Coffee, just the way you like it" he said, snuggling up beside him once he had settled back down on the bed. Ford put an arm around him as he gulped down the liquid, both of them enjoying the quiet and the calm.

"DID YOU GUYS HAVE FUN!?" came an amused, yet shrill female voice. Pyra peered around the door and grinned at them as the two almost jumped out of their skin at the sudden intrusion, "Well, did ya?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at them.

Ford scowled at her, "Excuse me?" he asked, scoffing at the audacity of this bitch. Bill hefted his cup at her to make her leave and flipped her off, "FUCK OFF, PYRA! IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" he yelled, not in the mood for her sneaky behavior.

Ford rested his chin on Bill's shoulder as Pyra left with a satisfied laugh, the golden demon scoffing as the door slammed shut behind her. He took his cup from his hands and took a sip, wrinkling his nose in disgust as the contents touched his tongue, "Gghhh, ew! What is this bullshit, and why do you like it so much?"

"You just drank the remains, Bill, just as you don't drink tea leaves, you don't drink the coffee granules either"

"Right..."

"Bill?"

"Y'ellow?"

"Do you know what Stockholm syndrome is? And be honest with me."

Bill looked a bit upset, he knew Ford was most likely experiencing it and past him wouldn't have cared or given a damn, as long as his pet did as he was told. But things had changed, he wanted Ford to love him, just as much as he loved him back. Not because he had to, but because he wanted to, "That's the thing where people develop feelings for their captures, right?"

"It wasn't your intent for that happen was it?"

Bill sighed, "No, not really... do you love me? Or is it just this syndrome thing?"

"I don't know, it's been on my mind a lot recently... I'm showing all the symptoms but... I don't think it's Stockholm"

"I don't want you to love me, if it's forced, or one-sided... at least, not anymore"

"Not anymore? Well, I don't want to upset you, but I need to clear some stuff up first."

"Go ahead, tell me what you wanted to talk about" Bill said, giving him a soft but reassuring smile as he leaned back into the pillows. Ford set the cup down on the nightstand, "It's just that... I've read a lot about it... I think this is real but, I'm just saying, it could have happened, if you'd continued to hurt me, then treat me with kindness."

Bill looked a bit confused. _W_ _as Ford saying he had it, or not? The man still sounded unconvinced himself._

"I only hurt you because you were trying to escape and mocked me. That's it!" Bill explained. Ford smiled and pulled him in for a hug, spooning him as he wrapped his arms around the smaller male, "I believe you."

~

Dipper was getting sick of infinity chicken tenders and cold pizza that had strange, and questionable toppings. Mabel hadn’t minded all the weird cake flavours and drinking straight from the ice cream machine, much to the casino manager’s annoyance. But they'd been in Lottocron 9 for who knows how long, and it was getting tiring. Both of them bored out of their minds and getting into trouble was more fun than sitting and stuffing themselves silly.

“How long have we been here?” Dipper asked, picking a piece of food from between his teeth. His mouth bones needed a good brush, but the bathrooms were strange and the two only used them when it was clear. Mabel swung around in her chair, herself gazing up at the dome that protected them from the vacuum of space.

“I have no idea, where’s Grunkle Stan? Still playing poker with the goo Aliens?”

Dipper picked up a fresh infinity doughnut off the tray as an alien chef set it down, and swore to himself he never wanted to see this symbol ever again, let alone eat it, “We should go find him” he muttered darkly, his stomach feeling nauseous. Mabel giggled, “But this food is so good”

_That girl could eat anything._

Dipper got off his chair and pointed to the crowd of beings gambling away, “Come on, sis! Lets go find him” he instructed, racing off as fast as he could. Mabel tumbled off her chair, “I’m coming!!” she cried, followed after him in a rush. The two weaved in and out of people, and at one point through someone, who snapped back together and gave them an angry look as they apologized furiously for being so rude. They spotted Stan nearby and brightened up, “There he is!!” Dipper cried, pointing to him. Stan was sitting at a poker table with a grin on his face, and cards in hand, a fruity coloured drink perched beside him. 

Mabel tapped her Grunkle’s arm and smiled as he looked down at her, “First question, are we losing, second question, are we rich?”

Stan grinned and slapped his cards down, earning groans from the other players. “Winning” Dipper answered, “Grunkle Stan?” he added, trying to get his attention. Stan scooped up the poker chips that the dealer pushed towards him, “Kids! I won! Look!” he interrupted, beaming from ear to ear. Dipper rolled his eyes, “Great, can we go now? I want to explore the next dimension” he whined. Mabel nodded, “Yeah, we’ve been here way too long, take the money at let’s roll!”

“But I’m on a roll!”

The twins groaned and pushed Stan off his chair, much to his annoyance, “But Grunkle Staaannnn!” they whined, earning a grumble from him and a shooing motion. Stan sat back down on his seat and waved a hand at the dealer to deal him some more cards for the next round. Dipper sighed,

_At this rate they'd be here forever._


	14. The Prophecy

Dipper heaved his backpack onto his shoulder as they made their way back to the buffet table. His journal sticking out the top and the gold part glinting underneath the lights. Someone raced passed the two and snatched it away before Dipper could stop them. The goo alien gave them one quick, but strangely frightened look as it raced off, "MY BOOK! HEY, GIVE THAT BACK!" Dipper yelled, sprinting after the being as fast as he could.

"AFTER HIM!" Mabel cried, "And Grunkle Stan, remember what happens in Vegas-"

"This ain't Vegas, sweetie!" Stan called after her, taking a sip of his drink. Mabel followed closely behind her twin as they hurried after the alien, who kept looking back to make sure they really were following him. He sped through a curtain near the bathroom and was lost from view before they knew it. Dipper and Mabel stopped at the curtain and pushed aside the fabric cautiously, peering into the circular room inside just to make sure it wasn't some top secret meeting room of some kind.

_They didn't want to interfere if so._

It must have been changing room, mirrors hanging on the walls, benches bolted to the floor, and lockers with strange coded locks sat side by side in rows along the dead-end hallway. The goo alien was gone, vanished into nothingness by the looks of it. _Either that or he was hiding._ But, on top of a small table right in the middle of the room was Dippers book, safe and undamaged, and with an envelope leaning against it.

'Maybe it's a 'sorry for stealing your book' note?" Mabel guessed. Dipper shook his head and picked it up, "I don't think so, sis."

"Then I wouldn't open it, what if it's dangerous?"

"I don't know, Mabel, I think it's important, I think the alien wanted to give this to us, but not make himself known, which is why he stole the book"

"If you're sure."

Dipper ripped the edge off and held it far away from himself, just in case it was in fact dangerous. They waited, but nothing scary jumped out at them. No explosion, no spores, no deadly gas, no weird parasite alien, no face hugger. Just Dipper's paranoid mind racing with possible outcomes. When he finally gave it the all clear that the sealed envelope wasn't going to harm them, Dipper brought it closer and peered inside to see a note folded up within.

Mabel grinned, "Told ya! I bet it's a sorry note! Read it!"

Dipper tugged it out and unfolded it, his eyes skimming the words, "Oh, well, it's in English. Weird... you'd think it would be in alien writing"

"Well doi, we have our translators on, it's probably translating it for us as we see it like the TARDIS from Doctor Who does, what does it say?"

"I think it's a poem... A forgotten mind and a fate now changed, the golden one will question all he's gained. When he loses all he's won, the deal's over, the game is done. He will fall, the other will cry, his love for him will never die. Body of rock, face of stone, the human male is now alone."

"That's not a poem! That's a prophecy!"

Dipper set it down on the table and took out a pen, "I think you're right, let's see. A forgotten mind? Hmm, maybe someone will forget something. Golden one, meaning Bill? Right? When he loses all he's won, I think Bill's going to fall. That means Ford's still alive! Ha! But this last part is strange. He will fall, the other will cry, his love for him will never die? I don't understand..."

Mabel tapped his cheek, "I think.... and now hear me out. What if Grunkle Fords fallen in love with Bill? It would make sense. They'd be spending all day every day in the fearamid, especially if Ford's Bills prisoner. What if things changed, it said, a fate now changed!"

"But, Grunkle Ford hates- oh. Oohhhh, oohhhhhhhhh!"

"What?"

"Love is to blame for Gravity Falls to be returned back to normal, which means.... You're right, Mabel. I mean, it makes sense, look at you being the smart twin, I had no clue" Dipper chortled, looking down at the note once more with a small smile.

_His great uncle was still alive and still hanging in there!_

"But it's a prophecy! Meaning it hasn't happened yet!! Dipper, we can stop Bill dying!"

"What? Mabel, no! He deserves to die!"

"Well, if we let him die, then everything will return to normal... But, what about Grunkle Ford? If we do allow this to happen, and that we're right about Ford and Bill being in love, then we're sacrificing his happiness for the greater good. Is Bill dying worth it? I mean, I hate him too, but if Fords happy and maybe Bill is too, maybe he won't be so nasty to us?"

Dipper sighed, "He'll get over it, right? Wait, if Bill's going to die, then whose going to kill him?"

"Not Grunkle Ford, not if he loves him, someone else then?"

Dipper shrugged and put his book back into his bag, checking it for damage beforehand. He found nothing but a small goo stain, which he carefully wiped off with his shirt-sleeve before tucking it into the pocket sleeve inside, "Lets go tell Grunkle Stan, maybe we can finally go home!"

~

"You think Ford is gay for Bill? Because of this _thing_ you guys found?" Stan burst into laughter and crumpled up the note, letting it drop to the floor where it rolled over to Mabel's feet. She frowned and picked it up, "Why wouldn't he be? Who else could Bill be in love with? None of the henchmaniacs, that's for sure..."

"Oh... good point, those other guys are ugly, well, at least their demon forms are, human forms are okay-ish."

"Grunkle Stan, why so you think Ford being gay for Bill is funny?"

"Those two are enemies! And I... I'm quite sure my brother int gay! He's more of an asexual type"

"Has he ever told you? Have you ever asked?"

Stan rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "No, we didn't just openly talk about our sexuality, kid, back in our day being gay was, well it was bad, frowned upon."

Mabel bit her lip. "Then if he _is_ gay, that's why he'd never of told anyone, right?"

"But why would Ford ever fall for _that_ thing!?"

"... Oh! Maybe it's like Beauty and the Beast! But a Demon and a Grunkle!"

Dipper took the note and put it in his bag, "Well, I think Bill must've been kind to Ford or looked after him or something, also that's the whole point, Grunkle Stan, it's a prophecy, they're supposed to be vague and unhelpful" he explained. Stan sighed, these two gremlins really wanted to believe they'd be going home, so much so that his brother being in love with a demon seemed far more plausible to their small minds.

"We don't know for sure! Look, I get you miss home, but this letter proves nothing. Go eat some food and play some games. The Oracle said that if anything changes, she'll tell us. But until then we need to amuse ourselves and try to make a new home someplace else. So, go do whatever it is the kids of this dimension are doing and have fun."

~

Bill poked Fords face as he snoozed under the covers, the pot of chicken noodle soup simmering softly away on the stove, "Sixer!" he whispered, poking his cheek a bit harder this time. Ford twitched and grumbled as he opened an eye and rolling onto his back as he snuggled more under the covers, "Hmm?"

"Soup's done" Bill trilled, holding up a bowl and a spoon for him with a smile. Ford sat up and stretched before he took it from his hands, amusement on his face as he looked down at the veges and noodles swimming in the creamy-looking broth, "Thank you" he muttered, feeling a bit out of place.. Bill had finished making him the soup. _And from scratch!_ And while it smelled amazing, he couldn't quite help wonder how he did it. The demon usually didn't need food and according to him hadn't had his human form for long. 

_So how did he know how to make such yummy things?_

_Welp, he wasn't complaining._

Bill sat down on the sofa and slurped at his own bowl, the hot noodles whacking him in the face as he sucked them up, prompting him to utter a string of strange curse words as he reached for a napkin to wipe away the mess he had made. Ford raised an eyebrow, "What language was that?"

"Oh, that's uh, that's... Fuck, I don't know! Some weird dimension I took over ages ago. I liked the way they sound in my mouth. So, I uh, learned the language. They had some good curse words"

"How many dimensions do you own?"

"Oh, uh, I don't own them, or keep them..."

"Why? Do you destroy them?"

Bill cringed **(like in the gif)** and busied himself with his soup.

"I'll take that as a yes... Can you _not_ destroy this one?"

"It's a bit early yet, I'll think about it. Haven't even finished terraforming yet...." the demon muttered, summoning himself some cookies and abandoning his soup in favor of something sweeter.

"Transforming?"

"Terraforming, not transforming" Bill corrected, spraying cookie crumbs across the table as he spoke with his mouth full. Ford narrowed his eyes, "What are you building that needs the land here on Earth, terraformed?"

"Nothing, doesn't matter, eat your soup."

Keyhole poked his head around the door, a grin on his human forms face and his hair stuck up at one side as Stripy sat curled around his neck tightly. "BILL! PYRA WANTS TO TALK WITH YOU!" he screamed, giggling loudly and racing away. Bill rolled his eyes and teleported after him, leaving Ford by himself and his soup unattended. Ford set the bowl down on the bedside table, not particularly hungry as he laid back down.

Bill appeared in the throne room and grumbled loudly, using magic (and his tongue) to remove the soup spattered on his shirt, "What do you want?" he asked, walking over to the pink demon standing by the entrance-way. Pyra grinned and crossed her arms, "I want to make a bet"

"Oh? And what are the details?" Bill asked, his eyes sparkling at the thought of a deal. Pyra pointed to Xanthar, currently seated outside like a pitiful dog, his party hat missing and graffiti spray-painted on his side. "If I can swallow Xanthar whole, you have to wear a dress, and Ford _must_ see it."

Bill thought it out. It was true Pyra could extend her mouth wider than a snake and unhinge her jaws to danger widths. But to swallow Xanthar whole? It was impossible.

_This was too easy._

Bill shook her hand as she thrusted it out, his cyan flames sealing the deal as Pyra fingers clutched his hand in a tight grip. "It's a deal. Xanthar! Stay!" he ordered the purple creature. Xanthar stayed perfectly still for Bill, making a weird happy noise because he was being included for once. It wasn't often he was included, because of his quiet and kind of threatening demeanor, no one really wanted to hang out with him.

Pyra floated down in front of the enormous creature and looked up at Bill as she readied herself for the event. Unhinging her jaw with a swift yank of her mouth. Keyhole flinched as her bottom jaw lowered just above her knees and hid his face so as not to see it. Bill grinned, "Annnnd go!" he cried, snapping his fingers so the fearamid would turn green. Pyra began pushing the mighty being into her mouth at his signal, all the while Xanthar stayed perfectly still for her. Bill chuckled as she struggled, no way in hell would she be able to do this. He'd walk away, dress free and away from the humiliation Pyra had hoped for.

A few moments later and Pyra gave the thumbs up, Xanthar completely covered by her mouth and her jaw stretching wider than it had ever done in her entire life. Bill shook his head in disbelief, "You have to swallow!" he called down. Pyra grumbled and swallowed, feeling a bit sick as she ballooned out. Bill sighed in defeat but clapped alongside everyone else, Keyhole still hiding behind his hands. Pyra threw up Xanthar once the fearamid returned to his usual colour, and gave him a reassuring pat as she sank to her knees in exhaustion, "I win!!! Ha! Dress time!" she cackled, looking very pleased with herself _and her efforts._ The other henchmaniacs giggled as Bill grumbled his annoyance, "Fine, but you have to do my hair _and_ makeup too."

Pyra squealed happily, "You're going to look so good, Ford's going to be straight!"

"Whoop, de, doo."

~

"And done! You can open your eyes now, mister grumpy."

Bill opened his eyes and relaxed as he caught his appearance reflected back at him, "Oh, that's actually not that bad" he said, admiring himself in the mirror. Pyra had curled his hair and added a light layer of makeup to his face. The dress he had been forced into was poofy, but nice on his more feminine figure.

"Call Ford down, I want to see what he thinks!"

"No!" Bill cried, "Not yet!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know... what if he laughs?"

"Why would he laugh? He'll probably just tell you you're very pretty"

"I feel pretty"

"Then call him down, otherwise I will"

"Go on then."

Pyra rushed up the stairs and skidded into the bedroom, "Ohhh, Foooorrddd!"

Ford looked up from his desk with a frown, he really didn't like this demon at all, "Yes, Pyra?"

Pyra giggled and batted her eyelashes, "Bill wants to see you" she cooed, bouncing on her feet excitedly. Ford narrowed his eyes and set his book down, gulping down the last of his coffee. He stood up and followed after her, not really in the mood for her fun and games. But if Bill wanted him, he'd have to adhere to her words.

_Just what was she playing at?_

Bill stood up from the chair he had been seated at, wobbling a little in the high heels that Pyra had put on his feet. He didn't understand how a woman could ever wear these; they were awfully annoying and hurt his ankles.

Keyhole snickered, "You look... Beautiful... Boss"

"Can it, Keyhole, or the next thing that flies through that head hole of yours is the key to match and some superglue!" Bill retorted, glaring at him angrily. Keyhole swallowed and shut his mouth tightly, giving Bill a nod that he'd understood.

Ford caught sight of him as he entered the throne room and physically stopped in his tracks, "Um, what happened?" he asked, gesturing to him and his new look. Bill blushed and cleared his throat, "I lost a bet with Pyra."

"Ah, I see" Ford smiled, walking around him as he viewed the work Pyra had put in. Bills face heated up more, "So, what do you think?" he asked, keeping the hem of the dress down with his nail-polished hands. Ford straightened up and smirked, "Beautiful, I almost feel straight" he joked, his blue eyes twinkling. Bill rolled his eyes at the man and grumped, "Can I take it off now?" he whined, kicking off the shoes. Ford grabbed his arms, "No! Keep it on, Pyra worked hard on it"

"Ughh, but I feel so vulnerable! How do woman like wearing these things!? I need my suit and pronto!"

"Keep it on, just for a bit?"

"Fine... Can I at least change the heels to flats, I can't fucking walk in these damn things!"

Pyra nodded, "Sure."

~

Snuggled up in bed that evening, Ford couldn't help but cuddle the fluffy pajama-clad man curled up beside him as he purred like a cat. Bill was warm, soft, sleepy and so adorable, and he just couldn't resist. He scooped him up closer and petted his hair as Bill purred louder, "Bill?"

"Yes?"

"What would happen to me if I agreed with becoming a Demon?"

"You'd get cool powers and live forever"

Ford looked down at him, "Would my mind be altered at all?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would I feel different? Would I find it hard to feel? Or be nice?"

"No! I told you, I'm only like this because of time. Besides, I've always been a demon, thing, demon-thing. You'll be fine. And if you don't want to live forever, you can just kill yourself, easy peasy demon squeezy"

"A Demon can kill themselves if they get bored with eternity? That's depressing.... But a good loop hole."

Bill turned into his triangle form and summoned a piece of parchment, a pair of one lens glasses floating in front of his face, "Blah blah, blah. Where is it? Oh, here! This is the spell I used to turn the henchmaniacs from mortal weaklings and into demons!"

Ford smiled at the glasses, "Will I get the same powers as them?"

"Yup! Teleportation, deal making, summoning shit, uhhh, floating. And you'll keep your form too!"

"Oh... then can I do it?"

"Nah ah ah, I have to do it, but can we do it in the morning. First, I want to nap" Bill answered, making the items disappear and hugging fords face like a starfish. Ford unpeeled him off his cheek and cuddled him to his chest. "Okay then... guess I'm going to be a demon..." he muttered, not too sure if this was really a good idea.

_One of us! One of us! One of Us!_


	15. A Demons Love

Ford woke the next morning to a cold chill in the air and yanked more of the covers over to himself, "Bill... you've got all the covers, give me some" he grumbled, giving a more decent tug as they refused to budge. Bill let out a yelp as he was launched off the bed and onto the floor. His foot twitching in slight pain as he crumbled up in a messy heap, "Now you have the covers, and I have the cold hard floor to rest my broken bones on" he muttered, wincing in pain as he tried to untwist his pretzel shape.

"Floors s'not comfy, get back up here"

Bill scrambled to his feet and crawled underneath the covers, snuggling up to his side as he purred like a happy kitten, and nuzzled him contently. Ford yawned and smiled as he scooped him up closer, "What are we doing today?"

"The ritual I was hoping" Bill said, sneezing so hard that he turned into his triangle form and was once again launched out of bed. He hit the wall with a thunk and fell to the floor with a thud, "Ow..."

"Oh, are you okay?" Ford asked, getting out of bed to get dressed and try and find his boots under all the mess. Bill stood up and changed back into his human form, rubbing his nose as it itched, "I'm fine" he replied, kicking the bed in annoyance. He hated sneezing, mostly because he had no control over it and was usually tossed about by the force. He did not understand why it happened, it just did, and he considered it one of his flaws in his otherwise perfect body. "Don't eat anything yet, I'll meet you in the throne room" he said, walking out in his boxers. Ford raised an eyebrow, "Um... Bill?"

"I know! I'm not blind!" the demon answered, snapping his fingers to get dressed as continued on his way. Ford chuckled softly and did a big stretch to ease his stiff muscles. He didn't have long to enjoy being human, Bill was gong to turn him into a demon soon, and after that it would all be trial and error on the course of his new life.

Bill shrugged off his shell once he reached the bottom of the steps and stretched his true form out with a pleasant groan, "Oh yes, that is _so_ much better!" he muttered happily, snapping his tentacles around till they felt better. Ford, now dressed, walked down the steps and jumped a mile as he noticed the now 'smaller than he had been' demon. "Bill? You still in there?" he asked cautiously, amazed at how much he looked like a jellyfish or octopus.

"Yes, I'm in my right mind, I need to be in this form for the ritual to work." the demon answered, wrapping his tentacles into a triangle shape, while leaving four unraveled as arms and legs. Ford followed him down the hallway and into a compact room, where a chalk circle had already been drawn, and candles lit. Bill re-applied a fresh coating of chalk and motioned for him to stand inside it.

Ford did as he was told, fiddling with his necklace nervously as Bill reached up and removed the collar from around his neck. "Relax! It won't hurt that long, I'm changing matter into energy, part way, so you can still exist on the physical plane and get all the benefits of being immortal. You're lucky, this is top-notch, high end magic!"

"Wait, wait- it's going to hurt?"

"Well doi, turning matter into energy hurts"

"This is going to be like the electrocution, isn't it?"

Bill sliced one of his tentacles with a paring knife, waiting till his golden blood bubbled to the surface before he began smearing it on Fords face, much to his disgust, "Just a bit, try not to move too much" he said, patting his face kindly. Ford flinched as he felt the golden muck dribble down his cheek, and stayed still as Bill pulled away.

"Does my form scare you?"

The man shook his head, "No, I'm just not used to having blood rubbed onto my face, demon blood or not, it's still gross" he grumped. Bill laughed, "Oh, but it's necessary, you're getting a copy of my powers, basically"

"Where is all this extra energy coming from?"

"Me."

Bill started the ritual before he could speak again, energy throbbing in the air like a drum and pounding in his ears. They rang like bells as if a pair of cymbals were clashing right beside them. Reddish lightening appeared and crackled and flashed as it whipped its way around them. Hitting Ford now and then while his body absorbed the surrounding energy that was seeping out of Bill himself. Ford screamed in pain, frozen to the spot and unable to move a single muscle as everything burned and shifted, and changed. It was way worse than five hundred volts being zapped into his body.

_So much worse!_

A red glow appeared around him as Bill finished up the spell, "Doing great, sweetie!" the demon called out, pulling the energy back and waiting for everything to die down before he came over to him. Ford fell to his knees once he could move, shaking and panting heavily as he gasped for air. Bill lifted his head with a tentacle and wiped away the sheen of sweat and blood with a cold cloth, "How do you feel?" he asked, his golden eye shifting as it switched from one eye to the other. Ford just stared and smiled weakly, unable to move his mouth right now for fear of throwing up. He closed his eyes as the cloth made him feel better and Bill picked him up with ease, "Lets get you to bed"

"I'm not tired."

"Tough, you need to let things settle" Bill explained, taking him back upstairs and lying him down on the soft bed covers. Ford raised a hand to examine it, a red glow around the edges like a drawing. His entire body was humming strangely and throbbing with magic, warm and fuzzy.

"Stay still, I know you feel both weak and strong at the same time, but trust me when I say you need to allow the energy that is you to settle and bond before you galloping off at your usual pace. It shouldn't take more than an hour" Bill said, taking his hand and putting it back down beside him. Ford closed his eyes, "Can you stay with me?" he whispered, trying to stay as still as possible. Bill reluctantly put his shell back on and shifted into his human one as he laid down beside him, "Sure thing, chicken wing."

Ford closed his eyes as Bill set a glowing kitchen timer down on his chest, the seconds ticking by the time he had left. Bill fell asleep moments later, soothed by the noise and the red glow Fords body was emitting. The scientist looked down at him and chuckled quietly as Bill muttered in his sleep, "...chicken wings..." the demon whispered, his head on Fords arm. The man, now a demon, smiled and snuggled into him.

~

Ford opened his eyes as the timer dinged, he felt a lot better and less inclined to be violently sick, the red glow remaining wrapped around him. He nudged Bill as the demon snored softly, "Bill!" he murmured, trying not to be too loud. The demon reached up and patted his face a bit too hard to get him to shush, "Bill sleepy... shhhh."

"Its been an hour."

"I'm tired" the demon grumbled, adjusting his position till he was more comfy. Changing Ford had not only sapped some of his power, but his strength and energy too. He needed rest and lots of it before he could do anything. Ford rolled his eyes and removed his hand from his face, "I'm not tired, I kind of wanted to test out my magic."

Bill wrapped his arms around him as he tried to get out of bed, "Sleeeeeeepppppp."

"But I'm not tired" Ford whined, trying to pry his fingers off him. Bill opened an eye, the usually golden whites now a blood red, and the pupil white instead of black, "Lie down, shut up and snuggle me, you impatient newborn!" he growled. Ford bit his lip and then quickly did as he was told, lying back down and cuddling him like a child. Bills eyes went back to their honey golden and he smiled softly, "Thank you, dear" he answered, realizing that as of now, he could no longer hear Fords thoughts. His mind now tuned out to him as every demon was.

Bill let out a loud sneeze and shot off the bed again, prompting Ford to burst into laughter. Bill grumbled and climbed back onto the bed like a caterpillar as Ford finished his wheezing laugh, "I think I'm allergic to something" the demon whined, snuggling back into him. But his tiredness had disappeared at the burst of adrenaline his body had given him.

Ford settled back down, his mind on overdrive. He was hyper aware of Bills every movement right now, to the tiny flick of his eyebrow or grating of his teeth. He went over how he got to this point in life, so much so that he realized he was not who he used to be, and not just because he became a demon. No, even as a human, from being trapped here, to being isolated from everyone and everything, he had been slowly losing his mind. He missed his family and his house, and any shred of normalcy he had here in Gravity Falls.

He realized he didn't want to be here, didn't want to be Bills pet anymore, he wanted to go home, take a nap, watch TV with his niece and nephew, and play a game of cards with his twin. He decided he'd try to escape again, not right now, but later on when he felt ready. Now that he had a better chance with his new magic and no longer had the collar around his neck it seemed more possible. He didn't belong here anymore, Bill was evil, Bill had messed up his mind! Bill was still tricking him and he was still falling for it all, hook line and sinker.

"You want some pancakes or something?" Bill asked him, pulling him from his thoughts. Ford looked down at the sleepy male and sighed, "I'm not hungry, but thanks"

"I can make you buttermilk ones?"

"I said I wasn't hungry"

"Your loss." the demon muttered, untangling himself from Ford's arms and trailing out the room to go make pancakes some place else. He knew Ford wasn't feeling too happy right now, that look on his face and the tone of his voice said it all.

He made his way to his throne room and sat down on the jigsaw of frozen humans as he thought about it all. Ford had been so distant, even when he was with him. He knew the man missed his family, and missed his home, at least the way it had been before he had ripped it to shreds with weirdness. So, with that in mind, did Ford really love him? He had isolated him, hurt him, loved him and messed with his mind. So much so, he had gained this Stockholm Syndrome he kept talking about. He knew himself, that he loved Ford so much and because of him, everything had changed. Because of him he had a reason to smile. Because of him, he felt whole. He'd do anything to see Ford happy again... even if that meant... even if that meant he was out of the picture.

An idea came to mind, brighter than a light bulb, and he summoned the object he knew would fix everything. The red paint peeling in some places and the bulb shiny as it reflected his face, "It's the only way he'll be happy..."

"Hey boss, whatcha' doing?" Pyra asked, walking into the throne room with a taunting smile, as she usually did when he was alone. Bill sighed, "Thinking about destroying myself, and pancakes" the demon answered depressingly. Pyra cocked her head to the side, "See, I'd usually find those self-destructive jokes funny, but you're not laughing at your own joke... So something tells me this is serious. What's the matter?"

"He doesn't love me..."

"Six Fingers? Sure he does! Have you seen the way he looks at you when you're not looking? Humans are so weak- it's hilarious!"

"He loves me, just not in the way I want him too. He misses his family," Bill answered, holding up the memory gun to show her, "I can make him happy again."

Pyra grumbled, "Put that thing away and listen to me, there's only one kind of love Six Fingers has for you, and I'm not going soft here, it's true love... How are you going to make him happy by killing yourself? Everyone misses their family, I do, sometimes, even though I still hate them... The point is, he'll get over it."

Tears ran down Bill's face, "It's Stockholm syndrome, not genuine love. He may love me, but he's only doing it to avoid damage. He's not happy here, and I can't handle it.... please Pyra, let me do this for him. Because while he might not love me with all his heart, I do!"

"I don't understand, how are you going to do it then?"

"Well... in the timeline I saw, I go into someone's mind, and someone else erases everything, their memories, their life, everything, including me"

"But that erases the person's mind your in as well!"

"Yeah, it will..."

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Bill sobbed, "Yes, I'm sure" he cried, standing up and hugging his friend, she was such a nuisance, and annoyed him to goodness knows how many fits of rage. But she was his friend and didn't care for the grumpy bullshit that scared the others. She helped him when he needed it, made sure he ate and was his friend when he needed someone to talk too. Pyra's eyes widen in shock but she hugged back and patted his back gently, "Bill, if you're not happy, I'm not happy... You can go into my mind, and I'll erase it..."

"Keyhole... he needs to... or Lamp... are you sure?"

Pyra nodded, "But I want one thing in return"

"What? Anything!"

"You'll find out in my head, Keyhole!!!"

Keyhole came rushing in, "Yes?"

Bill handed him the memory gun, Pyra's actual name already on the digital screen, "Once I'm in Pyra's mind, pull that trigger, and whatever you do don't let go."

Keyhole looked afraid as he took it, "What? Will she die?" he asked, looking up at the two with wide eyes. Bill shook his head, "No, it's a memory gun, she'll forget all her memories and me along with it"

"But-"

"Please, Keyhole, you're our friend, do this thing for us" Pyra begged, kneeling down to his level. Bill summoned him a copy of his beloved pet, Stripey and set it down on his shoulder, "This world will be gone soon, and everything weird will be sucked back into the Nightmare Realm, I hereby gift you a pet of your own, seeing as your other little noodle will be left behind."

The blue demon realized what was going on, Bill was destroying himself, which meant they'd no longer be welcome in this realm, "Thanks, boss, you were the best boss I've ever had..."

Bill patted his head, "And you were my favorite henchmaniac. Goodbye, Keyhole."

Pyra sat down on the throne of human agony and crossed her legs. If she was going out she might as well do it like a sassy bitch and steal the throne for herself. For a few seconds she would be Queen. Keyhole wrapped the snake around his neck and kissed its forehead as it nudged him happily, "I'm going to name you Stripey two" he whispered to it. Bill gave them both a nod and left his physical form, disappearing into Pyra's mind as his stone body stood still and firm behind him.

Pyra was waiting for him in the hallway of doors. Her memories whispering their secrets from behind the closed doors. She had a sad look on her face and a sad feeling in her heart as Bill appeared and smiled softly, "What's with the change?" he asked, gesturing to her now human form as she tugged him into an empty room. "I know for a fact you haven't even used it till now."

"I need to be in this form to give you the thing."

Keyhole steadied the gun and pulled the trigger, tears running down his face as he realized he was destroying his friends. Bill watched the blue flames appear, licking at the door and walls bit by bit as the objects within began to fade away, "Thing? Tell me quickly!"

"I want you to kiss me... I always loved you.. but.. well, obviously it was never going to happen, so I settled for best friend status instead..." she blurted.

"One kiss? That's it? Sure! You kiss me first, I ain't do- mmfy!" Bill let out a shocked noise as her lips muffled the rest of his words and he kissed back, mostly for her pleasure. Keyhole kept his finger on the trigger, his hands steady but starting to shake. Pyra pulled away with a smile and ruffled his hair, Bill already starting to glitch in front of her.

"Welp, at least I kissed a girl, I can mark that off my bucket list, goodbye, Pyra"

"Goodbye, Bill."

Bill gave her one more last hug, then let go as he disappeared, turning into glowing blue squares and drifting away silently. They faded away into nothingness as Pyra's mind went blank, and she too was erased. Keyhole dropped the gun as he completed his last mission, the light bulb smashing into pieces onto the Fearamid floor as he sobbed and hugged his pet.

Ford tumbled out of bed as the castle shook, confusion on his face as he grabbed his coat and tugged it on. He hurried out the room and stopped suddenly at the bottom of the stairs as he realized what was going on. Everything weird was being sucked away, right back into the cross, hanging like an omen in the skies above. He felt his heart catch in his throat and tears run down his face as he made for the throne room, leaping across the pieces, rising up and away as he hurried, "BILL!!!!!"

The last thing he saw before a brick knocked him off his floating perch, was the petrified face of Keyhole clutching a passed out Pyronica, and Bill himself standing there, unmoving and gray and very much gone.

He fell to the ground, tumbling through the air and unable to use his powers as his heart bet loudly. He reached up to the castle as it slowly disappeared into the Nightmare Realm, his tears floating up rather than falling with him as they glittered like diamonds.

He hit the ground hard as the cross sealed shut, and the world returned to normal.


	16. Use Your Heart, Not Your Mind

Dipper banged his head against the table and let out a furious screech that made quite a few people shake their heads and move away, in fear that he might be mad and that it was catchy. "UGHHHH! GRUNKLE STAAAAAN!" he screamed loudly, wanting him to hear him. Stan looked up from his cards and squinted so he could see his niece and nephew through his glasses, "WWHHAAAT!?"

"I WANT TO GO! WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO WEEKS!!!!"

"JUST HOLD ON! I'M WINNING!"

Dipper got off his seat and adjusted his jacket, "Enough, I can't take it anymore, I want to go home!" he grumbled, grabbing his backpack from under his seat and looking up at his twin. Mabel got off her seat and did the same, rummaging in her bag for something, "Me too, I'm sick of eating donuts and buffet bacon!"

"Okay, here's the plan, we need to go home and see what's happened, and I will drag Grunkle Stan by force if I have to, because this had gone on fourteen days too long! We're going to grab him and tie him up! Then we'll portal home!"

"But Dipper, we're not allowed home, The Oracle forbidded it, I said that wrong, forbaded? Forbid? Forbidden-ed-ed it"

Dipper chuckled, "Forbade it. And I don't care what The Oracle said, she might be magic but my instinct is something's gone wrong and my instinct is never wrong. Ford needs us!"

"She said she would come for us if something changed, we just need to change dimensions for a bit until she does, I say we grab Stan and we go to a new dimension, maybe one with better pizza toppings."

"Fine, agreed, ready?"

Mabel nodded and held up the rope she had taken from her bag, "Yes! One, two, three! Hog tie that Grunkle!"

The two ran down the path and scrambled up onto the table, kicking over a stack of poker chips, and leaping at Stan with war cries as the other players cried out in annoyance at their interrupted game. They pulled him from his seat and onto the floor as he yelled out in confusion and dropped his cards everywhere, "Argghh! Kids! What are you doing!?" he cried, struggling as they wove the thick rope around his legs and hands. Dipper tied the knots perfectly and smiled, "Sorry, Grunkle Stan, but we need a proper place to sleep other than the chairs!" he replied, pulling out the portal gun from his pocket and taking the front while his sister pushed the man from the back.

Stan struggled more, trying to gnaw at the rope in an attempt to free himself "Noooo! Please! Just one more game!" he begged as they dragged him across the room. Dipper shook his head, "You said that over ten times in the past two weeks!" Mabel cried, ignoring Stan's whining. Dipper aimed his gun at a thankfully empty wall as they came to a stop, making sure he had the right coordinates from the book The Oracle had given him. The small notebook contained a list of safe dimensions for them to travel too, as well as a list of dangerous ones just in case.

"Stop!" someone cried out, grabbing Stan by the ankle with a purple tentacle before they could go any further. They stopped their frantic escape and looked up as The Oracle smiled and went back to her calm composure, standing at Stan's feet like a contented cat, "Do not leave, I have news."

Mabel's eyes widened, "Oracle? What are you doing here?"

"To speak with you, I must admit I'm surprised, your home is free to return too, Bill is no longer a threat, and Stan?"

"Mmm?"

"Your brother is waiting"

"Wait, what happened!? Bills gone? Just like that!?"

The Oracle nodded and motioned for Dipper to hand her the portal gun. She took it from his hands as he held it up to her and twisted the dial to the right coordinates. The portal that appeared was blue, calm and partly see through, and the Pines could see their home just on the other side. Now back to normal by the looks of the green grass and blue skies, "Look after Stanford for me, he's going to need his family" she said calmly, tucking the gun into her robes and taking the other objects she had gifted them as Dipper passed them to her.

Mabel looked very upset as she untied Stan from his bonds, "It happened, didn't it, the prophecy came true"

"I'm afraid so... Goodbye Pines family" The Oracle replied, sweeping from the room is an orderly fashion, and disappearing from sight as she weaved her way through the goo aliens. The twins helped Stan to his feet and looked at the portal in amazement.

_They could finally go home!_

"Ready to head into the unknown?" Dipper asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be" Mabel replied, taking her twins hands in hers.

~

Ford stood up as the birds tweeted, his back hurting a bit as the noise caught his ears. It felt so wrong to be listening to them, so strange. He had been so used to the silence, so used to the occasional scream, or monster's cry. But now, now that was all gone. 

His home was back to normal.

He looked around the clearing he had fallen into and sprinted through the trees, his heart beating fast as he searched for what he had hoped had fallen along with him. Bill's statue stood in the grass not too far from his landing place, partly submerged in the ground and covered in moss and other green. His eyes went glassy as tears spilled down his cheeks and he reached up and put a hand on the cold stone cheek. The scientist crumbled to his knees and sobbed, a confusing mix of grief and relief in his heart.

_Why did he feel like this?_

"GRUNKLE FORD!" Dipper cried, tears in his eyes as he raced over to the man kneeled by the statue of Bill, now human rather than the triangle they had know. Ford looked around as he heard Dippers voice, his mind barely registering his nephew as he stared at him numbly. Mabel appeared next, tugging Stan over to them, and the twins pulled the miserable man into a hug as they got closer.

"Grunkle Ford! I'm so sorry!" Mabel spoke, rubbing his back comfortingly as she buried her face into his shoulder. Ford took off his glasses and hugged her back, "I'm sorry too" he whispered, his voice strained and choked. His niece kissed his forehead as she pulled away, "It's okay, it's going to be okay" she soothed, "We're home now."

Stan faltered for a bit before he kneeled down beside them all, Ford looked at his brother defeatedly, "Yeah, it's going to be okay, Sixer. We're home now" he repeated, reaching out to ruffle his hair with a sad smile.

"Yeah, home."

Mabel looked up at Bills statue and then down at his hand, a piece of a paper wedged between the stone fingers. She pried it out and unfolded the neat letter paper carefully, "Dearest Stanford" she read, "By the time you read this I'll be gone. I just wanted you to know I loved you. I really _truly_ did, and I regret everything I ever did to cause you harm. I wanted nothing more to prove to you that I could change, that I could be good. But you didn't seem to care for me the same way that I did. I could feel it, a disconnection in your mind, a sort of confusing befuddlement that made be sad. I never wanted to force you to love me, Sixer. At least not now. So, forgive me, if you can. I have given you what you most desired, your dimension and your family. Take good care of him Dipper, Mabel... Stan.

Love, William"

Ford felt more tears run down his face as Mabel finished reading it, "Oh, he wrote me a letter?" he muttered, taking it from her hands as she held it up to him. Mabel patted his back and wiped away the tears with her gloved hand, "He really did love you... So, do you love him? Or?"

"I don't know, everything's so messed up"

Stan pulled him to his feet and put his hands on his shoulders, brushing him down and fixing up his coat, "Look at me, Stanford"

Ford looked at him.

"I know for a fact you've been using that damn head of yours, rather than your heart. Ignore your head and tell me, what does your heart say?"

Ford looked down at the note in his hands, the words so neatly and beautifully written, and then back up at his brother. Those brown eyes comforting and kind, and waiting for his answer. Ford gulped nervously as he listened to his heart and he swallowed quickly as he opened his mouth,

"I... I love him. I really do love him." he answered, his voice barely a whisper. Stan nodded and patted his shoulder as he let him go, "There, you see? Now come on, I want to sleep in a bed, I haven't napped in- how long were we gone?"

"About a month" Dipper replied, looking annoyed by this face and a bit mad. Ford smiled, "Where did you go? I presume The Oracle looked after you for a bit?"

"Yes, but we were in Lottocron 9 for two of those weeks! Wait, are you glowing red?"

"Ah... Am I? I hadn't noticed..."

"Yeah, your ears are also pointy! Did Bill turn you into a demon!?" Mabel asked, "That's super cool!"

"Yeah, he did..." Ford replied, a faint blush rising to his cheeks.

"Does it feel different?" Dipper asked, tugging out his Journal from his backpack and passing it to him. Ford took it with a delighted grin and nodded, "Yes, I guess so? Bill never got round to teaching me how to use the magic, so I guess I'm going to have to figure it out from here."

The Pines family stopped at the edge of the clearing, the Mystery Shack standing there waiting for them and creaking in the sunlight. It was a bit beaten up, but still perfectly intact, "Home! It's in a shambles! Just like we left it!" Dipper cried, feeling the most relaxed he'd been in ages.

Ford ruffled his hair, "Welcome home."

**End Of Part 1.**


	17. The Return

**Song:[End Of Times - Alan Walker](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaZXdZGZfb0)**

**~**

**Part 2: Origins**

The dark gray statue warmed up nicely in the light of the morning sun. Its features never changing despite the moss and plants that liked to weave themselves around its ankles and slowly inch their way up the smooth-ish texture. It was as if Nature itself would rather it stayed hidden by its green camouflage, than allow the world to see it what had become of the demon that had changed its green landscapes into a wasteland.

A crack appeared on the surface, just by the cheek of the seemingly lifeless man, glowing golden and throbbing softly as the energy within hummed with power. Ford looked up from his cup of hot coffee as the alarms system he set up went off, trilling loudly in his ears with a noise only he could hear. He stood up quickly and poofed his cup into the sink, his magic cleaning it, drying it and putting it away in a blink of an eye. 

He teleported to his room and grabbed his black trench coat from a hook behind his bedroom door, the thing still shimmering like an oil slick and tough as the dragon hide it was made from. He slipped it on and adjusted it as he smiled at himself in the mirror, running a hand through his brown hair. During the three years he had waited for Bill to return, he had made alterations to his appearance and had settled at the age of thirty. No longer bothered by aching joints and tiredness like his twin, the magic within him kept him immortal and happy.

Dipper tumbled down the stairs like he did the same time each morning, tugging on his jacket with a smile, and a burst of youthful energy, “Grunkle Ford!” he cried, looking this way and that for him. He was so ready to start the day and spend some time with him, while his sister snoozed and slept in. Ford came rushing into the living room and breezed straight past him, “Not right now, Dipper, Bill’s back!” the man replied, ignoring him as he pouted.

“Oh, really? Well, go and get him then!” the teen answered, sitting down on the sofa to watch some proper TV before Mabel would get up and flip it to the My Little Pony cartoon she enjoyed so much. Ford gave him a thankful nod and hurried out the door, glitching as he teleported every few feet or so.

The statue crumbled quickly, large pieces breaking off and falling to the ground as it hatched its prisoner, who was still unaware of what was going on. Bill fell forward as the hold on him vanished and two six-fingered hands quickly caught him before he could hit the ground. Ford scooped him up and cradled him in his arms, mesmerized by the changes. He looked different than he used to be. Granted, he was still human in appearance, but now a trail of freckles dusting the bridge of his nose. The nose itself was less triangular and more button, and round. And his hair was golden and curly, just like it had been when Pyra had stuffed him into that Victorian cocktail dress.

“Bill?” he asked softly, gently stroking his cheek with one hand in an attempt to rouse him from his slumber, “Are you okay?”

The demon grumbled softly at his touch, his eyebrows furrowing as he came too. Bill opened his eyes one at a time, “Stanford?” he asked, squinting in the light as Ford beamed down at him. His golden eyes locked onto his blue ones and sparked softly like gold, but far more beautiful than the lifeless rocks ever could be.   
  
“Welcome back to dimension 46’\”

“Huh? Where… where am I? Why are you here?” Bill asked, sounding muddled and sleepy as he struggled to realize what was going on.

“It’s been three years since Weirdmegeddon, does that help?”

“I’m... I’m back?”

Ford kissed his forehead, “Yes, but I will ask you to refrain from doing a Weirdmegeddon Part 2” he replied, looking down at the leftover ruins now fading away from existence as if the statue had never been. Tears ran down the demon’s face as everything slowly but surely came back to his mind, “Why are you here?... Don’t you hate m-me?” he sniffled, not quite believing Ford would be so kind as to even touch him, let alone kiss his forehead. Ford brushed the tears away with gentle fingers, “No! Bill, I’m sorry, I don’t hate you! I went to a supernatural therapist a while ago and they said that I didn’t have Stockholm syndrome... I really did love you and I still do! I was just afraid and a bit muddled.”

“Understandable... after what I did”

“I don’t want you to focus on that”

“Sorry...”

“Come on then, lets get you home” Ford said, making his way back to the shack slowly so he could enjoy the sunshine and the surrounding view. Bill yawned sleepily and snuggled into him, comforted by his scent, “That would be lovely” he replied, feeling a bit better now that he knew Ford really loved him. He had been so upset upon realizing that the man probably didn’t love him like he had been projecting. Yet, he had loved him enough that he still wanted the man to be happy, rather than get angry at him for not reciprocating his feelings.

_He really had changed._

~

Ford practically skipped up the rickety steps and made his way into the cooler insides of the house, Bill now fast asleep in his arms and his face and clothes still warm from the sun. He stood by the air conditioning unit in the living room for a few seconds, just to cool down, “Mabel? I have a request!” he called out, waiting for her energetic reply. 

“In the kitchen!” she replied, the sound of cutlery, and the clinking of bowls audible from the room. He made his way into the kitchen and paused as he noticed Stan spooning a scoop of ice cream into Mabel's mouth.

“Can you make a yellow sweater for a certain skinny, adult male?” 

Mabel squirted whipped cream into her mouth and gave him the thumbs up once she had put the canister down. She was just about to work her way through swallowing it when she was stopped, “Wait!” Stan cried, adding a cherry to the top, “And done! Mouth sundaes, my specialty!” the man replied, giving a brief bow of appreciation at his own handwork.

Ford rolled his eyes, “You two should be dead with the amount of sugar you eat” he said, happy that Dipper was sticking to eating cereal for breakfast rather than fill his mouth up with ice cream like his twin had. Stan waved the bottle of whipped cream at him, “You want one, Sixer? It’s only cause we’re out of plates and cups, and bowls, and yeesh, I really need to do the dishes.”

Ford snapped his fingers and the pile of dirty dishes stacked in the sink, magically cleaned themselves and put themselves away like his cup had done earlier that morning, “You could have just asked me” he replied, smirking at their shocked faces. 

_They kept forgetting he had magic._

“Right, magic twin” Stan said, patting Mabel on the back as she choked on the ice cream in her mouth. Bill groaned softly and moved his head to the side, “Someone feed me...” he muttered, wriggling in his arms. Ford set him down in an empty seat and ruffled his hair, “Ice cream good?” he asked. 

Bill leaned against the table, “I still want buttermilk pancakes.”

“Pancakes it is.”

Mabel wiped her mouth once she had eaten and helped Ford to make them manually, “He’s waited almost four years for those pancakes, and he’s too tired to even stay awake for them.” he said. Mabel chuckled as he looked back at his sleepy boyfriend, “Well, we'll make him the best pancakes he’s ever had, he’ll wake up from the smell of them alone” she replied, grabbing the buttermilk from the fridge and passing it to him. He gave it a cautious sniff as Bill snored softly and poured some into the mixing bowl once he deemed it safe.

The scent of the cooking woke the demon briefly and his nose twitched like a bunny as he smelled the delicious smells. Ford set a plate down of piping hot pancakes in front of him moments later and petted his hair, “Bill? Pancakes are ready” he cooed. The demon’s tongue flicked out his mouth, rolling across the table like the red carpet and landing on top of the decent-sized stack. Ford cocked his head to the side as he watched him try, and fail, to move one of them into his mouth with his tongue alone.

“Ngh... get in my mouth... eh”

“Table manners, Bill”

“I’m too tired…”

Ford put a pancake on top of his tongue for him and it rolled back into his mouth with the pancake along with it, “How about I feed you?” the man suggested, waiting till Bill had finished his huge mouthful before he pulled the plate over to him. 

“Yes, please.”

“That memory gun really did a number on you, ay?” Ford asked, sitting down beside him and cutting up the pancakes into bite-sized pieces with a knife and fork. Bill grumbled tiredly, “Shhh. Pancake, mouth, now.”

Ford shoved the pieces into his mouth, one at a time, waiting till Bill had munched, swallowed and opened his mouth again until he put in the next lot. He repeated this course of action till he finished them, “Much better... thank you, Sixer...” Bill muttered, going straight back to sleep now that he was full. Ford smiled, “You can sleep in my room” he said, picking him back up and making for his bedroom. He looked back at Stanley with a faint blush, “Um, are you okay with this?”

“Of course, we’ve talked about this, repeatedly. It’s fine, stop asking” his twin replied, sipping his drink as Mabel reached for the whipped cream again. Ford nodded, “Just making sure... I just don’t want to make you all feel uncomfortable...” he muttered, chuckling softly as Bill started purring. Mabel giggled at the noise and squirted cream onto Stan's coffee, “Give him cat ears and he’d be a Neko!”

“That’s a marvelous idea, Mabel. You can knit him some, perhaps?”

“I had three years to get used to it, Sixer, go put him to bed” Stan said, waving a hand at him to bugger off as he drank his upgraded coffee. Ford did just that, tucking Bill under the covers of the bed and snuggling up beside him. The demon cuddled in closer and purred louder, the vibrations making the bed shake a little. Ford snorted softly, “Will you be quiet?” he asked, stroking his hair with one hand. Bill snickered, “I’m sorry, I’m just happy you’re loving me the way I wanted... I’m sorry for being tired... I’m still adjusting to being back... it’s a bit strange, I thought I’d died, why am I back?” he asked, opening an eye to make sure he was listening to him. Ford frowned as he thought, “Your body was encased in stone, so more like a mummy than a statue, and I don't know.”

“No, I wasn’t in there”

“Where were you then?”

“Someplace quiet and dark...”

“Were you alone?”

“Yes, I was dying, but never leaving, never moving on, it hurt”

“I’m sorry, if I’d known I would have tried to get you out”

“I think Axl brought me back, but I’m not sure”

“Why him?”

“Maybe he thought I deserved it... for whatever good deed I did... Or maybe this is a punishment for my past crimes... You look younger than I remember,” Bill replied, putting a hand on his cheek. Ford smiled, “Took you long enough to notice, I changed my age”

“Oooh, I likey”

“Silver hair is nice, but it's not worth not being able to run away from monsters fast enough.”

“You’re confusing me, shush” Bill answered, pulling him in for a kiss. Fords mouth was soft, warm and very familiar, and he had missed him so much. His heart hurt with the longing of having to wait this long, but also warming by the fact it had sort of been worth it to wait. Ford wrapped his arms around him protectively as he pulled away, “You look adorable with freckles, by the way” he whispered in his ear. Bill felt goosebumps run down his arms and he chuckled, “I have freckles now?”

“Yup and your hair’s different too” Ford said, summoning a mirror for him so he could see his reflection. Bills eyes widen and he felt his right eye twitch in annoyance, “No!” he cried, realizing perhaps this _was_ in fact a petty punishment and not the reward he had been hoping for as he looked at his more feminine hair. 

_There was no way in hell he’d have his hair like this usually!_

Ford patted his face as he grumped, “Don’t be like that, I like it!”

“It’s curly-er”

“Only a bit”

“A bit!? It’s the same as when... Pyra did it...”

“Yeah, where is Pyra and the others, anyway?”

“I don’t know”

“Are they in the Nightmare Realm?”

“I hope not, that place was due to collapse in on itself, eventually”

“We’ll have to go there sometime.”

Bill sighed sadly, “It's probably gone by now, no point.” he replied, looking a bit saddened by the fact that he’d probably lost his friends. Ford wiped away a tear from his face, “I’m sorry. Maybe they got out and found a different dimension?”

“Maybe.”

"No use overthinking it, get some rest."

~

Bill groaned as he felt a finger poke his face, “Fuck off..."

“No, I’m a demon now, not a mortal, you can’t tell me what to do!” Ford said, poking him again and again till he opened his eyes and glared at him. Bill swatted his hand away as he went in for another poke, “Doesn’t mean you can interrupt my nap, I’m still tired from ‘dying’”

“Don’t you want to spend time with me?” Ford whined, trying to be as dramatic as possible as he flopped onto the bed beside him. Bill grumbled, “I feel like shit... please let me rest” he whined back, turning over and pulling the pillow closer to himself. Ford sighed and got out of bed, “Alright, I’ll go see what the others are up too” he answered, shutting the door on his way out.

_Grumpy demon._

He trailed into the living room, just to see if Stan or the twins were in, and was happy to find both Mabel and Dipper sitting squished in the armchair together as the girl knitted away. Dipper was munching on a bag of cool ranch Doritos and trying to keep the bag away from Waddles as he sniffed about hungrily, “Are you sure he’s going to wear it if you glue real nachos to it, Mabel?” the boy asked, the bright yellow wool making his eyes hurt. Ford cleared his throat to get their attention, “You’re gluing real nachos to Bills sweater?” he questioned, blinking a little in confusion. Dipper nodded and jerked a thumb at his twin, “Yes, she wants to glue real nachos onto Bills sweater, right Mabel?”

“Yep! I'd put varnish on them first, otherwise they'd break and get all gross.”

“Um... Maybe just draw orange triangles on it instead?”

“Or, I could knit some Nachos out of orange wool and then glue them on? Or even better, knit them into the sweater itself!”

“Yes! That’s a splendid idea! Do that” Ford replied, feeling a bit better now that he knew Bill wouldn’t be wearing actual food on his clothing. Dipper grabbed for the remote as Waddles snatched it from the armrest, oinking happily as he chewed it and drooled all over the buttons. Dipper scrambled off his seat to try to wrench it from his mouth, the two playing a sort of tug-of-war, much to Waddles happiness, 

And Dippers annoyance.

“Give it back! Waddles! This isn’t a toy!” he cried, yelping and falling over as the pig let it go. Mabel giggled, “Aw, are my two boys having fun?” she cooed, putting out a hand. Dipper let out an ‘oof’ noise as the pig walked across him to get to Mabel's out-stretched fingers. Waddles ignoring Dippers cries of pain as his fat body squished him good. Mabel scratched him behind the ears and smiled at her brother as her pet made happy pig noises, “Are you okay?” she asked.

“I think the pig broke my bones…”

“Drama queen.”

“Stanford!” Stan called out, “I think your boyfriend fell out of bed! I heard a thunk!”

Ford sighed and teleported back to his room, remembering not to do it too frequently. He ended up getting awful headaches if he did it too much in one day. A lesson he had learned the hard way. Bill was on the floor when he appeared, still asleep and not bothered by the fact he was lying on his back at an awkward angle. “Bill? Come on, sweetie, at least try to stay in bed.”

“... Everything feels heavy...”

“Do you want to get up, or go back to bed?”

“I can’t move myself.”

Ford grabbed him from under the arms and hauled him back into bed, “You need more energy, but the question is, is it food energy or magical energy you need?” he asked, tapping his chin as he thought about it. Bill opened an eye, “Both, I think. I feel heavy on the inside, and I can’t get my tentacles to move this damn meat sack I’m in.”

Ford snapped his fingers, “That’s it, I forgot there was another part of you, my mistake” he replied, holding his hand and feeding him his own magical energy straight to where he needed it the most. Bill sighed happily, “Oh, that’s much better” he said, his eyes half-lidded as the warm feeling rushed over him and filled him up like petrol did to an empty tank.

“So it’s working then?”

“Yup!”

“Good.”

Bill stood up once he had let go and smiled at him happily, “I feel much better” he replied, shaking his arms and legs like soggy pasta noodles as he distributed the newly acquired energy into his limbs, “I’m ready for anything! What’s happening today? Hmm?”

“Mabel's got a present for you in a bit”

“Aw, that’s nice”

Ford leaned in and kissed his cheek, earning a happy hum from his boyfriend as the man pulled him in for a hug, “Hey, that tickled” Bill said, blushing a little in the dim light as he rubbed his cheek with a hand.

“You’re ticklish? That’s new”

“New body, it’s sensitive, it should settle down in the next few days.”

Ford ran a couple of fingers down his arm, making Bill squeak and push him away, “Hey! Stop that!” he cried, pouting at him in annoyance. Ford smirked, “I’m sorry, are you ticklish? I had no idea!” he said sarcastically, reaching for his sides with every intent to tickle him. Bill smacked him gently as a warning and pointed a finger at him as if daring him to try something. Ford chuckled and put his hands up in surrender, “Alright, I’m sorry for teasing you” he replied, pretending to look offended by the ‘slap’.

Bill grumped and walked out the room, tripping over the pig as it raced past him, the remote now back in his mouth. Waddles squealed loudly as Bill made contact and galloped down the hallway, dropping the remote on his way, “Ow...” the demon muttered, pain up and down his body, and quite a few splinters in his hands from the wooden floorboards underneath him.

“Mind the pig” Ford said, stopping beside him and helping him to his feet. Bill brushed himself off and removed the splinters with magic, “Good morning to you too” he spoke to the now long gone Waddles. He picked up the soggy remote and made his way to the living room, peering in as Ford followed close behind. Mabel and Dipper were still in their seats, both absorbed in their own things. He smiled and waved, coming in and perching himself on the armrest like a frog, “Hmmm... yellow colour, obvious nacho design. This is for me, right?” he said, pointing to her handy work and handing Dipper back the remote. Mabel nodded, “Yup! And it's almost done!”

“I wasn’t a nacho by the way, my shell was supposed to be a bit like my true form, only friendlier looking... yeesh, on second thoughts I _was_ cute, not friendly...”

Ford chuckled, “You were _so_ cute, especially when you were the size of a house cat, and I could pet you.”

Mabel finished up and handed it to him, “Put it on for me?” she asked. Bill grumped and tugged on the sweater, “Oh, so I get all tiny and small and I’m cute, but as soon as I’m the size of a building, I’m scary?”

“When you’re the size of a building, you can squish me” Ford replied.

_Good point._

Mabel squealed happily, “You look adorable! Do you like it? I can put the nacho chips on later once I've knitted them” she said, adjusting it for him. Bill scratched at his chest and arms a bit, “Yes, Mabel, it’s nice, thank you, but it’s a bit itchy” he replied. Mabel pushed his hands away as he continued to scratch, “Don’t, you’ll irritate it.”

Bill took it off, “Sorry to be a drag, but my skin is very sensitive right now, I’ll wear it in a couple of days, okay?”

Mabel hugged him and nodded, “As long as you wear it! That’s real wool! It’s expensive!” she replied, giggling as Bill's body made a squeaky toy noise at her rather tight hug. Bill kept making the loud squeak every time she repeated the squeeze with her arms, “Mabel! Stop! If you keep doing that I’m going to be sick! I’m inside this thing!” he spluttered, feeling ill already. Mabel quickly let go and cringed, “Sorry, you just sounded so cute when you make that noise, I couldn’t resist”

“This is just a shell” Bill said, looking a bit green as he rubbed his temples. Mabel tilted her head to the side like a confused puppy, “It is? Is it to make you less scary?”

“Uh, well, it’s not _that_ scary, Ford’s seen it and didn’t go nutty like Fiddlesticks did.”

Dipper grabbed for his own Journal, “He didn’t? So you either go insane, or can handle it? Well, Ford _has_ seen some messed up stuff” he replied, scribbling the info down with his chewed up pen. Bill grumped, “No! My form doesn’t do that! Fidds just couldn’t handle it. That guy had anxiety worse than a damn chicken! Couldn’t see a tiny spider without screaming his lungs out!”

Ford smirked as he remember Bill freaking out over the spider crawling up his face.

“Can we see your true form then?” Dipper asked, clicking his pen excitedly. Ford shook his head, “Nah ah, Bill, if you want to go into your true form, you’ll do it in space from now on.”

“But why?”

“Because you’ll slip into madness, eat everyone’s souls and I’ll have to use the 'power of love' to bring you back- you think I’m joking? Nope!”

“I think you're confused, I can be in my true form and not go mad and eat people’s souls! It just happens when I’m stressed... besides, I was in my true form when I turned you into a demon and I was fine then.”

“Suitable point, but I’d still rather you didn’t”

“But Grunkle Ford!!” Dipper whined. 

_This wasn’t fair! Ford had seen it._

_Why couldn’t he!!??_

Ford smiled at him, “I can draw it for you, Dipper, if that’s what you want for your journal”

“But it’s better if I see it in person!”

“Come on, Sixer, let me feed the boy’s curiosity”

Ford scowled, “If you damage his mind, I want a refund on my megalomaniac boyfriend”

“It won’t damage his mind, Fiddlesticks was just a pussy!”

Ford looked at Dipper with a sigh, Bill raised yet another wonderful point. Fidds had always been a bit on the jittery side and scared by all the wondrous things Gravity Falls offered. He had been annoyed by it at times and even felt like firing him, although the man was his friend and had put in a lot of good work on the portal.

“Fine.”


	18. Chess

Bill floated down to the floor and adjusted his bow tie with his hands, "Alrighty then, hang on a second." he said, trying to figure out the best way to take off his shell without the twins seeing it. There was a flash of light to shield their eyes, before his true form appeared, floating lazily above the carpet like a strange looking jellyfish. His tentacles waved lazily below him before braiding themselves into his triangular body, and Mabel gaped at the more gruesome version of the golden triangle she had once known.

"Ta da! This is me, real me" Bill said, wiggling his arms like wet noodles and snapping his teeth. Stan cringed as he came in to grab his grungy looking slippers, "Yeesh, Sixer, you fuck that thing?" he asked, picking them up off the ground and slipping them on.

Ford turned to look at him with a nasty glare on his face, daring Stan to say something else that was rude. Stan swallowed thickly and backed out the room, not wanting to start a physical fight with his now magical twin. But, with the look he was giving him, he might as well have punched him in the face and called it a day. 

Bill waved a tentacle at Dipper as the boy continued to gape, "This was not what I was expecting at all" he muttered, dropping his pen on the ground. Mabel giggled, "Dipper.exe has stopped working" she said, patting her twins back to get him to snap out of it. The demon chuckled and scooped it up, passing the ballpoint pen back to his waiting hand, "Allow me to introduce myself properly, my name is William, people call me Bill, you may know me as the Illuminati, The Eye of Providence, or the wittle tiny triangle guy on the one-dollar bill."

Dipper wrapped his fingers around his pen, "Nice to meet you?"

Ford smiled and took out an old dusty book from his trench coat pocket, the dust jacket ripped and torn and the pages yellowed with age, "You want to know something funny?" he asked, flipping through them one at a time till he got to where he wanted. 

Bill floated around to look at him, "What?" he asked, wondering if this was still part of the conversation or of Ford was changing the subject. Ford turned the book around and tapped the chapter he had stopped at, "According to this, you still technically own Earth, no-one has tried to claim it before."

"Wait, what!? I own this hunk of rock!?" Bill cried, trying to ignore Mabel as she tugged at one of his tentacles curiously. Ford nodded, "Yes, it's your territory, same as the Nightmare Realm, if it still exists that is. Mabel don't do that, dear, you don't want your soul sucked out through your mouth."

Bill yanked it out of her hand, "It's fine, as long as she doesn't put it in her mouth like some dumb baby. And I don't own Earth, nobody can _own_ a planet! Can they? Where did you get this idea from?"

Ford waved his book at him, "The Federation of Planets and Demon Affairs entry in this dimensional travelers handbook. I looked into some legal stuff with them about your death a year or so back, Earth was on the list of planets you owned."

"WHAT!? THAT'S INSANE! WHY WOULD ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND LET ME OWN A PLANET!?"

Ford rolled his eyes, "It's automatic, the moment you stepped through the rift and took over"

"That makes no sense!"

**(A/N: The GIF is Bills face)**

"Never mind, just don't worry about it" Ford chuckled, patting the top of him gently. Bill ignored his pats and smacked Mabel's hand as she reached for him again, "No touchy!"

Mabel giggled, "Sorry, they just feel weird. What are they for?"

"They're my limbs, hands, feet and other things, I also shove them down people's throats and suck out their souls with them."

Dipper wrote it down and reached out to inspect them as Mabel had done, wanting to note down the texture as well as the reasons they existed. He jerked his hand back as Bill slapped him too, "That goes for you too, Pine Tree!"

"Sorry. I just want to know what they feel like"

"Are you making a page on me?"

"Yes, can you tell me something else?"

"I can eat animal souls as well as humans' souls, you want to see?"

"Heck yes!"

"NO!" Ford cried, looking a bit nervous as they all looked at him in confusion, didn't they know the dangers of this demonic practice. Dipper closed his book, "Why not?" he asked, giving the man a pleading look that he usually gave his mother when he wanted ice cream after dinner. Ford sighed, "I, oh, fine- but only small creatures" he said, caving at the look on his nephew's face. Dipper grinned and quickly scribbled something down, his eyes dancing with excitement at the prospects of seeing a soul being sucked in action.

"Can you do cartwheels?" Mabel asked, changing the subject to something less gruesome and more her style of things. Bill unraveled and rolled about the living room like a wheel, giggling happily as he avoided Waddles, "Yup! It's the most fun I can do in this form!" he answered, rolling out the room and down the hallway. They hurried after him as he made for the front door, "Bill! Be careful!" Ford begged, trying to keep him in his line of sight.

Dipper nudged his sister as he followed, "This is weird, right?"

"Yeah, but he's so cute! I mean in an ugly way, like one of those hairless cats."

Her twin snorted and made his way over to the demon as he came to a stop on the lawn and flopped on the grass, "Do souls taste different?" he asked, kneeling on the greenery and trying to avoid the prickle patches dotted here and there. Bills tentacles shot out into the woods, stretching long and wide as they grabbed for its prey, "Nope, they taste all the same to me" he replied, reeling in what he had caught. 

The gnome screamed and struggled as Bill dragged it towards him, trying to make himself heard to his friends and family till Bill covered his mouth and kept him quiet. Ford put a hand over his niece's eyes, but the girl pushed him away and continued to watch with wide eyes. The demon shoved a tentacle down the wriggling creature's throat and started to suck. The noise sounded a lot like the saliva ejector at the dentist, and it made Dipper cringe as memories of painful fillings and Mabel's expensive braces came to mind. The gnome went limp as the demon finally removed the squishy appendage from its body and fell to the ground. Its eyes white and glassy as if the poor thing were merely blind, rather than a cooling husk.

"Now, imagine that as a human and you get my point" Bill said, letting out a satisfied burp. Dipper blinked as he poked the corpse with his pen, "So, can you put the soul back in? Is he still alive? Or dead?" he asked. Bill chuckled, "Oh, he's gooooneee, his soul seized to exist the moment I ate it."

"So you collect the energy?"

"Yes, I ate his soul, like you would eat an apple. I don't always need to eat souls, and since I gained a human shell, I can survive on food."

"What's a soul taste like?"

"Good."

Dipper rolled his eyes and wrote it down, "Right..." he muttered, snapping his journal shut with his hand, he was done for the time being. Bill changed back into his triangle form and floated up to Ford, patting his face with a small hand, and a giggle, "What?" the man asked, a bit confused by the gesture. Bills eye turned up in a grin, "I love you" he explained, sticking to his face like a starfish and hugging him. Ford blushed, "I love you too" he replied, peeling him from his cheek and snuggling him close. Bill squeaked and settled down in his arms. "I'm so glad you're back, I missed you" the man added.

"No ones ever said that to me before"

"Of course they haven't" Ford replied, tickling him underneath his bow tie as Mabel awed. Bill squealed loudly and wriggled in his grip, "Hey! Stop that! That tickles!" he cried, trying to push him away as he giggled. Ford smiled, "I know it does, that's why I'm doing it" he said, carrying on with the fun. The demon laughed harder as it became more difficult to rein it in, and he bit down on Fords hand as hard as he could to get him to stop.

"Ow!" the scientist cried, retracting his fingers and putting the wounded one into his mouth. Bill folded his arms and looked up at him as he sucked on the wound, "Serves you right" he grumped.

_He didn't like being tickled._

"But you're adorable when you giggle"

"I'm a demon! I'm not supposed to be adorable!"

"Why not? You can trick people into thinking you're not dangerous, and therefore they're more likely to make deals with you."

**(A/N: Meme I made)**

"He's got a point, Bill" Dipper spoke up. Bill frowned, "I'm not cute..." he muttered grumpily, knowing full well that Ford was kind of right. The man smiled, "Whatever you need to tell yourself. So, what do you want to do now? We've got the rest of eternity"

"I don't know, I'm bored already"

"Uugghhh, immortality always seems like such a magnificent idea when you're mortal!" Ford huffed, cuddling him closer and kissing his side. Bill purred softly at the affection, "I know! But then when you _do_ become immortal, you get bored.... so easily."

"Monster hunt?" Dipper suggested,

"Lame, been there, done that, you found me, next!"

"Hmm... Can I eat souls?" Ford asked.

"No"

"How about a game of chess? I've gotten better."

"YES!" The demon cried, nyooming out his arms and back into the house as fast as he could, while his little top hat struggled to keep up with its owner. Mabel giggled and Ford quickly followed after him, "You really like that game, don't you?" he asked, kneeling down on the cushions the demon had poofed up on the floor and leaning on the table. Bill quickly set up the game and beamed, "Of course, it's my favorite." he answered, deciding to allow Ford to be white this time. 

Ford summoned a tray with a teapot of hot tea and two cups, and set them down on the floor rug. There was a small bowl of sugar cubes nestled in the middle and a couple of fancy teaspoons to complete the look. "If you put sugar in your cup again, so help me, I'll pour the hot tea on your head" Bill growled, poking the sugar bowl with a finger. Ford frowned, "It's only a bit and some milk, I don't know what you're complaining about"

"I've been drinking tea for eons, it doesn't need sugar!"

"I like it sweet!"

"You're ruining it!"

"Sweater!!" Mabel cried, shoving it over Bills head before Ford could say anything more. Bill let out a muffled yell and poked his top half through the neck hole. "What on earth is this?" he asked, his eye barely able to see as the fabric blocked half his vision. Mabel giggled, "It's a sweater for your triangle form."

"What's it say?" Bill asked, trying to see the words just visible on the front of it. Mabel adjusted it on him better, "Nacho" she replied, helping him with the sleeves. The demon rolled his eye, "Welp, it's better than an angry pineapple, or cheese slice"

"I considered putting them on."

Ford tapped the table once he had moved his white piece, "It's your turn, Bill" he said, trying to get his attention and help him focus on the game. Bill kicked his foot, and a pawn moved over two squares with a bit of magic. Ford raised an eyebrow, "What was that for?"

"I can't move my arms"

"Is the sweater too heavy?"

"No, just restricting" Bill replied, shrugging it off and changing into his human form, "There, much better."

"Which form do you like the most?"

"Human one, doi, it's more flexible" the demon said, grinning and raising his eyebrows seductively. Ford narrowed his eyes at the look and chuckled, "Oh, so that's the _only_ reason you like being human?"

Bill laughed, "I also like food"

"You like anything that's in your favor."

~

"Y-You... you won?"

Ford gave a smug grin, "I did"

"How!?" the demon cried, looking down at the chessboard and assessing all the pieces. Maybe he had made a mistake, or maybe Ford had? Or maybe, maybe he really had just lost his first game...

"I told you I had gotten better"

"That's not fair! I always win!"

"Tough, I'm not terrible at chess anymore. Rematch? Or do you admit defeat?"

Bill flicked a pawn at him and grumped, "I don't want to play if you keep winning" he whined, picking up his half drunk cup of tea, which was still the perfect temperature. Ford put the pieces back in the bag and gave him a look as he sipped at it, "That's very childish of you" he said, making the items disappear and scooping Bill into his arms.

"You know what I want to do?" Ford asked, smoothing out the long blonde curls atop his head. Bill smiled softly and set his cup down, "What? Play something else?" he asked, leaning into his chest as he relaxed.

"No, I want to go back"

"Back where?"

"The multiverse, I'd like to go back and explore the different dimensions"

"Can you do it another time? I want to spend more time with you, here, in this dimension. What do couples do around here?"

"They go on dates" Mabel piped up, appearing out of nowhere at the sound of romance, she was after all, a love expert and a decent match maker. Bill scoffed softly, "What's a date? Do you mean the fruit?" he asked, wondering how on earth those disgusting dried fruits could be romantic. Ford chuckled, a faint blush in his cheeks, "No, the couple goes out to a restaurant or a place to do an activity, something they can do together and bond more."

"Oooh, sounds fun, but am I really ready for social stuff? What if someone figures out who I am? Or worse, we run into Fiddlesticks? I heard he's more sane these days."

"He is, but I don't think anyone will recognize you unless you make it super obvious, half the town already knows I'm a Demon" Ford answered, stroking his ears with his fingers. Bill pondered this fact, "I guess I could do this date thing."

"Really? Where would you want to go?"

"You can pick"

"We could go to the diner, or the lake, or we could do Lazer tag? This town has very little in the way of romance"

Mabel giggled, "Or, you guys could have a candlelit dinner, maybe go for a walk, make out a little?"

"Mabel! Go away!" Bill grumped, his face heating up with embarrassment. Ford made a shooing motion with his hand, "You heard the man, off you go, the grownups are talking"

"I'm sixteen!"

"Legally not an adult."

Mabel left the room in a flurry of sparkles and pink, looking a bit annoyed as she left the living room to go find her own twin to talk to. Dipper meanwhile, had hidden himself away from everyone, perched on the roof as he drew in his journal and enjoyed the cooling breeze of the afternoon.

Ford kissed the top of Bills head, "So, what do you want to do?" he asked, waiting for an answer. Bill smiled up at him, "Dinner sounds nice, do they have a movie theater here? We could go see a movie after? Then take a walk. Does that sound good?"

"Yes, then it's settled"

"Yay!" the demon cried, snuggling into him happily and breathing in his comforting scent, "Mine!" he declared, nuzzling his sweater with his nose. Ford smiled down at him, "You really do like saying that, don't you?"

"Because it's true! You're mine!"

"Then, in that case, you're mine too" Ford replied, pulling him in for a kiss. Bill purred loudly, he liked the sound of that.


	19. Anime

Stan wandered into the living room, scratching his belly with a hand and scuffing his slippers on the carpet as he headed for his usual seat, "Is there a large animal in here? That's some loud purring." he said, sitting down in the armchair with a soft thump. His back was playing up, so it would be some time before he would be able to remove himself from the comforts of his favorite chair.

"No, It's just Bill" Ford replied, giving the demon a smile as he stroked his hair. Stan grumbled something incoherently, "He's too loud, that's far too much noise for a shrimp like him, it would be more at home on a Lion than on whatever the hell he is."

Ford adjusted Bill in his arms with a strained expression, "He might as well weigh the same as a Lion" he muttered. Bill narrowed his eyes, "Are you calling me fat?" he asked, looking unamused at his choice of words. Ford made a face and shook his head, "No!" he cried, annoyed with himself for having said something, "You're just heavier than you were before."

"I hate you"

"No, you don't, you loovvveee me" Ford sang, nuzzling his neck with his cheek and kissing the soft skin gently. Bill chuckled as it tickled, "Okay, okay, I love you, but I'm not fat!" he answered, tapping his cheek for a kiss. Ford obeyed and smooched him instead, shocking Bill just a bit as he felt Fords lips on his, "Silly demon" the man whispered, tucked him up on the sofa and kissing his forehead. Bill blushed beet red and giggled childishly, "You're adorable" Ford said, ruffling his hair and ignoring the fake retching his twin was doing.

"I know, I'm cute, what can I say? I work out" Bill said, looking very chuffed with himself as he flexed his non-existent muscles. Ford smiled at his dork, "I'm going to go see what the others are doing, okay? You stay here" he replied, trailing off to the kitchen as the sound of TV noises issued from its interior. Fiddleford McGucket and Soos Ramirez were seated at the table, a TV sitting in front of them and looking a bit worse for wear and very dusty.

"Hey, I didn't know you were here, Fidds."

"We're watching anime" the man replied, blinking one at a time through the thick green spectacles he always seemed to wear nowadays. Ford sat down by Soos, "What's an anime?" he asked, squinting at the TV. It looked just like a normal cartoon to him. Soos chuckled, "It's awesome dude, it's a Japanese cartoon. Sit down and let me show you the future" he answered. 

"I'm already seated, but thanks?"

Fidds laughed and put his hat atop Fords head, giving him a grin and a cheeky wink, "Careful with that hat, eh? My wife's in there." Ford gave him a blank look, "What?" he asked, a bit confused by what his former assistant could mean by wife. 

_Was he married to the hat?_

Soos pointed to a hole in the hat, the only part of it not patched up with bits and pieces of fabric Old Man McGucket had found long ago. "The raccoon, dude, her name's Sally" he said, a twinkle in his eyes as he gestured to the hat. Fords eyes widened as he heard the muffled chatter of the creature and stayed still as it started to chew his hair. He patted the hat as it tugged at the strands a bit too hard and grumbled, "Stop that, my hair _isn't_ for eating!" he cried, letting out a yelp as the Raccoon bit his finger.

"Careful, she bites" Fidds spoke up, giving the man a smirk as Soos started to explain the difference between a Sub and a Dub. Ford glared and pulled his finger back, inspecting the wound before he used magic to heal it up. Fidds chuckled at his obvious annoyance and went back to watching the anime he had become heavily invested into.

Bill floated in with two bow ties and held them up, "Hey, Sixer, which one, the golden one which personally is my favorite, or the black one?" he asked. Ford pointed to the black one, "That one's nice, you always looked better in a black one anyway, black goes with everything" he replied, giving Fidds his hat back. The old man was staring at Bill, a look that was confusing to figure out. 

"Oh, ah, um, Fidds, Bill, Bill, Fidds... Please don't hate each other."

Fidds screamed before Bill could open his mouth to continue and leapt out the open window. Bill watched him go with a frown, "Am I really that ugly?" he asked, standing in the doorway awkwardly as he slipped the golden bow tie into his pocket and put on the black one. Stan snort laughed and high-fived him as Ford teleported after his friend, "Fidds! Wait!" he cried, teleporting in front of the scared male. He pulled him into a hug and tried his best to calm him down, "Hey, calm down! It's okay!"

"He's back!" Fidds cried, struggling in his grip, "He's back! We're doomed!"

"He is, but he's not evil"

"Bill Cipher is evil!!! He's lying! He's back!"

"No, he isn't, Fidds!" Ford said, tilting the man's head, so he was looking at him, "Do you trust me?" he asked, not missing the trembling wide-eyed features on the mans face, "I... I don't know" Fidds whispered.

"I'm going to pretend you said yes, and say that if you trust me, you need to trust that Bill won't do anything bad, and if he does, I'll kick him out of this dimension"

"Promise?"

"Promise, I'll even make a deal" Ford replied, holding out his hand for him to shake. Black flames danced on his palm and looked almost gray in the light streaming down from the hot sun above. Fidds grabbed it and shook it rigorously, "No backing out now! Ha!" he cried, a huge grin on his face and a spring in his step as he bounced about. Ford smiled and nodded, "I know, now, can you please try to have some sanity, and let's finish that anime?"

"He really isn't a threat anymore? How!? And why?"

Mabel popped up from behind some bushes and grinned, "BECAUSE OF LOOOVEEEEE!" she screamed, throwing bright pink glitter into the air. Ford jumped out his skin and made a shushing motion with his hand, which did nothing to deter the girl as she continued to shout the word 'Love' at the top of her lungs. Fidds eyebrows furrowed as glitter rained down on them, "Love? I don't get it."

Ford swallowed thickly, "Um, yeah, love, can change anyone...? I don't know, but he cares about not having another Weirdmegeddon, so it's all good"

"Love, love? You love him!? He loves you!? Wait, you're gay!? And you love Bill!?" Fidds burst into laughter and slapped his knee, he was finding this turn of events hilarious, so much so his foot wouldn't stop bouncing. Ford frowned in annoyance, "What's so funny?"

"You love that thing!? He's not even human! I've seen what he looks like, Stanford! He's a nightmare! How can you love that!"

"I like his mind, and yes... I've seen his true form... Fidds? Are you forgetting I'm not human?"

"You used to be! You were human when you loved him! Weren't you?"

"Well, yes... Look, I know you saw some awful stuff, and Bills the cause of a lot of it, but there's also a side to him that you've probably never seen before, and that's the side I love" Ford grumped, not in the mood for Fidds mockery. Fidds crossed his arms, "Prove it to me then."

"Okay? BILL!-"

Bill popped up out of the bushes next the Mabel, scaring both of the males, "You called?" he smirked, popping some pink bubblegum Mabel had given him while they had been hiding, and leaning on the branches of the shrub as he chewed. Ford let out a snort as the branch broke and the demon tumbled out and onto the grass along with Mabel. 

"I need you to prove to Fidds you won't hurt him"

"Uhhhh, how do I prove that?"

"I don't know, promise you won't kill anyone?... I don't know why I said that."

Bill rolled his eyes and put a hand over his heart, "I promise not to harm you or anyone else. You can trust me now. Well, not fully, but just enough"

Fidds narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "Right..."

"I could restore all your memories if you want?"

Fidds winced at the thought of remembering what he tried so hard to forget and shook his head, "No thanks, there's a reason I got rid of them... But I won't delete any more"

"I can give you the good memories back, not the bad ones"

"Really?"

"Yup! It's the least I could do"

Fidds looked at Ford, "No loopholes?"

Ford smiled, "Nope!

"That's right, no loopholes, no deal, just me being nice and giving back" Bill replied, "Demons honor" he added, putting a hand over his heart. Fidds blinked and sighed, "Okay..." he grumbled, not too sure he had a choice right now. 

Bill placed a hand on his forehead, "Hold still." Fidds froze to the spot and Bill worked his magic, unlocking the chains wrapped around the slightly faded doors within his mind and repairing the broken memories inside. Fidds eye twitched as Bill's eyes glowed but he didn't say anything. Bill removed his hand from his head when it was all over, "All done."

"Wow, you actually did it, thank you!"

"Not a problem, now go watch your ani-may" Bill replied, waving his hand at the house. Fidds hurried back inside, diving through the same window he had dived out of earlier and scaring Soos, who screamed loudly and dropped the remote he was holding. Ford smiled, "Thanks, that meant a lot to Fidds, I can tell." he spoke, ruffling his hair in appreciation. Bill grumped and redid his messy hair, "What's the matter?" he asked, noticing the sad look on his face as Ford pulled away from him.

"Fidds doesn't trust me... I know I messed up, but.. never mind, I'm just being silly"

"No, his fear of me just made him not trust anyone"

"That could easily apply to me as well"

"You did nothing wrong!"

"That's not true at all!"

"Yes it is, it's my fault! I'm fat and an ugly eyeball with tentacles, that scares people shitless!"

"No, you're more than that" Ford replied, pulling him into a hug, "You had your own motives for doing your nasty things" he continued, "You were just trying to save your friends from the inevitable collapse of your dimension and... You cared about me and still do"

"I did take a bit too far, but yes, that was the gist of it"

"Way to far"

"Waaaaayyy to far."

Ford chuckled and kissed him, "And now you're mine, you live in Gravity Falls, and are trying to make up for being a nasty eyeball with tentacles, who I might add, is _not_ fat." 

"I wish people would stop being so rude, it's not my fault I look the way I do"

"You're adorable when you're mad"

"Fuck!"

"Getting cuter"

"I AM NOT CUTE!" Bill shrieked, glaring at him angrily and still looking cute despite his protests. Ford smirked "Cuutteerrr" he cooed, booping his nose. "Arghhh!" Bill growled, stomping off to the house, "I'm going to make a grilled cheese!"

~

Bill ended up making everyone grilled cheese, passing out plates once the gooey sandwiches were finished grilling in the pan. Fidds took his cautiously, not having had a grilled cheese sandwich before. "Thanks?"

"Don't mention it, what are you guys watching?"

"My Hero Academia, I thought it would be a good starter for him" Soos explained, gesturing to Fidds. Soos started reeling off the character like the weeb he was, and everyone around him barely followed as he listed the Japanese names one by one, and pointed to their owners as they appeared on screen. Bill rolled his eyes as he watched, "Anime peeps are overly dramatic to be honest"

"That's why it's cool" Soos said, munching happily on his food and getting cheese everywhere. Ford nibbled the edges of his sandwich, "I like Todoroki"

"I like All Might" Bill said, "He smiles way too much, like me!"

"I like Tenya" Soos said, "He's got the smarts and a rule abiding nature, that just works"

"The nerd guy with glasses thats worse than Ford when it comes to rules?"

"Yep!"

Mabel came running in, panting and out of breath as she heard the familiar tune from the TV, "I have been summoned by the gods of fandoms... You've been watching My Hero Academia without me!?" she asked, noticing the season 1 DVD on the counter. Ford chuckled at her expression, "Yes, Mabel."

Bill handed the girl a grilled cheese, "Here, have one, they're good" he insisted. Mabel took it and gave a mysterious smile, "Okay, time for a lesson, peeps" she spoke up, shoving half the food into her mouth and chewing faster than Waddles did on pizza night. Bill scoffed, "What could you possibly teach us?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at the audacity of the question. 

_He was supposed to know everything!_

_What could a little sixteen-year-old possibly know that he didn't?_

"One word: Fandoms! Anybody know what they are?" she asked.

"I do!!" Bill cried, waving his hand at her happily.

"Go on then, Bill, tell us."

Bill set his plate down on the table and wiped his mouth, "It's when people obsess over a show, or a book, it's like a cult! Except, everyone's a lot more crazy and ship their gods together."

"Ships?" Ford asked.

"Relation-ships. Usually known by a fun mix up of the couple's name, like us Bill and Ford, BillFord"

"That sounds silly" Ford retorted.

"It's what the people have named us, don't question it"

"At least it wasn't Fill"

"HA! Fill! That's a good-un!" Fidds laughed, his hat shaking as the raccoon inside got a bit spooked by the sudden noise. Bill started counting quietly on his fingers before he resumed, "Fidds, you and Ford are FiddAuthor, Mabel and I are MaBill, and Dipper and I are BillDip, and there's many more, but some of them scare me..."

"The ones you listed _already_ scare me, I can see where FiddAuthor could come from, but Fidds and I were room-mate's back then, that's it!" Ford exclaimed, looking very grossed out by the ship names Bill had poofed up.

_Where did he even get these ships from?_

_And who made them up?_

"I'd like ta comment that I'm straight and had a wife, and a son, so I think that solves it" Fidds spoke, trying to clear the air. Dipper frowned as he came in, "BillDip? What the hell? Who made that up?" he asked, a stack of textbooks in his arms.

"People, It's a ship between you and me, you're twelve in most of them, occasionally a teen." Bill explained, "And I'm human in a few of them too. Oh, and don't get me started on the triangle Bill x Dipper ship I've heard about." 

Everyone shivered in disgust and Bill nodded in agreement, "I hate having infinite inter-dimensional knowledge, some worlds can be nasty imagination wise. Anyway, I'm going out for a smoke, it's been awhile since I had one" he said, trailing outside and lighting the cigarette he poofed up. 

He sat down on the porch to enjoy it, feeling the warm fumes drift into his lungs and coat his insides with their nasty but addictive chemicals. Stan sat down on the sofa and watched him blow smoke rings before they disappeared into the air and faded away. Ford frowned as he came out to get some fresh air, "I didn't know you were smoking still."

"I usually smoke, its not just a party thing" Bill replied. Ford sat down beside him, "I'd rather you didn't, it's not good for you"

"I know that."

"Then can you try to cut back?"

"I smoke one of these when I want to, maybe once a day or so, it's not like I'm smoking an entire packet like some people do"

"Oh, okay, well as long as you aren't overdoing it."

~

Bill stirred the pot as it bubbled away on the stove, humming a small tune to himself as he did so. Dipper was doing his homework at the table and muttering math equations under his breath as he frantically scribbled down the answers to his questions. Mabel was sticking today's sticker find into her sticker scrapbook, a special book that had a shiny coating to each page. It allowed her to remove stickers again if she wanted to and reuse them. Fidds was staring at him with that bug-eyed expression, as if he had zoned out. Bill frowned, "Got a problem, Fiddlesticks?"

"No, I didn't know you could cook, was I staring?"

"Yes"

"Oops!"

Fidds turned to face the wall instead, which to be honest was far more weird than when he had been staring at him. Bill raised an eyebrow but continued to make dinner, adding some more pepper and a sprinkle of rock salt. Ford hurried in with some more work for Dipper and smiled at Bill as he took a good sniff of the food bubbling away, "Hey, cooking dinner? That's really helpful"

"Yeah, can you set the table? It's almost done."

Ford waved his hand and the perfect amount of cutlery floated out the drawer and settled on the table, "Done." he said quietly, scooping up the work Dipper passed him and hurriedly checking through it to make sure it was all correct. Dipper wanted to get into a good college when he was older, so Ford was helping him with his schoolwork and providing extracurricular things for him to work on.

Bill turned off the stove once he was sure it was all ready and picked up the pot, setting it down in the middle of the table where it steamed away under the light. Meat and vegetables floated around the stew type broth and everyone felt their tummies grumble as they looked at it.

"Dinner is served ladies and gentlemen."

"Smells good" Fidds said, taking a place at the table next to Soos, who was staying for dinner thanks to Stan's permission. Ford sat down and nodded, "It does" he answered, watching Fidds carefully through the corner of his eyes. He wasn't too sure Fidds was okay with Bill, but hoped the man would tolerate him more than he had done. The old hillbilly poked the bowl's contents as Bill set it down in front of him, "What is it?" he asked, scooping some onto the spoon he was holding. Bill rolled his eyes and served up everyone else, "Am I supposed to name it too? Fuck, I don't know, food! Hot food, just eat!"

Ford chuckled, "From now on we'll call it "hot food" and be extremely unspecific"

"It tastes good, that's all that matters, right?"

Fidds took a bite and smiles, "Oh, this is delightful!"

Bill ate his quickly, not at all bothered by the heat, "Told you so." he said, tapping his spoon the rim of his bowl. Fidds muttered curse words under his breath and ate his dinner, happy just to be included into a family event, despite Bill being here.


	20. Cosplay

Bill put the cheesecake he had made for dessert onto the serving board in the middle of the table and started cutting into it. He made sure his slice was the biggest and quickly scooped it onto his plate before Stan could grab it from him, "I made it, I get more" he explained as Mabel gaped at him in shock and Stan stared at it with greedy eyes. Ford rolled his eyes, "Riigghhhtt, what about the rest of us?" he asked, gesturing to the now abandoned knife sitting beside Bills plate. The demon nudged it over, "Cut your own pieces, there's plenty there, it's huge!"

Ford cut up the rest for the others, making sure everyone had equal slices, much to Stan's annoyance, he kept looking back at the demons slice as he he ate his. Bill ate his messily, getting the creamy filling all around his mouth as he enjoyed the baked delight, his fingers also mess, and the fork Mabel had put down for him all but ignored. 

Stan snickered softly and nudged his twin, "Clean up on Aisle Bill"

Ford sighed at the messy demon, "Bill?" he asked, waiting till he looked up before he gestured to his own mouth. Bills tongue came out, long and thin and licked it all off in one swipe, making Stan blink a few times as he processed what he had just seen, "Sex between you two must be great, you know, with a tongue like that" he said, scooping up two generous hunks of his own dessert and stuffing it into his mouth before Ford could stop him. 

Bill blushed and everyone else groaned in annoyance, "Grunkle Stan!" Dipper cried, pushing his plate away without a second glance. 

_There was no way he could eat this now._

Ford huffed, "What is it with you and making comments about what I do with Bill?" he asked, taking Dippers plate and sliding what remained onto his boyfriends plate for him. The demons eye lit up at the fortunate turn of events and he beamed happily and picked it up. Stan ignored him and kept it up, "I bet that's not the only cream he's had in his mouth either" he replied, making Mabel laugh out loud and choke on the mouthful she was eating.

"STANLEY!"

"Relax, Ford, he's only saying those things cause he's single" Bill said, trying to calm him down as the mans blue eyes turned a nasty shade of red. Ford settled down at his touch, the red glow to his skin humming softly, "Two can play at that game. Stan's never had a girlfriend for more that a week, because, and I quote, 'That's too much commitment'"

"Hey!" Stan cried, "You can't do that!"

"Why? Because you can joke about our relationships, but we can't joke about yours?"

"Exactly!"

Dipper chuckled, "That's not how it works, Grunkle Stan."

Stan went back to his cheesecake with a moody expression and Ford high-fived Dipper with a smirk and ruffled Bills hair. He faltered as he realized Fiddleford and Soos were still at the table and went a bright red that matched the blush to Bills cheeks. The demon grumbled, "Just eat, I spent an hour manually making this damn thing, I'm not going to have it wasted."

A slow smile spread across Fiddlefords face and he gave a strangled chuckle, "I'm going to have nightmares" he whispered, shoving the entire slice they had given him into his mouth and chewing with his mouth wide open as the raccoon sniffed about the floor for dropped treats. Bill snorted and shook his head as he nudged Waddles over to a pile of crumbs, "I could remove them, but something tells me you wouldn't like that, anyway, I'm done, I'm going to go have a bath" he said, pushing his empty plate away and standing up with a good stretch. Dipper picked up the plates and cleared the table once Bill had left the kitchen, "I'll do the washing up" he said, stacking the dirty dishes into his arms and walking over to the sink with them carefully. 

Ford smiled, "Thank you, Dipper."

"Remember that it's New Years soon!" Mabel cried, helping her brother by collecting all the used cutlery. Dipper huffed, "Oh man..." he grumbled, turning on the tap to allow the lukewarm water to run hot. Ford cocked his head to the side as he noticed the annoyed look on his nephew's face, "What's the matter?"

Mabel giggled, "He's upset cause he still hasn't asked Pacifica out yet" she said, dropping the spoons into the sink as it filled up with soapy water. Dipper twisted the tap and the jet of water hit one spoon, spraying him with water until he turned it off.

"Pacifica Northwest? You should ask her, from what I've heard and seen she's a nice girl, very pretty... I highly doubt there's any other boy here in Gravity Falls she'd be interested in- worse comes to worse she declines, and you stay friends" Ford said with a timid smile. Dipper dried himself off with the tea towel and sighed, "It's not that easy, her parents hate me"

"Screw them, I always hated Preston."

Bills sudden screaming interrupted their conversation and Ford quickly rushed out the kitchen and teleported to the bathroom to see what was going on. His boyfriend was pressed up against the wall and trembling from head to toe as an enormous spider glared at him from the bathtub, annoyed that its web making had been interrupted. Ford went over and scooped it up, the thing about the same size as his head.

"What's the matter? Scared of a baby spider?"

"THAT'S NOT A BABY! THAT'S A MOTHERFUCKING GIGANTIC _THING,_ WITH EIGHT LEGS!" Bill screeched, not in the mood for Fords playful teasing. The man chuckled, "Hey wittle guy~" he cooed to the spider as it crawled over his fingers in an attempt to escape his hands.

"DON'T YOU MOCK ME!" Bill yelled, pointing a finger at him as he made his way out the bathroom. Ford smirked, "Oh hush, it can't hurt you" he said, practically skipping to the front door so he could release it back outside. Bill slammed the bathroom door shut and the sound of water running could be heard moments later as he got ready.

While Bill muttered curse words under his breath and sank down into the hot water, Ford let the spider go into the bushes and stayed to watch it as it scurried under the leaves and out of sight.

~

Ford woke up to Bill in his lap the next morning, the demon cuddled into his leg and hugging it like a comfort object as he snoozed. He smiled and stroked his long, messy and curly hair as he magically put on his glasses, and sat up in bed. They'd slept like this ever since Bill had returned, the demon snuggling into him like he was stuck to him with glue and not letting go unless he needed the bathroom.

"Bill?" he asked, nudging him gently with a hand as he tried to wake him up. It was very late and almost lunch time, they had slept in later than usual which had become a normal thing around here. Bill snorted in his sleep but didn't make a move to open his eyes, he always seemed tired and barely hanging in there in the mornings.

_He was definitely not a morning person._

"Bill, come on, it's time to wake up."

"... Bill's not here right now... leave a message after the beep" came the demon's sleepy reply as he rolled over onto his back. Ford chuckled softly and made a beep noise, "I'll make you a nice hot cup of tea and some pancakes if you _do_ get up."

Bill's eyes shot open and he quickly sat up, all his tiredness disappearing at the prospects of food, "Yes please!" he cried, reaching up to grab his face and pull him in for a morning smooch. "I want buttermilk pancakes, not the plain ones, and make them thick this time"

"You didn't like my thin pancakes?"

"I did, I want thick ones this time."

"Of course, my lord" Ford drawled, making a posh butler face to make him laugh, but he ended up looking like the handsome squidward meme instead. Bill snorted and smacked him gently for his cheekiness before he got up, snapping on some clothes in place of the fluffy pajamas he was wearing. Ford cleaned the mud off his boots once he was dressed and slipped them on, much to Bills confusion as he noticed the army green colour underneath, "So they weren't brown boots after all?"

"Ha ha, hilarious, no, it was just mud, the only brown item of clothing I wear is my _other_ trench coat, which I haven't seen since you changed my clothes three years back."

Bill snapped his fingers and adjusted the brown trench coat on himself as it appeared on his body. "It's my favorite one, even though it's too big on me" he said, rolling up the sleeves a little and doing a pose.

"You can borrow it if you want?" Ford said, looking a bit annoyed as Bill changed the rest of his outfit to match. He was now wearing one of Fords red sweaters, a pair of black pants and an extra pair of glasses, crack included, "Cosplay day!" the demon sang, spinning around with a flair to his twirl.

"That's _not_ what I meant!"

"What? Do you not like it? I feel sexy, do I look sexy?"

"I, um, wouldn't that be narcissistic?"

"Who cares!" Bill cried, cartwheeling out the room and tripping over the coat as the hem got caught on the boots he was wearing. Ford quickly followed after him as he made for the kitchen and snapped his fingers with a smirk, himself now clothed in Bills usual fancy attire, "Good morning my fellow hoomans!" Bill cried, kicking open the door and grinning at the rest of the family seated at the table as they jumped, "I'm Ford today, so any nerd questions you come to me, got it?"

Dippers eyes went to behind the demon and he had to stifle a laugh as his eyes caught Fords clothing, "What? What are you laughing at?" Bill asked, cocking his head to the side. Mabel pointed behind him and he turned around to find Ford smirking and dressed as him as he leaned on a cane he had poofed up.

"Hey!!! You can't do that!! That's my look!"

"I know!" Ford grinned, floating in with a Cheshire cat ease to his step and a wild look to his eyes. He had a top hat floating above his head and he even had makeup on, outlining his eyes in thick black circles and fake eyelashes, while brick patterns made of eyeliner pencil covered his face.

Bill grumbled, "This is weird, I'm finding it weird. I also don't wear makeup either."

Mabel giggled, "I think it's cute."

"Weird is just a different perspective" Ford replied, snapping his fingers and leaning his cane against the wall. Bill turned upside down with a yelp and floated over to him, Ford booping his nose with a finger, and a cheeky grin.

"Sorry, it just _doesn't_ suit you, my dear" Bill said, patting Fords cheek with a hand.

"That is _not_ how I act, but I guess I _do_ need to work on being a creepy demon."

"Rude. if you really want to be me, you just need to be sassy, stubborn, patient _and_ a pain in the ass."

"Noted, I'm also going to put lazy on that list" Ford replied, clapping his hands so his clothes reverted back to what he'd rather wear and rejoicing as the tight dress pants changed to the more comfortable ones he usually wore nowadays. Bill was righted the proper way up and he sat down at the table once his feet hit the ground, still dressed up as Ford, and not making a move to change, "Pancakes, chop chop" he cried, pushing him over to the stove with magic.

"And tea?"

"That too."

"You guys know it's almost lunch right?" Dipper spoke up, writing something down on a piece of paper. It looked like a note or perhaps a letter, and Bill could see a lot had been scribbled out, "I slept in, so it's brunch" he answered, "These clothes are very warm, Sixer, tell me why you thought wearing them in the summer heat like this was acceptable?" he added, scratching at the wool sweater as it made his skin itch.

"I don't sweat and got cold easily"

"Yeesh, damn old man"

"Not anymore, I'm not." Ford replied, a twinkle in his eyes as he poured the tea. Bill took off the trench coat and the sweater and fanned his face, "I'm too hot" he grumbled, dropping them to the floor and kicking them under the table. Ford magicked them away and went back to making breakfast, using magic to speed things along.

"You know I could have done that myself"

"But you didn't"

"And? Gimme the food, Fordsie."

"Why do you have so many nicknames for me?" Ford asked, setting the plate of pancakes down in front of him, and the cup of tea. Bill stuffed one into his mouth and smiled at him as he chewed, "Cause it's fun, doi!" he said, spraying crumbs everywhere. Dipper sighed as syrup and pancake bits covered his work and he screwed up the paper and tossed it in the bin. Bill looked at him apologetically, "Sorry, was that important?"

"No, it's fine, stupid plan wasn't going to work anyway..." Dipper muttered, leaving the kitchen in a huff with Waddles following after him. Mabel sighed, "He's making lists again, he only does that when he's paranoid something's going to go wrong, or he's thinks he's going to stuff it up."

"He'll be fine, you can talk to him, right Mabel?"

"Of course, you can count on me."

~

Bill sat down on the porch and held up the packet of smokes to a lazy Stanley as the sun sank lower over the canopy. He was basking in the summer sun as it streamed down onto the musty chair he was seated at, the skies already starting to darken.

"You want one?" he asked, shaking the packet at him. Stan narrowed his eyes as he read the packet and shook his head once he realized what they were, "I'll pass, I don't smoke"

"You used too, if I recall"

"Yeah, but Fords been going hardcore on me to get more healthy, he wants to spend as much time with me as I can. Seeing as he's immortal now and I'm not, it's not going to be long before I'm gone."

"Well, you do eat a bit too much bacon than your body should be allowed. I mean you can't even eat that stuff every day, that's how bad it is" **(A/N: This is true, eating bacon every day is really bad for you, people shouldn't consume more than 1/2 teaspoon of salt a day, and bacon is not only salty, but full of bad fats. Your body needs good fats, and less sugar and salt.)**

"Fine, give one here" the man grumbled, holding out his hand for the box. Bill took one out and lit it for him with a single cyan flame, "There you go" he said, floating it over to his waiting fingers. Bill lit his own one and took a deep breath in of the addictive substance, "Oh that's gooood poison" he said, leaning back on the prickly wooden porch.

"Morbid much?"

"Meh, I'm okay with it" Bill said, blowing out a few smoke rings along with Stan as they puffed away. The old man watched in amazement as the demon blew out a few impressive smoky animals, his favorite the Chinese dragon, which twisted in the air fluidly before it disappeared with the wind, "Wow, I didn't know you could do that with smoke."

"My magic molds it"

"Neat."

"STANLEY!" Ford cried, grabbing the cigarette from his hand and scolding his twin as he appeared on the porch with a small flash, "Your health is at stake here! And you're smoking!?"

"Bill peer pressured me!" Stan said quickly, hoping to pass the blame onto the demon so he wouldn't get into trouble. Bill stubbed out what remained of his and lit another one, "No, I didn't, I offered you one, and you didn't refuse." he said, taking a drag of it. Ford glared at him, "Why the hell would you offer him one in the first place!?"

"I believe it's called sharing."

Ford leaned down and grabbed the packet from beside Bill, tucking it into his pocket, "No more! That goes for you too, Bill!" he cried, snatching the smoke from his mouth and crushing it under his foot.

"What!? That's not fair!"

"It is! No more smoking!" Ford growled, storming back inside and absolutely livid with them both. Bill sighed, leftover smoke escaping his lungs as he stood up and followed after him, "Ford! Stop!" he cried, wrapping his arms around him to get him to calm down. Ford turned around an brandished the box at him sadly, "These things will kill you!"

"I know that!"

"Then why!?"

"I don't know..."

Ford pulled him into a hug, "I love you very much, please, please stop smoking, for my sake" he whispered, leaning his head on top of Bills and enjoying the softness of his curls. The demon started purring softly at the affection and sighed, "Anything for you, Sixer."

The scientist smiled, "Hey, how come I can't purr?"

"You're not that kind of demon. I've always been a demon, I think,"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if I was mortal first or not... I can't really remember"

"Did you used to be human?"

"What part of my true form confuses you, Sixer? That eye with the tentacles is me! Does it look human to you?"

"Well, no. Fine then, I want to know what species your are"

"I haven't met anyone else like me"

"Maybe you're one of a kind?"

"Then who made me?"

"I don't know, Axl?"

Bill scoffed, "Why on gids green earth would the Axolotl make me? I'm a pain in his neck, and a being that annoys him"

"Maybe he was bored?"

"No, we're Bord"

"Huh?"

"Me possessing you is Bord"

Ford smirked, "Right" he muttered, adjusting Bill in his arms as he sat down on the sofa in the living room. Bill sighed and leaned his head on Fords chest, "Maybe I was human, and some weird magic made me like this.. I mean, it would explain how I know human food"

"Like why you like it so much?"

"No, how I know how to make it, I have infinite knowledge, but I can tell the difference between what I've learned and what I have been given as info,"

"Oh, makes sense."

"I should have memories, but nothing comes to mind"

"Maybe I could help? Maybe you've lived so long you don't remember it"

"I'd like that, it would be nice to know where I came from" Bill replied, sitting up in his lap and kissing him with cold lips, and still slightly smoky breath. Ford felt them warm up at his touch and his equally cold fingers threading through his hair as their kissing grew more frantic. Dipper let out a slight cry of alarm as he entered the living room, and covered his eyes, prompting Ford to pull away as he looked over at his nephew, "Something wrong?"

"S-Sorry... I'll just go!" Dipper squeaked, rushing out the room quickly and abandoning his plan to watch some TV before dinner. Bill chuckled and flicked his snake tongue out at him, tasting the air and smelling the embarrassment, "Welp, he's scarred for life"

Ford rolled his eyes.


	21. A Message

Ford woke up late that night to Bills wheezy breathing and snotty nose. His cheeks were red with fever and his eyes were encrusted with sleep. Ford reached over and placed a hand on Bills cheek, wincing at the heat as he tried to get a temperature reading, "Bill? Wake up, please?" he asked, shaking him to get him to open his eyes. Sleeping with a fever that high wasn't a good thing. The demon whined softly and grumbled as he batted him away, "No... I don't feel so good... m'tired."

"I know, you have a fever, you're sick."

Bill coughed, the thick wet noise making Ford grimace, "Don't worry, you'll be fine" he said, pulling him into his lap. He magicked up a warm, damp cloth and wiped his nose and eyes of the mess, keeping an ice pack on his forehead. "We forgot about our date" Bill muttered tiredly, realizing that it should have been yesterday evening they were to enjoy themselves.

Ford smiled softly, "We can do it another time, just rest" he said, summoning a box of tissues for him and helping him up so he could blow his grotty nose. Bill grumbled, "This is so gross" he huffed, not daring to look at the mess in the used tissue. Ford patted his back reassuringly as he discarded it into the bin, "I'm going to go get something to eat, stay here" he said, getting out of bed once he had made his boyfriend more comfy.

He froze halfway to the door as he heard him throw up and turned around to see golden eyes looking at him guiltily, "I'm sorry..." Bill whispered, trying to use his magic to clear away the mess. But his magic wasn't working very well, glitching and making it worse. Ford cleaned it up for him and summoned him a bucket, "Here, will you be okay for a few minutes?" he asked, pushing his hair back from his sweaty forehead. Bill gave a nod and stayed quiet, his eyes half closed as his dizzy body threatened to pass out. 

Ford hurried to the kitchen to make a sandwich and came back as soon as he had done, not wanting to spend too much time away from Bill. He quickly ate as he moved around the bedroom, opening the window to allow the cool night air into the stuffy room and refreshing the ice pack as it melted. While Bill was lying down, panting heavily and exhausted, he stripped him of the fluffy pajamas to help with the overheating and left him blanket-less in his underwear.

He turned his head as someone knocked at his door, only to find Mabel standing there looking worried, "Grunkle Ford? Is everything okay?" she asked, a small bag of chips in her hand. Ford nodded and covered Bill up a bit more, "Bill's sick, just a fever and a few other things, he should be fine in the morning."

"Do you know what he's sick with?"

Ford shook his head, "I'm not one hundred percent sure, maybe the flu. What are you doing up so late?"

"Oh, I couldn't sleep, went to go grab a snack."

"Could you try? For me?"

Mabel gave him a hug, "Okay Grunkle Ford, just for you! Goodnight" she said, skipping off back to her room as quietly as she could. Ford smiled softly as he watched her go. Even unable to sleep his niece was energetic and happy. 

He looked back at his boyfriend, wondering if perhaps he needed medicine to help relieve the symptoms he was suffering from, but he didn't really want to leave Bill all alone. He grabbed his hand as the demon finally passed out and tried his best to regulate his body temperature. Dipper knocked on the door, sipping on a juice box and still in day clothes, "Mabel told me Bill was sick, aren't you going to heal him with magic?" he asked.

"I'm trying, but I'm not all powerful, nor fully grown as a demon" Ford replied, feeling very helpless at the moment. Dipper finished his juice and set the empty (and slightly squished) box down on the chest of drawers, "I can go get him some medicine from the Pharmacy, if you want?"

"Yes, please... can you not sleep either?"

"No, not really, I have a lot on my mind."

"There's some money in the drawer" Ford replied, pointing to the bedside table his end, and opening the drawer for him with a wave of his hand. Dipper went over to the messy (usually tidy) drawer and pulled some out, taking only what he needed and giving Ford a reassuring smile as he closed it, "I'll get him the best there is, don't you worry."

"Thank you."

Dipper hurried out and called for his sister, "Mabel, hurry it up!" he cried, tying his shoelaces as he waited for her to appear. His sister wanted some more gum as her supplies were low and most likely wouldn't last the night due to her constant chewing. Mabel ran down the steps, two at a time as she tugged on her favorite sweater, "I'm here, bro bro!" she said, grabbing her ballerina flats and slipping them on.

"The place I want to go to closes in less than a few minutes" he said, handing her some money as they made their way across the dewy grass, "Here, for the gum. Bills got the flu, right? That's what you said?"

"Yeah"

"I was thinking we check out that old Apothecary thats usually open at this hour for something to help him. Knowing the Hand Witch, she's bound to have a potion for flu"

"Okay!"

~

The Hand Witch smiled and waved them over as the two entered the store. Dipper hurried up to the counter, tugging out the money from his jeans pocket, "I need a potion for curing flu, or flu symptoms, please and, what did you want, Mabel?" he asked, turning to his twin as she leaned on the counter. She held up a packet of Booberry gum she had taken from the shelf and placed it on the table, "Just this, please."

One of the Hand Witches many hands pulled a small bottle of purple potion down from the shelf behind her chair, and set it on the table as another hand scuttled across it, "That'll be $20 for the cure and $3 for the gum dearies" she said, the hands crawling up her arm and into her hair to hide. Dipper handed her the note and Mabel gave her the loose change she had for the gum as he picked up the bottle, "This will cure it?" he asked, putting it into his hoodie pocket for safe storage. 

"Yes, make sure the patient drinks it all."

"Great! Thank you! Have a good night, day, or whatever time it is" Dipper said, waving to her as he made for the exit.

"WAIT!" the witch cried, grabbing his arm before he could move another step away out the door. Dipper looked down at her in shock, wondering what was going on, or if he was in trouble. But he relaxed as she handed him a note, folded up and fancy looking, "Give this to Stanford for me, it's important."

"Sure thing" he said, taking it from her hand cautiously and tucking it into his pocket. The Hand Witch let him go and shooed them out of her shop, "To bed, yougins!" she cried as the store started to fade, "It's far to late for you to be up with the moon!"

Mabel laughed and blew a violet bubble, "Thanks, Hilda! Bye!"

Dipper raised an eyebrow, "Her name is Hilda?"

"Yup!"

"So, should we read the letter now?" he asked, curious to know what it could be. He had a funny feeling it might be a love letter, the two knew the Hand Witch had a crush on their Great Uncles and tried her best to win them over whenever they met.

"Nah, probably should let Grunkle Ford read it first, I mean what if it's a mushy and NSFW type love letter, like last time" his sister replied, snapping the gum in her mouth happily as they made their way back to the shack. A disgusted shiver went down Dipper's spine at the memory, "Good point."

~

Ford helped Bill to sit up before he tipped the purple liquid into his open mouth, helping him drink it so he wouldn't choke. He swallowed it down, coughing a little at the strength of it and wrinkling his nose at the vile taste. Potions were rarely made like this anymore, which means whoever had made it was old and knew what they were doing. Dipper watched from the door, letter ready, "Make sure he drinks it all" he said, "Also the Hand Witch told me to give you this note" he added, waving the letter in his fingers.

Ford made sure the bottle was indeed empty before he addressed his nephew, "Oh? I haven't seen her in a long time... Last time she told me I was unlovable, so I don't know weather we're on adequate terms or not."

"Can I read it first? Just in case."

Ford chuckled softly, "Sure." he said, knowing exactly what he meant. Dipper was willing to save his eyes from whatever love sick bullshit was on the note, and he was thankful for his sacrifice. The tired boy unfolded the paper and looked at his sister as instead of a love letter and NSFW drawings, a poem was written down on the faded lines. 

"Dipper? Is it another prophecy?" the girl asked, poking his shoulder with a sticky, gum covered finger. Dipper pushed her away and took a deep breath, reading out loud what was written in inky cursive, "The reaper of souls and golden angles. A secret his mind no longer wrangles. Tucked away in stone and bricks, lies the truth of his past tricks. But bear in mind, once you uncover the secret you wish to discover. Ciphers origins aren't so sweet, your mind is in for a sickening treat."

Ford blinked in shock as his finished reading and a hefty silence descended upon them as they processed the words, "Well, it's obviously about Bill and his identity, a message to help guide and nothing more" he said, turning his head back to Bill as the demon tugged his arm, "What's the matter?" he asked, "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, can I have the note, please?" came his weak reply, he did look a lot better, the redness to his cheeks already disappearing. Ford nodded and motioned for Dipper to pass it to him as he cleaned up the room and re-clothed Bill in some cleaner pajamas. Bill took the note once he was dressed, reading the words for himself with trembling fingers, "Stone and bricks? That could be anywhere" he muttered, turning it over to see if there was more.

"Well, you are a triangle, and what place has triangles made of stone and brick?" Mabel asked, knowing exactly where the note failed to mention. Ford tapped his chin, "Could it be somewhere in the multiverse?"

"Egypt!" Bill blurted, "It's somewhere in Egypt. I only have _one_ broken memory, and it's from there! It's where I got... torn apart, but that doesn't matter, I know where we can go. But I need a bath, food and clean clothes before we head off. Thanks for the potion, Dipper, you can come with us if you want too?"

"That would be awesome! Yes!" Dipper replied, excitement in his voice as his sister rolled her eyes at the nerds. Bill lied back down as the twins hurried off to go get ready for Dippers adventure, "Egypt, who would have guessed? Not me, that's for sure" the golden demon whispered, smiling contentedly as Ford ran a brush through his tangled hair.

"Would you like me to run you a bath?" the man asked, setting the brush down as Bills curls refused to adhere to the bristles. Bill nodded and patted his face with a clammy hand, "Yes, please, dear."

~

Bill took off his jammies as the bubbly bath steamed in the corner, filled almost to the top, just the way he liked it. He stared down at his naked body for a few moments, running a hand over the thick scars he had tried so hard to remove. They had always been there, a permanent thing he couldn't get rid of no matter how hard he had tried. He always had a funny a feeling they had a reason to stay on him, he never would have guessed they were a part of his origins.

Now that he knew where he came from, the only question he needed answering now, was why?

Why had he been made?

How had he been made?

Who had made him?

**(A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, I have another headache)**


	22. Egypt

“You think we might need an axe?” Dipper asked, holding up the large weapon Wendy had gifted him last year to his tired sister. Mabel giggled and nodded, “You always need axe, because you never shower!” she exclaimed, throwing his half-empty can of AXE body-spray at her twin. Dipper grumbled as it hit him in the chest and he bent down to pick it up, “I had a shower three days ago!” he said, tucking it into his already full backpack along with the other items he had picked.

“And that has made _noooo_ difference” Mabel muttered under her breath as she sat down on her bed. Dipper rolled his eyes and scoffed at her as he put the axe into his backpack and zipped it up, the contents just fitting.

 _As if he had time to shower everyday like she did._

He swung his bag on to his shoulder, adjusted his hat and grinned, “Welp, I’m ready, see ya!” he said, hurrying to the front door to wait for Stanford and Bill. Mabel waved her twin goodbye and collapsed into bed, ready to sleep for however long was necessary to remove the black circles under her eyes.

Ford was already at the door waiting for them, tapping his foot and humming a tune softly under his breath. His outfit hadn’t changed from what he usually wore, in fact Dipper was quite sure the man wore the same thing every day, and didn’t change unless it was bedtime. While Dipper was wearing a jacket over his navy blue hoodie, knowing full well Egypt at night would be cold, Ford wasn’t bothered at all by the temperature. He regulated his body heat so he would always be perfectly cool or warm when needed.

“I’m so ready!” Dipper cried, looking very excited about this adventure, and bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for Bill to appear. Ford smiled and ruffled his hair, “Glad to hear it, when we get there thought, I need you to stay close, I can’t risk any danger that might befall you”

“Okay, you got it Grunkle Ford!”

“Thank you.”

The two looked up, alerted by the creaking wooden floorboards and slightly quickened breathing. Bill was wearing a yellow flannel button up, black pants and a pair of yellow converses to match his shirt, “All clean, everyone ready?” he asked, tucking his shirt in and making sure his laces were tied properly. Ford and Dipper both gave a nod, and the demon held out his hands, 

“Hold on to me.”

~

They appeared in the sandy desert, just beside the largest of the great Pyramids of Giza and past the ropes made to keep both people and tourists out. Stars twinkled above in their millions, not bothered by the light pollution nearby. A chilly wind blew across them, ruffling their clothes and making them all shiver as sand blew around. Bill looked up at the Pyramid of Khufu, the oldest and biggest of the three, a feeling of familiarity in his mind.

_Why was it so familiar?_

“Wow, they’re really big up close, aren't they?” Dipper said, his eyes wide in awe as he stared, his sister would be super jealous right now. Either that or she wouldn't really be bothered, he wasn't sure if places like this would interest her or not.

**(A/N: Wikipedia says The Great Pyramid of Giza (also known as the Pyramid of Khufu or the Pyramid of Cheops) is the oldest and largest of the three in the bordering present-day in, and the only one to remain largely intact. Egyptologists believe that the pyramid was built as a tomb over a 10- to 20-year period concluding around 2560 BC. Initially standing at 146.5 metres (481 feet). The Great Pyramid was the tallest man-made structure in the world for more than 3,800 years until Lincoln Cathedral was finished in 1311 AD. It is estimated that the pyramid weighs approximately 6 million tonnes, and consists of 2.3 million blocks of limestone and granite, some weighing as much as 80 tonnes. Originally, the Great Pyramid was covered by limestone casing stones that formed a smooth outer surface; what is seen today is the underlying core structure.)**

“So, Bill? What next? Do we go in?” Ford asked, a little confused by it all. He knew the pyramids were tombs, but those were underneath them, in subterranean chambers. Bill nodded and placed a hand on the smooth-ish rock, seeing if he could find a way inside.

Immediately, as if knowing who he was, the in-between spaces of the bricks glowed with a golden light. Ford gasped and nudged Bill as the demon seemed unaware, “Bill! You’ll wake every mortal in the city if you do that!” he cried, trying to get him to stop, but he was frozen in place and unresponsive.

The bricks under Bills hand began to shift and move apart, creating a doorway from the granite. He opened his eyes, both of his honey orbs glowing brightly with symbols. Once the door was fully open the glow faded away, both mortar and eyes returning back to normal, “It sensed me, like it knew I was coming” he said, turning his head back to look at them over his shoulder as everything went dark once more.

Dipper turned on his torch and aimed it into the tunnel, jumping as the fiery torches on the wall sprung to life, one after the other, revealing a hallway, “Strange, it’s as if we’re heading inside the pyramid, not below it.” he theorized, not sure if the tunnel led down or not near the end. Ford pulled a futuristic shot gun from his side holster and aimed it, ready to shoot if anything came out to attack, “We need to be on guard and very careful, who knows what could lurk in there.”

Bill snorted and pushed the weapon down, “Sixer?”

“What?”

“What are these pyramids for? What does it say in the history books?”

“They’re tombs for Kings and rulers” Dipper piped up, answering his question with a quickness that showed just how much he listened in class. Bill nodded, “Exactly, so if this place sensed me then?”

“This is your tomb?”

“I’m guessing, but yes, it's plausible.”

Ford shivered, “That’s morbid. Let’s hope you don’t kill yourself today”

Bill grabbed a torch from Dippers bag as he headed inside and gave them a cheeky grin, “I’m already dead. Inside.”

~

“Can you read hieroglyphics?” Dipper asked, watching Bill squint at the drawings on the walls of the short tunnel they were heading down, they could see a dead end not too far from where they were. Bill nodded and pointed to the far end, back by the entrance, “It’s science, that's the hypothesis... and this is the experiment” he said, pointing to the middle where they were. Bill hurried to the end of the hallway and walked over to the wall indented into the back. “-and I’m guessing this is the result” he said, peering at the painting on it.

His eyes widened as he realized who it was, colored and still and staring down at him as if disappointed in his mere presence. Dipper hurried over to catch up, “That’s you, like how you look now” he whispered, almost dropping his light in shock. Ford swallowed thickly as he caught up, “I thought your form looked earthly, I can’t believe you were Egyptian, your skins not even that tanned.”

Bill frowned, “That's racist, and you know it. I could have been an inside human.”

Ford chuckled softly and tied Bills long hair up for him as he reached out to touch the stone, his eyes darting left and right for a door handle or something to open it with. He knew it had to be a door of some kind, this couldn't just be the end. There was a clunking noise as soon as his fingers brushed it, and it slowly opened to reveal not a room, but another door, “What? Is this some kind of trick?” he spluttered.

“I think it’s a metaphor” Ford replied, gesturing to the eye with tentacles painted on it, all made to look like the Eye Of Providence his boyfriend claimed to be. Bill examined it as it refused to budge at his touch and pushed down on the golden eye as he realized it was movable. The door opened as the button sunk into the stone work, and they all peered in as the torches inside lit themselves on fire.

Inside the rounded room, right in the middle, was a Sarcophagus made of gold, shiny and new looking, despite the dust that coated it. The design on it was very much like the doors, the human form Bill now took holding the Eye of Providence in his hands. Clay pots and stacks of gold laid around it, and jewels and other precious stones piled in random places glittered like diamonds.

“You don’t think there’s a body... - your body in there?” Dipper asked, staying by the door just in case it was booby trapped. Bill ran his fingers over the lid of the coffin as he walked over to it, “I don’t know, I think so, I must have been a King, or something...”

Dipper looked up at the writing on the walls and narrowed his eyes, “What did the scientists write on the wall?” he asked, pointing at it as he came in to investigate, feeling a bit safer now he knew there weren't any traps they knew about.

“Magic and science combined, we were able to make our gods real, a feat none of the other religions have achieved! All it took was a sacrifice and a few smart minds to accomplish. Behold! William Cipher! The REAL Eye Of Providence, bask in his glory and atone for your sins! And he shall grant thee peace of mind and life beyond death.” Bill read out loud, the Egyptian writing getting easier to read the more he did it, as if he was simply rusty in his native tongue.

Ford blinked, “People were killed to make this? Make you? Is there a body in the tomb? Please open it.” he asked, coming over to try and pry open the lid. Bill slapped his hands away, “It’s rude to open a sarcophagus, also it could be cursed. So I’m not going to open it. But I think I can put your mind at ease. By smart minds they mean scientists, scientists took me, and made me a god...”

“Huh, so your body is only as old as the Egyptians?”

“Yeah, according to all this, it’s weird how I can’t remember any of it.”

Dipper examined the lid, taking in the detail. The eye on the triangle in Bills hands glowed softly and he ran his fingers over it, feeling it budge at his fingertips. “Bill, I think this stone is loose” he said, stepping back as he came over to check it out. Bill pried it from its compartment and turned it over in his palm as he examined it. The thing whispering to him incoherently and echoing softly in the small chamber. Ford felt like ice had been tipped down his shirt as videos played out on the cut sides, flickering and replaying repeatedly.

_T_ _hey were Bills memories._

“We need to go home, I can integrate this with the memory machine!” Bill said excitedly, stuffing it into his back pocket. Dipper stepped back more, tripping over a clay pot and yelping as it tipped over and smashed, “Oh! I’m sorry!” he cried, making sure nothing else was in his way as he hurried over to the door to wait.

The contents inside were very questionable and Bill grumbled as he kneeled down and fixed it with magic, resealing the pot back up and reading the label, “That was my liver you just destroyed, thanks a bunch” he muttered to the apologetic boy. Ford felt bile rise in his stomach as he looked at all the other clay jars, “Oh... Oh no, that means your kidneys and- oh I’m going to be sick”

Bill laughed and stood up, “There, good as new, now come on, I want to go home” he said, taking his hand and leading him out of the room.

“So what does it all mean, really?” Ford asked.

“That I got turned into a god, I think. I don’t know how, or why, but I’m guessing these memories in this mind crystal should explain it all.”

The doors shut behind them with a heavy clunk and made Dipper jump. He stumbled on the uneven floor and pulled his phone from his pocket to take some pictures as they hurried out, not wanting to miss anything for future study and possible important references. Bill grabbed his hand once he had returned his phone to his pocket and took Fords hand in the other. 

The door to the pyramid closed as they disappeared, everything still and silent as if it had never been.

~

Mabel was waiting for them to get back, the early hours of daylight already seeping across the horizon and sending forth an array of golden colours across the skies. Dipper felt his exhaustion as soon as they trailed up the steps and back into the house, discarding his gear by the door with a sigh of relief. His twin held up a plate of cupcakes to his nose, “I made you guys breakfast cupcakes! What took you so long?” she asked, eating one herself as he took the plate.

Ford took one as it was offered, “We went to Bills tomb”

“Whoa! He has his own tomb!? Which Pyramid was it?”

“The biggest one”

“Whoooa! That's neat!”

Bill shoved a couple of cupcakes into his mouth and took out the crystal, still whispering and playing the slightly faded memories on the smoother sides. It could have been mistaken for an emerald or some other green stone, but he knew what it was, knew its purpose. He had seen them before, in all shapes and sizes, in many different dimensions. A memory crystal could house and keep memories of those long dead, the crystal synapses inside housing them and acting as a brain all on its own.

Ford noticed the look on his face, he knew Bill was itching to see them, “Can I look at it with you?” he asked, nudging his shoulder with his own. Bill nodded, “Of course” he said, teleporting him down to the lab before Mabel could ask anymore questions. Dipper chuckled, “Thanks for breakfast, sis, I’m going to bed, wake me for lunch?”

“You got it, bro bro!” Mabel replied, saluting at him as he headed for the bedroom they shared upstairs.

The memory machine sat quietly in the corner when they appeared in the darkened lab, gathering dust and spiders, and dusty cobwebs. Ford cleaned it off with magic and Bill waved a hand over the control panel, a slot for the crystal appearing for him. He gently dropped it into the hole and turned on the machine, waiting with bated breath. It hummed quietly before a scene selection appeared on the screen. 

Ford took his hand, “Ready?”

Bill nodded and clicked the first one, “Ready.”


	23. Of Mortals & Gods

_A pale-skinned boy hurried down the dusty and slightly sandy path, pushing past people as his sandals thumped along the ground and ignoring the street vendors that shouted at him to buy their goods. He came to a stop at a building, tucked away between the other houses and shops that ran along the street, and empty of shoppers._

_Children around his age, and wearing the same clothes he was were in the courtyard milling about, waiting for class to start as they kicked at a ball and gossiped about the latest details of life._

_“William!!” a voice yelled from the door, happy and excited to see him as he appeared at the gates breathlessly. William grinned as his eyes rested on the very dark-skinned boy, blue eyes like the skies above, and teeth as white as the clouds. Bill raced over and hugged him, laughing softly as he was picked up and squeezed tightly,_ _“Joseph! Long time no see! What’s school been teaching while I’ve been sick?”_

_“Science and stuff, but they had some neat things on the gods!”_

_“Damn! And I missed it!”_

_“Yeah, you did, Oh! They showed us the human versions of the Eye of Ra and the Eye of Horus, and get this, the Eye of Ra looks just like you! I even drew a picture!"_

_Bill blinked, “Bull! Show me!” he cried, digging in Josephs satchel for the book the boy always had with him. Joseph chuckled and slapped his hand away, tugging out the very expensive book for him and opening it up to the page he had doodled in with his favorite charcoal pencil, “Here, Mister impatient.”_

_Bill was a bit shocked, he really did look so similar to him, curly hair, freckles and honey eyes, “Wouldn’t it be funny if I was?” he said slyly, a smirk on his face. Joseph rolled his eyes,_ _“Don’t start, you know the adults wouldn’t hesitate to worship your sorry ass, and not only would you take it too far, you’d let it all go to your head! Soon enough this entire city would have statues of you and your bulbous head!” he joked._

_Bill chuckled and punched his shoulder, “Ha! But you know I wouldn’t leave you behind, you can be my servant, tell me jokes, cook my food, rub my feet” he said, a cheeky grin on his face._

_“Rude! I am not going to be anyone’s servant! I am Joseph! Adopted son of the princess! I have status!” Joseph cried, patting his chest proudly. Bill did the same, “And I am William Cipher, mere peasant! And your boyfriend!” he declared in the same proud tone of voice._

_The bell rang and Joseph looked up, “Oh no! I’m going to be late! And so are you! Get to class!” he cried, kissing his cheek and rushing off._ _Bill blushed and hurried to his own class, ready to catch up on his work he had missed out on._

Ford paused the memory, “So, you had a boyfriend before me?” he smirked, enjoying the blush that crossed Bills face as he tried not to make eye contact. The man chuckled, “You also seem to be in academics, smart kid, how old were you in there?”

“Um, fifteen? Sixteen? I think.”

“Your hair’s even longer in this memory.”

Bill ran his fingers through his hair and smiled, “Yeah... it’s nice.”

Ford pulled him into a hug, “So, next?”

“Yes.”

_“Is it true there’s a third eye?”_

_The teacher blinked and frowned at Bill as he sat there in his seat, his right leg jittering up and down as he fidgeted. He had been absent for about a week, dealing with a sickness that had left him bed-ridden, but now he was better and back in her classroom._

_“Where did you hear that?” she asked, tapping the chalkboard with her stick._

_She had to admit she hadn’t exactly missed his outbursts._

_“I uh, some folks were talking about it, I was just wondering if it was true, or if it’s just a theory”_

_“Are you questioning the gods, William?”_

_“N-No! I was just curious!”_

_“Tsk tsk, maybe some prayer time instead of lunch will curb that curious mind of yours.”_

_Bill groaned softly and gently banged his head on the surface of his desk, the class snickering at him as the teacher got back to teaching._ _Once the bell had rung, signaling it was indeed lunchtime, the students went off to play, leaving Bill to himself._

_He watched them go with a sad noise and waited till it was all quiet before he stood up to go grab a mat from the corner. He was just about to reach for one from the shelf when he heard talking from the hallway._

_His curious nature peered around the doorway to see his teacher standing with a couple of men. "_ _I truly think he’s an excellent candidate, curious mind, similar features to Ra himself!” his teacher said, gesturing back to the classroom with a wrinkled and calloused hand. Bill ducked in case they looked, but they merely nodded and wrote something down,_ _“How are his grades?” Man 1 asked._

_“Top notch for someone who's sick a lot.”_

_Bills eyes widened._

_They were talking about him, they just had to be!_

_Who else got sick every month?_

_His mother had told him he had a weak immune system and tried her best to keep him home. Even doctors had said he wouldn’t have a long life, and to make the most of what he had. So he did, going to school thanks to Joseph and learning to become something more than a mere peasant._

_“Good” Man 2 replied, “We’ll talk to him later, have a pleasant day” Man 1 added, both of them whispering to each other frantically as they disappeared out the door. The teacher sighed, and Bill quickly grabbed a mat and started his prayers before she came back in._

“Oh dear”

“Agreed, why was I so nosy?” Bill muttered, pausing the memory as it neared its end. 

Ford shrugged, “Curious mind, just like your teacher said.”

“On to the next?”

“Yes.”

_The room was huge and wide, and not only held many scientific devices usually only the rich could afford, but godly objects too. Bill gazed at all in amazement, zipping from one table to the next as he fiddled and examined it all._

_This was a lab! A real lab!_

_Glass beakers, colored potions, and many ingredients he had seen growing in the desert sands laid on the wooden tables. Books stacked the shelves, bonded with the finest leather and thread, and inked with rarest inks upon the parchment paper. On the wall to the left, covered in real gold, was the Eye of Ra. Next to it, on the right, was the eye of Horus and right in the middle was- “The Eye Of Providence!” he cried, pointing to it excitedly, “I knew it!”_

_Man 1 chuckled, “Curious critter, aren’t you boy?”_

_Bill looked down at his sandals and gave a nervous laugh, “I’m sorry, teacher says I shouldn’t... but I can’t help it” he replied sheepishly._ _Man 2 put a hand on his shoulder, his brown eyes sparkling as he looked up at him, “Don’t be sorry, my boy. That’s a marvelous thing! Do you know what we’re trying to achieve here?” he asked, letting him go and turning to look up at the golden eyes on the wall._

_“No sir”_

_“Lets put it this way, how would you like to be a god?”_

_Bill gaped, “But I’m a mere mortal!”_

_“Exactly! A mere mortal! Who would be a god!”_

_“Really? I mean, that would be great! But... why me?”_

_“You have what we’re looking for, a smart mind and similar looks to a certain sun god. We have magic and science at our disposal! We could make you a god! Any god you want!”_

_Bill pointed to the Eye Of Providence and grinned from ear to ear, “That one.”_

_Man 2 smiled and ruffled his hair, “Good choice. Tomorrow, at sundown you will be sacrificed to The Eye of Ra and the Eye of Horus, and in exchange for your death? You will be reborn!”_

_“Will it hurt?”_

_“No pain, no gain, my boy.”_

~

_The torches illuminated the stone slab lit at each corner and casted a creepy glow where he would be lying. The great pyramids his kind had spent decades building, now stood proudly nearby, ready to by filled with the Pharaoh and his family when they died._

_A tomb worthy of royalty._

_People had gathered to witness this event and were ready with gifts and offerings for their soon to be god, even the Pharaoh himself was here, along with his family. Bill was nervous, very nervous and not to mention scared, but this would all be worth it._

_He was wearing what the Men had given him, a plain pair of shorts and nothing else, his skin coated in ruins of his own blood. He gave Joseph a wary smile as he noticed him and waved to his mom, who waved back and dabbed her eyes with her sleeve._

_She was proud of her son._

_Man 1 took his hand and led him over to the table as he shivered in the cold, the nights in Egypt were always chilly this time of year, “Lie down, boy, there’s a good lad” he said, helping him onto the flat stone and securing his wrists and ankles with vine rope, also covered in symbols. The man smiled down at him as he picked up an object that was offered to him._

_“Be brave, William.”_

_Bills eyes widen as he noticed the dagger in the light, covered in ruins and symbols, and raised high above him. He gave one last look at the people before it came down, hacking and slicing into him and forming the wounds that would scar his body for the rest of his immortal days._

He paused the screen and shut it off, shaking and trembling as his own screams died away in the memory. Ford pulled him into a hug as he sobbed and made soothing noises, stroking his hair comfortingly, “I’m sorry.”

“D-Don’t be, it was my fault, my naïve mind is t-to blame.”

“There’s more, do you want to watch it?”

Bill shook his head, “Not today, I just want to go to bed now, please?”

“Of course.”

~

**One week later ~**

Bill hadn't slept much, hadn't eaten much either, he was quiet and withdrawn from the world and always seemed to be lost in his mind when people tried to get his attention. Ford was itching to study the crystal, and along with Dippers photos of the walls he knew he could put together an important study.

“Please Bill, I need to study the runes on exactly how they did it” Ford begged, trying to get Bill to understand just how important this could be as he stood in the kitchen after breakfast that morning. Bill scoffed where he sat, and clung to the green crystal in his hand, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep and his cold food ignored, “I said no, Stanford. Please... just leave it.”

“But... Bill, this could radically alter things! It could change science, and our understanding of the Egyptians!”

“NO!” Bill stood up and squeezed the crystal as hard as he could, using magic to shatter it into tiny pieces. Small orbs flew out from its interior and settled into Bill’s mind, his memories returning to him, “THEY’RE MY MEMORIES! MY PAST! JUST LEAVE IT!” he snapped, storming out the kitchen.

Ford sighed and ran a hand through his hair, hurrying after his boyfriend. Bill was now in the living room, gulping down a bottle of alcohol as fast as he could, and no doubt trying to make himself sick in the process. 

“Bill, please let’s talk about this... It changes nothing!”

Bill threw the bottle at the wall as Stan gaped a little from his seat, the TV show he was watching ignored, “FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK THEM! FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK!” He screeched, punching the wall as hard as he could and splintering the wood. Ford flinched at his outburst and quickly cleaned up the shards of glass before he could hurt himself anymore, “Look, I know you're upset, but what happened was thousands of years ago...”

I wass sstupid!” Bill sobbed, his words slurring together “I had f-family! I had a l-l-life!” he added, looking up at him as tears ran down his face thick and fast. Ford pulled him into a hug and healed the wounds on his knuckles with magic, “You have family here now. You have me... I’m sorry about what happened but... You can’t change it.”

Bill melted into him, crying harder as Ford rubbed his back. Stan left the living room to give them space, picking up the TV remote, so no one could change the channel.

“It still hurts...”

“I know.”

Ford kissed his forehead, “I don’t deserve you,” the demon whispered, closing his eyes as he felt the warm lips on his skin. The scientist blushed softly and picked him up once he had wiped away the shiny tears still cascading down his boyfriends cheeks, “Come on you, bedtime, I know you’re tired.”

Bill purred softly, snuggling into him as he took him to their room.

_He really didn’t deserve him._


	24. Fireworks

Ford woke up the next morning to Bill in his triangle form and curled into his hair, fast asleep and very much hungover, "Bill?" he asked, blinking a few times as a small noodle hand dropped in front of his face and nearly poked him in the eye. Bill let out a small contented snore in the quiet room, making Ford smile and chuckle as it echoed. He gently untangled him from his hair and cuddled him close, Bill purring in his sleep as his subconscious recognized the touch.

Unbeknownst to them, Mabel had set up a breakfast date for them in the dining room. The table and surroundings decorated romantically with whatever she could find, and Dipper and Stan dressed to impress for the occasion. Ford got out of bed, snapping his fingers to get dressed, and made his way to the kitchen to get some much-wanted coffee into his depleted systems. 

His eyes widened at the décor as he came to a stop at the entrance and Mabel beamed as she stood by the fridge, dressed in a waiter suit she had made, "Tada! Breakfast Date night! You guys missed it! So I put this together for you."

"Wow, that's very sweet of you, Mabel. Bill? Can you wake up for me?" he asked the tired triangle, gently stroking his sides the way he liked. Bill grumbled in his arms, "Shhh... sleepy and drunk..." he muttered, pushing him away.

"Please?"

"... So drunk..."

Ford snapped his fingers, "There, now you're not."

Bill groaned, kneading the eyelid with his fingers before he opened it, "Whhhhy? Maybe I wanted to be drunk..." he whined, not at all happy that Ford had undrunked him. The man rolled his eyes and gestured to the set up, "You wanted a date, didn't you?" **(A/N: I know undrunked isn't a word, it's called imagination. This book is supposed to be serious with a side of weird, also may contain traces of nuts)**

"Yeah... I did"

"Mabel's gone out of her way to set one up for us"

"In the morning?"

Mabel grinned, "Yup! Welcome to the best date ever!"

Bill tumbled out of Ford's hands, turning into his human form before he hit the floor and stood up, leaning on his boyfriend as he took it all in. "This is nice, thanks" he muttered, yawning tiredly and sitting down in the seat Dipper pulled out for him. Stan did Fords, and the two blushed and busied themselves with the homemade menu's covered in glitter and stickers.

_This was very awkward._

"So, what do you want to order? Drinks first, meals second, yada yada, you know the rules" Mabel said, a pink notebook and feathery pen in her hands ready to jot down what they wanted. Ford smiled, "Black coffee first, please. Bill, what do you want?"

"Just water, thanks."

Mabel got them their drinks and left them to it, bowing as she exited room, "That was really nice of them to set this up" Bill muttered, taking a sip of the refreshing liquid and feeling a bit better now his head wasn't hurting anymore.

"Yeah, Mabel never changes, she's going to make someone very happy one day"

Bill smiled, "I have an idea, completely unrelated to this of course."

"Yes?"

"I would like to go see the Federation of Planets and Demon Affairs, check out the whole 'I own Earth' deal-y thing."

Ford blinked, wondering what had bought this up, "Why?" he asked, finishing his coffee and using magic to refill it back up. Bill set his cup down, "Me owning Earth is dumb, I tried to destroy it not too long ago, even Axl would have a fucking spaz if I kept my ownership of this place."

"No, you own it because you tried to destroy it, it was yours to destroy" Ford guessed, lying to the demon as he spluttered his protests and trying to get him to leave it, "I just don't understand how that allows me to own it!" Bill cried.

"You know what? Never mind, I have it all taken care of"

"Taken care of? What are you hiding? Tell me!"

Ford quickly took a sip of coffee, pointing to his full mouth and shrugging to show he was busy. To be honest, he had nothing taken care of, but Bill owning Earth was very much true. He just didn't understand why he owned it. Bill grumbled, still confused by it all, the scent of breakfast still lingering in the air, and he guessed the rest of the family had made them the food Mabel had written on the menus. What they didn't eat would surely go to Waddles, and the pig was already hanging about the kitchen as if he knew it.

"Hungry?"

"No, not really"

"Is it about earlier?" Ford asked, meaning last night's tantrum that had sent them both to bed early.

"I'm fine, just a bit meh..." Bill replied, giving him a smile, "Give it time, I'll be back to my annoying self soon enough."

"Dipper gave me the photos he took of the wall hieroglyphics... I won't study the text if you don't want me to... I'll delete it, but I was wondering if I could, you know, study it?"

Bill sighed and stood up, wishing Ford would drop it, he wasn't going to change his mind anytime soon. But he knew the man was very impatient and would likely bug him till he said yes, "Do whatever you want... I'm going back to bed" he replied, walking out the kitchen with a frown on his face. Mabel came rushing in as he left, looking very upset, "Did something happen? Was it the date? Was it too much?" she asked quickly, babbling her apologies before Ford could speak. 

The man smiled a reassuring smile and shook his head, "No, it was lovely, Bill just found out some stuff about his past and he's still upset... You did an excellent job."

"Oh... well, I'm glad it was okay, Bill just needs some cheering up, right?"

"Or space" Stan muttered as he came in, Dipper right behind him. He helped the boy clear up, giving the pig the food that had gone to waste and eating some himself, "Space would be better." he added, bacon hanging from his mouth.

Ford bit his lip as Waddles attacked the food bounty he was given and stood up, setting his empty cup down on the table, "I'll go talk to him."

Bill was looking at himself in the mirror, his true form looking back at him as he floated there softly. He tugged at his soul, just enough so he could see it without killing himself. It had the same younger features as his human self, easy to recognize from his memories, and something he wished he could have back. 

He allowed it to snap back into place and rested on the edge of the bed, flopping his tentacles over the side with a sigh. Ford walked in and closed the door behind him, sitting down next to him quietly. Bill didn't bother changing back, "What do you want?" he asked, poking at the mirror in the hopes it would change his reflection.

"Lots of things, but mainly just for you to be happy"

"I'm a freak"

"That's not a bad thing"

"My soul is human, but my body is.. I don't know what this is"

"We could find out somehow?"

Bill flopped back onto the bed, "I guess" he muttered, changing back into his shell, the human form looking miserable and tired. Ford laid down beside him, "Bill... Please just tell me what I can do to make you happy..."

Bill grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, a faint sad purr emitting from his body, "Just be quiet, please?" he asked, leaning his head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat and his breathing. It was soothing and made him feel safe, "I love you." he whispered. Ford wrapped an arm around him and kissed his forehead, "I love you too."

"Sorry for ruining the date"

"It's fine, I told Mabel she did a good job, and hey, New Year's Eve is tomorrow, so we can still have fun."

"Wait, does that mean fireworks tonight? Or tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow evening"

"I like explosives"

"You would, fireworks are pretty... But I don't like the noise myself"

"Tough cookies, I'm going to have fun."

~

Bill held out his hand as the twins finished setting them all up on the lawn, ready to do his job. Dipper was adamant that they set them all up before lighting them, to save having to move around so much and make it a more comfortable experience, "You done?" he asked, itching to light them all at once. Mabel grinned back at him, "Almost! We got the biggest ones we could find!"

"Come on, I can already hear the others setting theirs off!" Bill cried, the faint snap, crackle and pop of other fireworks hitting his ears before the colours hit the skies. Ford waited nearby, wearing a pair of headphones he had invented that were guaranteed to block out firework noises, and still allow him to hear his family talk. He had designed it to block out certain frequencies and the signal could be adjusted accordingly on the side, allowing for more comfort in any situation.

Mabel held it up and flicked the flame into existence, ready to light the first one. But Bill was too quick. He snuffed out the light and jerked the lighter out her hand, discarding it on the lawn, "No, let me do it! It'll be much faster!" he said, a twinkle in his eyes as he grinned from ear to ear. Stan gaped as not one, but every single firework lit on fire, the fuses sparkling in the night as they fizzled and cracked. Ford tugged Bill back and wrapped his arms around him, "Bill! Are you _sure_ you aren't a pyromaniac!?" he asked, trying to prevent him from creating anymore chaos as he restrained him.

"Shhh! Get ready!" Bill cried, looking far too excited for his own good as the fuses burned all the way to their cores. Ford sat down and pulled him into his lap along with him, nuzzling the back of his neck. Bill purred happily as Dipper and Mabel counted down and the fireworks were set off, colours trailing into the sky and exploding with a loud bang that rocked the ground. Bill laughed and cheered, "It's like the sky is on fire!" he cried, giggling excitedly as Ford trailed kisses down his spine and made him shiver.

"Hey, Sixer? I was thinking that tomorrow we should go to the Federation of Planets and Demon Affairs, check things out, yeah?"

"Okay, but no blowing stuff up though"

Bill chuckled, "I'm not even sure I'll be allowed in"

"We can try."

Bill nodded and waved his hand as the twins begged for more fireworks to set off. A pile of the finest fireworks appeared at the kid's feet and two grabbed as many as they could and began setting them up, the lighter back in Mabel's hand. Stan grumbling at his loss of money, and made a mental note to get Bill to magic them up next year. 

Ford flinched as they exploded in the skies, his mind replicating the noise despite his ears not hearing it. Bill patted his face with a worried expression, "Hey, it's just noise, are you autistic or something?" he asked, the light and colours from the fireworks reflecting in his eyes as they exploded above them.

"My parents always thought so, but I think it's mainly just bad exposure to loud sounds in the multiverse... I've been through a lot of war zones so I've been very close to death due to shells and stuff... and it always stuck with me, I know it's stupid."

"Aww honey, you poor thing. It's not stupid." Bill cooed, kissing his chin, which was the only part of Ford he could reach while the man had him anchored down. Ford smiled at his mission to cheer him up, only getting interrupted as a pine-cone hit Bill on the shoulder, "Can you two stop making out and come help us light these!?" Dipper cried, looking annoyed and a bit grossed out. Mabel was trying to wake up Stan, who was now snoring in the arm-chair Bill had dragged outside for him, and very much asleep.

Bill waved his hand and set them all off in one go, the twins screeching and taking cover as they spiraled around them, having not been positioned on the lawn properly beforehand, "Can I tell you what was bothering me earlier?" he asked, looking back up at Ford now that the others were distracted.

"Didn't you already tell me?"

"No, this is something different"

"Sure, go ahead."

Bill took a deep breath, "Those men that made me a demon, they took away my human life memories, to make me believe I was a true god. They endowed me with magic and my gifts, and well... Joseph came by to see me at one point. He got upset when I told him I didn't know who he was and I asked him to leave... I ended up killing him for disrespecting me when he refused and argued with me..." he said, trailing off as he began to sob. Ford pulled him closer as he cried, and stroked his hair, "I'm so sorry" he whispered, feeling his own heart hurt in sympathy, it was obvious he had loved the dark-skinned boy very much. 

Bill nuzzled into him, his tears making Fords front slightly damp, "You want to know why I fell in love with him?"  
  
"Sure."

"His blue eyes, I had never seen someone like him with such blue eyes... And he was the sweetest guy too, I didn't deserve him."

"Bill?"

"I love you, please don't die!"

"Oh hush, I can't because of you, remember? You made me immortal."

"I know... that's good... You know, one day... one day I hope I can see him again, and when I do? I'm going to beg his forgiveness..."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

Ford swallowed thickly, "... Just because you have memories of another guy... That doesn't make you love me any less, right?" he asked, feeling a bit silly asking him such a question. Bill kissed his cheek, "Joseph is dead. That was in the past. I love _you_ now... okay? I lost someone in my life that was important to me and I was simply upset, doesn't mean I don't love you anymore, so relax, okay?"

Ford relaxed, "Okay."

The rest of the evening was spent in a more calm manner, and when Ford and Bill went to bed that night, exhausted and tired. Both of them slept peacefully, cuddling each other with a fierce tightness, and neither wanting to let go of the other.


	25. The Federation of Plants and Demon Affairs

Stan woke with a snort as the sun’s rays beamed down upon him, bathing him with their heat and light. He rubbed his eyes and put a hand on Waddles who was fast asleep on his lap and keeping his legs warm as he snoozed, “Ugh, that’s the last time I fall asleep outside, I’m lucky a dinosaur didn’t carry me off” he grumbled, scooping the pig off his lap and standing up. His back cracked loudly as he moved his stiff joints and woke up the pig.

Waddles wriggle in his arms and he set him down on the ground, watching the pig race off back inside the house as the scent of damp pine needles washed over his nose. With another good look around and second (very decent) stretch, he followed, hoping someone had made breakfast.

Mabel was in the kitchen when he got there, mixing up a fresh batch of Mabel Juice, complete with plastic dinosaurs and ice cubes. He made a grabby motion with his hand when she offered him a glass and grunted his approval as he took it, “Thanks, Pumpkin, I reeaallllyyy need some of this today"

"Did you have a good sleep under the stars, Grunkle Stan?”

“Like a baby” Stan replied, gulping down the liquid quickly and feeling the energy course through him, “Thanks, sweetie. Make up some more so we can sell it to the customers. I’ll even give you half the money we make off it if it makes more than $500 at the end of the day.”

“Deal!”

Stan sat down once he had made the coffee up and glanced at his nephew, the boy quiet as he munched at his cereal. Dipper still smelled like gun smoke, and his hat and clothing still had scorch marks from the night before. “Hey, kid? When was the last time you bathed?”

Dipper stopped chewing, “Um, y-yesterday?”

“Not good enough, go bath, and put those clothes in the laundry, I’ll do the washing later.”

“But!-”

“No buts, not nuts, no coconuts! You stink!”

His nephew frowned, “Ugh, fine...” he replied moodily, lifting up the bowl and slurping the milk down as fast as he could. Bill came in with a whistle and a merry tune, a packet of smokes in his hand and a sneaky look in his eyes, “Morning!” he said cheerfully, opening the window by the sink and lighting one up as he used magic to pour himself some cereal.

“Morning! That’s was a good new years party last night, wasn’t it!!” Mabel replied, passing him a spoon from the drawer. Bill took it as Dipper grabbed the floating cereal box, the growing boy ready for a second bowl. “Yup! Best night ever!”

Dipper glanced at him, “How? All we did was light fireworks, and it barely lasted an hour. Plus, you missed the midnight countdown because you and Grunkle Ford were too tired!”

Bills face went a little red, and he coughed as he breathed in his smoke wrong, “I... I... You... The fireworks! Doi!” he said quickly, looking out the window and avoiding eye contact with the family. Stan snickered, “Someone got laid” he muttered, sipping his coffee and pulling the newspaper out of Waddles mouth as the pig bought it to him. Bill went pinker and grumbled, “Shut it, Fez.”

“Grunkle Stan! You watch that language!” Mabel cried, “But yeah, he probably did.”

Bill laughed and blew a smoke ring in Stan's face, the man spluttering and waving his hand about, and ready to slap the demon as hard as he could, “I didn’t swear!” he insisted, confused as to how he could have said anything rude at all, when he hadn’t said a bad word in weeks. Mabel chuckled, “Sexual comments are still rude, and it’s not any of your business. Bill? Do you want some Mabel juice?” she asked, lifting up the jar of sparkly pink liquid.

“Yes, please.”

“Your heart rate will increase by 15%! I can prove it mathematically!” she explained as she poured a good amount into an empty cup, the liquid sloshing over the edges as she handed it to him, “So enjoy having a possible heart attack!"

Bill gulped it down and returned to his cigarette, leaning on the kitchen counter as he blew smoke out the window, “I think you’ve forgotten I don’t have a heart anymore, Mabel, it’s gathering dust in a jar” he said, nudging Dipper with a barefoot and smirking at him as he turned to glare.

“I don’t want to think about that, Bill! Why would you bring that up!?”

“Because you’re the one who knocked over my liver”

“I didn’t mean to!!”

“You knocked over his liver?” Stan asked, realizing that the little detail had been left out. Or maybe he had forgotten it? It wasn’t like he had been listening much to Dippers babble about the adventure to Egypt a few nights ago. The TV channel had been far more interesting than what his nephew had been talking about.

“Yeah... when we went to Egypt and found Bills tomb, remember? I told you this!”

“Right, creepy, was there any gold?”

“Stacks of it” Bill replied, winking at the old man as he remembered the gold and jewels that the mortals had buried him with. Stan waved his hand at him in annoyance and grumbled jealously, “Why didn’t you take any?”

“Cause that would be disrespectful and rude”

“IT’S YOUR GOLD!”

“And?”

Stan made a strained screaming noise in the back of his throat and tried to focus on his paper.

All that gold just sitting there and that wretched demon hadn’t taken any!?

Bill finished his smoke and flicked the butt outside, closing the window and sitting down with his breakfast, “Ford’s still asleep by the way, might be for a bit, I suggest you all keep quiet and let him, he hardly gets enough.”

“Oh, so he’s top then?”

“What are you on about, Stanley?”

“All that ‘topness’ would have tired him out.”

Bills hair turned pink, and he shoved a large spoonful of slightly soggy cereal into his mouth as Mabel snorted, and choked on her drink. Dipper groaned, “Grunkle Stan!” he whined, covering his ears, “Can you not!?”

Stan laughed, “I will never stop making fun of the demon who terrorized my family, especially since I know he’s a bottom!”

~

Ford trailed in around lunchtime, rubbing his eyes and his hair a floofy mess. Bill grinned from his place at the table, sorting out the plates and napkins they’d be needing to eat with. Dipper and Mabel were standing at the counter, helping Stan make lunch as the man cooked some bacon in the pan.

BLT Sandwiches were on the menu for this afternoon.

“Morning, Sixer! Ready for a fun-filled day at the Fed?” Bill asked cheerfully. Ford yawned, “Fed?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed as his tired brain refused to think.

“The Federation of Planets.”

Ford groaned and pushed Stan out of the way to get at the coffee still in the pot, “Is that today?” he asked, adding Mabel Juice to the liquid as he used magic to heat it back up to a more palatable temperature. Bill beamed, “Yep! And I am so looking forward to it!”

Ford sat down beside Bill and leaned his head on his shoulder, “No, I can’t, and if I do go then you’re carrying me- uugghhh I’m immortal, why the hell am I so tired!?”

Stan snickered, he knew exactly why.

“You promised you would help me out!” Bill whined, poking Fords cheek with a finger as the man took a gulp from his mug of nightmares. Ford set his cup down onto the table and smoothed out the tablecloth with his hands, “I know, I know I did… I’m sorry.”

“Have fun last night?” Stan asked, a twinkle in his eyes as he paused his lunch prep to look at him. Bill screeched, making the twins drop the butter knives they were using to spread the margarine with, “STANLEY PINES, IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP, I WILL BREAK YOUR LIMBS, AND MAKE YOU DANCE LIKE A PUPPET WHILE YOU SCREAM IN AGONY!” the demon yelled, completely sick and tired of Stan’s sexual comments. Fez gulped and quickly went back to making lunch, ignoring the angry demon with vibrant red hair as he continued to glare at him.

Ford blinked blankly, “Fun? What do you mean?”

Bill blushed, “He’s been teasing me about last night.... since breakfast.”

“Ugghh, Stan, it’s like your fixated on me and Bill! Give it a rest will you?”

Stan huffed at his twin, “Learn to take some harmless teasing, Sixer, yeesh.”

“Hey, Stan? If I found you a girlfriend would you shut up?” Bill asked, tapping the table with his fingers. Stan rolled his eyes, “I don’t need one... no one’s going to want me, I’m trash, end of story” he replied. Ford laughed, “Ohhh, so this is a pity party now? Even your nerd of a brother found an interdimensional demon to love- at this point anything’s possible.”

“But you’re not ugly” Bill explained.

“Good point.”

Stan set his knife down, passing the twins the tomato slices he had been slicing and the lettuce he had ripped apart, “That’s rude, it’s not like I slaved away for thirty years, teaching myself physics and stuff to get the portal up and running, just to get my twin brother back from whatever nightmare world he fell into. Of course I didn’t give a damn about self-care, I had a mission to run and two kids to look after!” he replied, turning the stove off and leaving the kitchen looking very mad. Ford sighed, “I probably should have said something else” he muttered, feeling a bit guilty as he stood back up to hurry after his twin.

An apology and some kinder words would hopefully help.

He took one step towards the door before he keeled over, shocking the twins and Bill, who raced over to his side and kneeled down next to him, “Sixer!” he cried, turning him onto his back and checking for any damage, “Are you okay?” he asked, concern and worry in his voice.

“I’m fine” Ford replied, looking daze, but mainly confused over how he ended up on the floor. Bill shook his head, “No, you’re not fine! Stay still!” he ordered, trying to keep him from sitting up. Ford laid perfectly still as Bill checked his vitals, assessing his condition with magic, “You need more sleep, and you haven’t been getting enough of it, have you? You’re body must be exhausted! You may be a demon, but you’re not a demon like me, you still have your mortal body, and even though it’s immortal and has magic, it still needs care!” he growled, smacking him gently.

“But, I have insomnia…”

Bill snapped his fingers, “And now you don’t.”

Ford tried to keep his eyes open, but it felt like someone had hit him with a powerful sedative. Bill smiled softly as Ford closed his eyes, asleep before he could say another word, “There, we can go to the Fed later, when you’ve rested” he replied, “Have good dreams” he added, kissing his forehead as he took him back to their room and tucked him into bed. Ford smiled in his sleep as Bill closed the curtains and left him to it, heading back to the kitchen to finish making lunch.

~

They appeared in the designated teleportation zone, Bill fidgeting quietly beside Ford and very nervous as they made their way to the back of the cue outside. Ford grinned as he took it all in, a leftover BLT sandwich from yesterdays lunch still in his hand, “Wow, this place is huge!” he exclaimed, finishing off his food and wiping his fingers on his sweater.

“Y-Yeah, it's mostly archives and filing, got to have a huge place to keep it all stored in, do you have the papers you were muttering about?”

“The ones I forged? Yes, stop looking so nervous” Ford replied, pulling them out of his pocket and grinning. Bill smacked his hand in shock, “No! You can’t do that! They’ll know!!” he cried, grabbing them from his fingers and tearing them up into little pieces, “We can ask at the desk, that’s if we get in!” he added, letting them go and watching them blow away in the wind. Ford sighed, “Bill! I’ve done it before! Would your relax!”

“Forging papers is one thing in the dark parts of the Multiverse, but here? Here they won’t tolerate it! They'll know they're fake as soon as their petty little eyes look at it!” Bill snapped, walking up to the detectors and going through them once it was their turn. Immediately they started beeping shrilly, Bills triangle form flashing on the screens with a huge warning sigh above them.

“ALERT! BILL CIPHER! ALERT!”

Bill facepalmed and grumbled as a guard came up to him, his gun raised as his hands shook, “I m-must ask you t-to step aside, sir” he stuttered as people ran screaming from the gates and abandoned their place in line. Bill did as he was told, “Look-” He started to say, as yet more guards came over, “-I just wanted to check out the planets I own, that’s it, no funny business, I swear it.”

“You own planets?”

“Yes, it’s stupid, but yes.”

“We can accompany you, and your friend. But you do realize you’re banned, right? Have been since you set the place on fire and took all the E’s out of the signs.”

Bill snickered, “You guys were the Federation of Plants for weeks!”

“Explain to me, what exactly do you want from here?” one of the other guards asked, cocking his gun at an angle threateningly. Bill looked around as people trembled and hid, “I told you, I want to check out the planets I own, and I don’t know, I guess give them to someone else? I still want to keep Earth, and my boyfriend here wants to get registered as a demon, and all that jazz.”

The guard lifted his walkie talkie, “Yeah, it’s me, increase security, all eyes on Cipher, and all cameras on Cipher, is that clear?”

“Copy that, sir.”

Ford took Bills hand, “Can we get on with it?” he asked, gesturing to the entrance of the building. The guards nodded, “Follow us then” one muttered, entering through the double doors and making sure the two were following as his team encircled them both like bodyguards. They rounded a corner, the front desks lining the back wall, while hundreds of strange beings stood in line and awaited their turn.

Bill stopped in his tracks as he noticed a certain pink-haired male nearby. He was leaning against the counter with less of a line and chatting with the pig-demon seated in the chair behind it as he worked away, “Why is he here!?” he hissed, not in the mood for the Axolotls smug grin or snarky words of wisdom.

The guards behind the two pushed them forward as Bill faltered, moving them to the desk and closer to Axl, “Hurry it up, Cipher, the faster you get out the better it will be, you're scaring children.”

The axolotl turned with a grinned as they came to a stop in front of him, “Ah, I was waiting for you and I see you've made it! Greetings, William!”

Bill gritted his teeth, “Don’t call me that.”

“So you have business with Earth, yet you do not want to destroy it now?”

“You were right, is that what you want me to say? Hmm?”

Axl ignored him, “I have a proposition for you, Cipher”

“Oh? And what is it?” Bill asked, not amused by Axls efforts to be friendly and make small talk.

“I want you to be the Guardian and Protector of Earth”

Bill gaped, as did everyone else who had been listening. “Are you mad!?”

“You've changed, have you not?”

Bill grumped, “I have, but what makes you think I want to protect Earth? What is there to protect it from?” he asked, crossing his arms and looking like a pouty baby. Axl smiled, “Many beings wish to use Earth for its resources and materials, I do not wish to see harm to it. Therefore, I would like someone to protect it. Who better than a being who tried to destroy it himself?”

There was silence for a bit before Bill spoke, “... Why didn’t you tell me that I was human once?...”

“I knew it would be better if you found out for yourself”

“Better!? YOU THINK ME FINDING OUT WAS BETTER!? IT WAS THE WORST!!!” Bill yelled, people going silent as the loud noises startled them. Axl smiled calmly, “Elaborate quietly.”

“I shouldn’t have too! You know everything!!! You’re the Axolotl!!! The pink puckered asshole who watches over the multiverse! Sees all! Hears all!” Bill cried, ignoring the gasps of shock as he disrespected the Ancient One. But Axl was quite used to Bills nasty ways, and it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He understood what he was going through and tolerated it, “That maybe true, but I want you to to explain it to yourself, then I think you’ll understand.”

Bill felt tears run down his face, hot and wet, his face screwed up as he struggled to keep control, “I ruined my life because of my caveman beliefs! I killed my ex because I believed myself a god and him to be nothing but a puny weakling to rule over!! I am a disgusting freak and everyone hates me because I fuck everything up! Need I go on!?”

Axl looked faintly surprised at Bills emotional outburst, he wasn't one for a meltdown like this, “Bill Cipher, will you please regain control of your emotions, it is not proper to be having such a fit in public. It is now clear to me that you are perfect for the job. You can make up for your past mistakes along the way by saving those who need someone. In return I shall mark your record clean and your crimes atoned for.”

Bill sniffled, “You think I can do that? Me protect a stupid little nothing planet? Yep, you’re definitely mad…”

“Yes, I do believe you can do this... No, I know so.”

Bill looked down at his feet, golden tears splattering his shoes and the nice carpet that paved the floor, “Okay” he whispered, "I’ll do it.” Axl smiled and offered his hand, a white haze engulfing it, “Then it’s a deal?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. Bill looked up, gazing at the almost invisible fire before he took his hand and shook it with a business mans grip, “Deal.”

“I name you: Bill Cipher, Lord of Chaos, Destroyer of Worlds... and Protector and Guardian of Planet Earth, Dimension 46’\”

“Hold on, could we ditch the Destroyer of Worlds? I don’t want to do that anymore...”

Axl nodded and let got of his hand, “Of course, and by the way Stanford, you will need an official Demon name. You don’t have to use it, but it would be the proper thing to get registered, best to go get that all sorted here,” he said, patting the counter. Bill took Fords hand, “That’s why we came here, to get shit sorted... I still have to sign some forms.”

Axl bowed, “Then please continue, good day, gentlemen.”

The guards let them go off on their own as Axl disappeared, warning them both to behave as they pushed them to the back of the line and left them to it. Bill waited till they had gone before he barged past those waiting in the line and leaned on the counter. People protesting his choice of action and very angry.

He cleared his throat, waiting for the pig-demon behind the desk to look up and acknowledge him, “Hi there, I’d like to request the list of planets I own and the proper forms to sigh for release of ownership. My boyfriend will also need some forms to fill out, he needs to be registered as a demon.”

“Names?” the pig asked, not looking up from his computer as his small fingers tappity-tapped at the keyboard in front of him.

“Bill Cipher and Stanford Pines of Dimension 46'\”

The pig-demon wrenched his eyes away from the keyboard and looked up at him fearfully, his large ears and piggy snout twitching in fright as he almost fell off the stack of cushions he was sitting on. “Y-Yes sir! Right away sir!” he cried, leaping from his seat and trotting off on his hoofed feet as fast as he could.

Bill tapped his fingers in a rhythmic beat as he watched the tiny man rush about the back room through the window, gathering everything he’d need quicker than he would usually do for a customer. People whispered and chuckled as he tripped and fell numerous times, paper flying everywhere.

“Take your time, kid, I have alllll day to watch you fuck up.” Bill called out.

The pig-demon blushed as he finally trotted out, setting the paperwork on the counter once he was sure he had found everything, “Here we go Mister Cipher, sir, have a good day!” he squeaked, doing an awkward salute as he adjusted his glasses. Bill smirked, “Thanks, you too, uh, Mr Tibbles” he replied, reading his name-tag and scooping it all up.

“That was amusing to watch” the scientist said, a small smile on his face and his hands behind his back as Bill returned to him, and handed him a stack of forms.

“Very, I have everything, lets go fill these out.”

They sat down at an empty table in a lesser crowded area, Bill shuffling his own forms and giving him a pen. Ford surveyed the first thing to do on the papers before him, “Demon name?” he asked, wondering what on earth he should pick. It was very much like making a DD And More D character, only this was real and very permanent.

He needed to pick himself the best username.

Bill nodded, “It’s like a title, an interdimensional username"

“I guessed. Well, I’ve always liked the name Icarus”

“Ooohhhh, Icarus, that’s nice, last name?”

“Umm... Kouris?”

“What does Kouris mean?”

“Someone that lives in a forest, it’s Ancient Greek, I also know Thanos means immortal... But nobody would take me seriously.”

Bill snorted, “No, they wouldn’t. Why not just use my last name? We’re not married, but people would take you seriously if your last name was Cipher,”

“Icarus Cipher, I like that” Ford replied, writing it down on the form with a smile and dotting the I’s with triangles as carefully as he could. Bill smiled, “Great, you can use that signature to sign contracts, it’s very important, so make sure to remember it or it won't be official.”

“What contracts?”

“For deals and stuff, some demons can’t do Soul Binding Fire so they use Soul Binding contracts instead.”

“Oh, makes sense, do you think people can summon me?” Ford asked excitedly, clicking his pen fast as his mind whirred with all the possible situations he could come across. Bill chuckled, "No dear, not that I know of. Being summoned, having infinite knowledge and power like mine, only comes with destroying your mortal body and surrendering yourself fully."

“Oh, that sounds great and all, but I like my body”

“Yeah, me too” Bill replied, winking at him with a smirk. Ford blushed, “Can I get a new one like you if I did, ‘surrender’?”

“No, I didn’t get this body on my own, only Axl has that power. Besides, you’re classified as a lower-ranking demon, you have your body and it’s now immortal. You still need food and sleep, but you can do magic, limited but still. What more could you want?”

“Hmm... Anyway, how do I rise through the ranks?”

“Training, they have special schools.”

“Can’t you just make me a full demon?”

“I will not be making you a full demon, I can’t allow it. I love you just the way you are! I gave you these gifts so you could be with me for as long as possible. This-” He gestured to himself, “-is a curse, one from which I can never return. Do you want to eat souls to stay stable? Do you want to lose control and destroy universes when your mental health goes belly up? It’s so hard to contain my power, Stanford, and it hurts all the time. I don’t want you to suffer like I did!”

“Right, well, I still want to use my longevity for good though... Maybe I could find a way to make a new kind of immortality?”

“You’re immortal! You still get to eat and sleep, both of which are amazing! Please, just enjoy what you have. Besides, if there was a way to make new kinds of immortality, it would have been made by now.”

“You don’t know that, I just want to be your equal... I don’t want to be a lower Demon.”

“Oh! Sixer, it’s not a bad thing! It’s just ranked by power, thats all! I have infinite knowledge on power, magic and the universe, that’s it, I'm also skilled in magic, shape-shifting and what not. Thus making me higher-ranking. I'm also Omniscient, I know things, like how I know you won’t be able to find new kinds of immortality.”

Ford stared down at the sheet of paper he was currently trying to fill out, “Just because you say you’re omniscient and act as if you are, doesn’t mean you are. I’m smart and I have all of eternity to find out perfect immortality, you’re wrong if you think I can't find new ways.”

Bill smacked his head with the back of his hand, “Stop trying to question me! I know more than you think I do! I’ve been a demon longer than you have! Ask Axl, he knows everything, which is far more than I do! He’ll tell you, just as he told me, and countless others, there is no other way to have immortality perfectly, otherwise it would be too good to be true and everyone would have it. All demons would be too powerful for their own good and the multiverse would descend into chaos.”

Ford scoffed and changed the subject, “You’re not Omniscient like you keep saying you are, you’re almost Omniscient, how do I know? You didn’t predict your own death.”

“What death?”

“Destroying Pyra’s mind, with you in it”

“Because I asked her too! I did it to myself!”

“Exactly, you didn’t previously see that as a possibility, therefore, you didn’t prevent it.”

“It was a choice, one of many outcomes! The flow of time isn’t set in stone, it’s like a river and that river flows into many streams, it twists, turns and intersects. There’s no proper way to see what happens, only predict via the present happenings. I saw that my death was plausible, but I didn’t believe it to be the outcome, because I was a selfish fool!”

“Okay okay! Can I finish this form now?”

"Yes, sorry.”

Ford was stressing out as he finished off the rest of the paperwork, worried about his own immortality and what it would mean for him and his future. He was suddenly hit with the awful realization that he would be standing not only by his twin’s deathbed, but his niece and nephew too, and their children and so forth. He gripped the table as he felt his stomach churn. “Bill...”

"Yes? Are you okay?"

“Immortality isn’t living forever... It’s everyone else dying.”

“Pros and Cons, you didn’t think this would be a walk in the park, did you?”

Ford looked at him angrily, “What!? You can’t just say that! How can you sit there and say that? I can’t believe you!”

“Look, I get it, you’re upset because you’ve just realized you’re going to outlive your family... But Stanford, you are my family, at least all that I have left now. I will do my best to love you, and make sure your own family, blood-related and such will live their very best lives. But immortality isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. Sure, you’ll lose loved ones... but that’s life, you lose people you love...”

“Bill... They’re not happy for me... They’ve already realized that I’m going to outlive them- and they just accept it??! Ha! Not likely, they must hate me, I chose you over them, I’ve been selfish, I... I chose my worst enemy over my own family. Oh... Oh no... what kind of monster does that?” Ford rambled.

Bill sighed, Ford was starting to freak out, saying things that weren't true and wholeheartedly believing in it, “They don’t hate you! I’ve read their minds... if anything they love you more. Because not only have you saved them from the dangers of old me, you’ve allowed yourself to love without the fear of society. You’ve given Dipper a role model to look up too. Mabel loves you so much, she makes you sweaters and gives you hugs. She made us muffins when we came back from that trip. She didn’t have too, but she did. Because she thought we would enjoy that. Stan's just jealous, and I know it’s strange, but he’s super dooper jealous of you and he loves you very much... they don't hate you.”

Ford fiddled with the golden necklace, the triangle glinting in the light, “But it can’t last forever, right?”

“What do you mean? How on earth are you going to fuck up love like that? Their love will be with you always, even after they move on to the next realm. It’s a love that will last lifetimes, Stanford, trust me on this." Bill said, standing up and coming over to his side of the table. He pulled the man into a hug and smoothed out his hair, the brown strands still a mess.

"I don’t know… but it’s just... To good to be true, you said yourself nothings perfect...” Stanford whispered, his voice sad and small.

“I said magic and demon shit isn’t perfect, love is very different, it can last forever, break curses, change the selfish and greedy hearted and bring forth change like none I have ever seen before. They love you, and that will never change.”

Ford hugged back, “Then I guess I just have to enjoy it while it lasts.”

“Exactly, now, lets get these forms sorted, are you done filling yours out?”

"Yup, what about you?”

Bill nodded and picked them all up, taking them back over to the front desk and slamming them on the counter. Mr Tibbles took them with a small growl and checked them over before he stamped them, “All done, have a good day, sir” he said, handing him something small. Bill took the object and hurried back over to Stanford, “Here, official demon badge with your new name on it, you don’t have to wear it, it’s just complementary. I had mine ages ago, but I lost it. I think I tossed it away into a volcano during a drunken night out.”

Ford snorted and took the badge, pinning it to his sweater, “On a lighter note, I’d still like people to summon me, it would make life far more interesting.”

“Why? It’s boring and lame, and that reminds me-” Bill went back over to the desk “-Hi yes, I’d like my summoning circle to be erased from all minds and books alike, and I no longer want to be on the register of summon-able demons.”

Mr Tibbles handed him a form, “Fill this out.”

Bill did so and handed it back, “Great, that’s all sorted, have a pleasant day” the pig-demon replied, his tone of voice starting to get bored with the compliments, and Bill himself. The golden demon jumped a mile as Ford put his hand on his shoulder, a puppy dog look on his face, “I want to be summoned” he begged, looking very much like an Owl with his big eyes. Bill turned his attention back to the tiny man in glasses, his right eye twitching, “Can Sixer here get summoned? Or is that only a higher-ranking feature?” he asked, his teeth gritted in annoyance.

Mr Tibbles handed Ford the form with a smug smile, “If he fills this out he can.”

Ford squeaked with happiness and drew the logo he wanted on the paper, signing it once had added in the items needed to call to him. “Theeeeere we go” he sang, passing it back to Mr Tibbles tiny, but waiting hands. Bill rolled his eyes as Ford bounced on the balls of his feet, “You are such a nerd.”

“Shut up, I just want to try it out. How does this summoning work, anyway?” he asked, passing him back the pen he had been using. Mr Tibbles sighed, “Your summoning spell would be placed in a few dozen locations, and if people like what you can give them, they’ll summon you.” he explained, handing him a piece of paper, “Here are the rules, which Cipher and many other demons barely follow, so I don’t know why I even bother-"

“Yada yada yada, can we go now?” Bill hissed, wanting to get back home and eat. Ford glanced through them and stuffed them in his pocket, “Yes alright, thank you, lets go” he said, taking Bills offered hand. The demon tugged him out the doors as quickly as he could, stopping only to steal the letter ‘E'’ from the sign at the front. The security shouted their protests as they realized what he had done and chased after the two as Bill laughed, skipped and cartwheeled away. He threw the letter back at them as they neared the teleportation pad, grabbing Fords arm as the group slowed down to collect it. The Federation of Planets were happy to see them leave, relieved even, but it wouldn't be long till Bill would return, it was inevitable after all.

Ford could not stop laughing as they reappeared in the Shack, “Do you think they added a new wing on botany!?” he asked, barely able to breathe. “That's a good one!” Bill snorted, “I’m so going to keep doing that! Its far too much fun! The looks on their faces!”

“Do you think people came in and were confused when they had nothing on plants?” Ford asked, trying to calm himself down at Bills ridiculous tomfuckery.

It had just been a prank. Why was it so funny to him?

“Oh yes! It took them weeks to fix the’ E’ last time! I made it impossible to add a new one onto the sign. They had to wait for the magic to wear off! It was hilarious!”

Ford laughed more, leaning on him as he felt his knees buckle weakly. Bill smiled and steadied him, kissing his cheek happily, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

**(A/N: Mr Tibbles is from The Owl House)**


	26. Food For Thought

Dipper came rushing over to them as they finally composed themselves and quickly tied them up as they stood there with a glowing pink rope. Mabel appeared from above (in the rafters), jumping down with a war cry and expertly tugging a large sweater over their heads, just in case the rope came undone. She landed on the floor by her brother and tied the sleeves into a bow, high-fiving her twin once she had done and grinning from ear to ear.

“This the best idea you’ve come up with all week, Mabel”

“Thanks Bro bro, now hand me the makeup bag” Mabel replied, putting out her hand for the grubby, makeup stained toiletry bag she had been using to store her beauty products in since she was little.

“I don’t have it, Stan’s getting it.”

Bill chuckled and went to use magic to remove the ropes and sweater, amused by the twins efforts to restrain them. But when he failed to get them undone he felt a feeling of dread and inevitable doom in his heart and looked at Ford with a worried expression, “Um, guys? Are these ropes magic proof?” he asked, Ford struggling beside him with the same question in his mind.

Dipper grinned, “Yep! And so is the sweater! There's no escaping this!”

“STAN! HELP!” Ford yelled, trying to loosen the knot like he had been taught during those years trapped between worlds. But Dipper had tied it in such a way that he was unable to, his nephew learned in his ways so much that the boy was able to counteract his moves before he could strike. Stan had of course been roped in to their plans and he appeared with a grin, clutching Mabel’s bag of makeup in his hands, and a camera hanging around his neck, “Sorry, Sixer, no can do, it’s time for a new you!”

“Is- is that makeup!?”

“Yup! Hold still!” Mabel cried, forcing them both to their knees and up against the door. Bill and Ford looked at each other and then back at the three as they came closer, both screaming as they finally realized what the others were going to do to them.

~

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about, Sixer, I look good and you know it” Bill said, batting his mascara covered eyelashes as he looked at himself in the mirror Mabel was holding up to him. Ford grumbled and blushed furiously, “I... This is exactly the time when Pyra did your make-up!”

“I know! And now you get to join in! Isn't it great!?"

“Ughhh...”

Stan held up the camera and started taking photos, a huge smirk on his face, “Work it, honey, you look fabulous!” he cooed, sounding extremely gay and enjoying himself as the flash went off, capturing the an unimpressed Ford and a happy Bill forever on film.

"Say Cheese, Sixer. No one likes a pouty baby."

Ford growled, “I don’t want to look at you ever again” he snapped, struggling to remove himself from the ropes and sweater he had been tied up in. His face was caked in so much foundation his original skin tone had disappeared. Stan chuckled and blew him a kiss, “We love you too, Stanford” he replied, walking off with a laugh and clutching the camera to his chest with an evil smile.

_These photos would be perfect blackmail material._

Mabel giggled, “You guys look amazing!”

Dipper nodded, “Yeah, they do, your makeup skills are a heck of a lot better than they used to be, you could be a professional someday, sis” he said, trying to be supportive as he took off the sweater and untied the ropes. Ford flopped to the floor defeatedly and Bill stood up, “I hate you all, go away...” the scientist moaned, ignoring the cheek kiss Bill leaned down to give him.

“Don’t be like that, dear.”

“You like this!?”

“Well duh”

“You complained the whole time!”

Bill grinned, “Yes, I know.”

Ford looked up at Dipper as he used magic to remove the makeup, feeling his skin breath again as it flaked away and disappeared, “Oh and I was going to tell you all before you attacked me, that my official Demon name is now Icarus Cipher, I’m registered and everything” he said, sitting up and returning his floofy hair back to normal as his magic removed the hairspray cementing it into place. Dipper grinned, “Ooooh, that’s so cool. Did you have to fill out forms, or take a test? Or-?”

“Just some forms, Dipper, calm down.”

“Isn’t Icarus the guy that flew too close to the sun?” Mabel asked.

“Yup! And that sun is me. And he fell so hard!” Bill replied, helping Ford to his feet and brushing him down. Ford removed Bills make up for him and kissed his cheek, returning his earlier affection, “I was hoping you wouldn’t pick up on that, but yeah, I liked the symbolism.”

“Aww, you two are so cute!” Mabel cooed.

“What’s for dinner?” Bill asked, picking up the rope and winding it around his hand as he helped tidy it up the mess they had made. Dipper zipped up the makeup bag once he had collected it all back and passed it to his twin, “Haven’t made it yet, kinda hoping you would, your cooking’s good.”

Bill bowed, “I’d be honored, is lasagna okay?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“And Stan?” Bill called out, “I’m making you a salad to go with it, if you want a girlfriend you need to start self-caring everything!”

“Nooo!” came his whiny reply, “I told you I don’t need a girlfriend!”

Bill ignored him and trailed into the living room with Ford, “You need to lose some weight, get a good skin care routine going, maybe some lessons on how to be nice as well, you sure can be rude.”

Stan grumbled.

“Tell me, Fez, do you want love or not, be honest with me, I won't judge.”

“Yes...”

“So, if you let me help you, I can make you look presentable enough. There are people that would go for this already, but I’m just trying to get you to live longer than you’re due.”

Ford looked mildly disgusted by this fact, “Yeesh, really?"

Stan glared at his twin from the armchair, “Shut it, Sixer, fine, Bill, whatever” he mumbled, switching on the TV and getting comfy. He was hoping to spend the rest of the evening absorbed in the shows he loved to watch, eating dinner away from his annoying family and ignoring his surroundings. Bill grinned, “That’s the spirit, Stanley! And I agree, shut it, Sixer, don’t be rude, not everyone’s looking for a perfect man, some go for heart and squishy tummies.”

“I've got plenty of that” Stan replied, poking his belly with a chuckle and watching it wobble like jelly. Bill had flashbacks to the memory he had witnessed all those years ago, back when he had been on a deal with Gideon to get the code to Stan's safe. The tummy eating crackers forever burned into his brain, along with Stan's high-pitched voice that went with it. 

He shivered with disgust and forced a grin, “Yup, so you do.”

~

“Make a deal with Ford, Stan. I get you a lady, you stop teasing me!” Bill cried, smacking the top of his head with the wooden spoon he was using to stir the red sauce with. Stan was yet again teasing Bill with sexual comments and the demon was getting sick of it. Ford grinned and offered his hand to his twin, black flames shooting up from the palm and giving both of them a fright, so much so that Ford almost toppled from his seat.

Ford gaped, “Bill! Look!” he cried delightedly, waving his hand at his boyfriend to get his attention. Bill sighed, “That’s usually what happens when you get stronger... you get Soul Binding flames first... to be honest, I was hoping you’d only be able to use contracts.” he said, sounding very jealous by it, as well as annoyed.

“What? Why?”

“Your ranking states contracts only, but if you’re using Soul Binding flames, then you’re a lot stronger than a simple lower-ranking demon.”

“Yay me!” Ford cheered, offering his hand back to Stan and looking like a kid at Christmas as he quickly re-said the deal. Stan looked a bit confused by it, he hadn't exactly made a deal with a demon before, and hoped it wouldn't burn him. But the flames were cold and tingly against his skin and didn't hurt, so he relaxed and tightened his grip, shaking Fords hand. 

“You seem bothered by it” Ford added, noticing the look on Bill’s face as he checked the white sauce simmering in a smaller pot, “I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“I am, I’m just shocked, is all” Bill replied, grating cheese as he continued on with the dinner prep. Ford hummed softly, “Are you sure I’m a lower-ranking Demon? Same as the Henchmaniacs? Identical?”

“No, not anymore...”

Dipper chuckled, “I think I know what it is, Bill doesn’t like the fact that Ford could be more powerful than him some day.” he said. Bill grumped, “No... that’s not it at all!” he declared, summoning a piece of paper and studying it carefully, “It says here that Ford is a- Wait, it’s changed!? What!? NO!”

“What?”

“Th-They’ve made you middle-class, that’s still powerful enough to use Soul Binding fire and is also a gateway to becoming a high-ranking like me. Thing is, if you become one and you still have your mortal body... you’ll be the first in demon in history to do so...” Bill whined, not at all happy about this as he poofed the paper back to the archives it had come from.

“Yup, he’s jealous” Dipper said.

Ford clapped his hands, “Really!? I could be more powerful than you?”

Bill pouted, “I’m the highest ranking demon ever! Of course I’m jealous that you have the potential to be like me! It’s not fair!"

"Oh, come on, don't be like that"

"Set the table” Bill answered spitefully, pouring the finished sauces over the pasta and layering it all up in the large glass dish. Ford hugged him as he stood up to grab the plates and cutlery, “Oh don’t worry, I’ll make sure I use that potential, stop being a grump"

“Fuck you.”

Ford cupped his face with his hand and gently squeezed his cheeks, “Stop that, this means I can be your equal, and I know about the inevitable suffering of being immortal and alone, but if we have each other, it won’t have to be like that! I can look after you, and you can look after me! No insanity to drive us nuts.”

“But I’ve been on top of the list for eons” Bill whined, “I worked so hard to get there!”

Ford nodded, “And now I'll beat you, and in a couple million years, I’m sure someone will beat me! And when that happens, I will destroy them and make sure you stay in second place... And the other thing? I don’t have to be omniscient!”

Bill chuckled and sprinkled a large helping of cheese on the top of the lasagna, “No, you don't, but it means you'll have to work harder to figure things out."

“True... So how do I move up this list, and what is my competition?” Ford asked, clapping his hands and licking his lips almost greedily as if ready to get to it. Bill blushed a little and put the now finished lasagna into the oven to grill the cheese on top, “I’m not telling you, you can find out for yourself, it at least gives me more time on the top.”

Ford rolled his eyes, “All right then, keep your secrets.”

~

Bill pushed his dinner around his plate moodily, Ford having already demolished his own and hungry for more as he dished up a second helping. The scientist reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair over his ear, “Don’t worry, you’ll still be top Demon for a good few centuries yet.” he said, squirting ketchup onto his meal and smiling at him.

“I’m not upset about that anymore, sorry, just thinking...”

“About?”

“My memory said I got sick a lot... remember? The teacher, she said I had good grades despite it, and that flu I got not too long ago made me very ill, very quickly...”

“Yeah? What’s your point?”

“This human shell I wear is as close to the real thing as possible, what if I get something worse than a flu?”

“Well... Our modern medicine is much better than Egyptian apothecaries... You’ve already had a fever, and it cleared up in a few days.”

Dipper nodded, “Thanks to the Hand Witches brews you should be fine, trouble is she only opens at night and the late hours” he explained, slapping Mabel’s hand away as she reached for the cheesy top part of his meal he was trying to save for later. Ford smiled, “See? And if that doesn’t make you feel better, I could always take a course in modern medicine. I mean, I’m a Doctor, but I’m not that kind of Doctor.”

“It’s fine... really, it’s just bothering me how weak this shell is...” Bill replied, standing up and scraping his barely eaten food into Waddles bowl. Dipper frowned, realizing just how little Bill ate these days, he couldn’t remember the last time Bill had eaten a full meal, or at least gorged himself on food.

_Was he not eating? Or was he simply eating when no one was around?_

“Are you going to eat?” he asked, gesturing to the wonderful dish sitting in the middle of the table. Bill shook his head, “I’m not that hungry, I ate at breakfast anyway” he said, making to leave the kitchen and head to his room so he could be alone. Ford grabbed his arm on his way out, worried for his boyfriend, “Bill, look, I’m sorry, okay? Are you sure this is not about me over taking you that you’re worried about? What’s really bothering you?” he asked, wanting to try his best to understand what was going through his mind. 

But Bill yanked his arm out of his grip and glared, “I said I’m fine! I’m just not hungry, okay!? I’m going to bed, I’ll see you there later” he growled, stalking off moodily down the hall.

"You're not weak" Ford muttered to himself.

“Am I the only one who has noticed how little he’s been eating?” Dipper asked, shoving a huge amount of his dinner into his mouth and barely chewing it before he swallowed. Ford sighed and turned to his family, rubbing his eyes behind his glasses, “Now that you mention it, I’ve seen it too. Look... None of you... None of you should fear me. Please, I don’t want to alienate my family, and I don’t want you to feel intimidated, okay?”

Dipper blinked in confusion at the sudden change in conversation and took another bite, “Huh? What are you on about? We don’t feel alienated” he replied, talking with his mouthful. Mabel nodded, “Yeah! We love you and we love your choices, we don’t care it’s Bill you’re in love with, we care that you keep us safe” she said, glancing at Stan for approval. 

Stan nodded in agreement, “Yeah, what they said.” he grunted, grimacing at the ketchup on his twins plate. He would never understand how the man enjoyed pouring tomato sauce over his pasta dishes and he didn't want to. 

_It was gross._

**(A/N: I love ketchup on mac and cheese! Fight me!)**

Ford smiled happily, a bubbly feeling of relief in his heart, Bill had been right, his family loved him, despite it all, “Thanks for understanding, you’re the best family I could ever of hoped for.”

“Right back at ya, nerd boy, now go talk to your boyfriend, Dippers right, he hasn’t been eating like has been” Stan said. Ford stood up and gave them a nod, hurrying after Bill and abandoning his own meal in the process. He pushed open the bedroom door upon arrival and peered in, hoping the demon was awake so he could chat. But Bill was curled up under the covers, his eyes closed and his breathing a bit too fast to be in REM.

“Bill? Are you awake?” he called out, walking over to the side of the bed and sitting down. When Bill failed to respond to his voice, he gently picked up his hand and ran a thumb over his wrist, feeling for his heartbeat in the veins visible under his pale skin. The fast beat throbbed under is fingertips and made him smile, and he leaned down, his lips mere centimetres from his ear, “I can tell you’re not asleep, your heart rates too high.”

“What do you want?” Bill grumbled.

“I want to know why you haven’t been eating”

“I had cereal for breakfast"

“Yes, but what about lunch? The day before that you barely ate anything either”

“I’m just not hungry”

“You need to look after your physical form. Promise me you’ll eat in the morning, okay? I don’t care if you’re not hungry, you need to eat a proper meal three times a day.”

“I’ll think about it, but don’t get your hopes up...”

“No, I mean it” Ford replied, stroking his hair just the way he liked it. Bill huffed but stayed quiet, enjoying the petting. “Are you tired already?” the man asked, rubbing his ears softly as Bill sighed happily at the affection, “Yeah... kinda...”

“That’s fine, I’ll stay with you then, just let me go get pudding, it was Mabel’s turn to make it tonight, and I'd really like some.”

“What is it?”

“Cream, custard and cake... So like trifle, but without the jelly and fruit.”

“Nice...” Bill muttered, grabbing a tissue from the nightstand and blowing his nose as Ford left to go grab some of the dessert Mabel had made. He hadn’t been feeling well again lately, the head cold baffling him as it made his head feel heavy and blocked his nose up.

_It was Summer, head colds were a Winter thing!_

Ford smiled as he came back in, two bowls in hand and a napkin in his mouth, “A first for Mabel, it’s edible, and I can taste something other than sugar” he said, setting the napkin and one of the bowls down on the bedside table. Bill listened quietly to his chewing noises as he ate, and the random clink as his spoon hit the bowl, “She’s matured then, I swear every time Mabel cooked she add glitter to it, be it pancakes, eggs, toast, even cereal. I didn't have to be apart of this family to see it.”

"You watched Mabel back then?"

"I watched everyone... unfortunately" Bill replied, disgust in his tone. Ford chuckled, “You want some?” he asked, gesturing the bowl he had gotten for him. Bill buried his face into the pillows, “I’m good” he replied, his stomach growling pitifully. He _was_ hungry, but his anxiety was simply making him feel sick and the thought of food made him grimace. 

“Your stomach is growling, I can hear it from here”

“No, it’s not!”

Ford huffed and magicked his empty bowl to the sink, “Promise me you’ll eat it in the morning? Just a few bites?” he asked, snapping his pajamas on and pulling Bill into his arms. Bill snuggling into him, “Stop pestering me... I’ll eat when I’m hungry.” he replied, patting his arm with a hand and giving him a tired smile.

"Get some sleep then."

"...Goodnight..."

Ford kissed the back of his neck and smiled as a small purr escaped his boyfriends mouth, "Goodnight, Bill." he replied.


	27. Sickly Suffering

Bill was brushing his teeth with Fords toothbrush early that morning as he stared at himself in the mirror. Dark circles under his eyes and his cheeks red with a slight fever, which was still hanging around from last night. He didn't usually brush his teeth, he just liked the feeling it did to his mouth and the minty taste it left, and he always made sure to clean the brush thoroughly after. 

Once he was done with his morning hygiene routine, he dressed himself in a plain t-shirt and shorts as the heat outside grew unbearable, not wanting to overheat and make himself anymore sick than he already was feeling. He opened the curtains and the windows, the hot wind blowing onto his face and making him grimace.

_It 's going to be a hot day today, so buckle up, bucko._

He sat down on his side of the bed and brushed out his long hair, straightening it with magic and putting it up into a bun to keep it off his neck. He didn’t know why he didn’t just cut it off, but he guessed it was because it liked that it made him feel more feminine. He wasn't like most males, he liked to wear dresses and high heels and enjoyed having makeup put on, and it didn't bother him when people stared at his new looks. He had worn female clothes out at some point, and of course the towns folk had stared and muttered and exchanged looks, until Ford had glared at them all and they had carried on with their lives.

He made his way to the kitchen once he had completed his morning routine, picking up the bowl from his bedside table on his way out of the ensuite bathroom Ford had installed a year back. The man had quite honestly wanted to be alone with Bill gone, and having his own bathroom made it a easier to stay in his room longer. 

Dipper was the only one up as he entered the kitchen, the smell of brewed coffee and greasy bacon from Stan's earlier breakfast wafting up his nose and making him feel nauseous. “Morning Bill” Dipper said cheerfully, waving his free hand as he continued to munch at his boring cereal. 

“Morning” he replied, setting the bowl of uneaten pudding into the sink, “Sleep okay?”

“Sort of, it’s just getting unbearably hot”

“Yep, Summer is the worst, but not as bad as when I took over a planet near a sun.... I swear if I had a mortal body then I’d be dead, it would be enough the blister the skin and the…”

Dipper nodded as he rambled on, trying his best to listen to his jabbering, but it was rather confusing to understand and he ended up zoning out until his silence alerted him and he spoke, “So, have you eaten anything today?” he asked, slurping the milk down as he took his last bite of breakfast. Bill huffed, “I just woke up” he grumped, “Give me a chance, will ya?”

“Sorry, there’s bread, so you can have toast, if you want?”

Bill shook his head, “I’m good, I just brushed my teeth” he replied, heading outside to have a sneaky smoke before Ford woke up. He sat down on the porch and took a deep breath, feeling the hot sun warm his pale skin up. The birds were chirping in the trees nearby and the grass was long and yellow, and filled with bees hoping to gather the pollen from their middles. 

_Maybe he could do some sunbathing once Soos had mown the lawn, get a good tan._

He pulled out a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up, drawing in the intoxicating smoke that burned his lungs and made him feel better. He didn’t know why he kept smoking, Ford was worried for his health, as was he. But the chemicals inside this death stick just soothed so many of his worries and he found it a great stress reliever.

Ford wasn’t too far behind on getting up, in fact as soon as Bill had left, he had opened his eyes and gotten out of bed before he became to comfy. After brushing his teeth and shaving his face with his magical flames, he had gotten dressed and headed to to the kitchen to grab food and some coffee. Dipper looked up from placing his bowl in the sink and smiled, “Morning Grunkle Ford!”

“Good morning, Dipper, where’s Bill?”

“Uh, Outside, on the porch, I think?”

Ford frowned, “If he’s smoking again...” he muttered, trailing off as he headed outside to find his naughty boyfriend. Dipper looked down at the bowl Bill had placed into the sink and turned on the water to clean his dishes. The bowl was still filled with the now stale dessert, Bill hadn’t eaten any of it like he had promised.

Bill coughed as he breathed in the smoke wrong, distracted by a fat bumblebee that had come to suss him out. He blew out a cloud of smoke, engulfing the pour insect as it flew away. He was just about to take another drag when he heard the sound of footsteps behind him and his eyes widened. He gulped when the shadow of Stanford appeared above him, covering him from the sun, “M-Morning!” he squealed, quickly stubbing out the smoke and looking up. He was sweating nervously, but mostly because of the heat.

Ford glared, “What did I tell you about smoking?” he growled.

“Not smoke”

“And what are you doing?”

“Definitely _not_ smoking”

“Bill!”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay!? I’m just anxious all the time and this helps!”

Ford scooped him up, earning a shocked yelp from the golden demon as he cradled him in his arms, “No more, please? I can find some other ways to make you feel better, but this stuff is bad for you, and very bad for your shell” he said quietly, burying his face into Bills shirt and smelling the smoke that was tangled into the fabric. Bill patted his head, “I’m sorry...” he replied, waiting till Ford had pulled away before he smiled softly.

“I know, have you eaten yet?”

“Yep, c-cake” Bill lied, snapping his fingers surreptitiously so that the cake he had abandoned would disappear into the bin, leaving his bowl empty. Ford walked back inside with him still in his arms and peered into the sink, shocked as he noticed the empty bowl sitting at the bottom. He had been sure it wouldn't have been touched. 

Dipper knew that this simply wasn’t the truth and he narrowed his eyes at Bill.

_He had seen it disappear as he was drying his dishes._

Bill waved his hand at Dipper, begging him to keep quiet as he opened his mouth to tattle. “Thank you for eating, you had me worried there. Now hand me the contraband at once” Ford asked, holding out his hand for the packet of smokes that Bill kept on his person. Bill raised an eyebrow, “Contraband?” he asked, feeling a bit like a schoolboy being made to hand over his trusty slingshot. Ford nodded, “Yes, the cigarettes in your pocket.”

Bill grumbled and tugged them out of his shorts, passing them to his waiting hand gingerly and without further questions. Ford set him down on the floor and he watched sadly as the man ran the tap over them and soaked them right through to the tobacco inside. 

_Such a waste._

When Ford was done with making sure they couldn’t be saved, he discarded the soggy smokes into the bin, “Are you still hungry?” he asked, closing the lid and washing his hands under the tap water. Bill shook his head, “Nope, you just focus on getting your own breakfast.”

“What do you want to do today? We could go for a walk? It’s been ages since we did that”

“Sure, sounds nice, it’s a good day for it too.”

Ford smiled and dried his hands on the tea towel, “I’ll pack us a lunch, I thought we could go up into the valley.”

“There’s a valley?”

“Yes, and it has many strange and wondrous things for us to see” Ford replied, snapping his fingers and changing his outfit to a white shirt and grey shorts. He had emblazoned the shirt pocket with a golden six-fingered hand and it was a nice look on him. 

Stan wheezed as he came into the kitchen to refill his coffee cup, struggling not to laugh out loud as he noticed Fords new outfit. He hadn’t seen his twin in shorts before and it was so gosh darn amusing, “Your legs are so pale!” he spluttered, laughing out loud when he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Ford blushed and grumbled curse words under his breath, feeling embarrassed now that he was showing skin, this was why he kept covered.

_Trust Stanley to make a mockery of him._

Bill chuckled, “Don’t you listen to him, Ford, your pale legs don’t bother me. Oh! You’re still wearing the necklace I gave you?” he asked, reaching up and easing the golden triangle out from under his shirt as he noticed the chain around his neck. Ford smiled and took his hand, tucking the golden pendant away as he removed it from his fingers, “Yes, of course, it’s special to me.” he replied.

“PALE LEGS!” Stan cried, banging the table with a fist as he laughed uncontrollably and making Dipper jump in fright. Ford growled and quickly used magic to make the promised lunch, as well as some coffee to go for himself. The two exited the kitchen a few seconds later, leaving behind Fords rude twin and an annoyed Dipper as they headed out.

~

Bill followed behind him as they made their way along the path, he was already sweating and feeling tired, but he kept smiling, “So, what’s this valley like?” he asked, not too sure where on Earth they could be right now, it was all so green and forest-y, and it was hard to pin-point their exact location. Ford chuckled in amusement, “We’re already _in_ the valley, Bill, we’re going up to the peak, they have a lookout.”

“A hill?” Bill said, sounding horrified with that thought. He was already so tired, how did the man expect him to walk up a hill!? This was torture, it had to be! “Right, can you carry me? Please?” he added.

“Are you tired already?”

“I’m not used to this heat” Bill wheezed, sweat running down his face and dripping from his chin. Ford picked him up, using magic to make him lighter as he adjusted him in his arms, “Alright, but I can’t carry you all the way up though, my magic will run out.”

“It’s fine, just the hard parts, thank you.”

“Okay” Ford muttered, really wanting to point out there was barely an incline to go up, but he didn’t want to say anything just in case it upset his boyfriend. Bill watched the scenery pass him as Ford trekked upwards, using magic to pick a flower and tuck it behind the man’s ear, “Did you sleep well?” he asked, stifling a yawn as he patted Fords chest gently.

The glowing man made a so-so motion with his hand and smiled at the flower in his hair, “Not really, but I’m fine” he replied, setting Bill down once they were at the top. Despite his words, he had carried him the rest of the way and the golden demon was grateful. 

Bill took his hand, threading his fingers through Fords own as the sun beamed down and squeezing it gently. He liked Stanford's hands a lot, mostly because he could fit all his fingers into the spaces between. Ford smiled as he felt the reassuring squeeze and let go as he took out the lunch items from the backpack he had snagged from the front door, setting up a picnic on the grass nearby, “Isn’t this place pretty?” he exclaimed, sitting down on the blanket and motioning for Bill to do the same as he took out the lunchboxes. Bill did as he was told, enjoying the view, “Yes, you were right, it’s nice.”

"It’s pretty, just like you” Ford whispered into his ear, passing him his lunchbox so he could eat. Bill blushed and leaned into him as he opened it up, closing his eyes as Ford stroked his hair just the way he liked it, “I love y-” Bill faltered as he felt an awful thick feeling in his throat and he coughed it up, trying to clear his lungs of what was suffocating him. 

The lunchbox of small ham sandwiches and fruit tumbled from his fingers and fell to the ground as he reached up to cover his mouth. Ford let him go and looked at him worriedly, cleaning up the mess as he hacked and wheezed, “Are you okay? Do you have asthma?”

“I just need to stop smoking” Bill replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and smiling weakly. Ford handed him a tissue, “I think that would be for the best” he said, grimacing as Bill turned his head and spat a thick wad of black goop onto the grass, “Ughh, gross..."

“Bill? What is that?”

“From smoking, I’ve been doing it for over 300 years, it was bound to catch up to me at some point”

“This won’t kill you, will it?”

“If I kept at it of course it would, smoking's bad for me. My magic’s been doing its best, but it's time to stop, it should go away if I stop.”

“Good” Ford said, wrapping an arm around Bill as he leaned into him tiredly, he really did look unwell, his features exhausted and sickly, “You still haven’t eaten anything, have you?” he asked, brushing his hair away from his face and wiping his mouth with a finger as the black stuff smeared at the corners of his lips.

“No... sorry, I lied...” Bill muttered, his eyes slipping closed from tiredness and his body depleted of all its energy. Ford hurriedly magicked away the picnic and picked him up, teleporting him home as quickly as he could and lying him down on the sofa. Dipper looked up from the armchair he was in and frowned, setting down the TV remote he was using to surf the channels, “Is he okay?”

Ford shook his head and checked his blood sugars, scarily low for someone that hadn’t eaten in a couple of days. He cleared away the black tar like goop from his lungs while he was at it and sat down on the floor beside him, “Dipper?”

“Yes, Grunkle Ford?”

“Can you get Mabel to make a cup of the most sugary Mabel Juice she has, with no glitter or plastic dinosaurs?”

“Of course!” his nephew cried, leaping from his seat and rushing off to find his twin. Mabel was knitting in the kitchen, happily relaxed in a patch of sun like a sleepy cat, “Mabel, we need the sugariest Mabel Juice you can make, no glitter or dinosaurs, it’s for Bill, he really needs it.” he said, wanting to get back to his TV and snack as quickly as possible.

She smiled and nodded determinedly, “Right away!” she cried, setting down her knitting and saluting with her tongue sticking out. Dipper sat down at the table and watched her mix it, curious as to what it contained. His Grunkle Stan had said it was like if coffee and nightmares had a baby and he had never been able to recreate it simply from the taste. 

He was shocked to find out she had stashed away a hoard of juice powder packets behind a secret panel in the back of the pantry cupboard. But they weren’t just ordinary packets of juice powder, these were sports ones, usually sold at fitness stores.

_No wonder it made her so hyper._

“So, this is your secret stash of sugar?”

“No telling!” she ordered, stirring the mixture with a wooden spoon as quickly as she could, and trying not to spill a drop of it in the process as she added red food colouring to make it pinker. Dipper chuckled, “I won’t, I know how much it means to you” he replied, taking the cup she poured for him.

“One cup of special Mabel Juice!” she exclaimed, “Enjoy!”

Dipper nodded and hurried back to the living room, “Here” he said breathlessly, passing the cup to his great uncle as he panted from rushing about in such a short space of time. Ford took it, “Sounds like you could use a bit of exercise too” he commented, gesturing to the bag of Cheetos he had been eating and the stains on his shirt from the previous snacks. 

Dipper grumped, “It’s called cheat day! And it’s perfectly fine!” he cried, sitting back down in the armchair and wrapping himself up in his blanket, also stained with Cheeto dust. Ford smirked as Dipper munched angrily on his snacks and turned his attention back to Bill. 

He sighed and slipped a hand under his head, supporting it like a mother would her baby and keeping it up at an angle so he wouldn't choke. He poured the contents into his mouth, carefully and slowly, using a finger to keep his mouth open. Bill coughed and spluttered as it hit the back of his throat, but drank some of it down, thinking it was a potion to help.

_This isn't potion._

His eyes fluttering open, “N-No!” he cried, pushing it away as the familiar taste of the sweet beverage hit his tongue, he knew the taste of Mabel Juice. He turned his head to the side to spit the rest of it out and clamped his mouth shut as Ford nudged his lips with the cup.

“Bill, calm down, you need to drink it, it’ll help!”

“I don’t want food” Bill sobbed, tears running down his face as he looked up at him in anguish, why couldn't he just understand? Ford wiped them away with his thumb and cradled his face with his hands as he cried, “Why not?” he asked, trying not to cry himself, Bill looked so defeated and sick.

“I don’t deserve it..."

“You don’t deserve to eat? Bill, you’re talking nonsense! You haven’t done anything wrong... I don’t hate you! No one does! You shouldn't hate yourself!"

“I’m a freak... I don’t deserve to be alive... not after what I’ve done..”

Ford pulled him into a hug, “Being a freak isn’t a bad thing, it isn’t, it really isn’t... you’re a freak like me. You deserve to be alive, because sure, you messed up, but you’ve changed and you’re helping fix the mistakes you’ve made- the Axolotl made you the Protector of Earth for a reason, the Axolotl thinks you’re worthy of redemption _, I_ think you're worthy of redemption.”

“I don’t deserve any of it! I’ve done so much bad, and it plagues my mind! I HATE THIS STUPID BODY!!”

“Then don’t be in a human form! I told you, I really don’t care what form you take, and if anyone else has problems, screw those guys, I want you to be happy” Ford answered, pulling away to smile at him sadly. Bill shook his head and sniffled, “I hate my true form, not this form...”

“Then maybe there’s a way to change it?”

“There isn’t... not without me dying... I can’t remold my true form, I can’t alter it or change it, I'm not powerful enough. I could become human with Axl’s help, but there would be a 90% chance I’d lose not only my memories, but everything else too, I’d need constant care and looking after.... I can’t allow it... I’m sorry...”

Ford hugged him again, “Then what can we do to make you feel better?”

“I don’t know... I love you so much, I don’t deserve you, or any of you!”

“Don’t say that, why do you keep saying that?”

“I don’t know.” Bill said again, cuddling into him like a hurt child.Ford scooped him onto his lap and cradled him, rocking back and forth as his boyfriend burrowed into him and whimpered pathetically. “Shh, shh honey, I’m here” he whispered, kissing the top of his head and rubbing his back soothingly. Bill was a mess, emotionally and mentally, and he was going to do whatever it took to help him get back to his happy self.

~

Dipper flipped the grilled cheese made better with a bit of crispy bacon in the pan and looked over at Mabel as she whipped up a batch of her special chocolate Caffle (cake + trifle) for dessert, “We've got to make it good, so make it properly, no glitter.” he ordered, his bossy self not bothering Mabel in the slightest, she knew it meant she needed to be serious and she did her best to follow his instructions.

“I’m _not_ going to add glitter, relax! Bill likes chocolate right?” she asked, holding up the block of crumbly chocolate she had bought in the store for this very purpose. Dipper nodded, “I think so, who doesn’t like chocolate?”

“Aliens!”

~

While dinner cooked, Ford finally offered the rest of the cup of juice back to Bill, who was resting comfortably in his arms and tucked away like a clingy toddler. He took it from his hand and sipped it slowly, a feeling of relief flooding through Ford’s body, “Thank you” he whispered, kissing his forehead gently. Dipper and Mabel peered into the living room and smiled as they noticed they were still in there, hoping their surprise would cheer Bill up. 

They held out the plate of bacon and cheese sandwiches and the bowl of Caffle to the miserable demon, “No one can resist these, and I know for a fact you love a good grilled cheese!” Dipper said, rather hungry for some himself. Bill sniffed the air, “They smell good, thank you” he replied, taking the plate from him carefully. Mabel smiled, “And I made you chocolate Caffle for dessert! Because you love chocolate, right?”

“Caffle?”

“Cake trifle”

Bill nibbled the sandwich, “Let me finish this first, please” he said, slurping up the bacon quickly and grimacing as it hit his stomach hard, “It’s so good, but my stomach’s been empty for days... ow” he whined, taking another sip of the juice to balance out the strong salty flavour as it burned his insides. Ford gaped, he was so sure it had just been a couple of days, “Days!? Bill! That’s serious! How many exactly!?”

“Oops, did I say that out loud? Doesn’t matter!”

“We need to get those calories back up.”

Bill smirked, “Are you going to fatten me up, huh? Going to eat me later?” he asked, winking at him as he finished off his dinner. Ford blushed, “That is _not_ what I meant!” he cried, covering Bill’s mouth as the twins snickered. The crinkles by his eyes went up as he smiled and Ford felt a wet tongue cheekily lick his hand. 

He pulled away with a yelp and grumbled, “That was disgusting, don’t do that!” he huffed, waving his hand to get rid of the drool. Bill batted his eyelashes, “I’m sorry, was that too wet? Didn’t seem to bother you when it’s the _other places_ I lick” he said, taking the bowl of dessert from Mabel's hand and shoveling a large spoonful of it into his mouth just to make her happy. 

Fords cheeks went redder, “And you’ve turned into Stanley... shut up...”

“Is it good, Bill?” Mabel asked, pointing to the dessert and trying to ignore the sexual talk Bill was saying. Bill nodded, his cheeks bulging like a chipmunk, “I’m probably going to be sick from stuffing my face so quickly, but it’ll be worth it” he said, spraying a few crumbs onto the floor, which Waddles happily licked up. 

Mabel beamed and gave Dipper a hug, happy it had gone down like a treat. But her happiness was cut short as Bill summoned a bucket and threw it all up, making her freeze and letting Dipper go as the boy chuckled.

“Slow down next time” Ford spoke, holding Bill's hair back for him as he retched into the bucket. The demon looked up at him from the rim, golden eyes rimmed red, “No regrets” he declared, “That dinner was good, I’m not sorry.”

Ford snorted, “How’s your breathing feeling?”

“It’s fine, did you clean my lungs out?”

“Yeah”

“Thanks, it feels better... and you're getting stronger, that's advanced stuff."

Ford smiled and summoned a cold cloth, wiping his face clean, “Don’t you worry, Bill, I’m going to look after you."

“I’m fine, I don’t need to be looked after”

“Sure, and I’m not a nerd”

Bill blinked, obviously confused with his choice of words, his tired brain struggling to understand. Ford rolled his eyes, “That was sarcasm, dummy.”

“Oooohh!”

Ford chuckled, “Are you still tired?” he asked, getting rid of the bucket and brushing his hair away so he could tie it up. Bill allowed him to put it into a neat ponytail and nodded, “Yeah, I am, sorry” he replied, finishing off the bowl of Caffle as soon as he felt better. “Just get some rest” Ford said, leaning back against the sofa as Bill snuggled into him and closed his eyes. 

Dipper sat down on the armchair and grabbed his Cheetos, ready to get back to his self-care time. He reached into the bag and felt around for his chips, pulling his hand out in annoyance as he realized the bag was now empty. A happy Waddles licked orange dust from off his mouth as he sat by the TV, squealing softly at the taste. Mabel giggled and sat down on the floor to knit her sweater, patting Waddles as he came over to her for scratches. Dipper narrowed his eyes at the thieving pig, "If that pig eats anymore of my snacks, he'll be the next thing I eat!"


	28. Preston's Party Part 1

After spending most of the afternoon watching TV, Dipper hopped out the chair and checked the time, "I'm going to get the mail," he said, stretching his back and side-stepping his sister before heading out the door to go grab the letters wedged in the letterbox. The boy hurried across the grass, rushing to do this small task. Mostly because with the full moon hanging in the sky, he wasn't planning on wanting to meet the werewolf mailman that had delivered the letters this morning.

_Why did the letterbox have to be so far away?_

He yanked open the small and rusty door, the creaky hinges squealing in his ears and desperately in need of a good oiling. He was just about to grab the letters when something leapt out from the dark interior and latched onto his face.

Ford looked up sharply as a terrified scream came from outside and the next thing he knew Dipper had come rushing back inside, a spider the size of a dinner plate on his face, "ARGHHHH! HELP ME!" he screamed, trying to bat it away with the letters he was holding before he tripped and fell to the ground. Ford snapped his fingers, and the spider dropped to the floor and scuttled back out the door, leaving Dipper clutching the mail in his grip and panting heavily. 

He threw the mail at Ford's feet before he could open his mouth and hurried to the bathroom to scrub the feeling of the spider off his face. Ford picked them up as the bathroom door slammed shut and the sound of water running could be heard, "Is everyone in this family afraid of spiders?" he muttered, flipping through them quickly to see what they had. 

_Bills, bills, another letter from the government about tax evasion._ _Oh!_

He held up the fancy envelope with the golden wax seal and smiled down at Bill, the male still peacefully asleep on his lap. "What's that?" Stan asked, pushing Dippers blanket and junk off the armchair and sitting down with a relaxed sigh.

_He was just in time for his favorite show._

Ford smiled, "It's a letter from the Northwests" he answered, snapping the wax and opening the envelope up. Stan's ears perked up, "Well, open it! It could be money!"

"Relax! I am, be quiet" Ford hissed, tugging out the letter and unfolding it as Bill snored in his arms. Stan watched his eyes dart from left to right, and he waited anxiously for the results, fingers crossed it was money. Ford nudged Bill awake, "Hey Bill? Can you wake up, I have some news"

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to go to a fancy party?"

Bill yawned and rubbed his eyes, "I'd love to, where is it?" he asked.

"Northwest Mansion."

Bill grumbled and looked up at him, "Really? Why me? Who's the invite for?"

"You specifically and a plus one, apparently because you're extremely rich"

"I'm what?"

"Rich."

"Because I can summon gold at will?" he asked, a block of gold appearing in front of him and clattering loudly to the floor as gravity pushed it down. Stan leapt from his seat none to gracefully and grabbed for it, racing off before Bill could vanish it. His greedy laugh echoed around the house and Bill rolled his eyes before returning his attention back to the letter, "How does Preston even know that I'm back?"

"You must have a bank account"

"Nope, never have done, I don't trust banks"

"You and Stan both? Yeesh, you need to trust people more"

"That coming from the man who wrote **Trust No One** in big letters, in his Journal" Dipper commented, coming in to the living room with his skin as red as a tomato and his hair wrapped in a towel. Bill raised an eyebrow, "Uh, what happened to your face? And the rest of you?"

"Spider, I think I got rid of it"

"Did you get yourself a new layer of skin from that shower or what? I don't think I've ever seen you so clean before! Or red. I can't smell you anymore either! How delightful!"

"Hardy har har" Dipper huffed, poking his tongue out childishly as he dried off his wet hair.

"From what I can see there isn't an atom of spider on you" Ford added, passing him the letter so he could read it. Dipper took it from his hands and quickly skimmed over the invite, "Well, if we're going to a party at the Northwest Mansion, we've got to be clean, right? Pity I don't have any nice clothes, I kinda outgrew the suit Pacifica gave me last time"

"Just use that growth torch of yours to resize it"

"I wish, we don't have it anymore, Mabel broke it."

Mabel squealed happily, ignoring their conversation, all she had heard was Northwest and party, "PARTY AT PACIFICA'S HOUSE!" she yelled, dancing around the living room with Waddles. Ford snapped his fingers, "There, Dipper, tell me if that looks okay" he said, gesturing to the mirror he had also poofed up. Dipper turned around and smiled at the new look, "Perfect!" he exclaimed.

Mabel stopped her dancing and giggled, poking his butt with her foot, which was perfectly contoured in his tailored suit, "You have a buuuuutttttt, Pacifica would loooove this" she teased. Dipper blushed, "MABEL!!" he cried, pushing her away and trying to fix his hair. Mabel smirked, "Face it, Dipstick, you grew up, and so did Paz, you've got to wear a suit like this for her to notice you! So no changing!" she ordered.

"But what if-"

"No butts! Mom wants grandchildren one day and you're her only hope!"

Everyone went silent and looked at Mabel in confusion, Bill the only one who gasped loudly. Dipper blinked rather quickly as his usually fast brain slowly processed her words, "Did you just come out of the closet?" he asked. 

Mabel grinned.

"Smooth" Ford spoke, high-fiving her hand as she sat down beside him. Dipper frowned, "But what about all that boy crazy stuff back when we were twelve!?" he asked, adjusting the stiff collar of his white button up and fixing the tie. Ford chuckled, "There's such a thing as overdoing pretending to be straight, Dipper. You know, compensation?"

"And all the other girls at school were doing it, so I just copied"

"That wasn't copying! That was scary!" Dipper cried.

Mabel laughed.

"I used to do it actually, needless to say it was incredibly cringey for everyone involved" Ford said, grimacing at all the times he had asked a girl out and made a fool of himself in the process. Bill giggled evilly, "No shit! I used to be able read your mind, I saw! EVERYTHING! You thought he was awkward now, kids, you should have seen him back then!"

"Oh shush, I grew out of that a long time ago"

"It's such a shame I can't read it anymore, I can never tell when your coming, you could scare me silly if you wanted too."

"Ideas, ideas, ideas" Ford replied, a smirk on his face as he hugged his boyfriend happily. Bill grumbled, "When's this party anyway?" he asked, regretting bringing the ideas into Fords mind and taking note to keep an eye out just in case. Ford re-checked the letter, "Tonight actually, do you think if I ironed my black trench coat it would be acceptable to wear at a formal event? Actually, maybe if I ironed everything?"

Bill snapped his fingers as he stood up, "No! Suit only!" he said, poofing up a nightmare of a suit onto his partner. Ford growled as he stared at himself in the mirror, and pointed to the piping, "Get rid of these frills, now" he ordered, not in the mood for his pranks. Bill chuckled but did so. "Better?" he asked, smoothing out the wrinkles on his shoulders. Ford pouted, "No, stop being silly. I hate this, it's tight and uncomfortable and- hey! Stop looking at my butt!" he cried, pushing Bill away as the demon leaned down to stare at it with raised eyebrows. 

"Suits really do bring out the best parts of a man, don't they?" Bill said, wrapping his arms around Fords waist and snuggling him. Mabel giggled as Ford blushed a beet red colour, "Agreed!" she answered.

Bill winked up at him and changed into his own outfit, coat tails bouncing as he twirled, "How do I look?" he asked, smoothing out the bow tie and pushing Dipper out the way so he could fix his own hair. "Why can't I have coat tails?" Ford asked, helping Dipper back up off the ground. Bill glanced at him in disbelief, "Because this is my thing, not yours, you need to find your own look, Mister! How do I look?"

Mabel giggled, "Agreed!"

Bill winked at him and changed into his own outfit as he let go, coat tails bouncing as he twirled, "How do I look?" he asked, smoothing out the bow tie and pushing Dipper out the way so he could fix his own hair. "Why can't I have coat tails?" Ford asked, helping Dipper back up off the ground. Bill glanced at him in disbelief, "Because this is _my_ thing, not yours, you need to find your own look, Mister! How do I look?"

"You look like you always do, flawless"

"Thank you" he added, blushing just as much as Ford was as he grinned himself silly into the reflective glass. Ford looked back at the mirror, "Hmm, Icarus, Icarus, Icarus..." he muttered, tapping his chin with a finger as he thought about what he could do. Mabel held up her pig in the air, "Wings?" she guessed, "Icarus had wings, why not you?"

Ford nodded and snapped his fingers. 

His black trench coat reappeared on his person and the hideous suit Bill had poofed him in was now gone. The inside of his coat looked like a shimmering galaxy while the outside stayed its oily black. He also had on a white formal shirt buttoned up to the top underneath and a neatly ironed pair of black pants covering his bottom half and outlining his butt perfectly. Bill licked his lips, mentally screaming the words hot damn over and over in his mind.

Last but not least, a set of black wings sprouted from his shoulder blades and glittered in the light. Bill gaped, "Well, not what I thought you'd come up with, but very nice" he said, wolf whistling loudly. Ford blushed again, "I like this form and I refuse to change my look because people expect it."

Mabel squealed and flapped her hands at him, "Oooh! Do me! I want a dress that will make everyone stare!!" she cried, practically fizzing with excitement. Ford stretched out his wings experimentally before folding them up and turning to his niece. He snapped his fingers as a dress came to mind and Mabel gasped, starry-eyed as she stared down at the pale pink outfit he had poofed onto her, "How's that, too much?" he asked, magicking up some matching ballet flats for her to wear as well.

"I love it! It's girly, pink and sophisticated!" Mabel replied, hugging him happily and rushing off to go style her hair and do her makeup. Bill adjusted his outfit some more, "What time are we due to arrive?" he asked, taking the arm Ford offered and smiling up at him. "8pm, we'll leave as soon as Mabel's done."

Bill snapped his fingers and his signature top hat appeared above his head, floating above his long and now beautifully styled hair. "Can we go now? Mabel will take forever to get ready, and you know it!" he cried, tugging him towards the front door. Ford chuckled and looked back at Dipper as he waited for his twin to return, "We'll see you two there, okay?"

"Okay, Grunkle Ford!"

~

They walked up to the gates, the crowd of peasants being held back by security as the long line of the famous and rich waited to enter the sparkling gates that lead to the Mansion. Cameras flashed and people shouted, wanting in or wanting to ask questions to the celebrities. 

"I wonder what's going on, does Preston have a strict guest list again?"

"Sort of, they loosened it up, but I think you still have to be invited, hey, look! I think Fidds got an invitation too, I can see him!" Ford replied, waving to his former assistant, who was actually dressed in proper clothing and without his patched up hat.

Bill clung to his arm more as they hurried up the path, thankfully not having to wait in the line too long. The bouncer at the gates checking the invites at the front door, smiled and held out his hand for the letter which Ford happily handed over. 

Cameras flashed more as Fords wings gained special attention, and he smiled politely and waved at them all, trying to appear elegant when in fact he felt like tripping up with how nervous he was. Bill frowned and snapped his fingers as the flashes hurt his eyes, "No photos, you greedy fucks! You want pics you've got to pay!" he cried, his magic breaking some of the expensive cameras and making their owners gasp in shock as the pieces hit the ground.

"Why did you do that?" Ford asked.

"Cause I can" Bill retorted, yelping as money was shoved into his face. The man who had almost made Bill eat the cash he was holding, breathed heavily as he perched on the small wall keeping them back, "I'll pay!" he cried madly, his unbroken camera hanging from his neck. Bill pushed him away, "Later, I have an event to attend" he said snottily, teleporting him and Ford to the front of the line.

"Oh, that's cruel, Bill, that's just too cruel."

Bill chuckled, "Got to have a little fun, so, where's Preston?" he asked, looking around for the man he had arranged the face of a few years back. Preston cleared his throat and the golden demon whirled around and grinned as he spotted the man standing to the side by the doors, "Heeeey! Preston, my old pal! I see all your features are back in their respectable places. Was it fun breathing through your eye?"

Preston gave a thin smile, "Not particularly, I'm afraid... Is that your plus one?" he asked, gesturing to Ford. Bill nodded and looked up at Ford, staying quiet so his boyfriend could introduce himself. Preston offered his hand, "And you are?"

Ford took it, "Icarus Cipher, a Demon... But we've met before, you sold me a piece of land with a graveyard on it quite a few years back" he replied, smiling at him warmly. Bill put an arm around Preston's shoulders as they shook hands, "I'll give you a hint" he whispered loudly into his ear, "He's got six fingers on each hand."

The color drained from the Preston's and he looked down at Fords hand, "Stanford Pines?" he asked, noticing the six finger as he pulled away. Ford flashed him another charming smile, "Yes, but that's my mortal name. Pity you don't like me very much."

"He's a demon now!" Bill sang, twirling the nearest person, which just happened to be Preston's ever smiling wife. Preston staggered back, pushing Bill back over to Ford and making sure his wife was okay as she stared at him dizzily, "And how did that happen?" he asked, glaring daggers at Bill. 

Ford wiggled his fingers, "Wouldn't you like to know." he said with a smirk, grabbing Bill by the upper arm and keeping him from rushing off as he got distracted by the many shiny things Preston owned. "I turned him" Bill said, hissing like a vampire and making Preston flinch at the awful noise. 

Bill took a glass of champagne from a waiter as the man passed and stuck his tongue into it to taste test it, "Ooh, don't mind of I do" he cooed, going to gulp it down as he confirmed it was palatable. Ford stopped him before he could, "Not on an empty stomach you don't, go eat something first." he ordered, pointing to the table laden with food nearby.

"R-Right well I hope you enjoy the party, and, um, not destroy or kill anyone" Preston stuttered, obviously nervous. Bill snorted, "Yeesh, what happened to you, did you finally lose that stick up your ass?" he asked, racing off to the table of food and assessing what looked good.

Ford watched him carefully and sighed as Bill grabbed as much food as he could and dropped the items into the cheese fountain, "Please excuse me, Preston" he grumbled, rushing over to scold his boyfriend as he began eating the (now completely covered in cheese) cocktail sausages and cake slices.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, slapping Bills hand as he went to dip them all into the chocolate next. Bill looked up at him with his mouthful, "Eating, like you said" he replied, spraying crumbs everywhere and making a rich lady tut in horror at his appalling manners. Ford facepalmed, "I get you're hungry, but stuffing yourself like this is socially inappropriate!"

Bill put a hand on his hip and looked him up and down as he leaned back, "Your point?" he asked sassily. Ford grumbled, "Just behave, please?" he asked, grabbing a napkin and wiping the cheese from around his mouth. Bill wriggled, "Alright!- oh! Hey Paz!!" he cried, waving to the girl now entering the ballroom at the sound of Preston's bell, "Great party!"

Pacifica stared at him, "Bill?" she asked, noticing the floating top hat and almost evil smile. Bill nodded, cheese running down his chin, "Sup" he said, using a finger to clean it up. Paz frowned at the messy demon, "Can you please be a bit more refined? What was all that about being a gentleman?"

Bill laughed, "There's a huuuge difference between dressing fancy and acting fancy, llama. Oh, Dipper and Mabel were going to sneak in later, you should watch out for them" he said, stuffing a chocolate eclair into Ford's mouth while he was distracted. Paz brightened at the mention of Dippers name and smiled, "Really? Do you know when?"

"Nope, Mabel was doing her hair when we left, might be awhile" Bill replied, starting to cover more things in cheese and chocolate and eating them whole. Ford finished eating what had been forced past his lips and grabbed his hand, "I'm going to need you to step away from the fondue!"

"Never! This is good!"

"Then can you please eat something else? Like some mini sandwiches?"

Bill grabbed a mini sandwich and dipped into the cheese fountain, looking at him the entire time before he popped it into his mouth and chewed with his mouth wide open. Ford huffed, "Well, that's one way of doing it" he muttered, catching sight of Fiddleford, who he noticed was also wearing shoes for once. "Hold on, I'll be right back" he said, hurrying off to greet him and leaving Bill to gorge himself silly on the many fine treats.

~

Paz snuck off when her father wasn't looking, listening carefully for the twins as she crept down the empty hallways of her home. Dipper, meanwhile, was trying to help his sister through an open window and not see up her dress, "Mabes, your dress is in the way!" he cried, not happy about this at all. Paz chuckled and entered the room, leaning on the window ledge with a smirk, "You dorks need some help?" she asked, grabbing Mabel by the hand and pulling her in. Dipper yelped as he was pulled through the window too, falling on his face with his feet in the air, right beside his sister. 

Mabel had landed a bit more gracefully, "Thanks Paz" she said, standing up and brushing herself down, "I'll leave you two alone" she added, raising her eyebrows way too much and giggling as she skipped away to join the party and have some fun. Paz blushed and helped Dipper to his feet, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, you're a lot stronger than you look, remind me not to get on your unpleasant side"

"I am, oh, I haven't noticed, um, welcome to the party I guess"

"Thanks, you look really pretty... _did I say that out loud?"_

Paz laughed, "Yes, but it's fine, you look good too, you clean up well" she said, gently punching his shoulder. Dippers face heated up more, "Th-Thanks" he squeaked, taking her hand as she offered it. 

"Come on, dork. Let's go join the party before Dad comes looking for me" she explained, pulling him out of the room, and to the warmth and company of the annual party Preston and his family held each year. 

"I-I've been doing some dance practice too, at home, back in Piedmont, maybe we could dance later?" he asked nervously. 

Paz smiled, "I'd love to." she answered.

~

Ford hurried up to greet his friend, "Hey Fidds!" he said calmly, trying to be polite and less scary looking to his usually anxiety-ridden friend. Fiddleford turned around, a small plate of food in his hand, "Oh hey, Stanford, how's it been?" he asked, shaking his hand and looking better than he had done since the last time he had seen him, which had only been a few weeks ago.

_Had he shaved?_

"Very good thanks, what have you been working on recently?"

"Um... hmmm, can't really remember right now, quite a few things actually! How about you, how's life?" Fidds asked, peering over at Bill who was devouring a plate of mini quiches as fast as he could. Preston watched on, his eye twitching angrily. Ford smiled awkwardly, "Very busy with Bill around" he replied, knowing exactly what he was looking at.

"Is he okay? It's like he has a bottomless pit for a stomach"

"He starved himself for a few days, this is the first proper meal he's had in a while"

"Oh dear, why did he do that?"

"He hated his true form- we discovered recently that Bill has a human soul, he used to be human and was alive during Egyptian times, has a tomb and everything"

"Whooaaaa, really? Which one?"

"The biggest one" Bill replied, joining the conversation with crumbs around his mouth. Ford placed a hand on his shoulder, "I'm glad you're eating, but could you please have some manners?" he asked. Bill scoffed down a mini muffin and looked up at the decor on the wall near them, "Is that tapestry of me still here? Yeesh, who changed it to rainbows and peace? Ew" he grumped, tearing it down and snapping the original back into place, "There, much better."

"That's not how it works."

"Preston changed it! I'm just putting the original one back!" Bill explained, wiping his mouth with the napkin Fidds offered him, "Thanks Glasses, oh look! Dippers having fun!" he said, gesturing over to the teen dancing with Pacifica on the dance floor and looking very happy as the girl showed him a few moves of her own. 

Ford smiled, "Those two are very cute together."

"Yup! And I already know what their future entails as well. They have such cute kiddos!" Bill said, squishing his cheeks as his eyes turned into hearts and he cooed softly. Fidds raised an eyebrow, "Excuse me, but what?"

"Relax, it's not set in stone, there are other paths their roads could take, but this one's almost certain" Bill replied, "All I'm saying is it is a possibility and a likely one, CHEESECAKE!" he yelled, cartwheeling perfectly back over to the table to inspect the new dessert. Fidds grimaced, "Right..." he muttered quietly, taking a glass of the bubbly champagne from a butler as it was offered, and taking a sip.

Mabel came rushing up to them, bouncing up and down excitedly, "Grunkle Ford, I need a huge favor!" she said, grabbing his arms and practically shaking him as she breathed heavily. Ford was reminded of the paparazzi at the door and guessed she might want something very important.

"Yes, Mabel?"

"You can read minds, right?"

"Yes?"

"See that girl over there?" Mabel whispered loudly, pointing over at a teen standing by herself and casually munching on a piece of cake as she looked around, "She's been looking at me now and then, is she gay? What does she want?"

Ford concentrated and surfed the young girl's mind, "She is, seems she wanted to ask you to dance, but she isn't sure if its allowed" he replied, patting his niece's head as the girl squealed. Mabel hugged him, "Thanks Grunkle Ford!" she cried, racing off to go ask her to dance herself. 

"I wish I was that confident when I was younger"

"If I can remember, you were very awkward even as an adult, remember Stacy Taylor, University days, lets see, oh yes, Christmas Party that first year." Fidds reminisced. Ford paled, "Please tell me you don't remember that" he whined, not quite believing his ears. Fidds laughed, "Crystal clear, sorry" he said, tapping his temple with a finger.

"CIPHER!" Preston yelled, "STOP EATING ALL THE FOOD!!"

Bill sprinted from the table as the man grabbed a broom and attacked him with it as if he were simply a mouse stealing the kitchen's cheeses and not a hungry demon who was eating far too much than was humanly possible. 

He hurried behind Ford for safety and Preston stopped, panting a bit as he stood there and leaning on the broom for support. "Make him stop! There won't be enough for everyone if he keeps up with that gluttonous appetite!" he spat.

"He's done now, Preston, relax" Ford replied, taking the slightly broken piece of cheesecake Bill offered him and eating it. Preston growled heavily, but brightened up immediately as a block of gold was offered. Bill poked his head out from under Fords arm, "Here, for the food" he said, dropping it into his hands.

"No more!" Preston growled, sauntering off and leaving them to it. Bill burped and covered his mouth, "Excuse me" he said, giggling as Fidds huffed and turned his head away, "That was disgusting" he grumped, wrinkling his nose as the smell of partially digested cheesy goods wafted up his nostrils. Bill winced, "Sorry? Anyway, come on Ford! Dance with me!" he cried, taking his hand and dragging him over to the dance floor. Fords eyes widened, "Wha- now!?"

"Yes, now!"

Fidds watched them go and went back over to Preston as the man was stuffing the gold block into his pocket, "Preston? Why did you invite Bill here? I know it's not because he's rich, what's your game? What are you planning?" he asked, setting the now empty champagne glass onto a tray as it passed him. Preston glanced at him and sneered, "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't lie, you're up to something"

"Northwests don't lie"

"That's a lie and you know it! I'm watching you, Preston" Fiddleford said, glaring at him as he left to go mingle with the others. Preston smirked, "By the time my plan is in action, Fiddleford, it'll be too late for you to realize."


	29. Preston's Party Part 2

"So, are you a cat person or a dog person?" Mabel asked, twirling a strand of her hair in her finger as she stood by the girl she had danced with moments ago. Luna smiled, "I like both" she answered, taking a bite of the mini muffin and a sip of water.

"Me too!"

Luna blushed, "I thought you said you preferred cats?"

"I mean, I like both, but yeah... do you...d-do you perhaps want to g-gooutwithmesometimes?" Mabel babbled quickly, her face red with embarrassment and her body fidgeting with nerves. Luna's eyes widened, "S-Sure" she replied, she hadn't been expecting this at all, but it was perfectly fine, she liked the hyper girl.

Mabel's eyes went starry and she laughed and twirled around, "Really!? Yes yes yes! Greasy's Diner, at 3pm tomorrow? My treat?" she asked, beaming from ear to ear. Luna nodded, "That sounds good, I'll be there."

Mabel hugged her, "I'll see you then! Bye!" she said, flouncing off back to her family, also exhausted from dancing as they stood to the side, quietly watching the others mingle and dance about. Bill grinned as she bounced up to them, "You got the girl then?" he asked.

"Yes! Date tomorrow at 3!"

Ford smiled, "Well done, sweetie. Here, let me pay for it" he replied, handing her some money from his wallet, "You've got to make a good impression." he added, tucking his wallet back in his pocket before Bill could steal it from him. Mabel took the cash he handed her and hugged him tight, "Thanks, Grunkle Ford!"

"No problem, now where's Dipper and Pacifica? I haven't seen them since they finished dancing" he said, worried for them both. Bill chuckled, "They're making out privately, we should just leave them be."

"NO WAY! THEY ARE!?" Mabel yelled,

"SHHHhhh!"

Ford glared, "Bill! Just because you're an all-seeing eye doesn't mean you get to spy on people!" he cried, pulling his naughty boyfriend into a hug. Bill chuckled, "Heh, whoops?"

"Honestly, manners, that's three times I've said that now."

Bill pouted as he snuggled him, looking around the room from under Ford's arm. His eyes widened as a chocolate-covered dessert caught his peripheral vision and he practically drooled as he watched it get rolled away.

_Well, don't mind if I do._

He untangled himself from Ford's arms, "You can punish me all you want later, but I've got to use the loo!" he declared, rushing off at such a fast rate it was a wonder he didn't trip. "The loo? I didn't know Bill went to the bathroom," Mabel said curiously. Fiddleford snorted, "Well, he did just eat everything served, I'm not shocked at all" he replied. Ford nodded, "At least he didn't drink all the wine, drunk Bill isn't a good public influence."

"Drunk Bill is funny though, but only when he's happy" Mabel replied, remembering that time when Bill had been pissed off at his mere existence and had damaged the wall with the bottle he had thrown at it.

"Yeah, sometimes he goes really morbid."

Bill tip-toed down the hall, trying to stay out of view as they wheeled away the cake. He stopped in his tracks as it disappeared into a nearby room and rubbed his hands together with an excited and quiet squeal, "Just my luck" he whispered happily, sneaking into the room once he was sure he had the all clear. But the cake had vanished, not a speck or scent of it remained, "Where did it go?" he asked himself, scratching his head in confusion as he took another step.

The runes underneath the rug he stepped on lit up, surrounding Bill in a glowing column of magic and light, "What's the meaning of this!? Let me out!" he cried, banging on the barrier till he spotted Preston standing in the corner.

"Not today Cipher, I must say, you're incredibly predictable. The cake was a lie."

"What do you want, Preston? I have stuff do to!"

Preston smirked and snapped his fingers, the circle closing in and pressing into Bill's skin, sealing him in blue chains and marking him with ruins. Bill fell to his knees and tried to pull them off, "Hey! That hurts! Quit it!" he cried, looking around desperately for someone to help him.

"You belong to me now, Cipher, I command you, and you will do as I say"

"NEVER!"

"Too late for that I'm afraid" Preston said, yanking him forward as soon as he had taken a hold of the chains. Bill tried to stand up but the man kept him on his knees. "Stay where you belong, servant"

"Let me stand up!!!"

"Why?"

"I will not kneel at your feet, you filthy man!" Bill spat, a fresh wave of guilt washing over him as he realized that this is probably what Ford had felt like all those years ago. Preston smirked and dragged him out the room, taking him to the main hall and gathering everyone's attention as he stood on the podium a servant had wheeled out.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would just like to have your attention, please." Preston said loudly, yanking Bill with a sharp tug so that he fell to the floor in front of his feet, "This _monster_ was the cause of all my embarrassment, my ruined family name, and worst of all, his mockery. I am a _Northwest_ , and therefore, I will not stand for that injustice. So, as you see before you, I have caught this beast and he shall serve me, and learn just exactly what happens to those who disrespect a Northwest!"

"YOU BASTARD! LET HIM GO!" Mabel yelled, throwing her food at him and missing by a meter or so as the rest of the crowd clapped. Ford dropped his glass in shock, red slowly creeping up his trench coat and wings as the anger took hold, "LET HIM GO, RIGHT NOW!"

"No, Pines, he belongs to me, and speaking of disgraced family names, look who snuck in" Preston replied coldly, his eyes on Dipper and his twin. "I was invited!" Dipper cried, setting down the small plate of food he had been nibling at.

"Leave the party now. You're not welcome here!"

"How dare you! How DARE you do this" Ford spat, people moving away as the angry demon growled, the red turning darker. Bill struggled to stand up, trying to yank the chains away from Preston's grip. He was unable to open his mouth as whatever magical hold Preston had on him, forced him to keep his mouth shut.

_No, Ford, calm down, please._

"BILL!" Mabel cried, sadness in her words as people escorted her out the mansion and kicked her to the curb. Ford teleported in front of the man and grabbed the chains, hissing and letting go as they burned his skin, and made it blister and bubble. Preston smirked, "Not so fast, freak. He's mine now, no one can touch these chains unless I want them too."

Bill reached for him, tears running down his face as he tried to make a sound. Preston pulled him back and pointed to the door as Ford seethed with rage, "Leave. Leave your boyfriend here... I never want to see you here, ever again."

"You had no right! You can't do this! They took Bill off the summoning list! This- I'm going to... I'm going to tear YOU APART!!" Ford screeched, reaching for him with clawed fingers, and ready to cause some damage. Fiddleford grabbed his arm before he could strike and held him back, "Stanford, pull yourself together and accept that Preston has the upper hand! You can find a way to get Bill back, but until then, ripping Preston apart in front of everyone, _as well as children,_ is not a good idea!"

"But, but he- he can't get away with this!"

"He won't, do some research, get Bill back another way, please?"

Ford took a deep breath and looked down at Bill, who looked away from him with tears in his eyes. He returned his gaze to Preston and snarled, "You'll pay for this Northwest, you've just made enemies with a Demon, and that is a very, _very_ big mistake to make!"

Dipper sighed and followed after his Great Uncle as he swept from the Mansion, kissing Pacifica's cheek as he passed her by. The girl's mother grabbed her arm as she tried to follow and kept her back. Bill watched them go sadly, and the guests went back to their party, talking in excited tones and happy that Preston had clawed his way back to the top.

Bill struggled more, feeling disconnected the further away the Pines went, the bitter loneliness taking a hold of his heart. Preston smacked him on the head, "Stop that" he ordered, amusement in his tone as the demon desperately tried to unhinge his jaw, "While this is fun to watch, but I don't think I'll keep you quiet all the time" he added, un-muting him. 

"YOU OVER-GLORIFIED BASTARD! I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU APART MOLECULE BY MOLECULE! WATCH YOU SCREAM AS I SHRED YOU INTO GRATED CHEESE, AND FEED YOUR STILL BEATING HEART TO THE BLOODY GOAT! I'LL EAT YOUR EYES AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A HUMAN!-"

Preston slapped him across the face, "Stop that! Ugh, you're even more pathetic than I thought you were, but never mind, I have uses for you" he growled. Bill rubbed his cheek, "I'm not pathetic!!! I've changed! Just like you should be doing! Because as far as I'm concerned, you're still a selfish jerk who thinks money makes the world go around!!!"

Preston smirked, "Doesn't it?"

"NO! Love does you pile of horseshit!"

"Love? What has love ever done?"

"Many things your tiny brain can't even comprehend! Now let me go!!!"

Preston sighed, "Get it in your head, Cipher, you're not leaving this place for a very, very long time... You're immortal, so this should be finished up in the blink of an eye for you"

"What do you want from me!?"

"Hmm... I think I'll make you a maid"

"WHAT!? I'M NOT A GIRL!"

"Butler then, I don't really care, just something nice and degrading."

Pacifica hurried over once her mom's grip on her had vanished, "Dad! What the hell are you doing!?" she cried, holding up the hem of her dress as she tried to avoid the puddle left behind by Stanford dropped drink. Preston waved his hand at her, "Not now, Pacifica."

"Don't you _not now_ me! Let him go!"

"Why? He serves me now"

"BECAUSE HE'S CHANGED! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT!? HE'S NOT A THREAT ANYMORE! HE'S GOOD! AND YOU CAN'T JUST CHAIN HIM UP! LET HIM GO!"

Preston's mustache bristled and he pointed down the hallway angrily, "To your room, NOW and don't you DARE talk to me like that again!" he growled. Paz faltered for a bit before she stormed off, giving Bill a sorry look. The demon looked down at the floor sadly, he had thought no one else had cared very much that he had changed, but this fancy rich-girl had just proved him wrong.

A servant, who had been listening, peered around the doorway of a room, eyes wide in shock as Preston noticed her location. Her master waved her over and thrusted Bills chained into her hands, "Give him a tour of the house and teach him some basic etiquette"

"I can _do_ manners, I just _choose_ not to!" Bill spat, "And I already know the house, I'm the all-seeing eye!"

"Then take him to the basement" Preston replied, still speaking to the servant girl. Bills eyes widened, "The basement? What!? NO!" he cried, looking at him is disbelief as the man walked away to rejoin the party. The servant girl gently tugged him towards the basement, "P-Please, come along" she whispered, fear in her tone of voice. Bill followed obediently, "I'm not going to try to escape on your watch, this isn't your fault, so relax, okay?"

The girl nodded, relaxing just a bit as she walked beside him, careful not to tug the chains too much. Bill grumped, "Stupid Preston, who does he think he is? I'm an all powerful demon! This is disrespectful. How do you even work for this nutter? You must be desperate, or a slave."

"I've worked for the family for ten years, as did my mother and her sister."

"Do you get paid?"

"Yes? But not very much..."

"If I ever get out of here, I'll get you a real job, one with good pay, then you won't have to kiss the shoes of McButtface over there" Bill growled. The girl smiled softly, "Really?"

"Demons promise, kid."

"I'll take it" she replied, opening the door to the basement as soon as they arrived, "Um, he wasn't very specific, so I think I need to leave you in here?" Bill peered down the steps, "Dusty, wet and cold, perfect" he muttered darkly.

"I'm sorry, I could sneak some blankets down, or something?"

"No, don't get into trouble for me" Bill said, changing into his triangle form, "This form will be easier to manage in these temperatures" he added, floating down the steps and flopping onto an old chair draped in white sheets. The girl followed, "Well, good night, I guess" she called out, hurrying back up the steps and shutting the door behind her.

Bill sighed as he heard the lock click, and kneaded the blanket with tiny fingers, trying to make the chair softer underneath him, "Goodnight, Stanford..." he whispered, falling onto his back and looking up at the dark ceiling as it dripped moldy water onto the floor.

~

Back at the shack, Ford was having a fit and destroying the portal room with his various powers. Mabel had told him to get it out of his system and promptly locked the door behind him. Ford could easily just teleport out, but his niece was right, destroying things was very entertaining- and he could see why Bill liked it.

"This is fucked up, we've got to find a way to break the chains! Maybe Pacifica can find out what spell Preston used and we can find a counter-spell?" Dipper suggested, both him and his sister waiting in the living room for their Grunkle to calm down.

"That's a good idea, Dipper" Ford replied, appearing beside him and brushing his trench coat down. Dipper screamed in fright and waved his arms about, "Don't do that!" he cried.

"Sorry..."

"I'll give Paz a call in the morning" Dipper said, kicking off his shoes and sitting down on the sofa for a nap. Ford froze as he laid down, "What? But it's the 21st century! Just text her or something. We need to get Bill out as soon as possible!"

Dipper held up his phone and called Paz so he could see it, the line going to voicemail after the first ring, "She doesn't have her phone on her right now, and it's turned off."

Ford groaned, "Oh, this is easily the _worst_ day of my life in a while."

Stan scoffed, "Really? Nothing else comes to mind?" he asked, throwing an empty packet of pork rinds at him from his seat in the armchair. 

"It's been three years, Stan!"

"I know that, but it was still _easily_ the worst day of my life... I thought I'd lost you."

Ford sighed, "I know, and I'm sorry, I'm stressed, I just need to go get some sleep, it would be what Bill would want me to do" he said, heading to his bedroom to lie down, without his boyfriend to cuddle with.

"Night Sixer..."

"Good night, Stanley."

~

Bill woke up as he was yanked off the seat, his small form flying out of the chair and onto the floor with a squeaky splat. Preston smirked as the demon groaned, "Wake up, Cipher. I want you to make me breakfast, and clean the house... And get back into your human form."

"Good morning to you too, ugly, how do you even know I can cook or not? I could burn down this entire house with your family inside and not give a fuck" Bill grumped, changing back into his human form and running a hand over his face to clear away the sleepy dust encrusted in the corners of his eyes. Preston chuckled, "You're an all-seeing eye" he pointed out.

"So!? That doesn't mean I can cook! You know what!? Fine! I'll make you the best goddamn breakfast you've ever had! Just shut the fuck up!" Bill cried, storming out the basement and making his way to the kitchen.

He ended up making better food than the servants usually did, much to Preston's shock. He ate his meal slowly, watching Bill with a sly gaze, so as not to make him see he was actually enjoying it. Bill's lip curled, "Is it good, or not? Or are you going to sit there staring me as you gather crumbs in that disgusting hairy slug that's made residence on your upper lip?"

Preston dabbed his mustache with a napkin as his wife muffled a snort of laughter, "Yes, it's good" he growled, looking up as his daughter finally entered the dining room. Pacifica was late to the table, but didn't show an air of care about it and ignored her fathers gaze. She smiled and waved to Bill, the demon standing in the corner as his own stomach growled, "Top of the mornin' to ya" he said in an Irish accent, tipping his floating top hat and passing her an empty plate as she sat down.

Preston glared at both of them, daring them to say another word, before he picked up the newspaper and left the room, his wife following. Bill waited till he was gone before he sat down in his place, "Yeesh, such a buzzkill, sleep well, Paz?" he asked, scoffing down some breakfast like a ravenous wolf.

"Yes, very good- today I'm going to look for the counter spell for the chains, hopefully find a way to free you."

"Good idea! Thanks" Bill replied, shoving three strips of bacon and a handful of scrambled eggs into his mouth, "Maybe figure out what spell he used first, he must have spell book of some kind" he said with his mouthful.

"Could you please use a knife and fork?"

"Why should I? If I pick up a knife I'm going to shove it up Preston's ass where it belongs, replace that stick he lost"

Paz huffed, "That's my dad you're talking about... But he _does_ deserve it."

"As long as I'm here, that guy is getting double nightmares" Bill replied grumpily, finishing off the tray of bacon as Paz grimaced at all the grease he was eating, "That stuff will clog your heart and make you sick, I'd be careful with how much you eat if I were you" she said, standing up without having touched a thing, "Are you going to come with or are you actually going to do what he says?"

"I don't want to, but I have too, the chains burn if I don't... so, I have to do the dishes and clean and stuff."

"Maybe you could accidentally drop a plate or two? But none of the decorated ones, they're antique."

"What's he going to do to me if I fuck up though? I'd rather not get beaten up, thank you very much. Go on without me. If you have any questions, I'll be in the kitchen."

"And I'll be in the Library" Paz replied, leaving the room so Bill could tidy up after them. The demon sighed and began piling things into his arms, the blue chain glowing softly in the light streaming through the window, 

"Fuck my life..."

**(A/N: Sorry for the lateness, spent the last two and a half days having the worst anxiety attack in years.)**


	30. Freedom

Dipper woke with a snort and grappled tiredly for his phone, now sitting on chest with the screen facing down. The screen lit up brightly as he clicked the button, making him wince as he squinted to see the time, "Ugh... it's late... Grunkle Ford!? Did you call Paz!?" he called out, sitting up and rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleep dust encrusted in the corners of his eyes. Ford appeared in the doorway sheepishly, "Yes, is that okay? Sorry, I should have asked first."

"No, it's fine, I guessed you couldn't wait..." Dipper replied, heading to the bathroom to go take a shower and get changed. Ford snapped his fingers and went to go do something to amuse himself till Pacifica rang him back with the good news. The girl had agreed to help the man to free Bill and was currently doing some research and looking for the spell Preston had used. 

Mabel was in the kitchen, still nibling away at a late breakfast, "Welp, I know I'm early, but I'm going into town to get a few things before my date at three! Tootles!" she cried, placing her plate into the sink and skipping off in her casual, but very colorful outfit. Ford stopped her with a hand, "Wait, Mabel?"

"Yeah?"

"Look after yourself."

Mabel smiled and gave him a hug, "Will do, Grunkle Ford" she replied, grabbing her bag and leaving the shack with a happy smile. Ford sighed and sat down at the dining room table, pulling out his journal and doodling on the empty pages. He drew all three of Bill's different forms, taking care to shade and ink it carefully. He was thinking he should start a page, record all of the forms he had taken, and then add info to each one. An encyclopedia of sorts. 

"You're missing a few" came Stan's voice behind him, the tell-tale sign being the grunts as his aching bones and muscles cracked and popped. Stan was getting old and moving was hard now, the man preferring not to move from his armchair in the living room.

"Pardon?"

"I said you're missing a few, Bill told me he has more shells, as he calls it, here, he drew me some" Stan said, taking out a piece of paper and passing it to him. On the wrinkled white were a few forms, all drawn in Bill's messy art style. Ford smiled, "Oh, thank you" he muttered, wondering what dimensions Bill had used each one for, and if they each had their own purpose or not. Stan smiled and patted his head, grabbing the thing he had come in to find and leaving him to it, "Don't mention it, bro. Relax okay? Bill will be back before you know it."

~

Bill was taking an awfully long time on the dishes, just to spite Preston and annoy him. Singing annoying songs at the top of his lungs and belting out the lyrics in distinct, and different tones. Preston could hear him from across the house and he clenched his fists in annoyance and tried his best not to go rampaging after him and smack him with the signed baseball bat leaning against the wall near him.

Meanwhile, Paz had snuck into her father's study to have a nosy around and was snooping in his desk drawers for any sign of the spell. A book caught her eye, and she pulled out, holding it up to the sunlight so she should see the musty cover. It had no title or icon, and the cover was plain and blank. The pages were yellowed from what she could see and smelt strongly of cigarette smoke.

_Her father must be smoking again._

She opened it up, a few loose pages dropping out and onto the floor, and getting caught under her foot She leaned down to pick them up and grinned from ear to ear as she read the words written on the paper. She had finally found the chain spell her father had used to trap Bill and now she could use the counter-spell also listed to free the demon. She took a photo of it with her phone and returned the stuff to the desk drawer, exactly as it had been found, just in case Preston came snooping for clues on to why Bill was suddenly free.

~

"Grunkle Stan?"

Stan grumped, pausing the movie on the TV and turning to him, "What, Dipper?"

"Do you think Bill could eradicate pollution and stuff?"

"Uh, maybe?"

Dipper smiled, "If he has to protect Earth and people are destroying it, I'd say that's a pretty good reason to get rid of pollution."

"When Bill gets back, we'll ask him about it, now be quiet, my shows on" Stan replied, waving his hand at his talkative nephew and grumbling. Dipper rolled his eyes and put up his hands on mock surrender, "Okay okay, sorry. It's always your show, and anyway, this one's a recording, you can just pause it, you know that right?"

"I watch a lot of them, and you know I don't like being interrupted, just like when you're reading your nerd books."

~

The house had been quiet for some time now, Preston was starting to get worried Bill might be up to no good. He searched for the demon and found him lounging in the library with a book, "What are you doing?" he asked, his hands on his hips.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm reading,"

"I didn't trap you to read, I trapped you to work!"

"I've done the dishes, what else you want me to do? You have servants who do everything else!"

Preston's mustache bristled, "Find something else to do, otherwise I'll make the chains burn" he growled, holding up his hand in warning. Bill threw the book at him, "There's nothing else to do, you moron!"

"I live in a mansion, of course there's something to do! And if there isn't, then go back to the basement! Now pick that book up and put it back!"

Bill dramatically sighed and picked it up, popping it back into the shelf and pushing past him, "Basement it is." he replied, disappearing to the dingy and damp room and sitting down on the seat he had slept on last night. When he thought he was alone, he turned into his triangle form and started to cry, tears running down his front and making his hands wet as he tried to wipe them away. His form turned blue, the yellow seeping away, his hat drooping as if melting from the non-existent heat, he looked very much like his reverse self.

_"Bill? I found the counter spell!!"_

Bill looked up and sniffled, "You did?" he asked, his voice sad and small. Paz appeared at the bottom of the steps with a smile, "I did, hey, what's the matter?" she asked, noticing how sad he was.

"Nothing..." he replied, reaching for her like an upset child and not making eye contact. Paz's heart melted, and she picked him up and cuddled him gently, "Sad? About what? We can get you free now"

"I miss Ford..."

"You really do care about him, huh?"

"Of course, I'd do anything for him" Bill replied, looking over the spell illuminated on the screen as she held out her phone to him, "I need you to hold the chains and say the spell. You're not Preston, but you _are_ his kid, so it should work, blood relations and all that."

The girl put Bill down on the floor and picked up the chains as they came into focus, focusing on not dropping them as the magical metal glowed and faded. Bill waited eagerly for her to say the spell, bouncing from one noodle foot to the other. Once the chains broke he floated into the air and hugged her face like a happy starfish, "Thank you!"

Paz smiled, "No problem, and tell Dipper I have a present for him next time he sees me" she said, peeling him off her cheek. Bill narrowed his eye, "What kind of present?"

"A _nerd_ kind of present"

"Oh, phew! For a second there I thought it was something naughty! Ha!" he replied, nudging her arm with a snort and disappearing. Paz rolled her eyes and scoffed, heading back up the steps and out of the basement. Her father wouldn't be happy when he found out the truth as to why Bill was gone, but she was willing to take on any punishment for it when the time came.

~

Bill appeared above Ford and switched to his human form, letting gravity do the rest and tackling the man in a bear hug, "I'm back!" he cried, squeezing him tightly. Fords arms curled around him and hugged him back, "Oh thank the stars, I missed you!" he replied, trying to get a word over the loud purring coming from his boyfriend. 

"Paz freed me."

"She's the best Northwest out of them all" Ford said, chuckling as Bill aggressively nuzzled him, "Yes yes, I missed you too" he added, closing his eyes as Bill peppered his face with kisses.

"Did Preston do anything to you?"

"Not really, I made breakfast, but that's it, he didn't hurt me"

"Good, I still want revenge though"

"Just shut up and make out with me, I missed you."

"I can tell" Ford replied, kissing him on the mouth to get him to shush as well. The kiss slightly muffled bills purrs, but it didn't bother him at all in the slightest. Ford stroked his hair as he pulled away, enjoying the closeness as Bill leaned his head on his chest. The demon melted into his touch, feeling a lot better than he had done a few moments ago.

_This is what he needed, closeness, love, affection._

_He never wanted to let Ford go again._

They both looked up as they heard a knock on the door and Dipper peered into the room, "Oh good! You're back! I was just going to come say that, Paz sent me a text about it" he said, holding up his phone to show them. Bill smiled, "Thanks Dip, Oh, Pacifica said she has a gift for you next time you see her" he said, giving him a wink and chuckling softly as Dipper went bright red, "O-Oh?"

"Relax, it's not _that_ , I don't think, she said it was a nerd thing?"

"Oh, okay, um, I'll leave you two alone then"

"Appreciated" Bill replied, shutting the door on him as Ford kissed his forehead. He was happy to be given affection and attention by his lover, happier to be treated which such tenderness. The demon's face went red as Ford's dominant side began to take over more, and he sunk into his sub-side to enjoy it all. 

~

Ford walked to the kitchen, hoping to feed the ever hungry Bill some dinner since he had been asking for the past hour for food. The demon was currently on top of his head in his triangle form, clinging to the brown hair so he wouldn't fall off, and using Ford as a means to get from A to B. Dipper looked up from setting down a few boxes of still warm pizzas onto the kitchen table and smiled, "Hey, Bill, just in time for dinner, the delivery guy just dropped off the order."

"Ooooh, what is it?"

"Pizza, maybe some garlic bread if the place remembered, it's probably in one of the boxes. Can I talk to you for a bit, while we eat?"

Bill floated down to the table and sat down, opening a box with a cheerful noise just as Mabel came in to eat, "Sure, what's up" he asked, finding the garlic bread and tugging it out of the box. Ford helped him with the foil and gave him a couple of slices as well as some pizza. Dipper sat down at the table and pulled a plate towards him. "Your Protector of Earth now, right?" he asked, taking a slice of pizza from the box an nibbling on it.

Bill ripped apart the garlic bread he had been given and stuffed some of it into his mouth, garlic butter all over his hands and front, "Yup!" he replied, pausing mid chew to speak. Dipper felt a bit sick watching him eat, as he always did when Bill demolished food in his triangle form, "Well, could you span the world or however you do it, and get rid of plastic pollution? It's a big problem."

"Pollution? Hm..." Bill wiped his hands on the napkin Ford passed him and summoned a piece of very old looking paper, "Holy crap, why wasn't this mentioned to me? Of course I can!" he replied, snapping his fingers, "There, done! No plastic in the oceans, no smog or pollutants in the air, and levels are back to healthy. Now feed me!" he grumbled, making the paper disappear and reaching for another slice of pizza.

"Please don't eat as much as you did at the buffet, and don't you dare be sick, I'm not cleaning it up" Ford grumbled, tapping his top point with a finger and chuckling at the expression Bill gave him in return for his comment.

Once Bill was done eating, he flopped onto his back and let out a satisfied burp, covered in grease, butter and crumbs, "Someone hand me Mabel's uneaten pepperoni pieces" he whined, making grabby hands with his fingers. Mabel giggled and fed him the small meaty disks she had piled by the edge of her plate.

"How was your date, sis?" Dipper asked, grabbing a few cups of water for everyone and passing them around. Mabel smiled, slowing down on the hand-feeding, "It was great! Luna's really nice! Her family were invited to that party because her Dad owns a car company, they make fancy cars for rich people, and they make a heckin ton of money from it too."

"Are you going to see her again?"

"Yes, doi, she's really pretty!"

Bill patted her arm, "Hey, what's with the slow pace, gimmie the roni!" he whined, yelping in shock as Mabel poured the rest onto his face rather than feed him what remained. Bill opened his mouth to consume them, "Thanks" he replied, reaching for the pizza crust Ford was saving for later as he floated up and over to grab it. Ford batted his hand away, "No, this is mine, get your own."

Bills form turned a soft baby blue, his top hat drooping long with his limbs. He made a small whining noise and looked at him sadly, begging him to share in the tasty crust. Ford gritted his teeth, "Don't look at me like that! I'm hungry! This is mine!"

Bill whined softly, whimpering and pleading with him. Mabel's eyes widened in sympathy, "Awww, Grunkle Ford, come on, look at him... he's so adorable" she cooed, nudging him with an arm. Ford scoffed, "I... no! It's not fair!" he whined, staring at him for a bit longer before he defeatedly handed it over. Bill instantly brightened and took it, eating it happily as he kicked his legs in mid air. 

Ford grumped at his lost morsels, "I dislike your sad look."

"Why?"

"Because it's a very good way of getting me to do stuff"

Bill smirked, "Heh, guess I know just how to get what I want, when I want it." he said, floating over to him and sitting on his shoulder. Ford grabbed him by the leg and lifted him up, dunking him in his cup of water and washing him off as his boyfriend struggled and screeched in protest, "Don't you dare!" he growled, taking him out and drying him off with the tea towel, "I won't fall for that again!"  
  


_Oh, but he did, many many times._

~

**3 Years later ~**

Ford stood in front of the portal, his family in front of him, all looking sad at his decision to leave this dimension. During the last few days the portal has been rebuilt and remade and it was now fully operational, the gravity fields contained and the vortex smooth. Bill was crying, thick tears running down his face as he sobbed and hiccuped. He knew Ford had been wanting to go away for a bit, learn his magic in a more educational way, but he hadn't realized he'd be doing it so soon. 

Stanley had passed away a year back, old age finally catching up to the man. They had found him one morning in his armchair, unresponsive and a hand still wedged in the bucket of popcorn and bacon strips he had been munching on. Soos had taken over the Shack with Melody full time, and Mabel and Dipper both had their girlfriends, and their own lives to attend to.

Ford looked at Bill sadly and stepped forward, pulling him into a hug and rubbing his back. He was dressed in his old multiverse gear, goggles nestled in his brown hair and his great black wings peaking out from behind him. Bill hugged him back, "P-Please don't go..." he begged, nudging the backpack at his feet. Ford buried his head into Bill's shoulder, "I have to, I told you I had to, we talked about this... I'm sorry."

"I'll wait for you"

"Ten years. One decade... You think you can do that for me?"

Bill sniffled, "In a snap."

"Make me a deal then, please? Look after yourself, look after my family- _your family_ , and look after Earth while I'm gone" Ford begged, tucking a strand of Bill's hair over his ears as he started to cry. Bill shook his head, "You have my word, you don't need to shake my hand."

Ford grabbed his hand, "Shake it, I mean it, don't go hurting yourself. I can't lose you too" he said fiercely, thinking of Stan and how hard it had been to lose him. Bill shook his hand and hugged him again, already missing the closeness he craved. 

After a moment Ford stepped back and addressed his family, "Thank you all so much for being here... I know I've never fully understand why you put up with me, but here we are. I dearly hope I'll see you all again in the future, I care so much about all of you and... I hope you'll stay well while I'm away."

Mabel hugged Bill as he whimpered, "Good luck, Grunkle Ford, be safe, and have fun!" she said, waving her free hand as the other kept Bill in a tight hold. Dipper grabbed his Grunkles arm before he could pick up the backpack from off the floor and head for the portal, "Wait! Grunkle Ford, I have news before you go... um."

"Yes?"

"Pacifica and I are getting married, and she's... she's pregnant too" Dipper blurted happily, the twenty-year-old grinning from ear to ear. 

_He was going to be a dad, and he was so excited._

Bill pretended to be shocked by the news, as did everyone else who had already been told. Ford blinked, "Did everyone else already know about this?" he asked. Mabel raised her hand, "Paz already told me, I've been bursting at the seams trying not to tell!"

"Bill?"

"I knew, but I pretended that I didn't."

Ford beamed and hugged his nephew, "Then please, have a happy life together, I can't wait! I'm sorry I won't be there on your big day."

Dipper chuckled, "It's fine, I'm okay with it, it just means no embarrassing speeches from you" he replied smugly. Ford narrowed his eyes, "Well, now I can make that happen with a bit of magic, or at the very least give you a wedding gift to open on the day" he said back, sounding just as smug and just as sneaky. Bill chuckled as the boys face fell, "We could do Skype or something? I have an inter-dimensional connection cord somewhere in the house" the demon said, wondering where on earth he had placed it.

Ford nodded, "Good idea. I think that's everything, I best be off..." he said, turning to the swirling portal behind him. Bill ran up to him and hugged him one last time, "I love you." he whispered, his arms not wanting to let go. The glowing man smiled and gently peeled his boyfriend off him, kissing his forehead and cupping his face with his hands, "I love you too. Don't you worry, a decade will fly by, I'll see you at the end."

"Goodbye Stanford"

"Good bye, Bill."

And with that Ford made his way through the portal, leaving Bill standing there with tears running down his face, and the lingering warmth of his lovers hands slowly disappearing from his cheeks. 

He knew Ford would be back. 

It was just a matter of time.

**End Of Part 2**


	31. Lost And Found

[(Song: IDK You Yet - Alexander 23)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXe0UTeyhgU)

~

**Part 3: Future**

It had been ten years, ten long years without Stanford by his side. Ten years without his hugs, kisses, comfort and everything in between. By the time the first year was up, he’d had enough of the loneliness and had left the Shack to pursue his job of Protector, just like the Axolotl had asked. 

He made his home in a cave in the woods, far from prying eyes and off the beaten track. While there he had done his bit to protect the Earth from various threats and had slowly slipped back into his chaotic mindset and gone a bit mad with it all. But the goal still stayed in his mind, trapped there and thriving. 

_He did his duty to the best of his ability._

Five years later he had sealed himself away into a gem harder than a diamond (without the Pines knowledge) and sprouted his tentacles out into the Earth. They connected to phone lines and WiFi, pipes and everything else, monitoring, shifting and keeping Earth, and its people safe.

It wasn’t uncommon to go digging and hit one of Bills many filaments, it would usually retreat if attacked. Be it shovels, feet, hands, birds, animals and insects. If it hurt he retreated, till it was safe once more to return. 

The US Government knew about him, but they left the demon alone after one awful experience involving a Helicopter, shovels and ten of their own men, and a very shy and timid scientist. They only left him alone now because Bill saved lives rather than cause harm like they had first thought, but they made it known to the demon to mind his own business when he snooped about. Bill had saved countless people from murder, rape, attack, burglaries that would have ended lives.... even people with guns were unable to have their weapons, for fear of filaments shooting out from the ground and ripping the weapon from their arms.

_World peace was close at hand._

Dipper Pines had seen the news many times, as well as the suggested diagrams showing Bills tentacles wrapped around the planet. No one actually knew if he really did encase the Earth, but reports of his tentacles had cropped up all over the planet. People had filmed and taken photos of their encounters, and at some point Bill had gone viral. 

The man was mostly shocked, but proud Bill was doing his bit to keep the world and its occupants safe, happy to have a country his children could grow up in safely. Crime rates had dropped to the lowest numbers in History, police were more lax (much to Bills annoyance) and people felt safer than ever before. 

But, after a few years Dipper had slowly forgotten about Fords difference, he was a very busy man after all, and had moved a long way a way from Gravity Falls with his wife Pacifica. He’d think about Gravity Falls frequently, mostly when he had time for himself. But the older he got, the more it seemed like the bizarre things that had happened there had been nothing but a fever dream.

He regularly talked to his sister, and Luna on Skype and kept in touch with Soos, who still lived at the Shack. On the day of Dippers wedding, Fords gift had appeared as he had spoken about all those years ago back in the basement. A strange glowing orb and a note floating beside the gift table, and waiting patiently for one of them to take it. Once Dipper had picked up the note, the orb had floated straight into Pacifica’s stomach and made her gasp. The woman clutching her swollen belly with a frightened look as she worried for her unborn kids. But the note had curbed the worry from their minds as soon as they had read it:

_‘Magic is the best source of entertainment in eternity’ - Grunkle Ford._

After their wedding, Paz had had the twins, two boys they named Remus and Romulus, and Dipper couldn’t have been happier. When they had been born, it was clear what Fords ‘gift’ had done, Remus had one glowing eye, the soft small eyeball holding his new magic like a chest would its golden treasure. The newborn barely kept it open his first few years of life, preferring to use his one human eye to look around. By the time he was five he had opened it, using his new gifts weakly but with utter glee.

_Much to his parent’s dismay._

But now, now it was time to go back to the Falls.... the twins were twelve, nearly thirteen. Their summer holidays were in sight and their adventures were only just beginning.... It was time to go home.

~

“But moomm, I don’t understand! I don’t want to go on holiday to some hick town in the middle of nowhere! It’ll be _so_ boring! What about my games?” Rem whined, poking his sugar-free cereal with a spoon. The boy was smart and more of an introvert than his extroverted twin, preferring to play by himself rather than mix and mingle with the other kids in the neighborhood. Pacifica looked up from fixing their car trip snacks, “Exactly! The fresh air would do you some good” she explained, making sure she'd cut the crusts of Rom sandwich, just the way he liked it.

“It’s not exactly like there isn’t air here...”

Paz smiled and ruffled his hair, “Tough cookies, mister, you’re going, we’re all going, end of story.” she replied, placing the sandwiches, fruit and cookies into their heavily decorated lunchboxes. Rem sighed, “… I’ve got all my stuff packed….” he grumped.

“Minus the video games?” his twin asked, the loud crunching noise of his breakfast audible. Romulus gave him a smirk as their mother crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him, both of them waiting for an answer. Rem glared and stuck out his tongue in annoyance at his question, “Yes!” he answered, his voice a little higher than it usually was. Rom narrowed his eyes, picking out his brothers lie a mile away, “Bull!” he declared.

“Language!” Paz warned, picking up their bowls and placing them in the sink, “Go take them out, now!” she ordered, ushering them out the dining room as she got started on the dishes. Rem sighed and followed after her twin, “I’ll take them out, but you better as well” he muttered, jabbing his twin in the shoulder blade. Romulus laughed, “I have books in mine!”

“Sure you do, pal, suuurreee you do.”

~

Dipper hurried down the steps, dragging his own suitcase along with him, “Alrighty, is everyone ready?” he asked, pausing at the bottom to address his family. Rem saluted with a bored look, his eye patch covering his magic eye. Paz nodded and held up the twin’s backpacks, their main suitcases beside them, “All sorted.”

“Let’s go then boys! And lady.”

Paz chuckled and blushed, gently punching him on the shoulder, “Oh you, such a charmer still.”

The twins made faces and hurried to the car, not in the mood for their parents being lovely dovey in front of them. “Gross, I am _never_ getting a girlfriend” Rom insisted, sticking out his tongue and shaking his hands as if ridding them of germs, or water. Rem cocked his head to the side and opened the back door for him, “What? Why not?”

“It’s gross, I don’t want no _girl_ cooties!”

“Girl cooties!? What are you, three? They don’t exist!”

“Smart ass, you know what I mean.”

“What about a boyfriend?”

“No! I don’t want anyone! Imma die alone, preferably as an eccentric billionaire playboy philanthropist, with lots of money and a big house, and servants! Imma eat pop tarts for every meal and no one can stop me!”

“Playboys do the dirty, bro.”

Rom pouted as he got into the car, “Ugh! Fine, minus the playboy part!” he replied, putting his seat belt on and tucking his backpack between his legs. Rem looked over at the house and quickly grabbed Rom’s backpack from him to peek into while Dipper and Paz were still distracted. He unzipped it and pulled out the books lodged carefully inside, ignoring his twins cries of protest, “Books huh?” he said, keeping Rom away with magic as he opened one up. 

Rom screeched and struggled, “Don’t you dare! No!” he cried, unable to get through the magical barrier. Rem snorted and opened all the books, revealing the video game and its game cartridges his twin had smuggled out the house, “I’ll let you keep them, on one condition”

“What?”

“I get to play with them too” Rem said, holding out his hand for him to shake. Rom rolled his eyes and took it with his own six-fingered one, “Ugh... fine...” he growled, very unhappy as the soft flames sealed the deal. Rem hummed and returned the video games to their hollowed out compartments, stuffing the books back inside the bag before their parents appeared.

Dipper and Paz loaded up the boot with their suitcases and got into the car, both of them looking rather excited about the prospected of a family road trip all the way back to where they had first met. “Next stop, Gravity Falls!” their dad replied cheerfully, starting the car engine with a twist of his keys and turning on the radio. 

The twins groaned, hoping for the life of them that they wouldn’t start singing. They forced the two to join in whenever the music started playing, and it was a nightmare Rem wished his magic could help them escape from.

~

A shuddering jolt woke Rem from his nap and he opened his eyes and rubbed them carefully, blinking in the warm car as the music played softly at the front, “Are we there yet?” he asked, looking out the window at the long stretch of forest they were driving through. Dipper smiled and handed him a bottle of water and a muesli bar, “Almost, would you like to know why this place is incredibly special to me?”

“Sure?”

“Gravity Falls, in short, is weird. The place is crawling with anomalies and oddities, it’s also where I met your mother.” Dipper replied. Rom laughed and nudged his twin, “Wow! Hear that, bro? You should fit right in with the locals!”

“Same with you, mister six fingers”

“Oi!”

Their father shushed them and continued, “Would you like to know something interesting?”

Rom nodded, “YES!” he cried, practically bouncing in his seat at the prospects of meeting so many crazy things. He was hoping for werewolves, vampires, maybe even some ghosts. He was looking forward to seeing it all, cryptids and creatures alike, and yes, the people too. Dipper chuckled and gestured to their own weirdness, the six fingers and the glowing eye, still concealed by the beautifully stitched eye-patch Mabel had made for his son, “You are both marked by the greatest man, I’ve ever met- and certainly the smartest.”

Rem put a hand to his eyes, “Marked?”

“My Great Uncle, he had six fingers, and could wield magic”

“Magic? Really?!”

“Yup, he also used to study the weird creatures in Gravity Falls and catalog them in his journals... which are now all with him, I’m sure.”

Rom’s eyes widened, “What kind of creatures? Are the woods going to be like filled with werewolves or something? Cause I wanted to go camping... maybe meet some! Become one!” he squeaked the last part with such excitement his voice cracked a little.

“Romulus, calm down, you won’t be meeting any werewolves... unless the mail man’s still around... anyway, in the first week I encountered gnomes, soothsaying mosquitoes, and something closely resembling the Lockness monster, only it was fatter and called the Gobblewonker.” he explained, leaving out the part that it was actually a robot that the late McGucket had built and powered by himself.

“Does it gobble?”

“Yes, I think you’ll enjoy Gravity Falls just as much as I did when I was a kid.”

Rem adjusted his patch, “Wait, didn’t you say you had _two_ Grunkles?” he asked, fixing his longer hair in the window so it too would cover the part of his weirdness that the eye-patch refused to cover. Their father sighed sadly, “I did, he was called Stanley Pines, he was a money-loving tax evader, but he cared more about his family than anything else. He ran a tourist trap before he died, where we'll be staying for the summer. It’s still there and the person who owns it is basically Stan’s kid, although their not actually blood related.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, dad,”

“It’s fine, Remus, it was a long time ago.”

“Nothing else we should know about before we get there?”

Dipper shook his head and parked the car outside a run down looking cabin, “Nope! Welcome to the Mystery Shack!”

Rem undid his seat belt and opened the door with a frown, “You know it says Mystery Hack, right?” he pointed out, crying out as Rom clambered over him to see and dragged him the rest of the way out the vehicle. Rom giggled and turned his brother’s head to the big wooden S sitting smack dab on the ground and still lodged into the dirt, “The S is on the ground, silly” he replied, letting him go and hoisting his backpack onto his bag.

Rem huffed, “This place is a dump” he grumbled, watching his parents both practically skip up the creaky steps. His father chuckled at his un-amused son, “No it’s not! It’s perfect- ohmygoodness, Paz look! Stan’s bat is still behind the couch!” he cried, pulling out the slightly moldy piece of wood from the extremely moldy sofa that was sitting on the porch. Paz grimaced, “Nice, this place never change does it?” she replied, picking up Rem as he reached for her. Rem sighed happily as his feet left the gross ground and he happily sat perched on his mother’s hip, away from the grime and mold.

Rom snickered and kicked a clump of dirt at him, hoping to gross him out more or at least get him dirty like his twin feared he would. But the more he kicked, the more his foot revealed what appeared to be roots moving in the ground, and very close to the surface. 

“What the heck are these, ugh! They move!” he cried, grabbing a stick to poke them with. Dipper looked over as he tried to unlock the door, just to make sure he knew exactly what Rom was on about, “Oh yeah, don’t touch the roots, you’re hurting an old friend”

“What!? Are you friends with a tree monster!?”

“I’m being serious, don’t touch them.”

“DUDES!” came a loud and very happy voice as its owner rounded the corner. Dipper had three seconds to realize what was going on before Soos scooped both him and Paz up into a tight bear hug. Paz chuckled as Rem wriggled, “Hey Soos, still soft, squishy and a sweetie, I see!” she said, wincing as she felt her ribs bruise.

_Soos really didn't know his own strength._

“Haha, you know it! Hey, where’s hambone, Dipper?”

“She’s coming tomorrow, with Luna.”

Soos let them go, “Well, come on inside then, I need to get to know the two smaller dudes and make up rad nicknames for them. How you been?"

While his parents and twin were distracted with the chubby man, Rom kneeled down and dug at the dirt with his hands. A tendril staying out to watch him, and deducing whether or not he was a threat. He reached out to it cautiously, and the filament allowed him to touch it, "Hi there, my name's Romulus, you can call me Rom."

The tendrils began to retreat at the loud words and Rom dug desperately into the dirt more, “Wait! Come back! I’m sorry” he cried, falling back as the tendril reappeared and grabbed his hand as if not believing what it had felt touch it a few moments ago. Rom made a small grossed out noise as it felt at his fingers, the soft and squishy appendage getting excited as it felt the sixth one. 

“Weird... okay, stop that!” Rom cried, slapping it away with his free hand. Soos surprised him by scooping him into a hug, and the boy yelped, watching the tentacle retreat with a sad sigh as the man hugged him happily. Rem was still looking around at the place with disgust and waving his hand at imaginary bugs as he hopped from one foot to the other.

_Like mother, like son._

“Hey, mini dudes, it’s good to finally meet you both, my name’s Soos!”

“Zeus?” they both questioned in unison.

“No, Soos, S O O S” Soos spelled out for them. Rom brushed the dirt off his hand and stuck it out, “Nice to meet you Soos, my name's Romulus and this is my twin brother Remus!”

Rem offered his hand a bit more respectfully, “A pleasure.”

Soos shook them both and pointed to his eye patch, not having seen Rom’s hand abnormality at first glance, “What’s with the eye patch?”

Rem covered it with a hand, feeling self-conscious, “I have a magic eye” he replied, looking down at the ground with embarrassment. Rom grabbed his arm excitedly and shook him a little, “Show him! It looks so cool! Do some magic or something!"

Rem brushed him off, “Uh, maybe not today, I’m tired.” he replied, which was very much true. Rem couldn’t use a lot of magic, and when ever he used a minuscule amount, he’d get exhausted and fall asleep. Which is why the car trip had been spent with him drooling on the window, while his twin had to endure the singing torture.

Soos finally noticed Rom's six fingers and gasped loudly, “Oh! You’re just like Sixer!” he cried, taking his hand to check them out. It was Rom’s turn to look embarrassed, “W-Who?” he asked, not having the faintest clue who this ‘Sixer’ could be.

“He’s your dads Grunkle”

“Oh... and what’s with the weird tendrils in the ground?”

Dipper sighed and ignored Paz’s warning look. The boys needed to know, “I suppose in a sense he’s your third Grunkle, those roots spread all throughout the world, and the core is right here in Gravity Falls... The roots monitor the Earth and protect it from any threat. And behind it all is the dream demon: Bill Cipher.”

Rom gaped, “What!? That’s insane! Is he even human!? _WAIT!_ We have a demon for a Grunkle!!??”

Dipper cringed at that comment, since he knew they only had two, although at this point he was pretty sure Ford was dead, since he had failed to return after his ten year dimensional trip. “He used to be human- he has a human soul, but he’s a demon, so not really, it depends. He lived in the Egyptian period, he has a sarcophagus and I visited his pyramid tomb once when I was younger... Fun story, I knocked over his liver.”

The twins grimaced, “Ewwwww!”

“Anyway, a few years after Sixer left, he left to go live a cave... away from people. It doesn’t really matter though... Ugh, I ought to talk to him.”

Paz snorted, “Ya think? Poor guy probably doesn’t even know what day it is! Or eaten in what? Ten years?”

“I mean, he’s looking after his body, he’s not exactly breaking any part of the deal.”

“He hasn’t eaten, has he? I bet he’s feeding off the damn Earth’s energy or something weird. Doesn’t he miss pizza?”

“I bet he does, alright then, we’ll go talk to him once Rem and Rom have settled in” Dipper replied, grabbed the suitcases and heaving them inside. Rom’s eyes lit up with excitement, “We’re really going to go talk to a demon!?” he cried, helping his father with their things. Soos shook his head, “Hate to break it to ya dudes, Bill’s kind of gone frozen, encased himself in a diamond crystal like five years ago.”

Dipper snapped his head up at the words, “He did what!? Do you know the cave he sealed himself away in?”

“Yeah, it’s not too far away from here, I go visit him sometimes… talk about my day.”

“The diamonds a bit over kill...”

“Well, it won’t break, so I’m guessing it’s diamond.”

“Would have made more sense to be covered in gold”

Soos chuckled, “But gold can break, dude, so it was more of a strong choice to pick diamond or whatever it is.” he replied, tapping his chin as he thought. Dipper rolled his eyes, “Yes, I know, but- oh never mind...”


	32. Sneak

Late that night, while the crickets chirped loudly, Rem and Rom were trying their best to get comfy in the creaky house. Rom was reading through the vast selection of old comics from the cupboard down the hall, most of them so old the pages had yellowed. His father had told him he had once been lost inside those pages himself, searching for his Grunkle Stan who had gotten sucked in. 

Apparently, magic and comics didn't mix very well and the beings inside hadn't taken to kindly to his Aunty Mabel re-designing the words in one of them. The story had sounded so far-fetched, but Rom had instantly believed him when the man had given him the comic books so he could see for himself. The cartooned Pines family still remained on the pages as copies, including his shrimpy thirteen-year-old father, and his Aunty Mabel.

Rem wasn't having much fun, despite his mother having cleaned the bedroom thoroughly and made his bed with his special sheets. He had played a bit of his video games and read a few books, but it was still difficult to get comfy knowing the house was crawling with germs he couldn't see. He hated germs and he hated the outdoors, he'd rather live with his Grandfather than have to deal with this place. But according to his mother, his grandparents hadn't wanted anything to do with them. Their rich mansion wouldn't be home for the youngsters, and their mother was fine with that. 

Rom looked up as he finished off the stack of comics he had been pouring over for an hour, "Hey Rem?" he asked, tucking the books back into the box they had come into. Rem turned his head to look at him, momentarily taking his eyes off the moldy ceiling, "Yes?"

"You want to go see the demon thing Dad was talking about earlier?"

Rem sat up and nodded, "But only cause I can't sleep."

Rom grinned and leapt out of bed, undoing the window latch and climbing up onto the table, "Damn it's high, can you float us down?" he asked, holding out his hand to his twin and pulling him up once he took it. Rem took off his patch and surveyed the height, calculating the magic he would need to get them both down, "I can try" he replied, stepping off the ledge and standing there as if on an invisible platform. Rom gulped and followed as Rem motioned for him to come out, feeling strange as his foot stepped down onto nothing.

"How come you didn't make it see-able?" Rom asked, watching the ground come closer as Rem used his magic to bring it down.

"Too much energy"

"Oh."

Once they were on the ground, Rem removed the platform, allowing Rom to jump about excitedly and congratulate him on using his magic. Rom always did this with any improvements, he had once bought Rem a piece of cake from the bakery on their way to school when he had explained it had taken him less energy to turn off the lights now. 

_His brother would cheer him on as if it was a good thing._

Rem was getting stronger by the day, slowly and bit by bit. Not that he didn't like it, it was just scary. After his solo excitement celebration, Rom kneeled down and dug at the dirt again, the spot illuminated by Rem's magical eye, which was glowing brightly in the night without the eye patch to cover it. "Hey, it's me again, can you talk yet? We want to come see you" he called, seizing his digging as the tendrils pushed through the earth and waved softly at them both. They grabbed for Rom's hand, feeling the fingers once more before pointing to the forest with a quick jerk.

"That way?"

The tendrils nodded and stroked his hand affectionately, and Rem quickly pulled away, "Ew, gross, don't be weird!" he said grumpily, standing up and heading towards the treeline, "Come on Rem! Let's go!"

~

They got a bit lost, but they found the cave, eventually. Someone had put flood lights around it, the light reflecting the giant crystal inside. Rom gaped at the strange-looking creature encased in crystal and grinned at his twin, "This is so cool!" he squealed, excitement in his eyes and a twinkle to those blue orbs. 

Rem cringed, "Yeah... cool, now what do we do?" he replied, not sounding in the least bit excited about it. Rom shrugged and knocked on the crystal, "Hello? Mister Bill? We're here, can you hear us?"

"I don't think that's going to do anything"

"How is he going to hear us then?"

"Maybe I could use my magic to break it open?"

"Go on then."

Rem gulped and put his hand up, "Do you really think this is a good idea?" he asked, feeling a bit worried about this whole situation.

_What if this Bill was dangerous?_

Rom put his thumbs up and grinned, and Rem turned his attention back to the task at hand and broke down the diamond with his powers. It was very hard work, but eventually the diamond cracked and the air hummed with energy, much like the power lines did during Summer, when the air was humid. Bill could feel someone trying to get through his impenetrable prison, he wasn't sure how or why, unless it could be Ford himself. The hand he had felt touch him had six-fingers, which meant Ford must be home, _who else could it be?_

Rem let out one more burst of magic and collapsed onto his brother, panting heavily and exhausted as the crystal shattered. Rom helped him sit down and wandered over to the demon lying comatose on the ground among the bits and pieces of broken shards.

"Hello?" he asked, nudging Bill with his foot. The demon's tentacles were still wedged deep into the earth and Bill made no sign that he had felt the touch. Rom kneeled down and poked him with a finger, his head tilted to the side, "I think he's still asleep, brother."

_"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?"_

The twins screeched in shock and whipped their heads up to spot their father standing at the entrance and clutching an axe to his chest, "What did I tell you!? No sneaking out, _and no freeing demons from diamond roots!"_ Dipper cried.

Rom swallowed his fear and pointed to Bill, "Is he dead?" he asked, rushing back over to his brother as Rem toppled over, and helping him to his feet. Dipper grumbled and came over to inspect his son, making sure Remus was okay, "No, he's not, he's just been in stasis for so long it's going to take a while for him to wake up" he replied, making his way over to the demon still lodged into the ground.

"How are you going to get him out if he's connected to the entire planet?" Rom asked, keeping an arm around his twin as his feet wobbled. Dipper grinned and held up the axe, "Chop him up obviously."

Bill let out a scream of pain as the blade sliced through his tendrils and writhed in pain on the mossy ground, golden blood leaking from the wounds. Dipper cringed and kneeled back down, "Sorry" he muttered, breathing a sigh of relief as Bill went still and began to heal himself. Rom watched in amazement as the tips regenerated before his eyes, glowing blue with magic as it restored what had been lost.

"Is he going to be okay?" Rem asked tiredly, looking up at his father as the man picked the small demon up and cradled him in his arms like a baby. Dipper nodded, "He's a Demon, he'll be fine, and I'm pretty sure the roots have become self-aware during the last ten years, so Bill can always monitor them."

"I still think Bill is a pretty dumb name, he looks nothing like a Bill"

"Look on the money..." Bill muttered quietly. Dipper rolled his eyes, "He means he created the dollar bill, he's the embodiment of the Eye of Providence"

"Whoa"

"I know, right? Handy to have an all-seeing eye as a friend"

"How did you even become friends?"

"Well, we used to be enemies, and at one point he took over the world, but thankfully everything was restored."

"So he was bad?"

"Yes, evil, mad, and very insane, but he's fine now, probably. He'd calmed down a lot when I last spoke to him..."

Bill made a strained noise before popping into his triangle form and clinging to Dippers shirt with a hand as he settled. Rom made a small squeak noise, "He changed!!!" he cried, pointing wildly. Dipper chuckled, "He has different forms he can shift into, the one previously was his true form, but he uses this one so it doesn't scare people into madness."

"I'm not mad!" Rom cried, shaking his twin a bit as his head lolled to the side, "Look at me, man, am I mad?" 

Rem smirked and looked at his brother from the angle he was at, "No, calm down, you're not mad, I'm not mad... I think," he mumbled, yawning widely and showing off his teeth and gums. Dipper put Bill into his jacket pocket and picked up Rem, "I only know one case where somebody went insane from looking at him, but it was kind of the person's own fault in part. Now come on, let's get you all home and into bed."

~

After tucking the now passed out Rem into bed and closing the window, Dipper made his way down to the kitchen with Rom, and set Bill onto the kitchen table to inspect the triangle for any damage. Finding none, he sat down and rubbed his eyes tiredly, "He needs food, I wonder if he'd wake up the Mabels, sorry, Aunty Mabel's caffle?"

"Ooooh, can I have caffle?"

"Not tonight, Romulus, off to bed now." Dipper replied, pointing towards the twins' bedroom. Rom stomped off quietly and flopped onto the bed covers, staring over at his twin and snuggling up with a grumpy look of rejection. 

_He had really wanted some caffle._

After a few moments of staring off into space, Dipper got a few blankets from the cupboard and swaddled the tiny demon up, making sure Bill was comfy before he set him down on the sofa. He made his way to Fords old bedroom and opened the door, his nose assaulted by the dust and dampness. The dust covered everything inside in it in a thin layer, and the scent of Ford was long since gone.

"Please come home..."

~

Bill opened his eye blearily, the ceiling slowly coming into focus above him. The last thing he could remember was falling asleep as his magic encased him in the stasis crystal. He untangled himself from the blankets and stretched, yawning and rubbing his eye as his frozen mind worked for the first time in years.

He froze as he heard a creak of the water-damaged wooden floorboards and looked around, "Whose there!? I have hands and I am NOT afraid to use them!" he cried, readying himself for an attack. Rem shuffled in guilty, "Sorry, just me" he said quickly, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Who are you?"

"M-My name's Remus"

Bill floated over to examine his features, Rem going cross-eyed as Bill booped his nose, "What's the eye patch for? You hurt yourself, kid?"

"No.. um, I have a magic eye."

Bills tiny fingers wedged underneath the patch and took it off, revealing the golden white and slitted pupil, much like his own, "I'm the one that broke you out of the diamond prison thing" Rem explained, looking at him with embarrassment and covering his eye with his hand. Bill's eye turned up in a sort of grin and he used his magic to make the eye patch look a bit cooler than it had done, before he passed it back to the boy. "You got any food? I'm starving! Where are we anyway?"

"We're at a place called the Mystery Shack, you used to live here" Rem replied, snapping the elastic back over his head and fitting the patch back over his eye.

"I used to live here!" Bill cried, floating over to the door and changing into his human form, "Hello?" he called out, his slightly pointed ears perked up for any sound of a reply. Rem cleared his throat, "Um, everyone's asleep, still. How many forms do you have?"

"Not sure" Bill replied, heading to the kitchen as he remembered its existence, his stomach growling with hunger. He grinned as he spotted the kitchen and tugged open the refrigerator door, bending down to gaze in at the food he would be stuffing his mouth with. Rem sat at the table as the sound of the demons munching caught his ears, cringing as he spotted him shove a large cucumber into his mouth.

"Um, should you, you know, prepare it first, you can't eat an entire cucumber- oh."

"Mrpphh?"

Rem rolled his eyes as Bill poked his head up to look at him properly, the whole cucumber wedged into his mouth as he chewed at one end. The demon quickly worked away at the long vegetable, looking a bit like a rabbit as he ate.

"Do you know someone called Dipper?" Rem asked, tapping his fingers on the table as he waited for Bill to finish. Bill shrugged and reached back in to open the jar of pickles he could see, the cucumber now gone. "Could you please not eat all our food? Da- Dipper said he'd make you caffle in the morning."

"But I'm hungry!" Bill whined, pickle juice running down his chin. Rem cringed and got off his chair, opening the pantry doors and having a good look to see what items his parents had stocked inside, "What about some bread and butter? That's filling"

"Oohh, yes, please!"

"Not all of it" Rem warned, grabbing the loaf of bread, and Bill the butter from the fridge. Bill sat down at the table and grinned, "Then make me as much as I'm allowed" he declared. Rem made him four slices, sliding the plate over once he was done and putting the butter away so it wouldn't melt. Bills face fell, "Didn't you hear me when I said I was hungry?" he grumbled, devouring what he had been given. Rem chuckled, "So your Egyptian, right?"

"Yes"

"Can you elaborate?"

"I lived before the pyramids, they turned me into a god, and the largest pyramid built became my tomb. Blah blah blah, shit happened and now I'm here."

"They TURNED you into a god? How do you do that?!"

Bill snatched the rest of the bread loaf from off the kitchen counter before Remus could put it away, "I can't really remember right now, but I do know I was ripped apart by a dagger, that was painful" he replied, stuffing slice after slice into his mouth and making a mess of crumbs. Rem grimaced, "Ouch... So what about Sixer? Did you know him as well? Were you a friend?"

"Oh! That's right, where is he?" Bill asked, looking around in the hopes the man was around. Rem winced, "Um... dead?"

"No, he's not!"

"Yes he is, if he was still alive, he'd be like, over a hundred years old!'

Bill laughed, "He's a demon! He's fine! I can sense him, I don't know where he is exactly, but he's alive"

"No... he's human."

"No, I remember turning him into a demon, ** _are you calling me a liar!?"_** Bill growled, floating over to the boy so fast that Rem barely had any time to move before the demon was nose to nose with him and looking very mad. Rem flinched and pulled back, "N-No, it's just, um, not possible, dad said he could weild magic, but he's not um... a Demon"

**_"HE'S A DEMON! I KNOW! I TURNED HIM!"_ **

Rem squeaked and tried his best to become part of the chair, "You can turn people into Demons?" he whispered, "What did he give you in return?"

Bill leaned back with a scoff, the anger disappearing,"Uh duh, nothing but my love and attention.... I miss him... anyway, who the fuck are you? Who do you belong too?"

"Um, I'm Remus Pines, my dad is Mason pines... Everyone calls him Dipper though."

Bill laughed and clapped his hands, "OH! _YOU'RE_ THE KID! It came truuueeee!!"

"What?"

"I saw a probability that Dipstick and Pacifica had kids, and you were one of them! Where's the other!?"

Rem was seriously weirded out by Bills drastic mood change, "The other? Oh, my brother, Romulus, he's upstairs sleeping" he replied. Bill squealed and pulled the boy into a squishy hug, "MY niblings!!"

Rem patted his head awkwardly, "Y-Yeah, I think dad thinks of you as an honoree Grunkle?"

"What time is it?"

"Ah, three in the morning I believe."

Bill picked him up and took him to his room, ignoring Remus's protests that he could walk for himself and wasn't a baby. Bill tutted and tucked him into bed while Rom snored on his side of the bedroom. Bill cooed softly at the other boy and then scuttled onto Rems blankets, changing into a cat form and settling down on his chest with a smug grin. Rem smiled and patted his ears, "Night Bill." he whispered. Bill purred sleepily and tucked his feet underneath himself, the demon becoming a golden furry loaf as his tail wrapped around himself tightly. 

Rem turned off the lights with his magic and leaned his head back onto the pillows, watching the moon out the corner of his eyes until he fell asleep.

**(A/N: And I'm back, kinda... blejdfjfkfnkd)**


	33. The Owl House (Part 1)

**(A/N: Now, I know Dana said that Luz’s human world isn’t the same human world Gravity Falls resides in. But for this fic it will be. Also, the RP this fic was based on was written well before we knew who had cursed Eda.)**

Bill let out a small mrrphh as someone picked him up from his warm spot and he struggled to see who it could be as arms hugged him, “Who are you!?” he cried, his fur poofing out in warning. Rom giggled, “Hello talking cat!”

“NIBLING!” Bill yelled, clawing his way over to Rom’s face and purring and nudging it rather aggressively as the boy giggled helplessly, “Oh, look at you! And six fingers! No wonder I was confused.”

“Yeah, you were being all creepy. But this is so cool! Can you shift into other forms??”

Bill changed into his human form and the two toppled over, Rom winced, “Get off me, you’re heavy!” he cried, pushing at the skinny male until he rolled off him. “So are you a god or a Demon, how old are you exactly? Do you like caffle?”

“Whoa! Easy on the questions, Mini Sixer, I’m a demon, not a god, and uh, I can’t remember how old I am, I lost count after the first few million. Dimensions blurred together, time went faster in the other realms... I watched stars being born and suns dying in a snap. I saw civilizations crumble and black holes suck up entire galaxies..."

Rom’s eyes had gone as sparkly as Mabel’s did when she was excited about something and Bill smiled and ruffled his hair, “You said something about caffle?”

~

With the twins under his arms and the demon grinning from ear to ear, Bill made his way to the kitchen singing 'We’ll Meet Again' as loudly as he could. Dipper, who was making breakfast, whirled around with a chill in his spine and didn't relax until Bill came into sight. “Morning!! I found your kids!!! Aren’t they adorable!!??” Bill asked, ruffling Rems hair affectionately, “My niblings.” he cooed.

“Yup, are you alright, um, after... That?”

“Never better!”

“He’s weird” Rom said, making a crazy motion with his finger and going cross-eyed. Dipper chuckled softly and made Rem some cereal, “He’s a Demon of chaos, of course he’s weird”

“I think he means weirder than usual Pine Tree! Now, I was promised caffle! Gimmie the goods!”

“Well, you haven’t changed one bit, also really? Caffle for breakfast?”

“I’m an adult! If I want caffle for breakfast I can!!” Bill pouted, “Pleeaaseeee?”

“Finneeee.”

Rom chuckled as Bill did a happy dance and cheered, “He’s coo coo bananas, I bet all that time alone made him a nutter” he said to his father. Dipper sighed, “He was already nutty, but yeah, he’s probably a lot more unstable now” he replied, making a face as he realized Bill was picking his nose, “Bill! Stop that! That’s disgusting!”

Bill screamed, “Where did you come from!?” he cried, covering his face with his hands and shaking like a leaf. He had zoned out, lost track of what he was doing and forgotten everything for a mere second as he had relaxed at the dining room table. Dipper walked over and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Hey, calm down, it’s just me, Dipper, remember?” Bill peered out from his arms and gingerly puts his hands back down as he came back into reality, “Oh... right, sorry... what were we doing?"

“You’re having caffle, remember?”

“Yes!” Bill cried, banging the table with a fist and making Rems bowl of cereal clatter, “You’ve grown since I last saw you, Dipstick”

“Yes?”

“You used to be shorter”

“Yes, I was 25 when I last saw you” Dipper replied, ignoring Rom’s snickering and making the boy some toast. Bill smirked, “How old are you now?”

“Not answering”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m older than I care to be” Dipper said, setting down a bowl in front of the fidgeting demon and ignoring Rom's jealous look. Bill squealed happily and scooped some up with his hand, the chocolate goodness making a mess of his fingers. Rem wrinkled his nose and pointed to the spoon sitting beside the bowl, “Do you not know how to use a spoon?”

“A spoon?”

“You use it to scoop.”

“Oooh! Sorry, forgot those existed” Bill replied, picking it up and eating his breakfast. Dipper gave him a cloth to wipe his hand on and the demon thanked him and took it from his hand, “So, where's Sixer? He still sleeping?”

“Bill... Sixer went away, remember? To the multiverse?”

“Right.... Forgot that too...”

Dipper sat down beside him, “How did you forget that? That’s the whole reason you went into lock down”

“My memories are all blarg right now, stasis does that...”

“I hope you get them back quickly... It would be miserable if you don’t”

“I know things, it’s just fuzzy, they’re returning, relax” Bill said, shoving a good spoonful of cake into his mouth, “So, who else is here?” he asked with his mouth full.

“Mabel and Luna are coming later on, Soos and melody live here, Wendy still lives in Gravity Falls, I heard she’s settled down now, still too scared to ask with whom, fingers crossed it’s not Robbie.”

“Mabel and Luna? Did they get married?”

“Yup!”

“And I’m guessing you and Paz did too... sorry for missing it, and the kids birth...”

“It’s fine, you were busy.”

Bill’s eyes suddenly glowed, and he flopped onto the table, his head hitting the surface hard. Rom squeaked and poked his head, “Is he okay!?”

“DIPPER!” Paz cried, the TV in the living room making audible noise as the woman turned it up. Dipper left Bill alone and hurried into the lounge, “What? What is it?”

“A large meteor was supposed to have missed earth about 9am, and it changed its course, but it just bounced off the planet!! We could have all died, but....”

“Excuse me for a second” Dipper said, rushing back to the kitchen and shaking Bill awake, “Bill! Wake up! That was amazing!” 

Bill opened his eyes and blinked one at a time, “Huh? What is it?” he asked, rubbing them tiredly. Dipper grinned at him, “You just saved Earth from a deadly meteor!”

“Mmhm”

“Is that normal for you? Being tired after?”

“Yeah... it’s why I went into stasis, so I could sleep and do my job at the same time”

“I see.”

The demon spooned more caffle into his mouth, his head leaning on the table, “That hurt...” he muttered, rubbing his head where a bruise was sure to form.

“Do you want some aspirin?”

“No, I’m good.”

By the time he had finished his breakfast, Bill had passed out at the table, the last spoonful of caffle halfway to his lips. Dipper removed the spoon from his fingers and put the bowl into the sink, “Alright then, time for bed” he said, chuckling as Bill replied with a loud snore. Paz smirked, “Aww, he’s asleep already? Did eating tire him out?”

“I’d say it was saving us from a meteor that did it”

“Whoa.”

“I know” Dipper said, hauling Bill up by his arms and dragging him back to the living room. The demon didn’t wake, but did whimper softly for Sixer. Paz frowned and sat down beside him, “Poor thing, he really misses him, doesn’t he?” I wonder what’s taking that man so long to return”

“Could be many things, knowing him... Its already been over ten years so I wouldn’t get my hopes up”

“You think he’s dead? But he’s immortal”

“Immortal isn’t the same as invincible, he could be dead... Maybe someone’s keeping him captive, like Preston did.”

Paz stroked the demons hair gently, “I hope not, Bill would rip apart time and space to get him back” she said, soothing the demon with soft words as he snuggled into her. Dipper grumbled softly, “I think Bill would know if Sixer’s dead, Demons have an uncanny way of knowing things.”

Rem sniffed loudly as he came into the living room, milk around his mouth and a tissue in his hands, “I told him he was dead, but Bill said he wasn’t” he spoke up, wiping his mouth and blowing his nose.

“Exactly my point. So, what do you two want to do today? We’ve got an entire forest full of magical creatures” Dipper explained, waiting till Rom had come in as well. The boy grinned, toast crumbs on his fingers as he wiggled all twelve of them. “Heck yeah! I want to see some werewolves!”

“I... Don’t think there're any werewolves”

“Laaaame.”

“There are however giant tree monsters, scamp fires, unicorns and invisible wizards... and the hide-behind”

“Neato!!”

Bill sat up quickly and made Paz gasp a little in surprise, “Imma come to, I need a smoke” he muttered, patting himself down for the small box, “Where are they?”

“I have no idea Bill” Dipper replied, returning his attention back to Rom “and I’ll say now, don’t get your hopes up for the unicorns, son, they’re jerks”

“Oh, that’s right, I quit smoking.... but I need one” the demon whined, looking around for anything that might resemble his box of cigarettes. Dipper smacked him over the head, “No, no smoking, remember what happened last time!”

“I neeeeeeeed”

“You really don’t, what if IQ came back and caught you? How would you feel then?”

“He won’t know! I’ll hide!”

“He’ll be an incredibly powerful Demon, I don’t think hiding is an option.”

Bill pouted and turned into his triangle form, floating up and settling down comfortably on Rom’s head. Rem giggled at the pouty demon, “Awww, you look so adorable like that!”

“Adorable” Rom agreed.

“I AM NOT ADORABLE!!” Bill screeched, his yellow body turning an angry shade of red. Paz chuckled and nudged Dipper as she handed him his jacket, “You are, and you know it, Bill, we’ve been over this” the man said, shrugging it on and kissing her cheek, "Thank you, Paz."

Bill sighed, “Lets just go do something fun before I pass out again.”

Dipper gave him a nod and opened the door, which Rim promptly ran through, his shoelaces barely tied. Bill held on for dear life, “WHOA THERE, COWBOY! SLOW DOWN! BABY ON BOARD!” he screamed. Rom laughed and came to a stop, only so his family could catch up to him. His father pointed to the woods, a look of nostalgia on his face and a navy blue book in his hands,  
  
“That direction and keep going till you find something weird.”

~

Bill pointed to something coming into focus nearby, “Stop! I see something!” he cried, patting Rom on the head so the boy would slow down on his running. Rom skidded to a stop and dug his feet into the earth, forgetting to keep a hold on Bill as he did so. The demon flew off his head and hit the ground front first, a small but muffled groan of pain issuing from his small body.

A woman with gray hair appeared in front of him and she leaned down and picked him up, “Whoa, what is this? Hey Luz? When did geometry become sentient in your dimension?”

“Uhh... never? Aww look at the wittle guy, he’s even cuter than King!” the shorter and more human looking female said as she also made an appearance. Eda laughed as King pouted angrily, “Hey! No-one can beat King, but this thing does come quite high on the list” she replied, spotting Dipper as the rest of them caught up, “Hey, you there! Fellow humans, because I am definitely human, you wouldn’t mind looking after this triangle for me, would you?”

“I WAS WITH THEM ANYWAY! PUT ME DOWN!” Bill cried, struggling in her grip. Luz and King gaped, “Whoa! He sounds like me!!” the collared demon cried, pointing a clawed finger at the triangle.

“Hmm, creepy.., I don’t think you two should touch each other... Just in case” Eda said, dropping Bill into Dippers arms. 

“Who are you?”

“I am Eda, the Owl Lady, this is Luz, and this is King” Eda replied, picking up the bony baby off the floor and snuggling him as King pushed at her face in distress. Rom frowned, “What would happen if they touched? I mean they sound the same, doesn’t mean much, does it?”

Dipper put a hand over his mouth, “Ignore my son, my name’s Dipper, this is Remus and Romulus, my sons. This is my wife Pacifica and the triangle here is Bill” Dipper interrupted, holding out his hand for her to shake.

Eda shook it and kneeled down to Rom’s height, “To answer your question, if you ever go to a parallel dimension, as a rule, NEVER touch your double... That’ll cause the dimension to collapse. I’ve never met a ‘Bill’ in my dimension, but the fact they sound the same suggests doubles- it’s better to be safe than dead.”

Bill peered at King, “He’s a demon?”

“You bet I am! I’m the King of demons!!”

There was silence for a bit before Bill burst into laughter, “You!? King!? WHA HA HA HA HA!”

“I am!! and you’re just a lowly subject under my rule!”

“LOWLY!? LOWLY!? HOW DARE YOU! I AM A GOD! I WILL DESTORY YOU!” Bill screeched, turning red with anger and floating out of Dippers arms. King scoffed, “A god? I’ll believe that when pigs fly!”

Bill launching himself at King and the small demon scurried into Eda’s hair with a squeak of terror, “Make him stop!” he cried, snuggling close to her scalp and trembling. Eda put out her hand, “Alright, enough, Bill, you’ve made my day. How’s about you come back to my dimension for some tea with your friends? You’ve impressed me with you skills in mockery, and scaring King.”

Bill halted his plan of attack, the Pines family breathing a sigh of relief as he did so, “Huh?”

“OH! CAN I COME TOO!?” Rom asked, excited about going to another dimension. Eda opened up her portal door and waved a hand at them to follow, “Sure, just don’t make a mess on the carpet.” she replied, waving them through one at a time. 

Luz tugged her sleeve, “Um, Eda? We don’t have tea?” she whispered to her mentor. Eda shushed her, “Then just give them hot apple-blood juice, it’s the same colour, they’ll never know” she whispered back.

**(A/N: sorry it's taken awhile to upload a new chapter and sorry it's short again, I'm still not 100%, tell me if you see any typos.)**


	34. The Owl House Part 2

"Your portal door, it's familiar" Bill said, floating through it grumpily as he adjusted his bow tie. Eda shrugged, "It's the only one like it, I don't know how it seems familiar, I guess you _do_ both have one eye" she replied, untangling King from her messy hair.

"I've seen it before though, I just can't remember where" Bill said, entering the living room and looking around. He spotted Kings demon-info board in the corner and floated over to it, taking a picture down that was hidden under the many images layered on the corkboard, "Hey, it's me! And you even drew my tentacle things"

King snatched it from his hands, "No, that's the Fearsome Beast, as old as the Egyptians of Luz's world! It has tentacles and is bigger than a house! You're a tiny triangle!"

"I do go by many forms, King"

"Oh?"

Bill changed into his human form and did a twirl, "Bam! Human!" he grinned, tapping King on the head with his cane and doing a little dance. Eda snorted, "Stay in that form, wouldja? Then I can see your expression if you're planning on nicking something"

"Why would I want your junk?"

"This stuff is not junk, it's antiques from the human realm!"

"It's junk. Oh! Is that tooth real gold?" Bill asked, coming over to inspect it. Eda pushed him away as his fingers pulled her lips back, "Yes, and don't you get any ideas, Goldy!"

"You gotta smoke?"

"No, I do not."

Bill grumped and sat down, "Damn... I need one. So, Eda, where did you find King? The pet store? What's with the collar?"

"No, I found him here in the Boiling Isles and took him in, little guy needed a place and I had space. The collar I'm not sure of, he's always had it."

Rem sat down on the floor now that his Grunkle was lounging on the sofa and taking up all the room. Thankfully, the carpet wasn't too dusty, and it allowed him to spot something hidden away underneath the couch as his twin and Luz tickled King nearby. He pulled it out carefully, mentally grimacing at the dust that covered his fingers. 

_Would it kill them to clean under the couch too?_

It was a book, old, dusty and beautiful. The item had obviously been here a very long time and had gone unaware by the house's occupants. On the front was a pair of black wings, and woven into the leather cover were blue flames, lapping around the pair of wings, and engulfing them. He opened the book to see what it could be about, the smudged writing inside the flap a profile of the author. The only part he could read was the first name and his eyes widen, "Icarus?" he whispered, remembering the story of the boy who had flown too close to the sun.

He glanced at the other texts and flicked through the book as he read. It listed unique character traits, do's and don't for dealing with 'Icarus' and right at the back of the book was a spell on how to summon him.

_So, this Icarus was a demon?_

He looked around to make sure no one was watching and slipped the book into the inside of his pocket, pretending as if he hadn't just stolen it and acting normal. "So tell me, Bill, how did a soul sucking Demon become protector of Earth?" Eda asked, a smirk on her face and a twinkle in her eyes.

"You heard? Ughh... shit happened, blah blah, Axl offered me the job, I took it"

"You went soft"

"Yup, Bills changed a lot, he's family now" Dipper mused, ruffling Bills hair with a chuckle. The demon growled and fixed his hair back, "Yeah yeah, you don't need to go telling everyone, at least let me keep my rep in this dimension, Dipstick"

"Sooofttt" Eda cooed.

**"I AM NOT SOFT!"**

The Owl Lady put her hands up in surrender, "Alright, you're not soft, your mister tough guy.... yeesh, demons are all the same" she muttered, leaning against Hooty as he sniffed around for bugs. Bill turned into his true form and clung to Rem's face like an octopus, making small noises of sadness until the boy patted him reassuringly. King hurried over to them, "So, how many forms do you have?" he asked, sitting down excitedly as if ready to learn something new.

Bill unstuck himself, "Many! Here, let me show you some I haven't used in a looooooong time" he replied, shifting into strange ones even Dipper hadn't seen before, one after the other. One form made Eda's gasp, but she made no move to say anything until he had finished.

"My personal favorite is the cat" Dipper piped up.

"Really? Cause I'm soft and fluffy?"

Eda stepped forward, staff out and looking madly at the small demon (back into his triangle form) now climbing up Rems leg like a rock-climbing wall, "Bill?" she spoke up, her voice shaking a bit. Bill's pupil flicked towards her as he sat down on his niblings knee and made himself comfortable, "Yes?"

"A long time ago you didn't happen to put a curse on someone involving owls?"

"How long ago? I used to put curses on a lot of people, you know, for the hell of it"

"About forty years, right here in the Boiling Isles."

Bill made a thinking face and then paled, "Oooh, heh, whoops?"

"IT WAS YOU!" The Owl Lady screeched, grabbing him like one would grab a squeaky toy and throwing him across the room as hard as she could. Bill screamed as he flew through the air, the demon changing into his human-form half way. He hit the wall face first and fell to the floor, blood spurting from his broken nose. He quickly turned around so he could avoid anymore damage to his face, his hand trying to staunch the flow, "Oww... " he whined, "There's no need to beat the shit out of me!"

"Get him Eda!" King cried, hurrying to the kitchen to make popcorn so he could have a snack and enjoy the show. Eda sauntered forward and grabbed Bill by the collar of his shirt, kicking him in the side as Dipper grabbed the twins and kept them back. Bill shrieked in pain and tried to run, but Hooty tied him up in his long body, and kept him still.

_"Hey! I'm sorry, okay!? I'll fix it! Just please don't hurt me anymore!!!"_

Eda stopped her attack and stepped back, panting a little as the malice left her eyes for a few moments, "You're damn right you'll fix it! Now snap those fingers and get removing!" she cried, aiming Owlbert at his broken face. Bill gulped, "It won't undo with a simple snap!!" he cried, his eyes going cross-eyed as he kept a watch on the weapon being brandished in front of his face.

"Hooty? Untie him"

"Aww, I wanted to feel included" The house demon whined, making sad hooting noises as he returned to his door and kept guard. Eda raised an eyebrow at Bill as the male stood to his feet and looked at her nervously, blood still dripping through his fingers, "Well? I haven't got all day, Goldy, what's the counter curse?"

"I'll have to go into your mind."

~

Eda sat down on the sofa per his request, Bill floating in front of her face, "I need you to hold still, okay?"

"Just hurry up" Eda seethed, crossing her legs and leaning back into the cushions. Bill sighed and floated out his physical form, Dipper catching the triangular stone statue before it could fall to the floor. Rem and Rom watched the shadow of their Honorary-Grunkle dive into Eda's mind, the woman flailing and jerking much like Stan had done.

Rom grinned as Eda went still, "Wicked!"

~

Bill appeared at the start of the owl-themed corridor, where doors, much like the ones the detention track used at Hexside, were stationed all over the place. From the floor to the ceiling, and the walls themselves, the doors curved and flowed down the long corridor like a patched up cloak. Eda appeared beside him and the demon looked up at her, shifting and wriggling like a worm in the dark form she remembered from her memories.

"Follow me" he said, slithering away with his eyes like headlamps.

Eda followed nervously, looking around at the doors as they passed them. Many were recognizable, such as her bedroom door from when she had been little. She knew the Hexside doors would have been her school memories, bathroom incidents, detention, pranks, Grudgby and mischief had surrounded her daily school life. Her portal door to the human realm was there too, no doubt the memory of when she had first acquired it.

"So uh, what are we looking for?"

Bill sighed, "I don't know, but I'll know it when I see it."

~

It seemed like hours before they came across a golden Owl, pecking at the floor as if food was scattered there. Bill stopped, "There it is" he whispered, gesturing to it with his tail and keeping the woman back. Eda looked at it curiously, "Now what?" she whispered back.

The Owl looked up as it heard them, its gold feathers turning red, then black, before it grew in size and roared at the two intruders. Bill made a small gulp noise, "Run!" he cried, slithering away like a coward. Eda grabbed him by the tail, "Oh no you don't!" she exclaimed, throwing him at the beast, "Restrain it!"

Bill wrapped himself around the sentient curse, "Now what!!??"

"GET RID IF IT DUMMY!"

"USE YOUR OWN MAGIC! I GAVE THE CURSE! YOU DEFEAT IT! IT'S HOW MY CURSES WORK!"

Eda huffed and held out her staff once more, spinning it around till the golden circle spun with magic. The Owl screeched as the wave of power descended on itself and sent it hurtling backwards, Bill thankfully having let go before the blast had hit him. 

Eda struck again and again, the golden owl shrinking and screeching in pain, till it finally was small enough to be crushed under someone's foot, and crush it she did. Strange symbols appeared upon her, melting off her skin and disappearing for good as a feeling of freedom coursed through her mind. The Owl Lady breathed a sigh of relief and picked up Bill, booting him out of her mind with a kick of her shoe. The demon screamed as he was hurtled out of Eda's head, flying back into his physical form and toppling out of Dipper's hands.

He landed on the floor with a squeaky toy noise and groaned.

Luz giggled, "Aw, he makes cute wittle noises!"

Eda gasped for air and sat up, rubbing her eyes as King leapt at her for cuddles, happy she was okay. Eda scooped him and hugged him back, "I'm okay, King, it's gone, the curse is gone."

Bill groaned and flopped over onto his back, "I'm not going to thank you, Bill, because you're the one who gave me it, but I do appreciate that you fixed it" Eda said, giving Luz a smile as the girl hugged her too. Bill gave her a quiet thumbs up from where he lay, then proceeded to change into his human form and rush outside to puke, "Can we go home now?" he asked, wiping his mouth on his sleeve once he'd returned. Dipper nodded, "That would be a good idea, kids need lunch and I need coffee" he said, ushering the twins back to the portal door as Eda opened it for them.

"But we haven't served tea yet" Luz cried, feeling a bit sad her new friends would be going so soon. Bill patted her head, "You don't have any tea, but thanks for the offer, here" he handed her a book, "This is an Azura prequel, only found in one dimension and none of the others, consider it a gift."

Luz squealed and hugged him so hard, Bill was surprised his eyeballs didn't pop out his head, "N-No problem" he wheezed, passing Eda another book once the human girl had let him go. The Owl Lady took it and raised an eyebrow, "A book of hexs? Thanks"

"No problem."

"Oh! Me! Do me! I want a gift!" King cried, bouncing around Bills ankles excitedly. Bill kneeled down and summoned a crown, made of real gold and real gems, "Every King needs his crown" he said simply, placing it on his head. King squealed almost as loudly as Luz, "You're a good servant" he said, his eyes kawaii as he examined his gift. Bills eye twitched, but he didn't correct the demon. If Kings delusions made him happy, so be it. 

Dipper chuckled and waved him over, the group disappearing through the door, but not before Bill gave Eda a wink and a wave goodbye. Eda watched them go and leaned back, "If that Bill comes back, I wouldn't mind helping myself, if you know what I mean" she snorted, wiggling her eyebrows at Luz and King as they two poured over their gifts lovingly. King stuck out his tongue at her and Luz grimaced, prompting Eda to snort laugh and head to the kitchen.

~

Paz had made them all grilled cheeses for lunch, the steamy pile sitting smack dab in the middle of the table and waiting for them on their return. Rom squealed with delight and grabbed the ketchup bottle, covering his share in the red liquid. Dipper snatched the bottle from his son as the sandwich was lost under the redness, "Rom, not again! What did I tell you? That's too much!"

"But its goood!"

"Really? Do you honestly think you need that much?" Rem asked, dipping his respectively into a small bowl of ketchup his mother had placed beside his plate.

"Yes!"

Dipper sighed and made a mental note to buy an industrial size bottle of ketchup just for Rom for Christmas. If his sister could get industrial sprinkles here in Gravity Falls, so could he with the ketchup.

Bill picked at his lunch, feeling tired and wanting to go to bed, he hurt all over and still felt nauseous. "Can I go to bed?" he asked, putting down the barely touched ham and cheese sandwich back on his plate. Dipper nodded, "Of course, where would you like to sleep?"

"My room? Do I even have a room?"

"Of course, follow me."

Bill stood up and followed after Dipper, heading down the hall and to the back room. There, beautifully carved and made of real wood, was Stanford's bedroom door. Dipper unlocked it and twisted the handle, a very dusty room within, familiar and old, and the curtains drawn, "This is my room?" he asked, stepping in and looking around. 

Dipper nodded, "Yours and Sixers"

"Where is Sixer? Is he here? Can I see him?"

"No, he's out, I told you this"

"When is he coming back?"

"I don't know, Bill, get some rest, okay? Mabel is coming soon, and Luna."

Bill nodded and went over to the bed, examining the covers before he flopped onto them, and unsettled the dust. With a snap the dust disappeared, and everything appeared clean and orderly, as if Ford and Bill had never left it. Dipper smiled sadly and came over to tuck him in as the demon scurried under the covers and closed his eyes. 

"Sweet Nightmares, Bill"

"Yeah... thanks..."

~

While Paz and Dipper were cleaning up from lunch, the two made plans for that evening. "What are we making for dinner tonight? Or are we buying it?" he asked, slotting the now clean cutlery into the drawer once he had dried them off.

"Making dinner, staying in" Paz said, handing him a clean plate, fresh from being scrubbed. Dipper took it and dried it off with the tea towel, "Don't forget about Bill, the third kid we have to feed."

Paz smirked and nodded, "I won't."

"His memories are still chaotic, he has his moments"

"What do you mean?"

"He keeps asking when Ford will be back, and thinking he's here, when he's not, he's like a dementia patient"

"Poor thing, let's hope Ford comes home soon, yeah?"

"Yeah..."

~

"So, what do we call him? Cause Grunkle Bill sounds kind weird."

Rem shook his head in agreement, "Lets just call him Uncle Bill"

"That sounds much better! But isn't that a store?" Rom replied, picking some bread out of his teeth as he followed his twin back to their room. Rem's eyebrows furrowed, "Huh?"

"Uncle Bills, it's a store, google it. Anyway, I know you took something from Edas place, Remus" he said, tapping his brother on the back as they entered the attic bedroom. Remus spun around, a look of shock on face, "What? No! I didn't!" he cried.

"Liar, just tell me, I won't tell no one"

".... Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to not die."

Rem sighed and went over to his bed, pulling the book he had found out from under the mattress itself. Rom's eyes widened at the cover, "What is that?" he asked, his voice in an amazed whisper.

"I think its a diary."


	35. Not All Who Wander Are Lost

ater that afternoon, Mabel and Luna arrived, pulling up in their bright pink 2010 Volkswagen Beetle. Dipper hadn't heard the car pull up and the loud noises that followed next made him jump in fright, "BRO! OPEN UP!" his sister yelled, knocking on the door with a persistent bang, "I KNOW YOU'RE THERE! I CAN SEE THAT AWFUL FAMILY CAR YOU THOUGHT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO BUY!"

Dipper grumped as Paz snickered softly beside him from where they were sitting on the sofa, watching some TV, "She's right you know, I told you it was awful"

"It's efficient!! It doesn't need to look fancy!" her husband cried, standing up to go let Mabel in. He opened the door with a grumpy look, noticing Luna behind the girl, "Hey sis, long time no see."

"Dipper!" Mabel squealed, leaping onto him and hugging him in a death-like grip, "It's good to see you again to, bro bro." she added, allowing Luna to come inside and greet Pacifica. Both of them looked up as they heard the thundering of feet and the next thing Mabel knew Romulus and Remus had pounced, "AUNTY MABEL!" they cried, giggling as she cuddled them, "Rom Rom, Remu!" she cooed back, digging in her bag for treats to gift her nephews. 

The two took the candy she offered them and raced off to go inspect their haul and trade if necessary. Dipper watched them go with a smile and turned back to his twin, "Guess whose back"

"Who?"

"Bill, he's currently asleep right now, but yeah, he's back."

Mabel looked slightly disappointed that it wasn't her Grunkle Ford, but brightened up before anyone could notice, "So uh, how is he?"

"Not in his right mind after being in stasis for so long, but we're getting there. He saved us from a deadly meteor this morning. His eyes glowed, and he just flopped forward and hit his head on the kitchen table."

Mabel snorted, "Wow, so uh, what's for dinner, we kinda skipped lunch getting here" she said, gesturing to Luna as the woman went back to the car to grab their things. Dipper looked over at Paz, "What's for dinner? Mabel wants to know"

"Curry"

"Are you going to make it spicy?"

"No, Rem will have a fit and Rom will declare it's not spicy enough. I'll put the chili powder and hot sauce on the table and you can all add your own level of spice to it." Paz answered, heading to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Bill came trailing into the living room after she had left, rubbing his eyes tiredly and his blonde hair stuck up at one end, "What's with all the noise?" he asked, looking around at all the people in confusion. Mabel raced over and hugged him happily, "Bill! It's good to see you again!"

The demon blinked in shock, "Mabel? Wow, look at you! All grown up!" he exclaimed, hugging her back. Mabel chuckled, "Of course I did silly, I'm not immortal like you"

"I heard dinner was being discussed. What is it?"

"Curry" Paz called from the kitchen, the sound of pots, pans, and food ingredients being sorted audible. 

_Dinner would be an hour away at the most._

"Sounds good, is Sixer back yet?" Bill asked. Mabel frowned as the demon looked around, a smile on his face as if expecting to see Stanford among them. It made her heart break and her smile disappear, "No Bill..." she whispered, "He isn't, he's been away for a very long time."

Dipper made Bill sit down on the sofa, "I told you he wasn't here yet, remember?"

"Oh... he's not? I'm sorry, I keep forgetting...."

"It's fine, just stay sitting down, yeah? Paz will bring you some dinner when it's ready."

~

"Curry's done!" Paz called, bringing out a large pot carefully into the dining room. Bill looked up from his seat and smiled sadly as she set it onto the table, "Yay..." he muttered, waving one of his hands around pathetically as if his muscles were too weak. 

Rom was already at the table, his foot jittering impatiently and the bottle of hot sauce beside him. His mother set a clean bowl down in front of her son just as Bill sat down, and ladled a good amount of food into it for him, "Wow, Paz, who knew years of being served by servants would make you a good cook" Bill said, sniffing at his portion as it spilled into the white ceramic bowl she passed him.

Paz smacked him with the wooden spoon she had been using to stir the curry and gave him a grumpy look, "I spent twelve years perfecting it while you snored in that crystal of yours"

"Yeesh, touche."

"Remus! Hurry up and come eat!" Paz screeched, tapping her foot till Rem appeared and sat down beside his twin, now pouring as much hot sauce as he could onto his meal. Bill watched him with a grossed out expression and looked up at Paz in distress, "There's something wrong with your child, he's not normal" the demon said, grimacing as Rom took a huge bite and grinned, "This is good, Mom! Thanks!"

"Obviously" Dipper said, coming in and passing his sons a cup pf water each, "Have you seen his hands?"

"Yeah... I have" Bill replied, looking down at his bowl with a frown. Dipper mentally kicked himself while his wife glared at him for saying such words. Mabel sighed, "How about an early night, mister Bill? I'll make you a hot chocolate before bed, yeah?"

"With marshmallows and whipped cream?"

"Absolutely."

Bill gave her a watery smile and Mabel reached over and wiped away the tears falling down his face, "I'll dissolve an entire chocolate bar into it for you"

"You're the best"

"I'm Mabel, of course I am, now if you're done pulling a pity party, follow me to the land of nod and hot chocolate."

"Land of nod?" Bill asked, standing up from the table and pushing his bowl away, "Is that another dimension?"

Rom giggled.

Mabel shrugged, "You could say that, but you can only visit it when your asleep"

Bill frowned, "You're scaring me" he replied.

"Why?" Rom asked, "When we all fall asleep, where do we go?"

"It doesn't matter." the demon said quickly, allowing Mabel to take his hand, "I just meant for you to rest. Come on, I'm sure it's been a long day." she said, leading him out of the dining room and back to Fords room, where she pulled the blankets back and tucked Bill in once he had slipped under.

With Mabel making sure Bill was extra comfy in his bed, Rom mixed in a good helping of hot sauce into her meal, "When she comes back her mouth's going to burn!!" he cried evilly, his father pretending he hadn't seen him do it as he smiled knowingly.

Rem nodded, "If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen, jack"

"My name's Romulus"

"It's a saying, idiot"

"Oh."

Mabel walked in and smiled, "He's all settled in" she confirmed, taking a spoonful of curry and sitting down to eat her dinner properly. Rom leaned back in his seat to watch her reaction as she chewed, getting thoroughly disappointed as she turned her head to look at him, "Doesn't it taste hot?" he asked.

"Foolish Mortal, you have underestimated my powers" his Aunty replied, eating a bit more as Rom gasped, "How!?"

"Fear me!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"S'not fair!"

Mabel laughed and ruffled his hair as his mother refilled his bowl for him, "Nice try, kiddo, but I've been downing spicy food since I was little, that and sugary things. I have a good tolerance now." she said, returning to the kitchen to make Bill his drink once she had finished her meal.

~

Rem got out of bed early the next morning and grabbed the Journal from under his mattress. With a glance at his still sleeping twin, he left the room and made for the only empty one in the house.

The one with the stained glass window. 

The morning sun was shining through it and casting a red glow across the floor. It was raining outside from what he could see, the light shower drumming against the old house and not yet seeping through the cracks like it would when it was heavy. Bill had also gotten up early and had sniffed out the boy, following after him in his cat form to be quiet, and not making a sound as his padded peets hurried across the floor. 

His nibling sat down by the boxes and opened the Journal once he was comfy enough on the hardwood flooring. Bill watched from behind the boxes, tail flicking from side to side curiously as Rem pulled out a navy blue journal from under his shirt. 

Footsteps sounded moments later and Rem looked up as his twin appeared in the doorway, "Hey bro, are you in here? What are you doing up so early?" Rom asked, trying to spot the well hidden Rem among all the junk. Rem slammed the book shut and stuffed it into his shirt, "N-Nothing" he stuttered, adjusting his eye patch nervously. Rom came over once he had located him, and sat down beside him, looking around at the room, "What are you doing in here?"

"Just thinking, what's up?"

"I thought you'd be sleeping in a day like this, you love rainy mornings"

"I do, I'll go back to bed."

Rom stopped him as he made to stand, his hand around his wrist, "You know you can tell me anything, so whatever you're up too, I wanna help, I won't tell, pinky promise." he said, holding up his pinky finger to him.

Rem sighed and took it, sealing the deal, "Pinky promise" he agreed, pulling out the book from its hiding place, "So, uh, the book talks of a Demon that grants knowledge, advice... Makes incredibly powerful deals, each deal is listed here, and at the back there's a spell to summon it... The Demon's name is Icarus"

"Ooo, Neato! I want to make a wish! We should summon him!"

"No, a deal, not a wish, we have to give something in exchange... besides, what do you even want?"

"Candy! And _lots_ of it!"

Bill pretended he hadn't heard all of that and came out from behind the boxes, weaving himself around Rem's ankles, "Morning my little niblings"

"Morning Uncle Bill, feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you."

Rom picked him up and scratched him behind the ears, "Kitty!" he giggled, cuddling him happily. Bill purred loudly and nuzzled Rom's face with his, earning a delighted squeal from the six-fingered boy. Rem sighed again, "Remember Romulus, we can't make hasty decisions, I'll see you at breakfast" he said, walking out the door and returning to bed. Rom stood up and let Bill back down, "Come on then, let's go see if Mom and Dad are awake, I'm starving!"

"Do you think they'll make pancakes?"

"I hope so, Uncle Bill, I really hope so."

~

Dipper groaned as he heard the chatter of his children and nudged Paz as he rolled onto his side, “Wake uuuppp... I hear the kids..” he mumbled sleepily, smacking her with his hand as he attempted to get her to go sort it. In response Paz pushed him out the bed, “So?” she replied, snickering as her husband landed on the floor with a thud.

“Ow... fine, _I’ll_ make them breakfast” Dipper growled, standing up and getting dressed. Paz rolled over and snuggled under the blankets more, a sleepy and _very_ smug smile on her face, “Thank you dear.”

Dipper headed down the stairs once he was tidy and ushered his kids and the furry Bill into the kitchen, “Breakfast time! What will it be?” he asked, pulling out the fry pan from the cupboards. Rem and Rom looked at each other and grinned, “Pancakes!!!” they cried, both of them bouncing in their seats excitedly.

_It wasn't often their father would treat them to pancakes._

Dipper chuckled and set to work, cooking up some bacon for them too, “I better be getting some of that” Bill spoke up, weaving between Dippers legs till the man fed him the trimmings, “You will, don’t worry” he reassured, setting a plate down onto the table and adding pancakes to it as he cooked them one after the other.

Once the stack was big enough he let them dig in, Bill and the kids eating about eight pancakes each and a hefty amount of bacon before they declared themselves full. After making sure there were plenty of leftovers for the others, Dipper sat down to chat with his family about the day. 

“So, what are we doing today? Or is it too wet?” the demon asked, leaning back in his chair and nibbling on a single slice of bacon as he patted his full stomach contently. “Can we stay inside?” Rem asked, pushing the crumbs left behind on Rom's plate neatly to the side. Dipper nodded, “Probably for the best, I still have work to do, so you'll have to entertain yourselves today.”

“Mom said you can’t keep working during our holidays, you have to spend time with us and stuff”

“How about _I_ spend time with you?” Bill suggested.

“Good idea” Dipper replied, "You can get to know each other, I’m sorry guys, I really am. I will spend lots of time with you later, but I’m really busy right now”

“But your work is lame, dad” Rom whined.

“Hey! I’m a demon! Spending time with me should be _way_ more fun!” Bill protested, giving Dipper a nod as the man left the kitchen to get started. Rom pouted, “Suppose hanging out with a demon would be cooler, so Rem? Are we gonna do that thing today?”

“The book thing? Are you guys going to summon that other demon?”

“How do you know about that?” Rem asked, a worried expression on his face. Bill grinned and tapped his temple with a finger, “I can read minds”

“You can!?”

“Oh! Oh! What am I thinking now?” Rom asked, looking very constipated as he concentrated on a single word inside his mind. Bill snorted, “Farts!” he replied, rolling his eyes just as hard as Rem as Rom burst into laughter, “Correct!”

Bill chuckled and held out his hand for the book, “Now, let me see what we need.”


	36. A Demon's Promise

"A mug of coffee? Really?" Rem asked, peering over Bills shoulder to read the ingredient listed on the pages. Bill chuckled and snapped it shut, dust and the scent of mold saturating his nostrils, "Trust me, that isn't the weirdest thing demons have used in their summoning circles."

"What was that other thing, a book written by Nicola Tesla? Who is this guy!?"

Rom snorted, "Look who's talking!"

"Oi! If I was a demon, I wouldn't be going and putting coffee and books into my circle!"

"Then what would you put?"

"I don't know! But not nerd stuff!"

"Says the nerd."

The twins argument was put on hold as Bill lifted them up into the air with magic and tucked the book under his arm, "We can do this upstairs, in the attic room" he explained, ignoring Rem's protests as he tried to swim down.

"Put me down! I didn't give you permission to levitate me!"

"Nope!"

~

"It's strange, this demon must be some kind of weirdo to want these things as offerings" Bill muttered, drawing the chalk circle that had been inked onto the yellowed pages. Rem watched him from the sidelines, "Well it does say in the book he mainly grants wisdom and knowledge, so I'm not surprised."

"Yeah, but coffee? Don't you find that a little weird?" Rom asked, poking his twin in the shoulder. Rem rubbed his arm, "Maybe he doesn't sleep?" he questioned. Bill scoffed and handed Rem the book, taking off his eye patch for him and tucking it into his pocket, "Just do the spell, Remus"

"What? Why me!?"

"Because I said so."

Rem grumped and looked down at the spell, his eyes flickering over the text as he sort to memorize it first. He opened his mouth once he was confident he had it and repeated the words, a high-pitched whine emitting in the air like an impending storm. Rom shivered, feeling a bit cold all of a sudden as he rubbed his arms to get rid of the chill. 

Bill stood in front of them, just in case they could get hurt from whoever was planning to appear. The circle lit up the room as Rem continued, and a blinding flash made it brighter. Rem and Rom shielded their eyes despite the fact the light's colour was black, and waited.

Meanwhile, Icarus was floating in a bubble inside his bedroom, suspended in the air like a balloon drifting in the breeze. He could feel a pulling sensation, almost like magnetism, and he popped the bubble; floating down to the floor of the dorm room and walking out.

There was no-one around, and he had a suspicion they were all respectively eating their lunches without him.

_It was nothing new._

All his peers stayed away from him because on the whole Bill was right, he was now one of the most powerful Demons in the institution. He had top grades in all his subjects and had gained many a badge and award for his magic use. The other demons feared him and never let him explain that he was nice before they would apologize for getting in his way and rush off.

He sighed and walked across the grounds, the silver rock paths and multicolored spires of the buildings creating an interesting contrast of rainbow colours. But that meant it only made him stand out more in the abnormal. He was wearing mostly black and his wings were the same dark colour. The scars on his body had turned into a galaxy pattern, shifting under his clothes as he moved about. He had kept the tattoos as well, and swinging from his neck with pride was Bills necklace, reminding him of the end goal, reminding him he had someone waiting for him at home.

He made it to the middle of the grounds and summoned a portal, a few other Demons looking on curiously as he pulled out a book and flicked to the day's date. There was a message from the board saying that this would be one of his last few missions, but other than that it was empty.

He smiled and checked the dimension he was going to, making sure it wasn't a prank summons as it wasn't uncommon to get one. Kids liked to be stupid and summon demons during sleepovers and hang outs. Teaching them a lesson had been what led to many a horror story being written, and movies being made.

"Dimension 46'\"

That sounded so familiar, like he knew it, like he had been there before. But, by now he had been to too many a dimension, and the names and numbers had become lost to him, as well as what experiences went with them. He focused on the tug, disappearing with a flash from the school grounds.

He appeared in a flash of light, his wings spread out and his posture straight and strict. Piercing blue eyes looked down at the three, scanning the room and the beings in mere seconds to make sure it was safe for him. The fire dimmed down to nothing as he accepted he was safe, and he tucked his arms behind him.

**"What have you summoned me for?"**

Bill's eyes widened more, golden whites meeting the calm blue ones of the demon before them. Rom swallowed thickly, "Um, we h-had some w-wishes" he spoke up, trying to wave away the silence with his voice. Ford made eye contact with Bill and froze, suddenly realizing why this dimension felt so familiar, "I grant deals, not wishes, young one."

_"Sixer..."_

Everyone went quiet again as Bill's voice spilled out as a mere whisper, sounding shocked and on the verge of tears. Ford smiled and held out his arms, and the golden demon leapt into them, sobbing uncontrollably and clinging to Stanford with the intention of never letting go. Ford started crying himself as the emotions bubbled up inside himself and his wings folded around the skinny male and pulled him closer in a crushing hug.

Rom raised an eyebrow, very confused, "Uh, what's going on?"

Rem shrugged, "Guess they know each other?"

"S-Sixer... you're h-home, you're finally home! I missed you so much!" Bill sobbed, his boyfriend stroking his hair as he buried his face into the man's neck. Ford smiled sadly, drawing in a shaky breath as he fought to reign in his tears, "I am, I am, I missed you too, I'm so so sorry, I'm back, Bill, it's going to be okay... I promise."

The twins' eyes widened at the nickname, this demon they had summoned was their other demon uncle! "Don't leave me, ever again!" Bill sobbed.

"I won't...."

The yellow-haired male sniffled and turned his head to the twins, his eyes ringed red and a twinkle to his eyes that hadn't been there before, "Stanford, this is Remus and Romulus, Dippers kids, our niblings."

Still hugging Bill, Ford walked over to the two and kneeled down, offering a hand to them with a kind smile, "Remus and Romulus, that's an interesting set of names. Romulus and Remus were twin brothers who founded of the city of Rome. Although Romulus did kill his brother..."

Remus cringed, not very amused by this bit of information, he would be speaking to his parents about the name choice later. However, Rom just gaped at the thing in front of him, not really caring what they had named him for. 

_This demon was barely human looking and wanting a hand shake?_

He looked down at the offered hand and gasped, "Sixer!" he cried, his eyes taking in the six-fingers, "Like me!" he added, shaking his hand with gusto and holding it up when he was done to show him.

"You have six fingers as well?" Ford asked.

"Yup! And six toes too! But I wear shoes, so you won't see them that much."

"You have six toes!?" Bill cried, letting go of Ford to grab the boy by the foot and tug off one of his shoes. Rom cried out in shock and struggled, "No! No looking!" he exclaimed. But Bill had already yanked off the shoe and pulled off the sock.

Rom wiggled his toes, "Whoa..." his uncle whispered. Ford rolled his eyes, "I do to, Bill, I'm surprised you haven't noticed" he replied, taking off his shoes to show him. 

Bill gaped again, "HOW DID I I NOT SEE THIS!?"

Rom laughed, "Cause your coo coo bananas!" he replied, pushing his twin forward so he could stop being so shy and introduce himself. Rem held out his hand nervously, "My name's Remus, I uh, freed Bill, which is why he's here, and I found your journal too..." he said quietly, the golden eye looking away. Ford shook his hand, "What do you mean by freed?" he asked, looking over at Bill who was quickly trying to exit the room, "Who wants caffle!"

Ford dragged him back with magic, "Freed. Escaped, implying imprisonment. Who do I need to burn?"

"N-No one!!! I um... I kind of went into stasis for a few years..."

"What?! Years?! Bill, I told you... what did I make you promise?? Wait- you couldn't get free?? How dare you!"

"I was protecting the Earth! It was a tiring job, stasis kept my body rested!"

"Yeah!" Rom piped up, "After Rem broke through, Dad had to cut his tentacles' cause he had them under the ground and alllll around the world! He saved us from a meteorite!"

"And he's lowered the crimes rate to an all-time low" Rem interjected. Ford took a deep breath, "I... that... you made a connection of tentacles all over the world?" he asked, looking down at Bill in shock. 

Bill nodded, "Yeah, it's still there."

"Tentacles,"

"Yup"

"The ones you used to suck out people's souls?"

"Yup."

Ford pulled him back into a hug.

"I kept my deal, kept the Earth safe, kept myself safe, kept everyone safe," Bill said, his voice a bit muffled by Fords shirt, "Heck, I even at-"

"Oh no, not again" Rem whined, watching Bills eyes glow and his body go limp. Ford caught him as he slipped from his arms, a worried expression on his face, "Does he always do this?"

"I'm guessing when something on Earth is in danger and lives are also in danger, he goes to fix it, leaving his body partially. He's still there, only he's not"

"He's going into the Mindscape then, that's fine-"

Bill suddenly bolted upright and gasped for air, "Holy shit!" he cried, making Rom gasp and Ford almost topple over.

"You swore!" the boy declared, pointing an accusing finger.

"Oops?"

"What happened? What's wrong?" Ford asked quickly. Bill looked around worriedly, "It's the Nightmare Realm.... it's collapsing, and when it does, Earth's going to suffer too! This is all my fault!!" he whined, tugging his hair in distress. Ford blinked, "Why would Earth suffer?"

"I merged it with the Nightmare Realm at some point, which means it's still connected!"

"So do we disconnect it and let it crumble? Or put up a barrier?"

"Lets see, the only way for it to actually be connected is... the portal!!!"

"Yes, I left it running just in case, but it's all shielded off and feeds into my magic, not the mains. Rem, can you go and get Dipper for me, please?"

Rem nodded and hurried off to go retrieve his father, Rom following at a quicker pace and running smack bang into the wall instead. Bill grabbed Stanford's arm before the man could check he was okay and teleported to the lab, "I can still feel a connection, the roots warned me. We need to make something to disconnect it from the Nightmare Realm. If it's still connected, it poses a risk and threat!"

"Hmmm... Oh! I know! A long time ago I visited a parallel dimension. They had the portal running and used something called a Dimensional Vortex Neutralizer, to make sure it didn't feed into the Nightmare Realm and become unstable"

"Genius!" Bill squealed, kissing him happily on the mouth. Ford blushed, "Not really, I mean, I invented it. But it was a different version of me who invented it"

"You can still so it, right?"

"Of course I can build it, it's just a matter of time..."

"You have time, a few days in fact, the roots gave me a warning."

"Did you quadrupedal check?"

Bill made a thinking face and counted on his fingers as he muttered, "You have three days"

"Three days to save the world? Get me a pencil, paper and industrial coffee, and we're good to go."

~

Rem tugged his father into the room, looking around for Ford and Bill as his twin sat down on one of the boxes with a bleeding nose, "I swear they were just in here, where did they go?" he cried in annoyance. Dipper eyed the half drunk coffee on the floor and walked over to check on Rom, "You're sure Ford came back, he's become pretty unmistakable" he said, pulling a tissue out his pocket and plugging his son's nose.

"Yes!"

Bill appeared in front of him and grinned, "Howdy hoe neighbourino. Ford's in the lab, saving the world, he has three days, so best not to bother him, k?" 

The young man blinked, slowly processing the roller coaster of information as he tried not to have a heart attack, "Yeah, nah. I don't care if he has to save the world, I haven't seen my Grunkle in years, so tough" he replied, racing down to the lab as fast as he could. Bill picked up Rem and Rom and raced after him, the twins giggling as Bill tucked them under his arms and ran after their father in his socks, "The Nightmare Realm is going to collapse and destroy Earth in three days, Dipper! Let the man do his job!!!"

"I'll be two minutes!" Dipper replied, running into the portal room and almost tripping over a stack of paper. There was paper everywhere, covering the walls and floors. Whiteboards hovered around the room, covered in words, and Stanford himself was floating in front of one and writing on it in his loopy handwriting.

"Grunkle Ford?"

Ford turned around and caught sight of him, dropping his marker in shock "Dipper!" he smiled happily and floated over to hug him, so happy to see his Great Nephew, "Look at you! So grown up!"

"Yeah, I'm getting older...."

"Nothing to me sad about, Mason, it's life."

Bill finally made it, huffing and puffing as he took a seat, "Maybe I should get a couple of those pig backpacks Mabel had for her pet pig. Then I could carry both of you and save my arms the hassle" he whined, out of breath and exhausted from the manual chase.

He snapped his fingers, and the pouches appeared on his front and back, both his nibling inside, "There" he muttered, Rem at the front and Rom on his back. 

"I'm a baby!" Rom cried, waving his arms happily and giggling while his brother pouted. 

"I don't like this" Rem grumbled.

"Aw, is the wittle baby upset?" Bill cooed, booping his nose and avoiding a savage bite to his fingers as Rem growled in anger. Dipper chuckled, "So, you're saving the world again? What from?" he asked, changing the subject to what was at hand. Ford floated over the whiteboard he had been working on, "The Nightmare Realm is collapsing, and it's collapsing into our dimension, I'm creating a Dimensional Vortex Neutralizer to move the portal so it severs the link."

"WHICH GRUNKLE FORGOT TO HUG HIS NIECE" Mabel screamed, entering the lab and leaping into Ford like a lion pouncing onto its prey. Stanford screamed and hugged back as his heart bet fast, a mixed look of amazement and happiness in his eyes.

Rom snorted, "You scream like a girl" he teased.

"Shush Rom, it's not his fault" Bill said, patting the boy's head to get him to settle down. Ford chuckled at the comment as Mabel squealed happily, "Hello Mabel, it's good to see you too, but I'm afraid you are far too big for me to be cuddling you."

"Welcome home" she replied, producing a sweater seemingly out of nowhere as the man set her back down on the ground. Bill started crying again, and Rem reached up to wipe away the tears as they dripped onto his head. "What's the matter now?" Ford asked, tugging on the sweater, which fitted perfectly, "I'm home, I'm back, everything's okay."

"It's nothing, I'm just so happy" Bill replied, a watery smile on his face. Ford smiled back, "I am too, but I hate to be the bearer of bad news, you still have to make a deal with me, otherwise I'll have to go after I finish the Neutralizer, Them's the rules."

Bill sniffled and nodded, "Stay with me forever, after you've made the device, and I'll give you all my love in return" he said, holding out his hand for him. Cyan flames flickered to life, casting a glow across Rem's face. The boy watched them with interest, totally missing the flicker of shock and amazement on Fords face, before it returned to its calm demeanor. "Hmm... Can I stay with you forever, flexibly? So that encase of an emergency and we get ripped apart, it won't break the deal because it's out of our control?"

Bill sighed, "You know full well what I'm meaning, Sixer!"

Ford smiled and shook his hands, black flames sealing the deal, "I do."

Mabel squealed loudly and clapped her hands, "Yes yes yes!!!!" she cried, twirling around the two happily. Rem looked confused, "I don't get it" he said, making a strained noise as Ford came in for a hug and squished the poor child into a demonic pancake. He screamed in frustration, "Oi! I'm still here!" he whined, pushing at Ford till the man let go.

"I don't get it either" Dipper spoke up, checking Rom's nose to make sure it wasn't broken. Mabel giggled, "I have a wedding to plan!" she exclaimed excitedly, skipping off to go and do just that. Dippers mouth dropped open, "Wait, what!?"

Ford chuckled, "Demons gets married using deals. Technically Mabel doesn't need to do anything, but since we were both humans once I'd like a special day... And cake."

"CAFFLE!" Bill yelled excitedly, the word echoing in the large room.

"Yes, chocolate and coffee flavour."

Rem nodded, "Caffle cake sounds good, you could use solid custard inside the cake like a custard square has."

"LET ME OUT OF HERE OR SO HELP ME I WILL FART!" Rom screeched, struggling to get out of the pouch Bill had stuffed him into. Ford snapped his fingers and Rom was out, standing beside him in confusion, "...That felt weird..."

"The magic or the fart?" his twin asked with a cheeky smirk.

"Hush you!"

"Right, well I better get back to work, otherwise their won't be a wedding" Ford said, turning away from the group to get on with it. Rom kicked Bill in the shins as he stomped back upstairs and the demon whimpered, tears in his eyes at the pain.

"Oh, they grow up so fast."

**(Art by my friend ^^)**


	37. Family Is Forever

"Well, I better get back to work, otherwise there won't be a wedding" Ford said ominously, returning his attention back to the large whiteboard. Bill nodded and unstrapped Rem from his front before poofing up a couple of king-sized candy bars in his hand to give to him, "Here, go share these with Rom, consider it a sorry for stuffing you in baby harnesses" Bill said, holding out the bars.

Rem took them and raced off happily, stuffing them into his pocket before his father could see. Dipper frowned as he heard the familiar crinkle of a candy wrapper, "Bill? You didn't give my kids candy before lunch did you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Bill stuck his hands in his pocket and walked off in a silly manner, whistling a strange tune as he did so.

"BILL! YOU GET BACK HERE!"

The demon sped up, bounding up the stairs and leaning on the vending machine door to stop Dipper from coming back through as he pounded on the back, "Open this door and let me throttle you!!"

Bill laughed, "You'll never take me alive, Dipshit!"

"You swore again!!" came Rom's voice. Bill cringed and looked over at the staff only door where the twins were watching, "I uh, no I didn't!"

"Yes you did, you called Dad a bad name"

"Oh? What was that name? I can't quite remember it"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT, ROMULUS!" Dipper yelled.

"You called him Dip-"

A hand snaked around and firmly placed itself over Rom's mouth before he could say the rest of the word, the nails manicured and the hands clean. Paz peered in with an unamused expression on her face and a look of anger in her eyes, "You are _so_ dead!" she cried, leaping at him like an angry cheetah. Bill screamed and made a run for it, Dipper joining in on the pursuit as the weight left the vending machine.

Ford smiled, watching them from the knots in the wood as he worked, an ability he had learnt at the school he had spent years studying his gifts at. It wasn't a small school, no; it was a high-end school, where the most powerful and / or rich demons went to. Much like a public school here in this dimension. He had taken the entrance exams and won a full scholarship, his teachers all excited to teach the next most powerful demon in the entire multiverse.

He took another peek and found them outside. Bill had shape-shifted into his triangle form and was high above the two, giggling like crazy as they jumped to reach him, "Come on, shorty squad! Come and get me, I'm right here! Easy peasy demon squeezy!"

"IT'S LEMON SQUEEZY, YOU DUMB MORON!" 

Rem and Rom watched from the porch, the two nudging each other as an idea popped into their heads, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Rem?"

"Yes, but he gave us chocolate though..."

"Oh, come on, it'll be funny!"

Rem couldn't help but agree there and snapped his fingers, Bill transporting straight into Dippers hand. Everyone paused before the demon started shrieking, "REMUS! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

Dipper smirked, "Hi" he said quietly, bringing Bill up to eye level. The demon gulped and waved nervously, "S-Sup?"

"What should we do with him, Paz?"

"Throw him like a baseball!"

"WAIT! NO!"

"I think that's a very good idea." Dipper replied, pulling his arm back and flinging Bill as far as he could, The demon sailed through the air, his little hat struggling to catch up behind him as he screamed. The two laughed and high-fived, walking back inside and closing the door. Bill smacked into a tree seconds later, peeled himself off and floated back.

"Ughh... ow, fair enough... I deserved that..."

~

"This is mine now" Dipper said, plucking Bills hat off his top angle and popping it on top his own head as he messed about the kitchen and made lunch. Bill pouted from his seat on the kitchen table, "No! That's my hat! That's a part of me!"

"You can have it back in a bit, how do I look?"

"Like a dork, forever and always"

"Great!"

Bill pouted.

"Have fun being hat-less" The man smirked, ignoring the whine as Bill patted his top angle in distress, "I feel naked..."

"Tough."

Rom giggled, "You look funny, dad" he said, noticing the tiny top hat floating above his head as he munched on the sweets, "Oh and thanks for the candy, Uncle Bill! You're the coolest Uncle!"

"Heck yeah, I am" Bill replied, summoning up a pair of one-lens sunglasses and putting them on. Dipper snorted and finished making lunch, snatching the rest of the chocolate from Rom's hand, "You can have it back after lunch, provided you eat it all"

"But-"

"No buts, not nuts, no coconuts" his father said, making the boy giggle and feel a bit better. Dipper ruffled his hair and set the food onto the table, "There we go."

Rom hugged Bill happily, "Your so smol!" he cooed, hugging tighter as the demon struggled, "Great, I'm going to die being hugged to death.... oh the humanity!"

"And very dramatic" Rem interjected, appearing at the kitchen door and sitting down at the table. Dipper passed him a plateful of food and chuckled, "You have no idea, kiddo, now eat." Rom let Bill go so he could eat his lunch, the demon whining and flopping over, "You broke my everything... someone's going to need to feed me"

"Just shift into a different form that doesn't have broken bones" Dipper said, trying to push him back up into a sitting position so he could put down the ketchup bottle. Bill whined louder as the man moved him and Dipper gave up and placed it on the bench, "Are you really in that much pain?"

"No, I'm fine... I just want someone to feed me."

Dipper sighed and sat down, "Lazy thing" he muttered, feeding Bill bits of pastrami and cheese from the sandwiches he had made. The demon made happy noises, "Thanks Dip."

"He's like a baby, maybe he needs his own pouch" Rom piped up. His father chuckled, "Nah, Bills always been childish, it's in his nature" he replied, looking down as he felt tiny fingers smack his own.

_"Less talking, more feeding!"_

Dipper obeyed.

~

Bill woke to a pair of lips being pressed against his side and two hands scooping him up into a gentle hug, "Sixer..." he whispered, opening his eye and smiling at him.

"Hey Bill"

"What time is it?"

"Quite late, I just came to make sure you were okay and get a few hours' rest"

"I missed dinner?"

"Yes, but Dipper left you a plate to heat up."

Bill turned into his human form and snuggled into him, "I'll eat later" he replied, looking up at him happily. Ford leaned down to kiss him, "Okay"

"I missed you so much, even when I couldn't remember you at times"

"I missed you too, I'm so sorry I took so long to come back, time kind of got away from me, and I _too_ almost forgot." Ford said, lying down on the bed with him and smoothing out his hair, "You need a haircut, I don't think I've ever seen it this long"

"Do you like it?"

"It's different, now shush, I'm tired."

Bill stroked his cheek as he closed his eyes, "Thank you for changing me."

Ford yawned, "Bill, you never changed... You just hid this part of you away with anger and grief"

"What do you mean?"

"You acted differently and became unstable, you were always a good person... It just took _me_ to show you that."

Tears ran down the demon's face and he buried his face into Ford's chest to hide them, "That's why I'm saying thank you" he sobbed, his fingers gripping the man tightly. Ford smiled and held him close as he drifted off, happy that he was home and back with his beloved dork.

~

Bill made breakfast the next morning, wearing a pair of pajama pants and Fords trench coat as he flipped the bacon. Dipper nudged Paz and smirked, "Someone got laid last night" he whispered, taking a sip of the tea the demon had also made for him.

Paz smirked back, "Lets see how long it takes for him to notice"

"Notice? Notice what? That I got laid?" Bill piped up, "Of course I got laid! Its been what? Ten years since me and Ford did anything?"

"Ears like a hawk when he wants too...." Dipper grumped.

"What does laid mean?" Rom asked, munching on his scrambled eggs and toast, and making a mess while his twin ate his cereal respectably. Rem snickered, he knew exactly what it meant.

Dipper looked at Bill flatly, "You make a good point, but don't use that language when the children are around, we whispered for a reason"

"Language? I didn't swear!"

"Mom? What does laid mean?" Rom asked more loudly, trying to get his parents attention. Rem nudged him, "I know what it means, I'll tell you later."

"Is getting laid a good thing, or a bad thing?"

"Depends" his twin replied, finishing off his cereal and pushing his bowl away. Paz sighed, "It's usually a good thing, and don't you dare scare him, Remus"

"I'm just happy you guys haven't yelled at me, or ask me how I know."

Pacific dropped her fork, "I'm glad you pointed that out, yes, how _do_ you know?"

"Uh...."

"Explain, Remus."

Remus looked at his father, "Well, dad, you left your laptop open about a year ago, and your internet history had saved tabs.... I went to go see if I could find the movie trailer you showed me for that movie I wanted to see... instead I found another movie..." he said quietly. Dippers eyes widened, and he looked at his wife, then back at Rem before running off. Paz seemed a bit confused for a few seconds as she processed this information. Then it sunk in, "DIPPER PINES, YOU GET BACK HERE! WE NEED TO TALK!"

Rem laughed, "Dad's in the doghouse now"

"AND REM! HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN!?"

Rem jumped a mile at her raised voice, "1 years, 4 months, 1 week, 4 days-"

"Okay!! Stop!" Dipper cried, coming back in and holding up his hands in surrender. Paz glared at him, "You are _so_ dead, Dipper Pines!"

"This isn't fair! It was better than cheating! Can't you be happy!?" her husband cried, racing off again as she charged, "NO! I CAN'T! WHY WOULD YOU NOT CLEAR THE BROWSING HISTORY AFTER! WE HAVE KIDS!" she screeched.

"Look! I didn't think he would use my laptop!! WE HAVE THREE OF THEM!"

"NOT A GOOD EXCUSE TO LEAVE IT OPEN!"

"GOOD POINT! BUT PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

Rem took Rom's hand, "Come on, I'll explain it where it's more quiet" he said, pulling him out the room. Rom returned seconds later to steal what remained of his father's bacon before rushing off back to his twin.

Bill frowned, "Oh, this is _not_ going to end well" he muttered, loading up a tray with breakfast and a cup of coffee for his beloved husband.

~

Ford was just digging in to the lovely breakfast Bill had made for him when Rom came rushing into the bedroom with tears running down his face. Ford quickly pushed the tray away and scooped the boy up, "Hey, Rom, calm down, what's the matter?" he asked, rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Please, please don't hurt each other!" Rom cried, clinging to his uncle with sticky breakfast fingers. Rem followed soon after his twin and patted his foot, "Rom! I told you it doesn't hurt for long, it's a good thing!"

Bill chuckled, "Such an innocent bean" he mused.

"Yeah, he is, probably shouldn't have told him"

"No you shouldn't, that was wrong," Ford said, hugging Rom more tightly to comfort him, "I promise what ever Rem told you was... It's only half true, me and Bill aren't hurting ourselves"

"Your not?"

Bill shook his head, "Nope"

"Not in the slightest," Ford replied.

Rem wiped his nose with a handkerchief from his pocket, "I'm sorry..."

Ford nodded, "You can repay me by- well, I'll think of something, but for now say sorry to your brother for scaring him"

"Sorry Romulus"

"It's okay, Rem."

"Thank you, now run along" Ford said, shooing them both out the room. Rom gave Ford one last hug before getting off the bed and leaping onto his brother as Rem made his way out the door. He tackled him to the floor and started tickling him in the hallway. Rem shrieked and struggled, "STOP ROM! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME!" he screamed. Rom ignored him, tickling him harder till a laser beam shot out of his eye, burned through his eye patch and created a hole in the ceiling above them.

_"Ugh! Not again!"_

"Oops?"

Ford and Bill scurried over to the door as quickly as they could, the two summoned by the loud crash, "Are you two okay?"

"If you tickle him too hard he shoots laser beams from his eye" Rom replied, helping his brother to his feet as bits of wood rained down onto them. Bill snorted with laughter and retreated back to the bedroom as Ford dealt with the boys.

"That's a neat trick, but you could seriously hurt someone if you weren't careful"

"We lost our cat because of it," Rem grumped.

"Oh yeah, Moms prized one, she was so mad at us."

Ford grimaced, "My point exactly" he replied, fixing the ceiling and going back into the bedroom to collect the tray. Bill smiled from the bed, now tucked back under the covers with a book, "Was it good?"

"Yeah, thanks, I'll be in my lab working on the DVN, I might be able to have it tested and working by mid-afternoon"

"Oh, good!"

Ford nodded and smiled, heading to the kitchen to tend to the dishes. Dipper was sitting at the table with an ice pack to his head, and a look of annoyance on his face.

"She didn't go easy on you, did she?"

"Nope, she threw her high heels at me..."

~

Bill watched him work, passing him things when needed and enjoying the quiet time he was spending with him. Ford worked hard on the DVN and had already progressed a lot in the brief space of time he had been building "So, did you just seal yourself away while I was gone, the entire time?"

"Well, I can't really remember the first few years, but I did live in a cave for ages so... yes?"

Ford looked at him sadly, "You really couldn't stand being around this place?"

"Not without you"

"I don't really know what I was hoping for... not that though."

"I saved the Earth a lot, people too. It's mind blowing how many people get raped in this country, but I saved them all. I stopped suicides, murders, helped reunite lost pets, I took down drug cartels and rescued kids from abusive homes!"

"You've done a lot of good then, I'm so proud of you"

Bill blushed, "I know, all because I lived in a cave and stuck to my mind goal. I went a bit mad, but I did a lot of good... I forgot about you as well... I'm sorry..."

Ford floated down and hugged him, smelling like greasy and machinery, "You said that, and I'm sorry. It's my fault in the first place, I was gone too long"

"How long were you supposed to have been gone for?"

"Ten years, one decade"

"Right.. yeah.. it just felt like longer..."

Ford bit his lip, "That's because it was"

"Eh?"

"I was supposed to leave for ten years... But it's actually been thirteen to fourteen years"

"Oh.."

"I'm _so_ sorry."

Bill pushed him away and shook his head, "Work! Quickly! We haven't got time for this right now!" He said with a smile, " I can whack you with ones of Pacifica's shoes later"

"I'd deserve it" Ford replied, smiling back at him.


	38. Portal Run

Bill was fast asleep at his desk as Ford tinkered with the DVN, the man covered in grease and bits of wire stuck in his hair. Rem and Rom were tucked in on either side of the male and also fast asleep, Bill's arms cradling them as the radio played a soft melody at a low volume.

If someone had told Ford back when Bill had been a threat, that the demon would be a part of this family and good with kids, he would have scoffed and walked off, not believing a word they had said. Bill had definitely come along way from his selfish self. Love had changed his heart, his ways, and his life.

Ford hooked up the DVN to the portal after chucking in the last pieces and closing it up, the entire thing seamless and invisible. Finishing the prototype had been a breeze, now all he needed to do was test it. He put down his tools, and looked over at Bill and his bracket of twins, chuckling at how cute all three of them were.

He walked over quietly and put a hand on Bill's head, leaning down to kiss the exposed skin on his forehead, "Wake up, sleepy, we have a portal to run" he whispered, breathing gently on his ear. Bill made a small tired noise and twitched as he opened his eyes. He smiled and got out of the seat, stretching his arms and legs, "Oh good, let me just put Rom and Rem to bed" he muttered, disappearing from the lab before Ford could blink.

While Stanford waited patiently for his return, Bill tucked the kids into bed before checking out Dipper and Pacifica. The two were snuggled together happily, having made up a few hours ago. 

He tucked them in better and teleported back, "First we need to open the portal to the Nightmare Realm, to make sure it works" he said, wiping Rom's drool off his shirt front with a frown.

"Of course it'll work" Ford replied flatly.

"This is just to make sure, don't get your knickers in a twist" Bill exclaimed, starting to turn on the portal and set it all up. Ford grumbled, "Don't say that sentence ever again." he muttered, coming over to help him.

"Why not? Don't you have any on?"

"Boys don't wear... knickers"

"Then what do they wear?"

"Underwear, you idiot."

Bills eyes twinkled, "Your so easy to rile up sometimes."

Ford grumped and glared, "Would you focus?"

"I am!" his husband cried, turning the dial on the control board. Ford nodded, "Thank you. Sorry it's a bit dusty, we've used this thing, what? Only two times in the last fifty years?"

"Yep, and with our improvements we shouldn't have to wait twenty-four hours anymore."

"I mean, not to be rude, but Stanley did a crack job, didn't even contain the gravity fields"

"I know. People were bouncing around the town. That was funny!" Bill snorted, an enormous smile on his face as he remembered the events. Ford rolled his eyes, "There was a lot of damaged property too"

"I saw" Bill replied, flicking the last switch and bringing the portal to life, "And we have light!"

Ford watched the swirling vortex with a smile, "It only just occurred to me that I am basically the king of conspiracy theories... A foil hat to protect my thoughts from the government? Nah, make it a titanium plate on the back of my head to stop a Demon possessing me... Sad that it was true."

"Yeesh, you still have that thing?"

"Not anymore, I took it out, but I can easily snap it back in."

Bill scoffed and then turned back to the portal as the Nightmare Realm appeared, the entire place looking like an ocean of purple and space, shifting and crashing like waves at a beach. It was horrifying and beautiful to look at, but that's not what had made him gasp, "Pyra and the others!? What are they still doing in there!?" he cried, looking around wildly before he made to enter the portal.

Ford stopped him, "Bill, it's too late, we can't help them! We need to shut off the connection!"

"We still have a few minutes! Let me help my friends!"

"I can't lose you!" Ford cried, looking at him desperately. Bill hugged him and kissed his chin, "And you won't, I'll get them out and be right back. Now, tie me up with that magic rope on your belt."

Ford reluctantly tugged the infinity wire out of its containment box and looped it around his beloved demon, "Be careful" he whispered, making sure it was secure. Bill nodded and dove through the swirling colours, swimming up to the group huddled nearby, "PYRA! LAMP! KEYHOLE! YOU GUYS!" he yelled, trying to get their attention.

**(A/N: Infinity belt and the wire he uses to tie around Bill in this fic, yes it's canon.)**

Keyhole looked down in shock, tears floating away from his face as he spotted his boss coming to greet them, "BOSS!" he cried, snuggling his pet snake. Bill waved and grinned, "COME ON! COME HERE! I CAN SAVE YOU!" he yelled, the rushing noises of the Nightmare Realm swirling around his ears and making it hard for him to hear. Keyhole grabbed Pyra's hand as the others swam over to their boss.

 _"How are you here!?"_ They cried, delighted that they weren't going to die. Bill hugged Keyhole as he leaped at him, "The portal, what are you guys all doing here still? Wait, how much time has passed?"

"I don't know, years, we were trapped as soon as we arrived, we couldn't get out of the Nightmare Realm since all the other portals shut down because of it collapsing... Pyra was the only one who could make portals, other than you... But she remembers nothing" Keyhole replied.

"I am so sorry! I had no idea the Nightmare Realm was like this until a day ago! Is everyone holding hands!?"

Everyone nodded.

Bill tugged the rope, "Haul us in, Ford!" he yelled, feeling the slow pull of the rope as Ford obeyed and pulled them back in. They were halfway there when Pyra panicked in her confusion and she yanked her hand away, spinning away from the group. Bill pushed the others through the portal and quickly headed back for her, "PYRA!"

"BILL! COME BACK! IT'S ABOUT TO COLLAPSE!"

"NO! I CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER HERE TO DIE!"

Pyra looked back at him blankly, then frowned as he came closer. She vaguely felt like she'd seen him before, she just couldn't remember where. Bill floated in front of her, a hand out in front of him, "Pyra! You need to take my hand! This place is going to collapse! If you don't come with me, you'll die!"

_She had definitely met him before._

Pyra gasped as a memory flickered in her mind and took his hand, she was his friend and he was hers. Bill breathed a sigh of relief, and pulled her close, "It's going to be okay, I got you" he said kindly, pulling them back towards the portal. The rope kept whipping back and forth as the energy pouring in blew everything around. Bill struggled to cling to the rope as the Realm shook, "FORD! PULL US BACK! HURRY!"

Ford and the others grabbed the rope and yanked as hard as they could. Bill let out a shriek as he flew through the entrance super fast, hugging Pyra close to keep her safe. They hit the ground with a thud, Bill on the floor and Pyra on top of him as the portal turned off and powered down with a whir.

"Are you okay? Your not hurt?" Bill asked, looking up at her as he assessed for any damage or injury that might need healing. Pyra's eyes widened with recognition and familiarity as she looked at those yellow whites and slitted pupils, "B-Bill?"

"You remember me?"

"I, um, yeah it's um, starting to come back, Wh-Where are we? What happened?"

"You were in the Nightmare Realm, I had hoped you guys would have taken a portal and gone off someplace nice, but you were trapped in there for ages. The place was due to fold in on itself eventually, I just had no idea it was so soon. I'm sorry for leaving you stranded" he replied, helping her to her feet. Pyra shook her head, "But you came back for us, you saved us"

Bill nodded and Ford turned on the DVN, which started humming loudly and making the occasional beep noise. Pyra looked over at him, "And you have six fingers!"

"He does, and I'm getting married to him as well. You guys can come, it'll be great!" Bill squealed, grabbing Ford and dancing around with him in the dimly lit lab. Keyhole chuckled as Ford blushed and tried to pull away, "Is it a human wedding?" he asked.

"Yup! Hey Sixer? Is the DVN working?"

Ford checked something on the screen as Bill let him go and gave them the thumbs up, "Yup, the Nightmare Realm is no more"

"And the Earth is saved again, thanks to moi" Bill said, bowing as low as he could till his body was a perfect 90-degree angle. Ford scoffed, "Ah, no, I created the DVN, therefore it was me who saved the world,"

"And Ford helped!"

Ford growled and rolled his eyes as Keyhole giggled at the two, his pet snake happily winding around the demon's arm like a fancy bracelet. Bill kissed his husband's cheek then turned back to the henchmaniacs, "So, my friends, you guys have two options, you can stay here, make a home for yourself, or you can pick a dimension and go forth via the portal."

"I want to see my family," said Lamp quietly.

"I'd like to stay and get to know this dimension" said Keyhole, running a finger along Stripy 2's scales.

Pyra shrugged, "I don't know yet."

"I'm staying too" said Kryptos, holding up a briefcase of his things.

"We should have a party!" Keyhole cried, everyone instantly cheering at the idea of a night of fun, drinking and games. Pyra picked up Bill and grinned as he held him over his head, "Just like old times! PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!"

"Shhhhh! Not so loud! People are sleeping upstairs!"

Ford snapped his fingers, and the room became sound proof, "Now they can't hear us no matter what we do, but I will ask that you touch none of my equipment, otherwise I'll send you the realm of eternal screams, with no regrets"

Bill gasped, "There's a realm of eternal screams!?"

"Trust me when I say that it's not a nice place"

"Why didn't I know about it when I was evil!?"

Pyra snickered, "Thank the stars you didn't."

"Now we just need booze and music!" Kryptos declared, looking at Bill with his 'you know what to do' face. Bill snapped his fingers, "Courtesy of Time Baby! Cosmic sand all round! Don't tell him." he said, magicking up plates of finger food, which looked like actual fingers.

The Henchmaniacs (and Ford) cheered.

~

Rem and Rom gaped at all the passed out demons lying around the messy lab among empty bottles, party decoration and streamers. "Um, Uncle Ford?" Rem called out, spotting the man at the back. Ford opened his eyes with a start from where he was resting on the turned off portal, the bottom of the circle creating a nice seat for him to rest on, "Yeah?"

"Mom and Dad says it's lunchtime now."

Ford rubbed his eyes, "Lunch?! Sweet god I was up the entire night, industrial coffee catching up to me much?" he cackled. Rom looked around again, "Who are all these people?" he asked, Bill snoring on the desk. Ford jumped down, "Old friends! They were trapped in the Nightmare Realm so we pulled em' out!" he answered, teleporting in front of them "And then they got drunk as fu- oh, wait can't use that language, drunk as heck."

"Are you drunk too?" Rem asked.

"Mmmm, probably."

"Are you guys gonna come up for lunch or not?"

"I could eat!" Keyhole cried.

"Shut it, Key!"

"Yeah Keyhole," Lamp called out, "We've been summoning our own food for years, we don't need to skive off others."

"Awww."

Bill snored again, prompting everyone to look over at him. During their night time fun, Bill had been forced to strip to his boxers during a game of Strip Poker (which he had lost), and once he had passed out from drinking, his friends had drawn all over his skin. Ford shook his head with a chuckle, "It's fine Lamp, our food is better than whatever mush you've consumed, clean yourselves up, first impressions are important" he replied, teleporting over to Bill and picking him up, "What did you guys do to him?"

"Rule 5: Don't fall asleep at a Cipher Party," Lamp said, waving a black marker in his hand. Ford chuckled, "Way to go guys, he's going to be mad as anything when he wakes up- your problem not mine."

Lamp shifted into a humanish form, prompting everyone else to do the same. He stashed the marker into Keyholes back pocket when he wasn't looking and whistled as he headed to the elevator. Ford used magic to remove some of the more ruder artwork on Bills skin and nudged him with a hand, "Bill? Wake up! You look ridiculous!"

"Mmgghh"

"Wake up, get un-drunk, it's lunchtime."

"Ugh..." Bill whined, opening a bloodshot eye and looking at him tiredly, "What?"

"Lunch, you look like a wreck"

"My head hurts..."

"No shit, go clean yourself up, and uh, look in the mirror"

"Help me... please?"

"You can end your own suffering, just snap your fingers"

"I'm too weak..."

"Really?"

Bill groaned, "How much did I drink?" he asked, rubbing his eyes with unsteady hands. Ford took him to the bathroom, "Way too much to be considered even normal by your standards" he replied, setting him down on the floor. Bill hiccupped, "Imma throw up..."

"That might help."

"Please, end my suffering! Snap your fingers and help meeeeee" Bill whined dramatically. Ford kneeled down, "All right, just for you, my love" he smirked, snapping his fingers to relieve the hangover. Bill hugged him happily, "Thank you... what did you mean by looking in the mirror?" he asked, standing up and getting cleaned and changed with magic. Ford shook his head, "You don't want to know" he replied, teleporting them both to the kitchen.

~

"Wow..." Mabel muttered, "This is a lot of guests"

"Yeah, they're Bills henchmaniacs, but human formed. Some of them are easy to recognize though," Dipper replied, rushing to make as many sandwiches as he could to feed the hungry crowd. Teeth grinned his wide toothed smile, scaring Rom, who screech and hid behind his mother. Teeth chuckled, "Hey, how much food are we talking about?"

"Probably not enough to feed all of you for two days," Dipper replied, already running out of bread. Teeth took the bag, "Bill can summon anything, you know?" he said, waving it like a flag.

Bill appeared with Ford and took the bag, using magic to fill it back up, "Whoever drew on me is going to pay," he growled, handing the bread bag back to Dipper. Ford sat down, "Okay, I do apologize for all these... beings. Just let me explain: So we opened up the portal, that's all sorted, and the world is no longer ending. Then we saw Bills old gang, so we pulled them out, turns out they'd been in the Nightmare Realm for a really long time, then someone had the idea to celebrate the fact that we're not dead, so we all got drunk, then lunch, everyone up to date?"

Everyone nodded.

Luna gulped, "No-one else is bothered that there's a flaming pink Cyclops here? Just me then?"

Pyra scoffed, "All of them may have chosen human forms so you guys don't freak out, but I won't be subjected to it," she said, crossing her arms and sitting down. "But Pyyrraaaa, your human form was so nice!" Bill whined, munching on a sandwich as he sat down beside her. The pink cyclopes blushed, "Y-Your remember that?"

"Yup, trust me when I say that you'd be better human-sized, the chair would also appreciate it."

"Fine..." Pyra grumped, shifting into her human form and leaning back in her seat now that she had more room. Bill passed her some food, "What's the matter with you? Are you down in the dumps again?"

"I'm fine"

"Are you sure? You're usually a lot more happy that this. Oh, I know what it is, you're still getting your memories back, right?"

Pyra rubbed the back of her neck as she looked away, "Yeah."

Bill beamed, "Great! well, good luck," he replied, standing back up once he had done eating and hugging Ford, "I'm going to go take Rem and Rom out for some fun!" he cooed, picking up his niblings with magic, "Come on niblings! Lets go get a sugar high and buy stuff with Uncle Bill's money!"

The twins cheered as they floated in midair and Pyra snorted once they had left, "Looks like those kids adore him, and he's just cemented his spot as favorite."

"Are you and Bill going to adopt?" Keyhole asked, his human form adorable to look at as the blue-haired demon munched on his food. Dipper sighed, "That's what I'm worried about..." he muttered, finishing up on lunch now that everyone was fed and starting on the dishes.

"I mean, it looks like Bill's actually really good with kids, might be nice to think about it, I'm sure some orphan kid would love to have you two as his or hers dads," Paz said, helping dry the plates her husband washed. Ford looked mildly surprised, "Adopt a child?"

"Well... yes, is that bad?"

"I... Don't think any child on earth would want me as a father, Paz, I don't think that would work"

"Bullshit! You'd make a great dad!"

Ford laughed, "How? I'm TERRIBLE with kids! ... Bill might like one though"

"Then talk to him about it."

Mabel frowned at Pyra's moody look and took a seat next to her, "Please tell me what's going on" she asked kindly, placing a hand on hers. Pyra sighed and teleported her to a quiet space in the house. As soon as they had settled, she started to cry. Mabel pulled her in for a hug, "Shhh, just tell me what's wrong."

"I've loved Bill since I first met him, and I can't have him... it hurts so much! I want him to be happy! But I... I can't see this, can't see him with Ford like this..."

Mabel winced, "That's the worst kind of friend zone, and believe me when I say I've been there" she said, rubbing her back comfortingly. The pink demon laughed through her tears, "No shit!"

"Hey, if you stay here, I'll help you find someone else to love, mark my words Pyra, I will find you a man if it's the last thing I do!"

Pyra smiled softly, not quite believing the human girl that had grown up so much since she had last seen her. She had never once thought the chaotic world Bill had turned this planet into would ever feel like home. But with the friendly hug of the human beside her, she felt hopeful and well loved.

"Thank you, Mabel."

~

Bill came back a few hours later with two ice-cream covered kids over his shoulders and an armful of bags, "We're back" he sang shrilly, adjusting Rom as he slipped off. Dipper looked up from his seat on the sofa and cringed, "Oh lord..."

"Relax, they'll be quiet for the rest of the afternoon"

"That's not a good thing"

"It's not? Oof, welp, I spoiled them rotten, so that was fun"

"How much ice cream did you let them eat?" Paz asked.

"Ummm... about three scoops each. I ate what they didn't finish, then we went to the park, rushed around a bit, then we went shopping. Then back to the park. Rom threw up in the trash and was hungry again so we went to Mcdonalds... and now we're home!"

Dipper nodded, "Go put them in bed for a nap, you're too good an uncle."

Bill blushed and headed upstairs, cleaning off the messy twins and tucking them in along with their purchases. When he was done with that he headed back downstairs to find Ford in the living room and waiting for him. "Hey Sixer, what's the word?"

"I've talked to the Henchmaniacs and they've all decided what they want to do,"

"Oh? And what's that?"

"Lamp wants to go back to his family, Key wants to stay here and learn about this dimension. Pyra wants to set up a new gang, and I think the rest are pretty much joining her"

"A new gang, huh? What for?"

"I don't know, they just want to stay together since they've been with each other for so long"

"Nice, if they need anything I'll give it to them... they've been great pals."

Ford nodded, "They're currently looking into possible bases and hideouts to use, which is why the house is so quiet"

"I could just summon them one, oooh, underground would be rad!"

"Or behind a waterfall or something?"

"Oh! Gravity Falls has a waterfall! Perhaps they can live behind that one!"

Paz stood up to go refresh her cup of coffee, nudging Ford as she passed him, "Tell him about the kids" she whispered, patting his shoulder as she left the room. Ford gulped and looked Bill right in the eyes, wanting to see his reaction, "Bill... How would you feel if... We looked into adoption?"

"Are you serious?"

"I was just thinking, you seem to like children, particularly Rem and Rom, so I just thought, what if we adopted a child? The twins won't be here all year, so"

"YES! I'd love to look after some more kids!" Bill cried, his eyes filled with delight and happiness. Ford chuckled as he hugged him, "I see... are you sure? It'll be 24/7 you got to feed it, love it, and clean it, etc"

"If we get a kid the twins' age, it should be no problem."

Ford breathed a sigh of relief that Bill didn't want a baby or a toddler and Dipper looked at them both with a smirk, "Good luck!" he said, raising his cup to them. Bill nodded, "Thanks, but after we get married though, I hear they have issues with those type of things"

"Issues?" Ford asked.

"You've got to be a married couple to adopt"

"Oh, I didn't know that"

"You didn't?"

"No... are you sure you want to adopt?"

"Stop sounding like a broken record, I said yes!"

Ford bit his lip, "Yes mam."


	39. An Almost Tantrum, Toys and Table Manners

Bill had his feet up to avoid his bare toes being crushed as Rom and Rem played with their new toys. The TV was going, but he wasn't really bothered by it. The ads were on anyway and talking about a brand new revolution in the makeup industry. It made Bill want to scoff at the ridiculousness of it all, especially when the presenter smeared it all over her face and then grinned as if she looked like a beautiful model. 

Dipper glanced down at all the items his kids had laid out as he switched the channels, also a bit offended by the new product being shown on the TV, "How much did you spend on them? They have more toys here than they do at home."

Bill made a mental calculation in his head, "$800? We got a lot of Lego and Rem wanted real science stuff"

"$800 each?"

"Yup!"

Ford chuckled, "Don't worry about it, Dipper. Bill has plenty to spare, and it was a one off" he added, sitting down to watch the Bill Nye rerun that had popped up. Keyhole had perched himself on top of the TV, not at all liking the car that moved on its own. But he was curious and watched it loop around the table legs as Rom steered it with the device in his hands. He stopped the vehicle as it reached Fords foot and looked over at his twin to see what he was up too, "You got nerd stuff and barely any toys!"

"The books are all the ones I wanted," his brother replied, not looking up from the pages he was studying. Rom grumped, "Yeah, but you got science stuff too, it's lame!"

Rem pouted, "I like my stuff, you don't have to like my stuff"

"I have eight boxes of Lego! You have a boring chemistry set and nerd books, all I'm saying is you could have had fun stuff too. Like my awesome, remote control car!"

Ford picked up the car as it began to move again, watching the wheels spin and ignoring Rom's protests, "Ignore your brother, the stuff you bought is far more useful and interesting" he said, setting the toy back down. Rom sent the car speeding towards the TV as soon as Ford had let it go, and giggled as it bumped into the cabinet it was sitting on. Keyhole yelped and hissed at it, glaring over the side like a grumpy cat.

"Thanks, Grunkle Ford," Rem said happily.

"Why are you thanking him? I bought you the stuff, not him," Bill pouted. Rem smirked, "He's not making fun of me, like you did when I asked for it at the store"

"I didn't make fun of you"

"Yes, you did"

"When?"

"Ugh... nevermind!" Rem snapped, going back to stuffing his nose in a book. There was a horrid crash and Rom threw the remote to the ground, "Aw man! It broke!!" he cried, stomping over to pick it up. Ford snapped his fingers as the boy picked it up and the plastic car fixed itself in his hands, "Whoa! Thanks Grunkle Ford!"

"Be more careful next time."

Pyra cleared her throat, "So guys, who here has the most power? Not counting Bill, obviously"

"Hey!" Bill piped up, glaring at the pink-haired demon. Ford smiled and looked up as Keyhole waved his hand wildly, "Tis meeee! I studied and went to the institution for two whole years before I met Bill!"

"Nah ah," Pyra said, "I've been with Bill since before he grew in power, It's me!"

"I'm the most powerful," Bill said, "End of story."

"Which is WHY, I'm leading the group!" Pyra continued, ignoring his words.

"Since when did you lead!?"

"Uh, always! You were useless most of the time! If it hadn't been for me, we wouldn't have gotten anywhere!"

Ford cleared his throat loudly and everyone stopped their arguing and turned their heads to look at him, "Actually, I stayed at that institution for almost 15 years and studied most forms of magic... I am now a top tier demon and expected to be more powerful that Bill in less than forty years. So actually. I'm the most powerful demon, and I will overtake the Eye of Providence pretty soon"

Bill stood up, "BULLSHIT!"

"You think I'm lying?"

"NO ONE CAN BEAT ME! I've been the most powerful in like forever!"

"And now it's time to hand over your crown and pass it to me, you've peaked and I'm still rising," Ford said calmly. Dipper did a low whistle, "Damn Bill, you really have met your match"

"PEAKED!?"

"You ain't getting anymore powerful," Ford grinned, "I've won."

Pyra snickered, "He's riiighhttt!" she sang, "Yooouu knnowww ittt!"

Ford patted Bill on the back, "Bad luck, Bill."

Bill was about to have the biggest tantrum of his entire existence when Mabel came in, holding a huge piece of card with pictures all over it, "Oh Billlll! I had Dipper draw my ideas for your cake! Since he's super dooper good at art!" she said, holding up a drawing and sticking it onto the board, "What do you think?"

Bill shook his head to rid himself of the anger and put on a fake face as he examined the drawing, "Wow,"

"That looks amazing," Ford replied. Bill nodded in agreement, "Yeah, yellow flowers? Cute, I guess... Thank you. Mabel,"

"I drew it, Mabel's going to be making it, with Luna's help," Dipper said, "Her cooking skills might be bad, but her decorating skills have really improved" he added. Bill nodded, "If you need any help-"

"NOPE! I'm sorting this, you just sit back, relax and drink some wine or something, like couples do in movies" Mabel said, pushing him back to the sofa.

Ford chuckled.

~

"I'm not hungry..." Rom grumbled, poking his mashed potatoes and green beans with his fork, and ignoring the piece of chicken covered in hot sauce, which was his favorite. Bill wiped his mouth with a napkin, "Well, you did eat a lot of Wcdonalds"

"Save some for later then" Paz said, running her fingers through her son's hair. Bill poured more gravy onto his plate, "He ate like three cheeseburgers and a double helping of fries, I don't think he's going to be able to eat anything else for a while" he said, using a spoon rather than a fork to scoop a large portion of food into his mouth.

"And a large cup of soda," Rem added. "Me however. Had twice that much cause Rom wouldn't stop asking me to take stuff down off the higher shelves at the mall, so my energy levels were low."

Bill nodded, "You were a blur, I'm shocked you didn't throw up"

"Wow," Ford said, "I'm glad you didn't."

There was a small thunk and the clatter of cutlery, Rom had passed out in his mashed potatoes and didn't show any sign of giving a damn that he could suffocate himself. Ford chuckled and stood up, picking up the boy from his dinner and cleaning him off, "Lets get you to bed" he said, taking him upstairs and tucking him in. Rom smiled tiredly as Ford turned off the lights, "Night..."

"Good night, Romulus."

Ford smiled and headed back to the table where Rem was just finishing off his twins dinner, "What's for dessert?" he asked, his mouth still bulging with food. Ford raised an eyebrow, "That magic eye of yours really takes all you energy doesn't it?"

"Yeah... sorry"

"You don't need to apologize, I noticed it"

"Is there a way to make it not do that?"

"I'll look into it for you. The spell I used was very old, so it might need updating"

"Really? Okay!"

Bill summoned him his favorite dessert and winked, "There you go, kid. Dessert on me."

Rem attacked his dessert happily while Bill tapped his fingers on the tablecloth, "I didn't know they could update spells" he said, looking at his husband with a tilt of his head and raised eyebrows. Ford nodded, "Yes, old spells are usually crude and need blood to initiate them, but that was a long time ago." he replied. Bill grinned like a grinch, making Ford frown, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I haven't updated my magic in hundreds of years! Which means I still have a chance at staying on top!"

"It would be the only thing he's top in," Dipper muttered, nudging Paz with a smirk. His wife rolled her eyes, "Are we really carrying on Stan's tradition?"

"Yup! It's his legacy living on!"

Ford's eyes widen, "No Bill! Just accept I'm better than you!"

"I still have a chance," Bill sang, poking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry. Ford scoffed, "A chance!? It'll fail! You know it will! You're just jealous!"

"I just have to go and get everything updated or learn newer versions and bam! I'm staying on top!"

"But that means going away like I did" Ford piped up, stopping Bill's sing and dance as he grinned like a maniac. The demon froze and sat back down defeatedly, "Well fuck..."

Paz snorted.

"Can't you just wait a few centuries?" Ford asked.

"No... you can be top..."

"Said the bottom," Dipper added. Ford grumped, "Quiet Dipper, and thank you Bill." he said, pulling him into a hug, "It doesn't matter if I'm on top, everyone will still fear you."

That cheered the golden demon up instantly and he hugged back, "Yeah!" he cried, his feet taping the lino. Dipper snickered, "Not if those photos Mabel took of you in those cute _wittle_ outfits get out"

Bill gasped, "I WAS ASLEEP! HOW DARE YOU!"

Dipper grinned, "I can just turn on the portal and send them into it. Your reputation will be out the door!" he laughed evilly. Ford swallowed thickly, "I'd burn those photos as soon as you can, Bill. That's the look of evil that is..."

Bill looks horrified, "I don't even know where they are!" he cried, "Maaaabeellll!" he whined, giving her his best pleading eyes. Mabel smirked, "Nope, you're not having them" she said, starting to clear the table as Rem's head began to tilt. Ford picked up the boy as he tipped forward and smiled, "Twin number 2 has won the race" he declared, Rem giggling softly in victory.

Bill watched them go and turned his attention to Paz, "You and Dipper make some cute kids, are Preston and his wife involved at all in their lives?"

"Nope, burnt that bridge ages ago"

"Really? And they want nothing to do with their grandkids?"

Well, they will inherit Dad's money, but we don't talk to him anymore so we won't know exactly when."

"Preston's giving them his money?"

"Yes, most likely when they're old enough"

"I didn't think that snobby fool had a heart"

"It doesn't make him a good person," Paz replied, helping Mabel with the dishes. Bill followed, "Well, no it doesn't. Did you ever find out that your mom is a trophy wife, won in a card game?"

Pacifica glared at him icily, "Yes, I did."  
Bill felt like ice had been shoved down the back of his button up shirt at that hard stare and gulped, "Oh, hey look at the time! It's late! Byeeeee!" he cried, grabbing Ford by the arm as he appeared and dragging him from the room. Dipper chuckled, "Even he's scared of your glare"

"Good, he deserves it for being a dick."


	40. How Many Words Is It Going To Take To Make A Change?

Bill looked around as the people mixed and mingled before the big event. The cake was sitting on the table next to him, beautiful and tall, and very yellow. Swirls of frosted flowers decorated each tier, and he was very sure that half would be coffee flavored for Ford and half would be chocolate for him. He reached out a finger to steal a bit but his hand was smacked away, "No touching!" Mabel cried, pulling him away from her work of art. Bill grumbled, "Where did you come from!?" he asked in confusion, allowing the woman to sit him down. Mabel grinned, "No touching" she repeated, disappearing into the crowd to finish the preparations.

Pyra chuckled, “She’s a bit like you, you know?” she said, sitting down next to him.

“How?”

“Crazy, energetic, determined, fun, goes all out.”

“Huh, suppose so.”

The pink demon started to fix up his suit for him, “Not even five minutes in that suit and you’re a mess” she grumbled, smoothing out wrinkles and fixing the bow tie. Bill scoffed, “Rude much, I’ve been busy”

“Yes, sitting and doing nothing, such a busy job” Pyra said sarcastically. Bill pouted, “Where’s Sixer?” he asked, batting her hands away once she was almost done. Pyra pointed a thumb back at the house, “He’s with Dipper, getting ready”

“How does he look?”

“Everything you’ve always dreamed of and more.”

Bill hugged her, “Thank you, I know this is hard on you, I know it hurts... but trust me, you’ll find someone better than me to love, and they won’t be gay like my rainbow ass. Unless you’re into girls too”

Pyra laughed despite herself, “I’m just glad you’re happy...” she whispered, putting a hand on the back of his head to smooth out a curl or two. Bill smiled and let her go once she was done, gently patting her cheek, “Thank you.”

“Bill! Hurry up and take your place!” Dipper cried, pushing him up and onto the stage and putting a golden crown on top his head. Bill didn’t dig his feet into the ground at the shove, but he did adjust the head piece accordingly, “Alright, alright, hold your horses!”

“He doesn’t have any horses” Pyra piped up, looking around in case she was wrong. Bill smirked, “It’s a saying, Pyra”

“Oh, my bad... that’s a very bad saying, makes no sense.” she muttered quietly as the music started playing and the loose pale yellow sheets that had been put up to protect them all from the sun went taut.

Everyone was quiet as Ford appeared at the door, dressed in a dapper suit, just like Bills, except his had a bellowing cape that fluttered in the breeze behind him. Rem and Rom were by his side, their own white suits embroidered with flowers. They had flower crowns atop their heads, made with the very wild flowers that had been growing around the shack all Summer.

Ford swallowed nervously and Bill smiled at him, giving a little wave to try and get him to stop being so nervous The man once human and now a demon took a step forward, looking very regal as he continued down the path that had been set down for him.

Rem and Rom carried the back of the cape very proudly, the flowers falling from the skies with magic and holding their own perfectly. Bill took Fords hands as he came to a stop at the end and chuckled as he looked him over, “Cape suits you”

“Thank you, crown suits you too, when you’re not being a bitchy overlord”

“Ha! Very funny.”

Lamp turned out to be their wedding officiator, his human form consisting of molten red, orange and yellow hair and his eyes a bit like Baymax from Big Hero Six, but orange and glowing. Bill and Ford blinked in surprise and the Lamp demon smiled, “Bet ya didn’t know I could officiate weddings, did ya?”

They shook their heads and held hands properly, their soul binding fire mixing together as Lamp requested, “Anchored in love and magic, I bind thee, Stanford Pines and Bill Cipher for all eternity.” he declared, their soul binding flames turning a bright gold before resuming their respective colours. A gold wedding band sealed their ring fingers, an almost exact gold as Fords collar had once been all those years ago. Ford noticed this but didn’t say a word, he just wanted to be content and happy with the moment he had now.

Lamp leaned in, “You can snog if you want” he whispered, earning a very loud growl from Bill. Lamp squeaked and ran off the stage laughing, tripping over a few loose wires that hadn’t been taped down properly and tumbling into some bushes.

Rem covered Rom’s eyes and vice versa as the two newlyweds kissed, both of them making grossed out noises of disgust as everyone clapped and cried. Bill pulled away quickly and chuckled, “Okay big guy, that’s enough, we’re in company” he said, blushing rather heavily. Ford hugged him, “Oh shut up, I’m just happy.”

“CAKE TIME!” Rom yelled, throwing off the flower crown and racing over to the delightful glory that was the dessert table. Rem followed too, excited for some cake. Ford took Bills hand and trailed after them, “You know these rings won’t ever come off, right?” Bill questioned him, admiring his own slighty see-through wedding band. Ford looked down at his one, wiggling all six fingers on that hand, “They won’t?”

“Nope! You and me forever!” Bill replied, picking him up bridal style and carrying him to the cake table. Ford clung to him, “Ah! Bill! Put me down!” he cried, laughing even though he was pretty sure he would drop him. Bill stopped quiet suddenly, and the smile fell from his face as he watched Rom tear a chunk from the side of Mabel’s masterpiece before he could cut it with his beloved.

“ROM!” Mabel screamed, making the boy yell in fright and run off with his delightful and sugary treasure. Bill set Ford down and put a hand on the woman’s shoulder, “Whoa, hey, calm down, it’s no big deal, Mabel.”

“NO BIG DEAL!?” she yelled, waving the knife near his face. Bill squeaked and hid behind Ford, earning a lot of tutting and chuckles from the others as they realized how invested Mabel was in this wedding. Ford magicked the knife to his own hand and cut out the chunk with the massive hole as Rom ate the cake chunk messily, dropping most of it down his front.

“There” he said, eating the slice he has chosen.

“You’re supposed to cut it WITH Bill!”

“I’m right here” Bill said, waving a hand from behind Fords back and not moving. Mabel facepalmed and walked away, grumbling under her breath at the “disaster” as Luna followed after her.

Ford turned around to offer Bill some cake, to which he took some gladly, “She really got into it with the planning, right down to the finer details” Ford said with his mouthful, looking around at his Niece’s handiwork.

“Yeah, she should be proud. It was a good wedding too, one I will never forget. Simply magical,” Bill said, shoving a piece of cake into Ford’s mouth as he was distracted. Ford made a choking noise and swallowed what he could, wiping his face down with a napkin before doing the same to Bill with a grumpy look.

But it didn’t go into his mouth like Ford had wanted it to, instead it smeared all over his face. Ford burst into laughter as Bill used his long tongue to clean off rather than use the napkin he offered him.

**Half a year later ~**

The caretaker of the Portland’s Children’s Home led them out to the playground out back once they had signed in, “This is all of them” she said with a smile, “All my rambunctious kiddos, have a look around, interact, they don’t bite.” she winked.

Bill nodded, “Thank you” he said, looking around the small outdoor area as the kid’s screamed, squealed and played. He surveyed all their features and minds as Ford left him to it, opting to let him choose himself as the Caretaker looked at them both strangely. It wasn’t because they were gay, it was because they didn’t look very human, but as long as they had come here to provide a loving home to one of her charges, she didn’t care.

Bill spotted the boy by the fence line, fingers picking the grass stems and ignoring the other kids with a sad frown. He was wearing a hand knitted brown vest over a white button up and had some time ago found a bit of ribbon to make into a bow tie.

He practically skipped over and kneeled down to his height, “Evening, nice day for a bit of grass picking”

Matthew looked up with a frown, “Evening…”

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Matthew, and you’re looking in the wrong place, the kids are over there,” he said, gesturing to the others.

Bill chuckled, “Maybe I don’t want to adopt them”

“You’re lying, no one wants me”

“What? Why?”

Matthew spluttered and looked at him in disbelief, “Are you blind?”

“Oh goodness, I hope not,” Bill muttered, making the boy laugh softly, “Why would I be blind?”

“My eyes are freaky”

“My eyes are freaky too” Bill replied, showing him the golden whites and black slits for pupils. Matthew gaped and stared, “Whoa!”

“Neat, right? My husband has six fingers on each hand too.”

“Cool, I guess? But uh, you still don’t want me. No one ever does.”

Bill stood up and smiled as he looked around the playground, the other children had stopped to watch, “I have made my choice, Matthew” he said, looking over his shoulder and offering his hand, “May I have the honor of adopting you?”

Matthew gaped again, and the kids gasped as his eyes went starry, “You really want me?”

“More than cake, and that’s a big deal, kid”

The boy giggled and took his hand, Bill helping him to his feet and fixing his bow tie, using magic to replace the ribbon with a real bow tie, “So? Yay or nay?”

Matthew grinned as he gently tugged the new clothing addition, “Yay” he answered, rushing inside the building to go pack his things as the jealous kids looked on. Ford chuckled and smiled at the caretaker, “I think Bills made his choice and just made someone very happy." The Caretaker smiled, tears in her eyes which she dabbed with a hankie, “I never thought I’d see the day that Matthew would be adopted, he’s such a strange but sweet boy, and was turned down so many times as an infant because of his blue eyes and dark skin tone.”

“Sorry to hear that, now where are those papers I need to sign?”

The lady beamed and pulled them out from her apron pocket, “Sign here and here” she said happily, taking a flower crown she was offered from a girl with fiery-red hair and freckles by the dozen. Ford smiled at her as he too was offered one and placed it on his head, “Thank you, dear, it's very lovely” he said, making the girl giggle and rush off.

The Caretaker took the papers once he was done and led him back to the reception, “We’ll have a couple of people visiting in a few weeks to see how he’s doing, and again in another couple of weeks after that.”

Bill nodded, “Sounds good,” he said, hugging Ford happily, “Thank you so much for letting me do this, I am the happiest being alive.” Ford chuckled and kissed his cheek, “I can see that.” he agreed, looking over at the stairs as he heard a clunk of a suitcase and the creaky footsteps as their newly adopted son made his way down.

Matthew had never smiled so much in all his life as he had packed what little he had into his bet up case (which he had been gifted by someone a long time ago). But he knew he’d fit right in with the weirdos who had adopted him, and he felt a sense of magical mystery with the two. When he greeted them at the bottom of the steps with his things, he felt a feeling of wholeness in his heart as they smiled and held out their hands to him. A connection that would last a lifetime and grow stronger every day. 

**End of Part 3  
**   
[(End credit song: Invisible - Zara Larsson)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P95voFBhGI8)


End file.
